I ate my spaghetti in silence. Madame Han went away to Jeju for her daughter's birth and I at cooking, so it meant no lunchbox for me. 

It must've been nice, I thought, to have such a beautiful place as your hometown. Madame Han never ceased to amaze me with her stories about Jeju, how the sounds of bird chirping felt like a new beginning in the morning and sometimes when the skies turned into pink on sunset. Madame Han also mentioned about her childhood days spent in the sea. You can even see the mermaids leaping from the ocean, she told me. 

Some other people dreamt to be a famous actress or to save the world. I only dare to dream a simple one. To go to Jeju someday. 

"You're early," Yuju's sudden voice startled me.

"Ah, my class ended earlier." 

She smiled and placed her tray across me. "I figured."

I started to look around.

"Shin Bi didn't come today."

I nodded and continued eating. Yuju also picked on her food, but she paused midway. "Sowon, have you seen the news?"

"What news?" I rarely watched TV. The last time I read newspaper, it was about the Sewol tragedy. God blessed their souls.

"Jin is leaving the group." 

I was surprised, but I nodded anyway. "I see,"

"You're not going to stop him?" Yuju was even more surprised than me.

"I don't think that I--" a sudden vibration in my pocket startled me. I pulled out my phone and glanced at Yuju, my mouth whispering sorry.

I didn't usually pick up an unknown number, but I answered anyway.

"It's Namjoon. I'm sorry for the sudden call, but we need you here. I'll text you the adress. Can you come here right away?"

The place was located quite away from the bustling city center. A concrete white building stood before me. There seemed to be some renovation going on. I walked through the glass door and was about to greet the receptionist when she glanced up at me first, a knowing smile on her pretty face.

"I will take you there." she informed. 

Inside the elevator, the renovation sound were audible. She noticed immediately the change of my expression. "The CEO wanted to expand our bulding. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." 

I let out a weak laugh. "He must've earned a great profit,"

"Your boyfriend and s worked really hard for it."

My eyebrows rose. "Sorry?"

"I knew how hardworking Namjoon is. I don't know anyone as driven as he is, well except for Jin. Around here, we call them the duo fighters."

"I'm sorry, but Namjoon isn't--"

Ting! the sound of the elevator door opened. She turned around and let me out first. 

I didn't have a sharp nose like the westerners did, but my nose was very responsive with smell. The third floor smelled like sweat, dirty laundry, and junk food. Mixed together, the smell was very nauseating. Again, the receptionist understood my discomfort. "The recording and dance studio is here. It's like their home, with their dorm as the second."

I took a good look around the corridor. Red wallpaper with the members photos hung on the wall. I couldn't help but to feel like the BTS members were the company's new luxury items and they wanted to show it off to the world.

"I see. They must've spent a lot of their time a lot in here." I said. This was the place where they wasted their youth. 

The receptionist brought me to a door at the end of the corridor. She knocked two beats, paused, continued with one crescendo beat, and ended with three beats. I guessed it was the insiders' code. In just a heartbeat, Namjoon's face appeared before us. 

"Thank you, Demi noona," he gave the lady a big smile. I saw a hint of childishness in him.

Demi smiled back and nodded politely at me as she made her exit. 

I had no idea that people's feelings could change very fast, because the very moment when Namjoon our eyes met, his body sulked.

"It's about Jin," he stated.

I already guessed it must've been about Jin. But upon hearing his name, my heart still ached for him.

 "It's an hour and half before your flight. The members still aren't here, yet?" I asked.

Namjoon shrugged. He had just told me that BTS were going to Japan for promotion. They wouldn't be back until next week and Namjoon sincerely wanted me to look after Jin. I surprised myself by saying yes. 

Namjoon stared at me. His gaze was uncertain. "There's also another thing I want to talk to you." he paused, "We have about half a year before our contract ends, but Jin insists on terminating his contract. We can't let this happen. It hasn't been a long time since our first win, and what about the fans? Jin leaving the group will surely be painful for them."

My body stiffened. "Hahaha..., what do you mean by 'we'?"

As if it wasn't close yet, Namjoon inched closer. "I know you have special connection with him, Sowon."

I was about to open my mouth, but he continued. "You're the one who helps him when his illness relapsed. Let's just say you're his guardian angel. In one way or another, he must be feeling indebted to you." he reached for my hand and clasped it with his. I looked down at our entangled hands, no idea how to respond. 

It took forever before he finally said, "Please?"

Suddenly, the door slammed opened and the members walked in. They gasped upon seeing us. Though it didn't stop Namjoon from holding on to my hand so tight I swore it will break. 

"Please?" he repeated his question.

It must've been because I was a er for the word please, but I nodded anyway.

There was commotion among the members and I heard someone asked, "Does it mean hyung and Sowon noona is officially in a relationship now?"

I stared at the dawn breaking through the window. A new day, I muttered. They said people who woke up early were more positive about life. I disagreed. The reason why I woke this early was because the window in my room was broken and the wind was really cold I felt myself freezing. Actually we had a lot of spare rooms, but I couldn't find the energy to walk to the other side of the house. So I knocked on my neighbor's door, Myungsoo's room.

We slept next to each other. It had been awhile since the last time we done that so it was awkward, but Myungsoo didn't seem to mind. He even patted my head to sleep. I slept soundly until the stupid phone of his rang. My brother didn't stir a bit. I grabbed the phone and then I was suddenly fully awake upon seeing Myungsoo's phone wallpaper.

Myungsoo and Shin Bi. Together.

Ah. I figured the reason Shin Bi didn't come the other day was because she went on a date with my brother. 

I glanced at the clock. I normally would’ve woken up at 6:30. I was an hour early.

I thought it would be best for me to rest more since I was up very late last night, but then I remembered something. Jin would have his surgery today. 

I was at the hospital cafeteria, buying myself some breakfast and probably bought some for Jin too. I wondered what will he enjoy more, omelet or bacon? But since he was a singer, eating bacon would not be good for his voice. I picked up two servings of omelet, one for me and the other for him. After gave it another thought, the hospital certainly would’ve given him something to eat, right? I put back the omelet.

I scanned the room. It was spacious and quiet. Not many people were there, except for some family members of the patients who seemed to be here all day. I wanted to sit on the table by the window, but someone already occupied it. Or to be exact, two people. They seemed to really close. I guessed they must've been a couple by the way the guy touched the girl's cheek and played with her hair.

The guy was really familiar. I narrowed my eyes at him. That messy hair, that half-hearted smile. It was impossible not to know him. 

Kim Seok Jin, why were you with this girl? 

"Here," I handed him the bacon I bought earlier. 

Jin stared at the meat and back to me. "I already ate."

I wasn't surprised at all. I put the meat in the fridge and glanced at his food supplies. There were enough to survive on a zombie apocalypse. I suddenly remembered that zombie apocalypse could really happen because of a brain virus. Jin also suffered from a brain virus. Maybe Jin would’ve  ended up being a zombie. I chuckled at the thought.

"My members, they sent you, right? And you agreed?" he asked from the bed. 

I closed the fridge. "Hmm...," 

"So..," he waited until I turned around and faced him. "Why are you mad?"

"I'm not."

"Don't lie. Your face is a like an open horror story book."

I laughed awkwardly.

"By the way, that girl I was with, she's a fan. And what I did to her, it's called fanservice." 

My mouth hung opened. "How did--"

"Well, you bought me bacon from the cafeteria, so you must've been around when I met up with her."

I observed him for a while and turned away, pretending to be interested in the surgical gown hanging on the rack. "I wish you really get well soon, Jin."

I heard him grinning. "You don't want me hanging around and haunting you, do you?"

"Well," I touched the hem of the surgical gown. Jin would've to wear it now, his surgery would begin soon. "I think if you leave BTS, you will not have the reason to live to."

Suddenly the atmosphere around me turned scary. I must've woken up a sleeping dragon. Goosebumps crept into my skin. 

"Why do you think being in BTS is my sole reason to live?" he snapped. 

I couldn't find the courage to look into his eyes. I dropped my gaze down low.

"Look at me,"

God, I hated this.

"Sowon, look at me,"

I wished I was dead right now.

"Don't make me repeat myself."

I gulped and looked up. His eyes found mine and locked me in. 

"Her name is Ji Eun and she is the head of my fanclub. I decided to meet up with her because I wanted her to be the first to hear the clarification about me leaving BTS. She's special with no feelings attached. When I look back at our earlier days, she was there. But when I look back even further to the past, I see my family. They didn't support me being an idol, but they weren't against it either," he played with his fingers. A distant look on his face. "I remember one day a reporter asked me about my dream and I corrected him, it's dreams. I've got big dreams. I want to perform together with BTS in a big stadium, or somewhere like Madison Square Garden. I want to fly on a private jet. But last time when the doctor was about to anesthetize me, those weren't the things that crossed my mind. I thought about my mother's face and father's grim smile. I thought about eating together at New Year. And I also heard it, you know. When I was about to go to sleep, someone said that the operation was just a waste of time. I wouldn't survive anyway."

I was at a loss for words. Why would they say such things to him? 

Jin sighed. "I think you should leave now,"

It would take approximately three hours, the doctor told me before closing the operation door. I thought it would only be me here, waiting alone. I was wrong. His family came along.

I had no expectations for interactions, so I was dumbfounded when his mother approached me. A kind smile on her young face. "Hello,"

My mouth was agape. I didn't know if it was because of her long, beautiful eyelashes or her statement. I knew now where did Jin's got his good genes from. 

"Our family is having a small gathering to pray for Jin's recovery in Mokpo. We'd love to have you there," she said.