“So, what are your hobbies?”

Jongin stared at me like I was insane. He was poking unenthusiastically at his food tray, and I was unsure if it was that unappetizing (which was believable) or if he just wasn’t hungry. “Hobbies?” he echoed like it was a foreign word, “why?”

I pointed at his food tray. “Because you insist on sitting next to me in class and right now and apparently want to be friends.”

“Do you really need to know my hobbies?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Jongin decided, and then went with eating the unappetizing food.

Chapter 35

By the time we had arrived back at the apartment, the sky had practically darkened completely and I was extremely thankful for the hoodie Kai had bought, because I was shivering despite having the extra layer of clothing. Kai stopped in front of the apartment building, hands tucked into his pockets as he waited. I adjusted the straps of my bag and looked at him.

“Thanks,” I said. “I had a good time even though I don’t think I can’t eat anything else for another day.”

Kai snorted. “You always say that and end up eating the same amount the next day.”

“I’m still growing.”

“You’re eighteen, Mira. You’ve stopped growing.”

I scowled at that, then paused, about to pull open the handle of the door. “Do you want something to drink or are you going straight back to the safehouse? My brother’s home and he can make pretty decent hot chocolate.”

He shifted slightly where he was sitting, contemplating for a second, before he shook his head. “I’d rather… not face Jinyoung right now,” Kai said carefully. “Last time was pretty awkward. I should probably… wait a bit longer.”

That meant I had to face him, and I wasn’t sure if that would be any less awkward, or at least any less embarrassing, and I figured that if the attention was diverted to Kai, it would make it an awful lot easier for me. “He’s going to talk nonstop,” I grumbled.

Kai pulled the door of the building open for me. “You’re good at doing that too,” he said. “It’s pretty late. I should get going before any of them get any stupid ideas.”

“Just tell them you were attacked by the Darkling on the way back.”

“I wonder who’ll doubt me,” he replied drily. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure we’ll be… leaving somewhere around noon tomorrow, so try to get to the safehouse in the morning. I think a couple of people from Jin’s safehouse will be there too.”

After everything that had happened, I hadn’t had the chance to think more about my power, Ignis, the Darkling, and what exactly had happened, but the reminder made everything come back full force. Ignis had completely slipped my mind until then, and the fact that I was going back to report something so huge definitely seemed like a death sentence, for some reason. All of us knew that Eunhae’s mom hadn’t been pleased when I had mentioned wanting to continue school, and it was going to be even more impossible given what had happened with my aura. If I kept on doing what I was doing, then they were practically dangling a bait at the Darkling, except there was practically no backup and once he took the bait, it was over for everyone.

Telling them was the best idea. Increase security measures, maybe confine me somewhere where the Darkling couldn’t access. Kai had literally died because of me, and to prevent another casualty like that, something had to be done.

Except everything in me seemed to reject to that idea. Life with more restraint than it already had, more lying to my brother, skipping school or missing out because of Athanatoi business—that was the last thing I wanted to do. Maybe I was selfish—not only was it technically for my own benefit but for the good of the others around me—but I could think of a hundred more ways to be more cautious if it meant everything staying the same. It was maybe impossible to ask; so much had changed, some for better and others for worse, but I wanted it to be the same.

“Kai,” I started, turning to look at him.

Standing in front of me was the boy who’d carried years and years of pain and secrets on his back alone. He’d loss his family not once but twice. Was it fair to ask him to endanger yet another family again, just because I didn’t want to live life like someone had a leash around my neck? But at the same time, was it fair for me if the outcome was growing further away from my brother, having to manipulate his mind, lie to him every single day?  

He waited for an answer, unspeaking. Finally, I blurted out, “Do you think we could just… not tell anyone at Ignis about what happened?”

The words didn’t seem to connect for a good second or two before Kai finally frowned. “Wait,” he started. “Do you mean… lie to the Council?”

“Uh… exempt some facts.”

Kai let go of the door to fully face me. “Mira,” he said, “Do you know what you’re asking to do? Not just me—all of us?”

I shifted my weight, suddenly uncomfortable under his gaze. “That was a stupid question,” I replied in a small voice. “Ignore me.”

“No, I get what you’re saying.” Kai folded his arms over his chest. “But I want to see where you’re going to go with it.”

“There’s… nowhere I can go with it.”

“The Darkling came after you,” he replied. “Tried to force you to go with him, instead killed me, and you raised me back to life, which makes you Life, the first one since the last one was killed by the Darkling. You want to omit all of that information to the Council—why?”

I thought of Jinyoung, leaning over his laptop as he worked. He’d been doing so for years and years; he’d practically raised me since my mother had passed away. I thought of training sessions with Kai at the basement of the safehouse, doing homework with him as he went over the same question for the third time and I struggled to wrap my head around it. I thought of Jaeyeon, quiet, but always sliding her homework over when I had something I needed to finish. I didn’t want any of that to change. Even stupid Jimin and seeing him around at school. Even scrambling the finish the homework that was due last week. All of a sudden, given the choice, I didn’t want it all gone.

“I don’t want everything to change,” I started, and then snapped my mouth shut, shook my head, and tried instead, “I don’t feel like it’s something that… I don’t want them to know.”

Kai watched me carefully, and I blinked, cheeks heating. What was I saying, anyway? None of that were justified reasons. I couldn’t think of any, either, so why did I think even bringing it up was a good idea when nothing was going to change?

He remained silent for a while, and I waited for his reply, feeling like an idiot. Finally, Kai unfolded his arms. “I know what you mean,” he replied. “And… I guess I kind of agree.”

I looked up at him. “Pardon?”

“I don’t know if it’s possible to keep it from the Council, though.” He shifted. “That’s a huge thing you’re omitting, and if they ever find out that we’ve been hiding it, all of us are going to be in trouble. Especially if the Darkling finds you again.”

I still felt stupid for saying it, but definitely slightly better with Kai mentioning that he felt the same way. Slightly more hopeful than before, I asked instead, “Will I still be living in Seoul if they find out?”

He shook his head. “I can’t tell. But I wouldn’t think so.”

That didn’t seem to be a possible option I could face. Sure, things had kind of gone downhill for a while (which was an understatement), but for once, there were many things looking up. Sure, Jinyoung and I had never been on bad terms, exactly, but we hadn’t been… close, either. I knew he cared for me. So did I. But neither of us had every found time in equally busy schedules to actually spend together as siblings, and while I didn’t blame him, finally being able to do so felt good. Even if there was a gnawing guilt every time of having to use glamour on him, at least there were still moments to remember, however small they were. It was as if both of us had finally tried to put the effort into it, and it was working.

Jinyoung wasn’t the only one. School wasn’t looking too up, but it wasn’t going any worse, and perhaps slightly better. Then there was Kai.

Maybe it wouldn’t change. He wouldn’t have asked me out once if he knew something so drastic would happen that I wouldn’t be able to see any of them, but that thought didn’t bring a lot of comfort either. I liked things the way they were now. Maybe it was wishful thinking, too, but listening to him tell me about his family—that was undeniably personal, and wasn’t that supposed to mean we were getting closer, not further away?

“Well,” I finally got out weakly. “I guess… mention it to them when you get back?”

Heavy silence followed my words. Finally, Kai nodded. “Will do,” he said. “You should get going. Your brother’s probably waiting for details at this point.”

“I’ll tell him it was a horrible date,” I replied halfheartedly, trying to joke but not quite able to.

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