Seoul. In spite of its' 10 million inhabitants, she can't help but stop identifying Seoul with the noun of loneliness. If not loneliness, she'll come with other nouns that are similar with loneliness: isolation, abandonment, rejection. But she can't run away forever, can't she? Sooner or later, she has to be back in Seoul because, in the end, Seoul is her home. But what is home? She ponders. Do you call a place as home because you grow up there? Do you call it home because your family is there? What makes a place a home? She juggles with different definition but eventually she gives up and she can't really call any other place as a home other than Seoul. 

The first person she contacts when she arrives in Incheon is her sister. Her sister's usual impassive voice she wears as a mask to her chronic introversion is replaced with an adorable voice. It's a precious voice used by her sister only to the people she deems worthy enough of her true nature: the shy, cute, charming little girl who are uncomfortable with her idol life. 

"JESSIIIIIIIIII" a loud voice greets Jessica with an unmistaken eagerness. 

Jessica can't help but giggle when hearing Krystal's voice.

"Someone is happy today. Just got back from seeing the llama?" 

"Yah! I don't care about her." 

"Really? Is that why you're so mad when she sang together with Ailee that you ran to your room and locked yourself until dinner time?"

"Whatever! Are you in Seoul yet?" 

"Ne. Just arrived. I'll pick you up for dinner at S.M. ?"

Krystal chuckles lightly when her sister refers to S.M. as S.M., not as 'the company'. 

"I see, you're finally able to call it as 'S.M.'"

"Well, it's not my company anymore. It's your company. Anyway, my ride is here. See you later little princess!"

Back when she still thousand feet away from the ground, Jessica hesitates on whether or not she should pick Krystal up at S.M. She's afraid that she'll meet someone she knows and it might cause her an awkward and unnecessary social interactions and she might attract sasaengs and paparazzi as well who definitely put up some ridiculous rumour about her solo being produced by S.M. and that she might be back to S.M. again for another contract. But then, she remembers her new year resolution including "be brave and have courage" not to run away from her past, but rather, embrace it. 

After setting up her luggage at her abandoned apartment which was untouched since she hardly in Seoul, she rushes for a quick break and go to S.M. to pick Krystal up. The sight of her old company's building almost suffocated her with a rush of memory that she aren't able to stop. She remembers the photo taken by one of her sasaeng when she left crying two years ago after the hurtful decision, she remembers running as fast as she can to avoid being late to another practice, she remembers the spilled strawberry ice cream cake that she bought for Tiffany's birthday, and most of all she remembers being waited in front of the glass door of the building by someone whose been so stubbornly terrorizing her mind for so many years, even until now. As she freezes standing in front of the building, she hears a very soft voice, almost like a whisper, calling her name. 

"Jung Sooyeon.."

The warmth of the early Spring sun, the sound of birds chirping blending with the rustling of the leaves, and the bewitching sight of a sun peeking shyly through the gaps of the leaves in the trees makes Jessica think that she's perhaps dreaming. She immediately closes her eyes and shakes her head swiftly, trying to wake herself up from her Spring daydream. 

But, when she hears an amusing chuckle resonating behind her, she becomes panic and think she must've gotten too deep into her daydream. She thinks that perhaps she stills in the plane, and perhaps she the sensation of the Spring in Seoul is only a manifestation of her quiet yearning of Seoul. Still facing the front door of S.M., Jessica sighs deeply when she no longer hears the voice and she calms herself thinking that the daydream must've passed. However, suddenly a wistful scent of sandalwood and citrus enveloped her sense and she turns around only to see a face that all at once reminds her that Seoul has always been her home and at the same time becomes the reason why she associated Seoul with loneliness. 

Standing beside her a petite girl, skinnier than the previous time they've met, her hair has been cut into shoulder-length and dyed with a platinum color, making her look like an elf from The Lord of the Rings, if only she's taller.

"No way."

"I think I should be the one saying that instead of you, princess." 

They stare at each other for a second that feels like forever to Jessica when she finally feel she's being dragged to the corner of a hiding place. A hiding place unknown to the paparazzi and sasaengs where she usually hide with her former members when waiting for the managers to pick them up after practice or recording. 

"It's not safe there."

"For you. Not for me," Jessica answers the latter, turning her face away because she's too afraid she'll burst into tears or do something she shouldn't be doing to the person in front of her. 

"You look... incredible." 

Jessica doesn't reply back, not knowing what to answer, she starting to regret her foolish decision to pick Krystal up at S.M. 

"You cut your hair." 

"I did. You like my short hair," the platinum-haired girl smiles inwardly, as if remembering a good time from the distant past," used to, I mean. I'm not sure you like anything about me anymore nowadays."

Jessica can feels her heart sinking into the abyss of her stomach seeing Taeyeon's smile, she tries hard to pull a smile but she can't help herself to do it because she knows if she smiles, a tears will roll down with it and the last thing she wants Taeyeon to see is her crying because of her, again. 

'When was the last time my reason of crying is not her anyway' 

"Does anyone else know you're here?"

"Not all. Some of them."

Though remains quiet, both of them find comfort in knowing that they don't have to be very explicit when communicating, they know what the other means without being too definitive. Afterall, Jessica and Taeyeon has always been a series of ambiguous interactions and truncated affections. 

"I'm guessing.. Yul, Hyo, Pany, Yoong, Soonkyu, Sooyoung, and Seo know you're here. Which means, everyone but me."

Jessica shrugs, uncomfortable with the fact that Taeyeon has always been able to see right through her. Luckily, her phone starts to ring and Krystal is in the other receiver to save her. 

"Where are you?"

"The hidden corner." 

"Alright, I'm coming." 

"Wait, Krys!" 

The phone is shut off before Jessica able to tell her sister who she's with in the hidden corner. 

"Going out with Soojung?" 

"Yeah.''

"Well then, too bad. I wish I could talk to you longer. I'll see you around, Sica." 

Taeyeon smiles and Jessica's defense is starting to crumble apart when Krystal arrives with a shocked but amused face splattered around her lovely figure. 

"Oh hi, Taeyeon unnie." 

"Hi Soojung. I'm just about to leave, just keeping your sister's company in here. Have a great time you two." 

Krystal gives Taeyeon a sly, mischiveous smile which doesn't go unnoticed by Jessica who immediately rolls her eyes upon seeing Krystal's smile. As Taeyeon walks by heading out inside the building, Jessica feels a moment of epiphany and unconsciously as if her inner thoughts forces her to react, she calls out to Taeyeon.

"Taengoo!" 

"I still have your number, Sica. Unblock me first though," Taeyeon laughs and waves unhurriedly to Jessica and Krystal who nods in subtle eagerness. 

And with that one sentence, Jessica knows that she has make a right decision by coming back to Seoul in Spring. 

Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen.