Is it possible to rely on someone who doesn’t know you exist?

Rubbing my sore arms, I glanced around the lecture hall trying to find that one face. To see his smile. Gently taking a seat beside my friend, I tried not to press against my bruised flesh, desperately seeking that happy expression. The first time I saw his smile has forever been etched in my mind, and I only wanted more.

His smile bore my own happiness.

Why was I dependant on someone I couldn’t bring myself to say hello to? Cowardice kept me away, the fear eating at my mind kept me at bay.

I still couldn’t find him. Pulling my lecture pad, laptop and a pen from my bag, I stared at the small fold over desk space and pouted. Why is there never enough room? Jimin, my friend, chuckled beside me. He had nothing donning his desk space, he probably only folded it down for a surface to lean on. Placing my laptop on his desk and angling it towards me, I childishly stuck out my tongue and he sent me a mock offended expression.

Then I finally saw him. He entered the hall, moving slowly, almost lethargically. Sadness clung to the way he walked, his shoulders dropping further as he halted. Following his line of sight, I almost felt angry for him. All of his friends were together, yet they left no seat for him.

Dropping my head on my lecture pad, I groaned slightly. Why was I dependant on someone I didn’t really know the name of? Sneaking a glance, I watched him take a seat by himself.

This was a first.

He wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t laughing. Hobi, that is the only name I knew him by, was visibly upset. Without his smile, how could I smile? His happiness fuelled my own. Subconsciously rubbing my wrists, I sat up, angling myself back to the front of the hall as the lecturer finally got the PowerPoint sorted.

Risking a glance back towards Hobi, Jimin nudged me with a knowing grin.

“Why don’t you just talk to him?” He said softly and I shot him a panicked glare.

“I, a lowly peasant, cannot just talk to the emperor.” I snapped a little too loudly, earning a few confused stares.

Jimin shook his head, smiling. “Well, just don’t become a cliché girly stalker and leave him love letters.”

Wait. That was actually perfect. I must have started smiling manically as dread filled Jimin’s face.

“Oh no. No, don’t you dare.” Jimin warned and I clicked my pen.

I was going to write Hobi a letter, but it couldn’t be a love letter. Instead, I will write him a reason to smile.

Tuning out the lecturers voice, I began to write. The ink dragged along paper, spilling out my thoughts. I wanted Hobi to understand my reasons, my want for him to smile. It was selfish of me, but I longed to reach out and be the reason for his smile purely because he made mine. This letter had to be perfect. Gnawing on my tender bottom lip, I felt the frail skin split again, a metallic taste dancing across my tongue. Dabbing at my lip with my finger, I hissed at the contact. Jimin rolled his eyes and loudly sighed. Watching as he dug into his bag, he revealed a nearly empty lip balm.

“How la-“ I began but Jimin signalled for me to shut up.

“I’m not the gay one here.” He hissed and I grinned.

Applying a little bit of lip balm in an attempt to sooth my lips, I went back to writing. It had to be perfect.

When I was convinced my short letter was right, I knew had to find a way to give it to him inconspicuously. If he knew I wrote this, I would not be able to handle it. The fact I, a guy, was writing this opened myself to ridicule. If Hobi didn’t know who was writing it, then how could he be mad? Besides, I signed the letter with a singular letter. A letter that was not included within the entirety of my name.

I signed it as V.

Now just to sneak it to him. Thankfully, sneaking was something I was good at.

Focusing on the lecture, I counted the minutes until it ended.

When the time came, I had already packed up early, ready for my mission. Standing, I joined the flock walking up the stairs to leave the lecture hall. Breathing a sigh of relief as I saw Hobi still seated and looking at his laptop, I hurried my pace. Reaching around people, I dropped the letter gently onto his closed bag before ducking behind the crowd, praying he hadn’t seen me.

I was too embarrassed to attempt to see his reaction, so instead I fled like the coward I am. I just really hope my letter helps.

///////////////////////

Hoseok’s P.O.V

Today, well today was terrible. Reality had caught up to my delusions once again, reminding me of everything I am not. These days occur more often than they used to, my fragility visible to those who cared.

But that’s the thing, no one did.

Reaching for my bag to put my belongings away, I saw an out of place white piece of paper carefully lain on top of it. Curiosity got the better of me, as did frustration. It was probably someone’s trash. As I picked it up, I noticed the precise folded edges this time.

It could still be trash.

Yet I still felt compelled to unfold the note, and the first line convinced me it was not trash. Some had written me a letter. They used my nickname and all. But who would leave me a letter. Well, the best way to find out would be to read it.

Dear Hobi,

Are you okay? Your smile has faded and that leaves me conflicted. I want to ask you what is wrong, why your happiness is no longer shining quite as strong, but I am a coward. This whole letter may seem creepy and I am sure you probably won’t read it, but I want you to know something. Someone has fallen in love with your radiant happiness, so please shine brighter. Hobi, for me, a stranger you will never meet, please be true to yourself and smile. You look prettier when you smile.

V.

My body began to shake as emotion overcame me. Sure, the writer was correct. A letter could be seen as creepy, but the words inside were inspirational. Someone…cared. Someone treasured my smile. Someone noticed.

Reading through it once more, warmth radiated in my chest. I don’t care if this is a sick joke, I felt happy. Smiling as I looked around, I saw no eyes looking my way.

So the mysterious V had already left?

That was the only smile I would show because of this letter. A onetime thing can’t cure the turmoil in my mind.