Author's Note : This takes place after Taejong abdicated but still wielded significant powers. For extra information : Yi Je (Yangyeong), Yi Bo (Hyoryeong), Yi Do (Chungnyeong) and Yi Jong (Seongnyeong) are the sons of Yi Bang Won (Taejong) with Lady Min (Wongyeong).  

Hatred and anger fester in her heart for as long as she dares to remember. The meal and water to her essence since her brothers died. Those two feelings that she clung on, has poisoned her.

The same way blood and loneliness had poisoned him. They are both toxic to one another. And will be until the day one of them dies. Maybe then their souls will heal.

She’ll probably miss him for a short time. Or longer. She knows for a fact that he won’t miss her at all.

But it’s fine. She’s finally free. The legacy she leaves, might not amount much, but there’s a strange comfort in knowing her pain will be remembered as well.

“It’d be nice to die before him. That way, I wouldn’t need to weep for him. I don’t think I have enough affections left to do so. If he goes extra length to defile my grave, I think I would still die happy.”

The young child hisses venomously, her brown eyes (they remind Da-Gyeong so much of Do’s) stained with fresh tears, “Why? Why would you allow that?”

That anger the child keeps, Da-Gyeong sincerely wishes for her to let go. They should know better than anyone else. How anger and hatred blends into a poisonous potion that neither cleanses the soul nor heals it.

Don’t you know, you silly child? Perhaps that anger. Perchance that hatred. Those two feelings are the reason he doesn’t see you with affections anymore.

The girl, her hair dark and hangs freely over her shoulders, snaps in frustration, “He desecrated Queen Shindeok’s memory, all because of what she told the king to put Prince Ui-An as the crown prince.”

An amused chuckle escapes from her lips, her head shaking lightly.   

“That way, I know I wasn’t the only one holding on to that hate ‘till the very end,” she admits, for the first time to the young child who will have a long journey ahead.

“He killed them. Mu-Gu, Mu-Jil, Mu-Hyul and Mu-Hwae. All of your brothers. He brought concubines into the palace. Not one or two, but sixteen,” counters the girl, ever defiant to reasons. Her young heart is still raw from the betrayal the man she admired and supported had committed.

But it’s different for Da-Gyeong now. She’s the mother of a king. She’s the mother of a deposed crown prince. She’s the wife of an abdicated king.

And …

She’s tired. That much she knows. She has an inkling that he’s tired too.

He’s no longer that boy that she married at seventeen. All the things he did. Those burden he carries along. There’s so much his back can take before it breaks.

And frankly, she doesn't want to be part of that burden anymore.

The thing about hatred and anger, it wears her down faster than sustaining her to a live a long life. The little girl she used to be, would rather see to it that she outlived him. The woman she is, wishes not.

“I feel sorry for him,” she taps her chin, a rueful smile sneaking its way on her face.

The girl tilts her head in the same vein Bo does, “Where does this sympathy for the devil springs from? Didn’t he lose her sympathy when he brought in concubines to set her place? Has old age wizens her up or playing her for a fool?”

Taejong is not a man who warranted her sympathy.

But her lips betray a different sentiment, her heart knows her spoken words are the truth, “He doesn’t deserve it, I know. But I can’t help it. I think I had a hand in creating the monster my children called father and the nation called King.”

Yes, she had been the one eagerly pushing him to ensnare opportunities. She was the one who provided him the means to rebel against her father-in-law, King Taejo of Joseon. All for the want of a queen’s crown.

But she’s no Queen Seon Deok of Silla. Princess Deok Man was unmarried ‘till the very last breath she had. Silla was a Buddhist country, engulfed by history and what’s left are records and written books for her legacy.

She’s Queen Wongyeong of Joseon. Lady Min Da-Gyeong is Yi Bang-Won’s wife, from the day she chose him over Hong In-Bang until the day her soul leaves her body. Joseon is a Confucian country, Taejong’s precious child and she’s only there to watch him guarding it fiercely.

“And I guess it’s my wish that I go first. Save him from hating me any longer,” she chuckles, “maybe then, he’ll dance on my grave.”

The truth is, it’s stranger than fiction.

The girl bites her lower lip, the exact manner Jong does when he’s confused, “Why do you care about him so much?”

Da-Gyeong simply answers, “You know why, child.”

He has her heart. Still does, she thinks. Not Taejong, the Joseon king. But the man who hides behind that emotionless and heartless kingly face, Yi Bang-Won.

Yes, the boy who killed Jeong Mung-Joo the Goryeo loyalist, Jeong Do-Jeon his mentor, Yi Bang-Seok the Crown Prince (his half-brother) and dared his father to kill him during the First Strife of Princes – it’s him who still her heart belongs to.

She doesn’t know why. The matters of her heart aren’t important. They are trivial at best. Da-Gyeong just know that he still has her heart.

The girl’s lips curl into a snarl and in that brief second Da-Gyeong sees Je in her features, “He doesn’t love you. He only has eyes for Boon-Yi. Why do you insist on loving him?”  

Who he keeps in his heart now or forever, it’s a matter she does not dwell on. Petty jealousy serve no purpose in her life.

Min Da-Gyeong only knows of one fact.

He’s her husband.

“He has everything he wanted. And you?”

What does she have?

The queenly title that she coveted since she was a foolish girl. Her every political step curbed to a stop by her husband. Her brothers are dead. Her father died. The Min clan ruined.

She only has him, their children and the country she watched from afar.

Isn’t that pathetic?

The girl frowns. Oh yes, she is young. Just latching onto a grudge like it’s the only lifeline available. Oh, she should have focus on her children instead. Yes, her children – and the people of Joseon needs her.

Forget that anger. Forget that hatred. Live in the present. Live for the future.

“Have you ever spare a moment to forget your spite against the husband who may be hiding his grief from everyone including you?” Da-Gyeong pleads for reason, to the child blinded by destructive useless rage.

“Queen Mother, I brought you some tea,” the voice from outside her chambers speaks out, “for you to recover from the fever.”

Da-Gyeong turns away from the girl to the sliding door. It’s her daughter-in-law, the current Joseon queen, entering with a tea tray.

“Do you have any visitors now?” Soheon asks, her eyes cast on to the floor, “I am sorry to barge in.”

Wongyeong returns her sight to the girl—where did she disappears to? Ah, she’s been having one of those days.

“No,” Wongyeong’s lips split into a warm smile, “there’s no one here.”

“How are you feeling today, Queen mother?” Soheon’s echoes in the chamber, soft but resilient. The voice of a great queen-to-be.

Do-no, Sejong will be a better ruler, with his queen than Taejong was with her, Wongyeong can feel it in her bones.

“Never better,” Wongyeong lies smoothly, the smile still fixed on her lips. If Soheon doesn’t believe her, she doesn’t show it.

“That’s good to hear. Here, please have some herbal tea.”

Author's Note II : If this chapter is confusing, feel free to ask for clarification. Thank you for your time to read this chapter.