“Yah, did you saw the news just now?”

 

“I saw.”

 

“Jinjja? Do you think it’s true?”

 

“I don’t know but every website confirmed it already.”

 

“So I guess it’s true then? Wah, I thought they were just friends but I guess there were something more huh.”

 

“We shouldn’t assume you know? Today is April 1 right? I mean, it could still mean no.”

 

“It should mean no. Just imagining her with someone else that’s not—“

 

“Good afternoon uncles!”

 

“Omo! You surprised us Amber-sshi!”

 

The tomboy did nothing but to scratch the back of her head. “I needed something to do. It was so boring in my apartment so I thought it would be better if I spend time here and help you guys out.”

 

 

She smiled at them and never gave them the chance to answer as she hurriedly grabbed her apron and head towards the kitchen. The two men over their 40’s just looked at another as they remained silent because they didn’t know what to say just to ease this tense atmosphere that suddenly surrounded their restaurant. The younger uncle nudged the other to go and check on their favorite customer just to see if she was holding up well. But what he saw was something he never imagined he would see in this lifetime.

The old Amber Josephine Liu that used to be all smiles and would come together with her dogs and her all time favorite skateboard and hobo/care-free type of clothing and would cheer up other customers had both of her hands on the edge of the counter top, head hung lower than an anchor being thrown in the sea, chest heaving up and down as if she was holding it all in for a very long time and sobs that he never thought he would heard.

Regardless, he walked and gave a small tap to get the attention of the latter who was surprised that he followed her inside the kitchen.

 

“Pabo-yah, you shouldn’t be here… We don’t make our burritos with tears.” He tries to lighten up the mood.

 

“I’m so sorry uncle.” She immediately wiped the tears away. “I’ll clean up and will help you guys.” And just then he held her tight on the wrist.

 

---

 

“Geonbae!!!!!!!!!!”

 

“Aaaaaahk. Wow now that’s some good Soju right there.” He wipes his mouth. “Hey Amber can you still walk properly with all the Soju you just drunk?” Scott says in English.

 

“We haven’t seen you this drunk zombie buddy. I guess you’re really that desperate.”

 

“Ju-ju-ju-jus… Just let me be. I’ve never been this desperate too.”

 

The two of them wondered why they received such call from the Idol in the middle of 11 PM and suddenly invited to have chicken, beer and Soju and more surprisingly, Amber was going to treat them. They thought that Amber was trying to making up for the times she was busy with her group’s concert both in Seoul and in Japan and wanted to hang-out with them. But everything changed when they saw her face just who looked like was recently hit with something hard in the face. They both thought that maybe Amber was just being over-exaggerating but when Jackson came and told them the news, they finally understood.

But they were confused as hell too. The English squad, along with Eric Nam and Henry knew everything about her relationship with her co-member. From the start of her feelings that maybe she was treating Krystal more special than other members to the constant battle Amber had with herself whether she would confess or not, to the nights where Amber was trying to get drunk just to forget the jealousy and pain she feels every time Krystal would be paired with someone really better than her, to the announcement of Amber that Krystal feels the same way as her.

 They witnessed how shy Krystal was when Amber brought her over for the other people to meet her. All of them saw Amber love Krystal and it was really evident that Krystal was so in love with Amber. From the sparkling of her eyes to the smile on her lips, to the way she would lean onto the tomboy’s shoulder and hide her face when they for the first time and how happy she was when she was with the Llama. And they thought, maybe these two would really last for a very long time.

But that was where they were wrong. You see, it’s always a negative side when you assume. Because when you assume, you expect and most of the times, it ends up being a huge disappointment. And that was happening to them now. They assumed that the ‘Kryber’ fever was going to last but they didn’t notice that Krystal was so in love with Amber. Was- Past tense. Past- just like every memory Amber spend with Krystal as of the moment.

When Amber looked up to ask one more shot from Jackson, despite her drunken state she only saw one facial expression on her friends’ faces. PITY. A four letter word that stings every person’s pride. She was taught never to live on sympathy of others ever since she was a kid. She was taught on how to be independent, on how to fight through tough times. And this is what she’s planning to do. She is going to fight through this.

