The video replayed on a loop, Jonghyun's smiling, laughing face playing over and over again. Key pulled the mobile phone the animated image circulated on to himself, grasping it tight to his chest as he cried, his heart felt motionless, devoid of all movement, a dead organ inside his chest.

He sprawled his body across the bed in his old bedroom, tears falling from his closed lids and onto his childhood Dooly bedcovers. He was crushing his new LG Optimus mobile phone but he didn't care, the voice reverberating through his body as the video kept playing, bringing more pain, the aching in his chest reminding him that he wasn't dead, that his heart did still beat, it was just a hell of alot harder for it to pump the much needed blood around his system for the agony it was enduring.

How could he have walked out on him? How could he have said he hated him and never wanted to see him again. It wasn't true, not one word of it. He loved Jonghyun, needed him. He was more than just his lover, he was his best friend, his brother, his entire universe. Every word he spoke, every breath he took, every beat his heart thumped, every smile, every joyous tear. He was it all.

Each and everytime they made love, sat watching a movie together, laughing at Onew's silliness or Minho's quirkiness, it was all the same, it all held the same meaning for Key. Just being with the older man in any way, shape or form was living for him.

The daily pretence that their relationship was friendship only was hard enough but for it to be true would break him. He wasn't even sure if they would come out of this even as friends or bandmates for that matter. Right now, none of the above was looking likely.

He wanted to call Jonghyun, to tell him he was wrong, that he was coming home but he couldn't, not now. He had walked out, to return now would make him look every bit the fool that he felt. Why had he reacted so rash? He should have sat down, talked it out with his lover. He owed him that.

It wouldn't work though, Key had made up his mind, his decision was final. It would have happened sooner or later, although probably true, the thought held no comfort for him.

He had done the right thing. Let Jonghyun go, set him free to live his life the way he should be living it. Not his every move in front of the world being false, acted out, for that's what it was. They were both playing a part. Jonghyun the 'skinship lover but TOTALLY straight' lead singer whilst Key was the 'straight to the point, flirty rapper'. Their roles didn't fit.

Jonghyun wasn't straight nor was he gay either, Key would say he was bi-ual but Jonghyun never agreed, he said he only ever found one man desirable, Key.

Kim Kibum on the other hand was a very honest person, which is why it hurt so bad to lie to his fans about who he was and who he loved, it wasn't fair to them and he hated it. He wasn't as flirty as he appeared to be for the camera's, his touchy, feely moment's with Onew were all staged to keep all the OnKey fan's happy. He didn't mind playing with his hyung in such a way, he did love Onew afterall, just not in that way. Besides, Jonghyun acted the same with their leader. He didn't mind. That wasn't what had caused their latest arguement. It wasn't even nearly SHINee related. It was over a woman. Not just one, loads of them infact and Jonghyun's constant drooling over them. Ok, fine, not drooling but his hormone driven remarks about their bodies, their pretty faces and the like. It was driving Key insane. He couldn't take it anymore.

He had to let Jonghyun go. Let him be 'normal'.

He couldn't stand the thought of his lover not having children, being laughed at, mocked, his whole life ripped to shreds, beyond all repair when the world found out about him and Key. He knew this day would come, so he was semi-prepared for how hard it would be. That was only in his deepest, darkest imagining's though, the actual, full, heavy, all encompassing emptiness that he now felt, a shock to say the least.

How was he supposed to live now?

It was hard to breathe, he felt like he was suffocating.

Can heartache suffocate you?

He really didn't want to find out.

He knew he shouldn't have let his hyung know how he felt about him. All those times he flirted with Jonghyun and all those times he told him that he was his ideal type, he wished he could take all that back. If he had have known then that Jonghyun's own feeling would start to develope into love for him, he would have taken it back in a heartbeat. He was just so caught up in the feeling of being lusted after, of having a man want him. THIS man want him.

He had always know he was different. He never found girls on the playground attractive but the boys on the soccer team caught his eye, especially Hyungwon, the teams captain and the school's resident adonis. It was tough growing up with that but he had no other choice than to accept it. Afterall, it could be worse, he could have been born with some body altering deformity, an orphan or worse still, in poverty. So he counted himself lucky. All he was, was gay, it wasn't the end of the world. It was the start of a whole new one when he joined the band. Everything really did shine from then on, once he met Jonghyun he was the happiest he had ever been, ever dreamed he could be. He was complete.

Now he was alone.

Broken and alone.