Jisoo is confused and Jeonghan doesn't help him the slightest. 

Jisoo doesn't know what to feel. One moment he's so happy his heart could burst, and then next he'll feel devoid of all feelings. And this is caused by just one person: Yoon Jeonghan.

Jisoo doesn't know what's the real deal between them anymore. Sure, they we're best friends since pre-debut, clinging unto each other all the time and even got matching bracelets, but now, Jisoo's not sure anymore, not when he notices Jeonghan looks at him differently now. It's still the same delicate look he shoots Jisoo every other day, but the latter couldn't help but also notice how softer Jeonghan's gazes towards him are now, and how there seems to be glint, a spark, in Jeonghan's eyes whenever he looks at him.

Jisoo doesn't want to confuse himself and wrongly feed his unrequited crush (love) of three long years towards Jeonghan just  because the other seems to be extra sweet to him lately. But with all of these, who wouldn't get mixed feelings, right?

But then there are also times when Jisoo gets hurt, numb even, when he couldn't bear the jealousy choking him on the inside.

Jisoo learned that Jeonghan is a natural flirt. He flirts like it's the easiest thing to do. One time he'll be clinging to Seungcheol, next he'll be making kissy faces with Mingyu, then letting Minghao sprawl on his lap, and even have a laughing session with Wonwoo (whom Jisoo already thought was incapable of showing any expression, or feeling in general). 

So this leaves him in the middle of believing that, maybe, just maybe, Jeonghan does feel something for him, and no, Jeonghan is a flirt and treats everyone just the same, so stop getting your hopes up, Hong Jisoo.

Jisoo's almost lost in trance if not for Seungcheol calling him from the door. That's only when he realized that the others have already filed out of the practice room.

Well, except for Jeonghan who stood a few meters away from him, his and Jisoo's duffle bag on either shoulders.

"Coming?" Jeonghan asks and there it is, that glint that makes Jisoo's mind conjure thousands of what ifs.

Jisoo lowers his head before shaking them, clearing his head of all these thoughts. "Yeah." He gets up from his spot from the floor and walks to Jeonghan, reaching to take his own duffle bag from Jeonghan's left shoulder.

"It's alright, I can carry it." He moves as to not let Jisoo reach for his bag. He ruffles Jisoo's hair instead, "you seem really out of it."

Jisoo doesn't respond and let's himself fall in stride beside Jeonghan. The thought of Jeonghan carrying his duffle bag for him made something stir inside Jisoo, making him all the more confused of his feelings and the boy beside him.

Jisoo's heart is hammering so hard against his chest that he fears the other can feel it. He currently has Jeonghan clinging to his back like a leech, the lavender scent of his shampoo from earlier this morning assaulting Jisoo's nostrils. Jisoo could've beared with it normally, given that Jeonghan has done this a lot of times (although each time Jisoo' still caught off guard) for fan service, but what made him all bothered this moment was Jeonghan's breath fanning against his neck. The long haired male has unwarrantly buried his face on Jisoo's neck and Jisoo couldn't move, not when he's locked in a backhug and when he's too surprised to even move.

"Jeonghan?" Jisoo managed to ask without stuttering, keeping his eyes ahead for the flashing cameras. "Are you all right?" He is sincerely concerned because it's almost a full minute and the long haired male have not moved from his neck.

Jisoo stiffens when he feels something graze his neck lightly. Lips. Jeonghan's lips. Did Jeonghan just kissed his neck?

His mind is on haywire when Jeonghan lifts his head and frees Jisoo from his back hug. "Just needed to recharge." He smiles toothily, meeting the other's wide eyes.

Jisoo's heart and mind was too cloudy that he wasn't able to respond to Jeonghan, especially when the other hopped away to Seungcheol and back hugged the other the same way he did to Jisoo.

Jisoo's heartbeat slowed.

Almost got yourself hoping there again, Joshua.

The next few days were unbearable for Jisoo.

He doesn't understand anymore. 

Jeonghan would treat him sweetly but would leave him for the others before he could even respond. One night, he came to Jisoo's room while the other was playing his guitar and told him he looked beautiful and Jisoo almost ing believed him, but the thought was immediately crushed when Seokmin entered the room and Jeonghan got up from his spot on the foot of Jisoo's bed to loop an arm over Seokmin's neck and kissed him on the cheek after muttering a good night my beautiful sunflower. Another was when they would spend hours of pseudo cuddling on Jisoo's bed but only end up with Jeonghan getting out of bed, saying he'll be sleeping with Junhui, like what the hell? It's almost 1 am, couldn't he just have stayed? 

The last straw though was when he suddenly kissed Jisoo on the corner of his mouth. They were on a break from filming the music video for their comeback and the two of them were lounging on the sofa, Jisoo absentmindedly scrolling through his phone when he felt the pressure against the corner of his lips. 

He turned to Jeonghan with his eyes wide and mouth agape from surprise and Jeonghan had this look on his face which Jisoo couldn't describe before he once away escapes and latches on the first member he saw, which was unfortunately Seungcheol. Jisoo heard his own heart crack upon seeing Jeonghan kiss Seungcheol on the same spot and he wanted to throw up. He couldn't breathe, he just couldn't bear this anymore.