She stood up, and had assistance from her friends but she calmly shook their hands away. She gave them a smile, a smile that if they didn’t know about the news, they’d believe Amber is okay. But she isn’t…

 

“I’m going to head home.”

 

“We’ll have to-“

 

“No.” She smiled again. “I’ll be okay.”

 

“But Amber-“ Jackson was cut off again with a smile that made them knew that it was time to stop forcing Amber that she needs help.

 

“Thank you for coming here. I promise you, the next time is going to be a better one. I’ll laugh, I’ll smile, I’ll spend every memory with you guys and it’ll be worth it I promise.” She really tried to give them a genuine smile but it didn’t reach her face. “Don’t try following me. I’ll know I swear. Even when I’m this drunk.”

 

---

 

“Yah! Watch where you’re going!”

 

“Stupid bastard!”

 

“Aish jeongmal! Didn’t even have the courtesy to apologize! Jerks these days!”

 

“Bull people like him shouldn’t exist.”

 

“Yah, doesn’t he look like an idol?”

 

“Waaaa you’re right! Who do you think it is huh? EXO? BTS? WINNER? 2PM?! Ottoke?!?!”

 

“Pabo-yah, be quiet!”

 

“Pabo… Huh.” Amber mumbles to herself.

 

“Amber, me and Vic unnie are goanna go to the market to get some supplies while manager oppa is still an angel! Would you like to come with us?”

 

“Nah you guys go ahead Luna. I’ll still watch the maknaes who are still asleep from all of the studying they did. I need to make a simple meal for them.”

 

“Arrasso. You three take care okay?”

 

Amber nodded her head and turned to the kitchen where she planned to cook some plain rice balls and some Kimchi as well. Maybe she could even add some Udon. The baby sisters would really like the meal she chuckles to herself as she remembers Sulli’s gullible laugh and her fruity smile that would make her proud of her cooking skills even if it wasn’t that much good taste. And she’d remember Krystal’s small smile that would really make her heart beat fast.

 

 

“Heart beat fast…” She mumbles to herself.

 

 

As she finished cooking the rice and preparing the Udon and kimchi and mixing all of the ingredients for the rice balls, she wondered to herself of that phrase. Why would her heart beat fast when Krystal could all offer for was a simple smile compared to Sulli’s? Why couldn’t she feel something inside of her when Sulli’s being all cutie but would have when Krystal would be the one to do it?

What does Krystal has that Sulli, Luna or even Victoria doesn’t have for her to react all this.

 

“You know- the rice is so be chewy that it’d be more like rice porridge.”

 

“YAH!” Amber quickly turned around to see Krystal leaning onto the counter top. “Don’t do that!!!! Why are you up this early huh?” She looks at the time. 6 AM.

 

“Smelled something delish.” It was a nonchalant way of answering- but it made Amber blush. “I didn’t know Llamas were able to cook unnie.” She smiles.

 

“Whatever.” She turns her attention back to the rice balls. “Just wait a minute and wake up Sulli. Your school starts soon.”

 

 

“Jal-meok-kket-sseum-ni-da!”

 

While eating, Krystal noticed that Amber was only eating bread. “No plans of eating rice?”

 

“Uh… No. I wasn’t used to back in the States. We had cereals for that.”

The younger one rolled her eyes. “As if I didn’t come from the States.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

She just shook her head. “Anyway, you should really learn to eat rice if you’re planning to live here for a really long time.”

 

“Some other time.”

 

Still, Krystal wasn’t convinced with her answer. “Tell you what, since I am the only person who can understand your weird Korean, let’s make a deal okay?”

 

“A deal? Aren’t you too young for that?” Amber received a glare for saying something pun like that. “Okay chill. What kind of deal?”

 

“I’ll teach you Korean, if you eat rice.”

 

“That’s all?”

 

“Why do you want more? Besides, you can’t live without me.”

 

Amber’s heart literally stopped for a moment there. She didn’t know how to react on what Krystal just said and so she immediately choked on her bread and slurped the whole box of fresh milk in one go. She was thinking so many things inside her head. She was so confused and mentally noted to talk to her friends later about this one.

