I stared at the mess on my table. Opened books, paperwork and tissues scattered on every corner. I was working on an essay for a module in cell communication which due tomorrow. When I first saw the timetable for this semester class, I was excited to see that I'll be having extensive studies about human cells. The instructor, Professor Ko was known for being everyone favorite. He had earned an Excellence Award in CEP - Cell Communication, Endocrinology and Pharmacology research, had his research published worldwide, had lectured at Cambridge. My brother, Myungsoo, was a big fan of him ever since he saw the professor on TV.

"Don't you think he looks a lot like our grandfather? He seems nice and caring." I remembered him saying.

Upon hearing I was attending Professor Ko's class, Myungsoo went crazy and told me that I must get his autograph.

"I know you will impress him." Myungsoo knew I was a straight-A's student and the word hardwork didn't exist in my dictionary, until today. I only need to close my eyes, listen intently to what the teacher said, and would pass the class in flying colors. Myungsoo thought I had everything, brain and beauty. I disagreed. I didn't have everything. I lacked something in one way or another.

I collected the trash on my table and threw them on the Micky Mouse dustbin. Myungsoo bought if for me when he went to Disneyland LA earlier this year with his new girlfriend. Now that I thought of it, Myungsoo seemed to take every girlfriend he had to every country in this world. I should be the one to do all the leisurely things, but my father chose me instead of my brother to be the successor of KimSon corporation. Sometimes I hated Myungsoo for dragging me into this, but the more I reflected on it, the more I realized that the fault was mine. If only I wasn't the good one in the family.

I took a long, deep breath. At the count of three, I started copying the highlighted words from the textbook into a blank paper.

I remembered my first year at Bomsal Faculty of Medicine. I was placed with other five students for SGTs - Small Group Tutorials. We were told to do training on a mini-research in the laboratory. That was the best years of my university life. Only trainings and stimulations. No ten pages essay needed to be done.

I crumpled the paper I've been working on the past hour and threw it across the room. I threw all the books away, causing noises when it hit the wall.

I shut my eyes closed. The stress were overflowing. I reminded myself that I could drop my medical school anytime. I could pursue art, something that I was really interested in. Or I could travel the globe like Myungsoo did.  But not yet. I began to picked up the books from the floor. Today wasn't the day to give up. I decided that I needed to finish the essay. I still cared after all.

I wanted to pass this ing class.

The TV was on, the room vacant. Father must've already left for work. I rarely seen him lately. I called for mother but there were also no signs of her. She told me that she was free today. I thought it would be nice to have breakfast together.

Madame Han, our head housekeeper, suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Your mother left to pick up your brother in the airport." she said.

My stomach grumbled. The sound of it was humiliating.

Madame Han let out a laugh. "Aigoo..., this girl. I already prepared breakfast." she ushered me into the dining room. My family didn't like big breakfast. We liked a simple one. There were toasts and variety of jams to pick for, jug of milk, and jug of tea on the dining table. No one here was a coffee-addict.

Madame Han looked concerned. "You don't like it? Do you want me to cook something?"

"No, there's no need. You know how much I love orange marmalade," I beamed.

Madame Han rushed to dining table to cut the bread crust and made my favorite orange marmalade toast. She also poured the milk into the glass and added sliced bananas in it. I sat on the velvet chair and devoured my breakfast. Madame Han watched me finished with proud eyes.

"As expected, your toast is the best!" I gave her two thumbs up.

I glanced at the vintage clock that didn't suit with the overall decoration. My mother wanted our house to look as modern and as minimalist as possible, but father insisted to hang the vintage clock, a gift from my grandfather, in the dining room so that our family would also pray for him in our meal prayer. It was all nonsense.

I hurried back to my room to change. Madame Han was already waiting for me at the door. She handed me a brown lunch bag. I took a peek inside. There was an apple, croissant, mineral warer and banana milk. I placed the lunch bag inside my backpack and smiled widely at Madame Han, a figure more motherly than my own mother.

I plugged my earphones in and revised my essay, though it was probably much too late, as I waited for bus number 21. I never wanted a chauffeur. I knew my father would have my chauffeur to report me 24/7 and left me with no privacy. My father let me to use public transportation under one condition, that I would use private car after I graduated. For the sake of your safety, my father told me. Nonsense. My father wanted to take my freedom away.