That's it, Hong Jisoo wouldn't let Yoon Jeonghan play with his heart anymore.

Obviously, Jeonghan immediately noticed when Jisoo started avoiding him. He avoided Jeonghan like the plague, always maintaining at least 5 meter distance between them. Whenever Jeonghan tries to ask and corner him, Jisoo was always swift enough to escape. Now, it was Jeonghan's turn to be confused.

The rest of the members noticed too, and the group's dynamics was definitely affected. That was why the other 11 members came up with a plan, which consisted of leaving the two alone in the dorm, locked up.

Jisoo had no way out. He was thinking of jumping out of the window but then opted not to, seeing that they're up at the 7th level of the building. 

Jeonghan had been trailing after him, constantly trying to get him to speak of what's the matter, what's wrong, why was he ignoring Jeonghan for the entire week now, did he do something wrong?

Jisoo's ears are full and when Jeonghan finally caught his wrist, he explodes.

"I just can't-- I can't do this anymore Jeonghan." Jisoo tried his best to keep the tears at bay, but his throat is too scratchy with all the feelings he's trying to repress, causing his voice to shake.

"What do you mean you can't--"

"I can't have you play with my feelings anymore," Jisoo chokes, his fists shaking, "you give me these mixed signals with everything that you do towards me. It fuels my feelings and I... I can't have that. I know you do these things not just to me but to the other members as well, and that's what breaks my heart. Everytime you do something for me I can't help but assume, hope for something more, but then I'll always be reminded that it means nothing to you, that it's just normal and you do this all the time with everyone.. but with every smile, every look, every touch, I'm falling even more. But I shouldn't." Jisoo finally lost control and let the tears fall. 

Jeonghan is rooted on his spot, a bewildered expression marring his face. When he finally comes back to his senses, he his lips and calms his breathing. 

Jisoo is angrily wiping away the tears with the sleeves of his sweater and the scene breaks Jeonghan's heart. How did he manage to mess things this much?

"Jisoo.." he reaches for Jisoo's arm and he's thankful the other didn't flinch at his touch anymore. He takes a step closer, one at a time until he's only a breath away from the other. When Jisoo didn't show any sign of calming down soon, Jeonghan brings him to his arms, burrowing Jisoo's face on his neck.

"I'm sorry I caused all these confusions and hurt you. I really didn't mean to, I'm sorry." He whispers to the other's ear. Jisoo's crying seemed to have toned down at this but he keeps his grasp at Jeonghan's sweater.

When Jisoo's hiccups dissipated, he holds the other arms length away and looks at him, "Allow me to explain?". Jisoo meekly nods and lets himself be dragged by Jeonghan to sit at the foot of his bed.

Jeonghan sighs as he takes off his cap, freeing his hair from the hair bond and letting it fall on his shoulders. He didn't let go of Jisoo's hand in the process though.

"Where shall I start though.." Jeonghan starts softly, "I'd like you to know that my intentions are entirely different when it comes to you and the others."

"The level of happiness when I look at you, when I smile at you, when I hug you, when I kiss you is entirely different when I do it to others."

"And.. why is that?" Jisoo asks, looking at Jeonghan through his sweat plastered fringe.

"I thought I made it obvious enough this past few months?" Jeonghan says breathily, almost embarrassingly. "I like you, Jisoo. I do for quite a while now."

Jisoo's breath was caught in his throat. No, he never thought of that, Jeonghan never made it obvious to him that he actually likes him since he acts like he likes everyone (that or he was just so dense, overthinking too much that he had totally missed Jeonghan's advancements towards him).

"But you.. everyone-"

"The reason why I always do with everyone what I do with you was because I was afraid that you wouldn't feel that same. I had to cover it up. Especially when I see your expression every after I  do something, I can't help but think that maybe you hate me for doing those things or youre disgusted with my actions, that's why I decided to play it off by doing it to the other members as well." Jeonghan sighs and cards his fingers through his hair, "I didn't think you'd get hurt like this. I know this might sound childish, but Jisoo, I was just afraid that I'd lose you if you knew what my intention really was. I liked you for so long I couldn't help myself anymore."

Jeonghan brings Jisoo into a bone-crushing hug and Jisoo, once again, doesn't know what to feel. He doesn't know if he should cry because he's happy or should he cry because finally, he's finally relieved of all the confusion.

But he does what he's sure he's capable of doing now, which is to make Jeonghan feel his love by returning the hug as tight as possible. When they're finally down from the high of all the confessions, they bring their foreheads together, fingers interlaced, and sheepish smiles adorning their faces.

"You know we could've saved a lot of energy if we just talked this out like normal people should." Jeonghan giggles and Jisoo follows.

"But then again I don't think we'd qualify as normal" Jisoo quips, his thumb over the skin of Jeonghan's hand. Suddenly, all of this felt like a dream, and Jisoo wouldn't want to wake up no matter what.

"Yeah, we're idiots anyways."

It was Jisoo who advances now then, planting a shy kiss on the corner of Jeonghan's mouth, earning him a pretty blush from the other.

"Idiots in love."