 

“Yah, are you listening?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“So? Is the deal good?” She extends out her hand which Amber just stared at. “Hey, you’re zoning out again.” Krystal said in her English tone.

 

“Sorry. Luna woke me up so early.” Amber tried to find a reasonable excuse.

 

“Hmmm… Makes sense. Unnie is that somehow.” She nods her head in agreement. “So? Is that a deal or no?”

 

Amber looked up to Krystal and then back to the hand extended and shook it. “Deal. I guess…”

 

And for once in a life time, Amber saw one of the genuine smiles Krystal only lets out when she’s genuinely happy about something.

 

“Yay!” She clapped her hands. “Come here closer ppalli!” Amber could only nod as she is the sole princess of the group. “Say ahhh!”

 

“I-I-I- I can eat it on my own.” Amber was about to grab the rice ball from Krystal’s hand but the latter quickly pulled away.

 

“WE. MADE. A. DEAL.” Amber gulped at that she didn’t remember anything about agreeing Krystal would feed her, but hey, she’s just the servant here.

 

“Ahhhhh.” And just like that, she had the first taste of Korean rice and better, it was her own cooking. “Mmmmmmm!!”

 

Krystal smiled at Amber’s reaction. “You’re weird unnie.” That ripped off the smile on Amber’s face.

                             

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

 

“Just take it as whatever you like it.” She smiles again. “Pabo.”

 

“Jack jack ah!!!! Mommy’s home!!”

 

Immediately, a small pocket sized Chihuahua whose fur is golden brown and black with a pinch of white came running towards her and she carried it around like her child. The dog wiggled its tail non-stop as it probably 90% of Amber’s face which, Amber could just laugh at as she puts her dog down.

 

---

 

“Amber… These demos, these just won’t work.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, for one. It’s really different from your first solo album. And when I mean by different I mean like once this is out- someone would really notice that you’re affected with the news.”

 

“Am I not allowed to be affected?”

 

The producer sighed. “Business is business. We never mixed it with pleasure.”

 

“Then I guess that’s what makes business bitter after all.” The producer remained silent. “This is all I have for now. You can’t force me to write a song that isn’t coming from my heart.”

 

“But Amber, we could hire a lyrics-“

 

“My album, my songs. As much as possible please.” She said in a serious manner. “Don’t worry I’ll work on it as soon as I can.”

 

“Okay. I trust you on that… Please be well Amber. That’s all I wish for you.” The producer stood up and left the music room.

 

“Ahhhh jeongmal Amber. Please be professional do and compose more beautiful songs. Something that would inspire people. Make a song that would actually sell!”

 

Amber sighed to herself and leaned on the table as she hums for a perfect melody and continuously tapped the pencil she was holding on her hand and her feet to create a nice beat and she tried to read some lyrics but when she reads it- it still has the same ending. And that annoyed her the most. She probably crumpled every paper here in the music room and the last one was bottled up with all of her frustrations and actually crumpled it even more and threw it to the door. Unfortunately for Amber- Taeyeon of Girls’ Generation was there to receive the hit.

 

 

“Omo Taeyeon unnie!!!” Amber rushed to be at her sunbae’s side. “Mianhe! Jinjja mianhe!”

 

“Aigoo… You sure can throw huh?” She chuckled dorkily.

 

“Come here unnie I’ll just grab my-“

 

“Anniya, anniya. I’m ok.” She assures the latter who sat beside her. “Come here. I want to talk for you a second is that okay?”

 

“Yeah sure unnie.”

 

“I saw one of the staff and it seemed like he was really sad because of something. I guess I kind of figured it out now.” She said. “Look, maybe it’s not true Amber maybe-“

 

“Not everyone here in the company does a cover-up unnie.” Amber said honestly. “When the news came out, I tried calling her to confirm about it. But up ‘til this moment, she’s not answering my calls. If this was a cover-up, she would’ve been here by my side and comforted me. Just like what you did with Tiffany unnie when the dating news came out of you and Baek.” She explains. “I guess this is her way of saying that-“Amber paused for a while and tried to calm and recompose herself but the tears betrayed her. “I guess that’s just it for us.”

 

“Oh Amber.” Taeyeon said in a comforting tone.

 

“When Red Light promotions ended, she said she wanted time to think for herself. She has been this cold ever since the wrap-up of Pink Tape…” She starts. “I guess he was there in the photo shoot for a reason.” She tried to laugh it off.

 

---

 

One day, two days, three days and even 2 months after the declaration of the relationship neither Amber nor Krystal showed up in group meetings which also resulted to Vic and Luna doing solo activities such as drama and musical and even time for education now because all of them had the time in the world. Krystal was probably busy travelling along with her sister or parents but the question is- where is Amber?

When Victoria and Luna heard the news, they all sympathized with Amber. They didn’t had a hold on Krystal as she left her phone and whenever they’d try to contact Jessica, the older sister would only tell for them to wait for Krystal to explain her part. Even Sulli, who was their past member, tried her best to get a hold of Krystal but she couldn’t. And when they try to look for Amber, she was still unavailable. So where was Amber?

Unknown to everyone, Jack Jack was sent back to the States to have a better attention as Amber complied what Taeyeon told her. She needed to be sad, she needed to cry. And so after saying good bye to her sister after picking up Jack jack, she bought 3 boxes of Soju, and other sorts of alcohol, and started her depression therapy. The first hours, she just cried and remembered all of the good memories she shared with her princess. And then she would spend the next on reading articles about Kai and Krystal’s relationship and would see all the Kaistal tweets, and videos on youtube that would make her heart ache more and would result back to crying and drinking and even went to smoking as she bought an electronic cigarette to her hobby.

Minutes turned to hours and eventually to days then to weeks until other people were really panicking because Amber was nowhere to be found. That’s why Henry, one of Amber’s closest friends had the courage to break into Amber’s house and there they found Amber lying on the floor with eyes open-wide that was just staring on the ceiling. All of her friends, the English ones to be exact rushed to her side and tried to attend to her needs and checked her vital signs when all of a sudden all of them heard a chuckle and they were surprised to hear it from Amber.

 

“It’s going to be a loooooong while before I stopped breathing guys.” She laughed.

 

Henry looked around to search for some evidence and explanation why Amber was acting like a complete lunatic. But his concern turned into immediate frustration as he saw a bag of weed placed on top of the kitchen counter. And what’s worse? It’s already 80% consumed.

Clenching his fists together he rushed to Amber, pulled her up and pressed her hardly onto the wall so hard that Amber banged her head against the concrete wall.

 

 

“YO HENRY CHILL! THAT’S STILL AMBER NOONA!” Jackson tried to reason out.

 

“STILL AMBER? STILL AMBER?! Does this still look the same Amber to you guys?!” Henry hissed as he turns back to Amber who had this dreamy expression. “What the hell are you doing to yourself!”

 

“I’m being sad that’s all.”

 

“Being sad? Does being sad include a full bag of weed that’s about to be fully consumed!?”

 

“What?! Weed?” Min was also surprised. “Amber you are not like this!”

 

“Well guess what guys? PEOPLE CHANGE!”

 

“WE WANTED YOU TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER SO ALL OF US AGREED NOT TO CONTACT YOU AND NOT TO BE DRUG DEPENDANT!”

 

“Oh so what I am not allowed to be sad anymore?!” She fully pushes Henry off of him. “You just can’t sympathize with me because you are not in the same situation as me!”

 

“We understand you need to be sad Amber but not like this! You’re taking your life away!” Eric says.

 

“Eric’s right Am. Not like this.” Scott shakes his head.

 

She looked at them not amused of their answers. She expected it already. “Unlike you guys, I wasn’t able to prepare myself for a heart break.”

 

“Nobody prepares you for heartbreak AMBER LIU!” Henry screams back. “For it is like a punch that you weren’t expecting because you were already confident that you knocked him out, whether they tell you they don’t love you anymore, the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bull- No matter what their goddamn reasoning is nothing will stop you from feeling like you’re going to throw up even when you haven’t eaten in days, and the constant feeling like you’re going to break into tears even if you’ve cried yourself dry. Nothing and I mean nothing will stop you from the constant wondering and overwhelming sadness because you weren’t good enough.” He exhaled loudly. “Nobody prepared you for heartbreak. Nobody warned you not to fall for the girl with jet black hair and a smile that could warm anybody’s heart. Nobody told you not to fall in love or not to make her your happiness. And ! Nobody gave you the slightest warning about how ing awful it feels when they leave… Because sure you can warn someone that if it doesn’t work out they will cry, you can tell them they’ll be sad for a while and you can tell them it’ll hurt to see his smile and know you’re not the reason anymore. But my God Amber, there is no possible way to prepare someone for the overall ache that comes along when the person they love decides that they don’t want them anymore. Nobody prepares you for heartbreak, but that’s because nobody can really prepare a person for that kind of ing pain.”

 

 

Everybody in the room became quiet. They never saw Henry this serious even from the first time they’ve gathered all together. Just like Amber, Henry was more like a male version of her. Henry understood her better than anyone else in the room, besides the fact that they work in the same company. He would always be the one who’s in-charge of removing the awkwardness in the air and if they really did saw Henry being serious, they could only count it using their fingers. Along with that one time where Henry was really sad about not seeing Yewon right after their We Got Married was cut real short.

 

“I just…” Amber bit down her lip so hard to stop herself from looking stupid in front of her friends. “I just love her…” She said in a whisper. “I am really in love with her more than I can imagine.”

 

“Think about the life you had before you met her. You were living before her never forget that. If it was happy, get back into that lifestyle and make it even better. If it was sad, start looking for the true meaning of happiness, which will be an adventure. You are allowed to live again after your heart is broken.” Scott says. “She took your heart Am, but she never took away your life…You’ve had beautiful memories before your heart broke. Relive those memories so the pieces can glue back to each other again. You’ve lived a beautiful life before your life collided with another’s. Be excited to see the beauty in life without Krystal Jung. You’ve done it once, you can do it again. “

 

“And when you do Amber noona, forgive Krystal.” Jackson stands beside her noona and pats her back. “Forgive the way they left, forgive the way they touched you so gently, for they took advantage of the way you appreciated their touch and burned you. Forgive them. Not for them, but for you. To fix a heart that’s broken, you must forgive the person who broke it.”

 

“Aigoo, since when did the three rascals matured so much eh?” Eric laughed it off. “Yeah but they’re right Am. You had a life before Krystal and it wasn’t so bad is it? Well that life you’ve been looking for Is somewhere out there.”

 

“A is the starting letter in the Alphabet Am so it means it starts with you. You can’t be happy, or you can’t find peace if you think your life starts and ends with K.”

 

All of these words coming from her friends whom she used to think were too cool for emotional moments like this really surprised her and touched her heart at the same time. It was one of the moments where she’s thankful that she had this kind of group of friends.

 

“Thank you everyone for cheering me up.” She smiled to herself. “What would I do without you es?”

 

“Probably be more high than usual.” Min said and everyone erupted to laughter.

 

---

 

“Kai, are you really sure that this is okay?”

 

“Krystal I promise you. This underground open bar is really exclusive and it’s gonna be jam-packed tonight because of open rap something I don’t know but you like that kind of stuff right?” Kai looked at her lovingly. “Come on we barely spend time together because you’re out there in China and apparently even if I go and cheer you up, I can’t. Stupid schedule.”

 

Krystal would always find it sweet whenever Kai would do this cute aegyo in front of her. It’s one of the things she admired about him. “You’re always sweet. How am I supposed to go to China and not miss you?” She pinched his cheeks lovingly. “Face masks on?”

 

Kai grinned. “Ninja date is on.”

 

 

Kai held my hand tightly as we entered the bar right in Itaewon where there isn’t much people. As much as possible we avoid popular places specifically Gangnam where most of our sunbaes got caught. We learned their lessons so we try to be more discreet as possible.

I wouldn’t want to waste my time in explaining how we met but yes, all from the sites were true as the two of us were interviewed before the company confirmed the dating news. During the Red Light promotions where I was so down, he was there for me and we’ve really become close because of that. And ever since that day, I’ve began to notice him in a different way. He wasn’t the Kai who was so childish back now. He’s a grown man, a grown man that can take good care of me.

