The pastel-colored room was filled with a thick amount of smokes when Jessica stepped in. She stood there, froze in front of a petite figure who looks even smaller with an oversized grey shirt and short pants. The figure in front of her looked younger and yet Jessica can see an unfathomable amount of burdens in her skinny shoulder, making her feel older.

"I thought that was just a song lyric," Jessica's first sentence ever since she stepped in the living room that used to be her go-to place when she feels too tired to go home.

"What?" Taeyeon threw a questioning look to Jessica, unable to grasp Jessica's sarcasm.

"You got me smoking cigarretes, I'm in stress baby.." Jessica sang a phrase from Taeyeon's song, earning Taeyeon's chuckles. 

"Your level of sarcasm hasn't tone down even a bit, Princess."

Jessica scoffed, her eyes studied the room. Nothing changes a lot since the last time she was there, the room was still pastel-colored and the furnitures were still in the same place as before. Her eyes suddenly stop at a picture hanged in the middle of the living room, her heart ached in an uncomfortable way when she saw that the picture of the nine of them still hanged there. 

"You guys still put that picture up."

Taeyeon's eyes gazed in the direction of the picture and shrugged,"There's no reason to put it down anyway." 

"I thought I'm a traitor?" 

Taeyeon sighed deeply, nuzzling her forehead, signaling her anxiety. 

"You're not going to let it go, do you?" 

Jessica smiled, a very sad and heartbreaking smile. She felt sorry and apologetic actually, because she knew none of them were at fault.

She remembered the last time she saw Taeyeon, walking out of Taeyeon's car and sobbing frantically. She went home and found Yuri, Hyoyeon, Yoona, and Sunny gathered in her living room with Soojung. Jessica was shocked and she wanted to throw them out of her house and yet before she reacted, the four of her 'former'member reached out to her and pulled her into a group hug. They cried until the morning and Jessica knew, the heartbreak wasn't one-sided.

A few months later when she was in New York, Sooyoung appeared in front of her with Tiffany, eyes all swollen and red. They were tense at each other at first. But Tiffany bursted out, dramatically, begging for Jessica's forgiveness. However, Tiffany's dramatic flair hurt less than Sooyoung's quietness. Sooyoung was never quiet and yet Jessica knew, if Sooyoung is quiet, she's in her blaming mode. Jessica knew that Sooyoung's quietness was her way of saying sorry. Jessica called Sooyoung afterwards, but not Tiffany, she didn't know why but she called Sooyoung and cried, telling her that she missed the shiksin and she wanted things to be okay between them. 

Seohyun was different, even before Jessica met with the others, Seohyun was actually the second person to call her besides Taeyeon. She was crying and Jessica didn't like to see the maknae cried. The maknae kept telling Jessica that she's extremely sorry that she can't do anything to kept her unnies together. Jessica forgives Seohyun right away, if anything, maknae was the least to blame, and Jessica knews maknae has always been the most innocent, pure, and kind out of all the other members in the group. 

"Sica.., you're zoning out." 

Taeyeon's concerning voice brought Jessica back to the present moment. 

"Well, that's kind of my hobby, don't you think?"

Taeyeon laughed again, moving closer to Jessica and Jessica can see that Taeyeon was reaching out to her hair strands besides her ear. Jessica stood still, she was afraid of moving, she was afraid of Taeyeon's effect. Years passed and yet Jessica knew she can just forget and forgive everything when it comes to Taeyeon. 

A cold hand contacted Jessica's cheek and Jessica can feel her heart beating rapidly. 

"This is not fair, Taeyeon." 

Taeyeon stopped caressing Jessica's cheek, though her hand still lingered lovingly upon the latter's cheek. 

"What's not fair?" 

"What you did to me is not fair. You know it's incredibly cruel to keep hanging around in someone's heart if you don't have the intention to stay."

Taeyeon stay silent upon hearing Jessica's thought, she let go of her lingering hand in Jessica's cheek and moved away from Jessica to reach out for another cigarrete. 

Jessica felt her tears slowly rolled from the corner of her eyes. She always knew that she's at fault for falling to a temporary people, that's what Jessica thought of Taeyeon, temporary people, someone she cannot hold onto. Taeyeon always comes as swiftly as she goes from her lives; with her reeling minds and striking bodies and genuine, wide-open hearts. She's a hurricanes and madness and wrecking balls; she's sunshine and blissful surrenders.

Jessica wanted to shelter herself from the storms that is Taeyeon but at the same time she also want to walk right into the center of it. She wanted her chaos and madness.

She has been advised, by her sister, Yuri, Hyoyeon, Sunny. She has been advised not to fall for Taeyeon. To let go. And yet she did and still does, knowing full well she can’t keep her. 

Jessica wanted Taeyeon’s nows and forevers. Jessica longed for Taeyeon’s sleepy half-smiles over coffee every morning and her soft arms to lull her to sleep. Jessica wanted Taeyeon’s wine-drunk Saturday evenings and Taeyeon’s lazy Sunday mornings. Jessica even wanted Taeyeon’s words and her silences; her downfalls and her strengths. 

Jessica continued to wrap their memories in between her heartstrings and carry it with her. Jessica remembered the lilt of Taeyeon’s laughter on the days when the rain comes pouring down. Jessica kept envisioning the curves of Taeyeon’s skin when she needs to know that all is not lost. Jessica took the moments she shared with Taeyeon and freeze them. Jessica immortalizes Taeyeon, she keeps Taeyeon preserved and alive inside the ancient museums of her minds.

"The heart wants what it wants, Jung Sooyeon," Taeyeon let out a smoke from and answer Jesssica's thought. 

"And what does your heart wants?" 

Jessica moved closer to Taeyeon, slowly picking the cigarrete in Taeyeon's lanky fingers and put it out. She was an inch away from Taeyeon and she moved closer and closer until there's no distance between her and Taeyeon. Jessica rested her head in Taeyeon's shoulder and her arms found its' way to circle around Taeyeon's neck.

"What does your heart wants, Kim Taeyeon?" 

Taeyeon's arms moved slowly as well to Jessica's waist, she pulled Jessica closer and nuzzled her face into Jessica's neck.

"It wants you, so stubborn my heart is, it can't stop wanting you." 

Jessica chuckled,"Stubborn like its' owner I guess."