The bus finally arrived. I boarded and pressed my card on the scanner. Apparently I was the first passenger since it was still early in the morning. I sat on the middle row, right next to the window. There was something exciting about seeing the streets, the people, and the building as the bus passed by. I was too immersed in staring outside, I didn't realize that someone took the seat next to me. I jumped from my seat when someone tapped on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I startled you."

It was a guy. Messy hair, dazed eyes, broken smile. I was in awe. If anything, he could be a fallen angel.

"It might be rude to ask this but," his pupils dilated, "Can you touch me please?"

I blinked, not sure whether I've heard right.

I noticed the sweat on his forehead. "I want you to check my temperature. I feel like I'm burn--" he didn't finish his sentence and suddely his head fell into my shoulder. I shook his body. No response. I tried to push his head away but then my fingers brushed upon his skin and my eyes widened. He was boiling hot!

I searched for his pulse in his wrist. The beat was normal. If only I brought my pen flashlight with me, I could examine him. I looked for help in the bus, but no one except us was on board.  I inhaled deeply. I could handle this.

I opened his lips opened and pressed my thumb on the front gum. It was a little bit wet because of saliva, but I didn't give much thought about it. I was used with all the trainings and the displeasing things. Then I moved to his thin upper lip and the tip of his nose, pressing for a few moment. I massaged the top of his head in circular motion to get the oxygen into his head.

I could feel his body twitched. He would be conscious anytime soon, but something didn't feel right. The blood circulation in his head wasn't flowing smoothly. I tried to press the main acupuncture point for the head to no avail. I was about to try again when suddenly his eyes fluttered open. I jumped again in surprise.

He scrunched his nose. "What have you done to me?"

"Have you ever received a brain surgery before?" I asked.

"No. Why?"

"Something's wrong with your head."

"Ha, you think I'm crazy?"

I didn't reply, instead I pulled out a name card and pen. I scribbled my number and name at the back. "Take this. If something happened, my mother is a neurologist. She's a busy person, so you might need to call me first before you contact my mother."

He stared at me, at the name card, and then fixed his attention on me. A large grin spread on his handsome face, "You don't need to pull out this trick to have me call you."

My eyebrows furrowed.

"You're flirting with me, right?" he asked.

"Sorry?"

"Don't worry, I also find you interesting," and just like that, he stood up and descended from the bus.

I was glad I didn't decide to drop out from pre-med just because of some insignificant issues. Professor Ko was sharing the beauty of cell communication through works of science photography and video. I was fascinated. This was it. The beauty of unseen things. But then, there was another homework. This time it was a group project. We were told to create our own science photography or video about cell cummunication. All the needed equipment was available in the laboratory, but somehow I wasn't confident. It was impossible to make such a heart-felt science photograph.

Shin Bi, my groupmate, waved her hand at me from her table in the middle of the cafetaria. I carried my lunch bag into her table. She was sitting with Yuju, a medical student. I knew Yuju briefly because Shin Bi and her hung out a lot.

Shin Bi raised her eyebrows at me. "Are you free this weekend?"

I didn't have anything going on, but at the same time I also needed my beauty sleep. I've been putting all-nighter almost everyday for cramming and homework. It was tough being a pre-med student.

"We're going to this debut showcase on Saturday. Do you want to come along?" Yuju chimed in.

I mostly only listened to British indie music, not Korean. I had no interest whatsoever for this upcoming debut showcase.

"It's free but we need three people to be able to get in. Pleaseee?" Shin Bi gave me her sad puppy eyes. I thought she didn't like doing aegyo.

"We will buy you pizza, or anything you want." added Yuju.

"Hmm...," I pretended to be in deep thought, "Korean BBQ okay?"

Shin Bi and Yuju seemed surprise.They both exchanged doubtful glances but then turned to me and nodded in unison.

"Deal!"

Shin Bi pulled out two outfit from her closet. "Left or right?"

Yuju, who barely glanced up from her smartphone, replied, "Left."

The left outfit was a little white dress with lacey details on the bosom area. I'd pick the right one, a blue navy dress that seemed very comfortable. But Shin Bi didn't wait for my answer, she already disappeared into the bathroom.

I tapped the wooden floor with my shoes. Shin Bi's apartment was really decent. She lived alone. I would love to live in a small, neat place like this. I glanced at my Swatch. We should already be going by now. The show was an hour left and it took thirty minutes by public transportation to get there.

"Sowon~ie, can you help me, please?" called Shin Bi. I found her standing before a mirror with her back zip open. I quickly zipped it closed.

Shin Bi started to examine me in silent. I fidgeted uncomfortably. "Your sweater looks really expensive," she finally said.

I was wearing a cashmere grey sweater and jeans. "Well, my brother got it for me," in Milan. "He loves giving me things. It's like a charity for him." I sounded bittersweet.

"Who's your brother again?"

"His name is Kim Myungsoo."

She nodded. "Myungsoo, huh?"

We went to The Plaza Seoul by car. Yuju introduced me to this app called Uber that could be used to order a car based on our preference, low-cost or premium. "It's very efficient," she said.

Thanks to the Uber ride, we arrived at the place exactly ten minutes before the show. The Plaza Seoul was located in Central Business District. It was a five-stars hotel with nine banquet halls and five restaurants. The showcase wil be held at one of the banquet hall.

On our way here, Shin Bi explained that her cousin is the Event Organizer for this show and they were really close. It would be rude not to come when her cousin was expecting her.

The hall was quite small, could only manage up to a hundred persons. The stage and the decoration itself wasn't bad, but wasn't exquisite either. The theme was black and red.

We were about to look for our seat when a petite young girl around our age approached us with a smile.

"Eun Ha unnie!" Shin Bi squeaked and ran to hug her.

Shin Bi faced us. "This is my cousin, Eun Ha. Eun Ha, this is Yuju and Sowon."

I bowed awkwardly while Yuju smiled.

"I'm really glad you guys come. I'm afraid that lots of seat will be vacant." Eun Ha said saidly.

Yuju replied, "Don't worry, we will fill the place with our energy!"

"Anyway unnie," Shin Bi stared at the older girl, "I have no idea who's performing."

Eun Ha laughed. "It's a new boy group from Big Hit Entertainment. You guys like handsome guys, right?"

I could feel our energy lessen upong hearing the word boy group. I thought girls our age were over the phase of being starstrucked by some handsome idol. We had already seen the world a little and preferred realistic guys.

"I need to go backstage. Enjoy the show!" she waved at us and left.

Shin Bi and Yuju exhanged gazes. They did this quite a lot. Unfortunately, I didn't have the same telephatic channel as they did.

"Well, at least if some girls fainted upon seeing the handsome idols, we can help them." said Shin Bi.

The lights suddenly went out and the red curtains slowly opened, showing seven back sillhouettes. Everyone screamed, and Yuju joined in. Eun Ha's fear didn't happen. There were lots of people came. The seats were all filled. Most of them were teenage hormonal girls, and they screamed the hardest I thought I went deaf.

The stage lights fixed on the guy in the middle. He slowly turned around and we all could see his face. Messy hair, dazed eyes, seducing smile. He put the mic closer to his lips. The lips that I've touched.

"This song called No More Dream." his clear voice echoed the entire hall. The song intro began.

I gasped.

Yuju elbowed me lightly, "I know, right. He is really handsome."

I let out a stiffen laugh, "Haha, right."

Yuju was turning the flashlight on her phone to read the leaflet that the front desk had gave us earlier. "Oh, look!" she handed me the leaflet, "That's his profile."

JIN

KIM SEOK JIN | 12.4.92 | VOCALIST

I stared at his face intently. His dark hair and his head. I wondered if he was okay.

I returned the leaflet back to Yuju and that girl immediately browsed for other members' profile.

They were now doing choreography for an upbeat song that honestly sounded like rubbish to my ears. My focus was on him, who was now dancing at the far right side of the stage. I searched for any kind of signs of fatigue or illness. Though, I couldn't see well because my seat was positioned quite at the back.

He did all the moves effortlessly and even once winked at us. He seemed fine, or was it really? I would never know for sure.