And as much with my relationship with Amber, really can’t talk to her as of right now. In all honesty, our relationship hit rock bottom when Jessica left the agency and with her being so busy with all the individual activities so I was the one who decided to take a break which explained all the awkwardness during Red Light. It was so hard being apart from her at first but I guess, just like my sister and Yuri, we were just too different to continue.

We tried to work things out in 4 walls era, but it was only then I confirmed that it was Kai I was looking for. He was the one in my heart right now. And as much I hate to be a to Amber, I just don’t know what to say to her if we really meet personally. Yeah call me a coward but I just don’t want her to hate me so much… Amber and I are really close. I already lost her as a lover before, I don’t want to lose her as a friend.

 

“Here, it’s the farthest corner but still has the good view of the stage. Is this okay?”

 

“Yeah it’s fine.”

 

“Okay, stay here and I’ll order drinks.”

 

But sometimes I do wonder what Amber is doing right now. It had been 3 months since the news came out, and it had been weeks since my phone received 100 missed calls and 1000 messages. One day it just stopped moving in the house and there was a day that I was waiting for it to vibrate or to make a sound, but it never did. I’ve never read her texts though- I can’t. I already knew I broke her heart so much by not telling her that I am in a relationship with him, and not explaining things to her. I don’t want to know more than that…

Amber is a strong person and I know that she can-

 

 

“Hey Soojung?”

 

“What?”

 

“You know what- this might be a bad time to visit this place. We can move to another one.”

 

“But why? I like the atmosphere here.”

 

Kai was about to say something when the MC came up on the stage. “Good evening everyone!”

 

“Good evening!”

 

While the MC was busy introducing and doing some opening remarks I pulled him closer. “Let’s stay for a while okay?”

 

He just sighed and smiled. “Okay.”

 

The open stage started and most of the participants talked about a lot of things. Freedom, Equality, brokenness, love… Basically anything that they wanted to share to other people and I’ve always loved that. People who share their opinions, their ideas, their thinking and feelings in any form are the bravest people I know. Because they were brave enough to let us know a part of them that’s so important. A part of them that was so fragile and yet we were given the chance to be a part of it. It’s just so wonderful.

 

“Hey, I’m really sorry but I’m getting bored.” Kai said all of a sudden. “I know you like this but can we go somewhere else now? Like a hill buy a beer and just talk?”

 

I smiled to him. “It’s a date then.”

 

We smiled to one another and he went to grab our coats. When we were about to approach the stairs, the MC was already introducing the final guest for tonight and he told them that it was a surprise as well but he’s 10000% sure that all the guests would like it. And that made me really curious so I tried to walk slowly even though Kai was already calling my attention.

 

 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE HELP ME WELCOME- AMBER LIU!”

 

 

Along with the shrieks of the crowd and the constant clapping was Amber, wearing basic white sweater, black pants and white shoes with a black snapback. She waved and smiled to the fans and that cause me by surprise. Her smile was professional yes, but it was also one of her smiles that she was fine. That she was okay, and that made me wonder is she still the same Amber that caused a lot of rings and vibrations to my phone?

 

“Seriously Krys we should-“ Kai stopped mid-sentence.

 

“You knew she was going to be here didn’t you? That’s why you wanted to leave that quickly.”

 

“I kind of didn’t want to spoil the night. I know you aren’t ready to explain things to her yet.”

 

“Thank you for being so understanding but I know she’s not gonna perform. Maybe she’s just here to congratulate and support this type of things. C’mon let’s go back to our seat. She’ll be done soon and I know she wouldn’t notice us.” And before Kai could do anything, I dragged him back.

 

“Hey wassup everybody are you having fun tonight?”

 

“DAE!!!!” She laughed at how participative the crowd was. She always liked this type of crowd.

 

“Well, a friend of mine- Min told me about this place and I really like the atmosphere here. You know people get the chance to share some of their talents and even their personal experiences to us listeners and I think that’s really beautiful right? I want to applaud the people who had the courage to share a part of their past with us. Thank you so much for sharing a portion of your life.” I swallowed the lump on my throat. She just repeated what I just thought earlier.

 

“Amber oppa! PLEASE DO A SAMPLE FOR US!”

 

“DAE!”

 

Soon the crowd was filled with requests and Amber along with the MC started talking while the people were still all out pleading for Amber. I mean, it’s publicly known that Amber is a composer but I’m actually curious on what she’ll say if she would really speak.

 

“I guess it really can’t be helped then.” The crowd erupted once again. “But but but! I am going to ask one of my friends- Miss A’s Min.” The people shouted again. “To please come up here on stage and be with me.”

 

“Yah that sounded like they’re already a couple.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind though, I mean just look at them. They look great together.”

 

Hearing it from the crowd really made me kind of annoyed. They just can’t assume something like that because they’re here together. I mean Amber and Min have been really hanging out for some time now and it’s one of the topics that made me so angry when we used to be together and the reason why we would fight.

Used to… Past tense.

 

“Get a hold of yourself Krystal.” I whispered to myself.

 

“Did you say anything?”

 

“Huh? Oh nothing. Nothing at all.” I smiled.

 

“Are you sure you wanna hear this?”

 

“Yeah. It’s like one way of assessing whether she’s really okay now. If she is, then maybe it’s a sign that the two of us should really talk. For closure and I want to be okay with her even if it’s for professional purposes only then that’s fine rather than not talking at all.” But can I really take something like that?

 

“Okay so for the past days I’ve been spending some time on an English song. And I know most of you guys can’t understand me as of the moment- but I’m pretty sure that you’ll understand them later am I right?” The crowd immediately agrees so she turns her thumbs up to the music guy and a grunge type of background music came.

 

 

Feeling used

But I'm still missing you

And I can't see the end of this

Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

And now all this timeis passing by

But I still can't seem to tell you why

It hurts me every time I see you

Realize how much I need you

 

Min’s voice was just the right voice for this song. It was such a simple stanza and yet have some strong deep meaning behind it. And at the same time, I wondered if it was about me and Amber. Or how Amber felt towards me…

 

I hate you I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put no body else above you

I hate you I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

 

I miss you when I can't sleep

Or right after coffee or right when I can't eat

I miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters

From nights we don't remember

Do you miss me like I miss you?

ed around and got attached to you

Friends can break your heart too, and

I'm always tired but never of you

 

“Care to explain what Amber’s talking about?” The two girls from our table started to converse.

 

“She’s talking about loving and hating someone at the same time. She probably hates the person because that someone was just using her all along. It’s a really sad song it makes my heart break knowing Amber is that sad. But I wonder though who is this mystery person Amber refers to.”

 

 

If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that

I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that

I type a text but then I never mind that

I got these feelings but you never mind that

Oh oh, keep it on the low

You're still in love with me but your friends don't know

If u wanted me you would just say so

And if I were you, I would never let me go

I don't mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm

Wedding bells were just alarms caution tape around my heart

You ever wonder what we could have been?

You said you wouldn't and you ing did

Lie to me, lie with me, get your ing fix

Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all ing mixed

Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing

Sometimes you got to burn some bridges just to create some distance

I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing

But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings

 

“When love and trust are gone…” All of a sudden Amber raised her head and looked at our direction which shocked me moreover when she looked me. “I guess this is moving on. Everyone I do right does me wrong, so every lonely night, I sing this song.”

 

 

I hate you I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put

Nobody else above you

I hate you I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

 

All alone I watch you watch her

Like she's the only girl you've ever seen

You don't care you never did

You don't give a damn about me

Yeah all alone I watch you watch her

She's the only thing you've ever seen

How is it you never notice

That you are slowly killing me

 

I hate you I love you

I hate that I love you

Don't want to, but I can't put

Nobody else above you

I hate you I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

 

At that song the crowd clapped and really cheered her on for being so good. And even I found myself clapping as well but still shocked as hell. When did she found out that I was here? Did she know from the start? Was she looking at us even before? There were really a lot of questions inside my mind right now but there was one thing clear…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I really need to speak to Amber as soon as possible.

---

 

 

Part 2 is coming soon. And you better hold onto your seats guys. ANGST IS COMING HAHAHAHA :)