A/N dan.pls message me.

For anyone trying to reach me, I have no phone and will most likely not have kakao talk any longer. I'm sorry.

This is dedicated to my love, Dan,
let's keep going strong, love.

The smell of his mother invaded his nostrils, every breath he took became both painful and comforting in the dark. ‘Medicine’ was a way to describe it. Injections, pills, the colour white. He can feel slim fingers run through his hair, lightly brushing against his scalp. Another thought of his mother slaps him across the face and reminds him of a Friday. Cold and fast, it makes him shiver.

There’s a slight reminiscence when the taste of wine lingers behind his throat. His eyes tickle the slippery skin behind his eyelids as he attempts to take in the sudden peaceful aura around him. His actions are nothing, it’s quiet and dim, he can’t move his lips.

“Is it all over now?”

His forehead became a pan of oil, cooking the memories coated in breadcrumbs. It’s become fried.

The feeling of something cold and damp on his forehead is felt before he is another deep sleep.

His brain is alert, his arms searching for something that isn’t there. It got all warm again, face cold and possibly pale. There is soft tapping along the side of his face. It was familiar.

The passing of time is in his head, along with the scent of masculinity..or maybe it was femininity.

There’s a flashing light in front of him, he gasps and rubs his eyes. He’s in his room. Mom is folding  the clothes by his bed, he catches her attention by existing. She smiles at him as the tears stroll down her thin face.

“ mommy, why are you crying?” He’s small, age 7  . His clothes are new.

His mother smiles, wiping the tears, she winces when her hand accidentally touches her stinging red cheek. “Ahh.. look at my son, worrying about his mother,” she smiles some more, a chuckle leaving her plump lips, "it’s nice to see my son finally wake up from his nap! Now here,” she hands him some grey overalls and socks, "put these on, Taetae is coming over soon aren’t you excited?!” she smiles wide, also handing him a striped shirt.

"your dad just left for work so you guys can play around the house today, he'll be gone for a few days." he wishes he understood the sigh of relief then. " oh! I think they're knocking, hurry,hurry and change your clothes honey, I'll come back with Taetae."

Everything is paused for a moment, he blinks and Taehyung sits in front of him on his bed. They're staring into eachothers eyes, they glisten and the smile on Tae's face makes his mouth twitch. He can see Taehyung's body become lean. Middle school was the time Tae became handsome to everyone else, but to Jimin, Taehyung was always desirable. He can see his adam's apple, he can hear his voice become low.

He blinks again and Taehyung is putting earbuds into his ears, hands cupping his cheeks as he smiles more than twice. Maybe this was the moment Jimin realised he was in love with his best friend.

..No, maybe it was after summer break.

New school year, new school, new people but similar faces. Middle school was always referred to as the new beginning in everybody’s life. Jimin always opposed this statement, instead thinking this new year just gave you new standards, new perspectives.

The result of restarting: Jimin accepted his feelings toward his best friend.

He remembers seeing Taehyung with his new uniform, talking to someone a grade or two above them, laughing and hitting the other's back, he looks up and sees Jimin standing not too far off. He chuckles loudly and waves dramatically. Running towards him, he puts Jimin in a headlock and hugs him tight. He ranted about his trip to Seoul that summer, saying the Seoul people really had it easy. He awed  at the fact that Jimin was still the exact same height and pinched his cheeks. He didn't know why his heart beated so fast or why his cheeks felt so warm at the time

but he really liked it. "Like" was an understatement.

Taehyung was the reason he tried to understand himself.

He blinks again and he feels the stinging pain of  his father's punch, paper on the ground, his mother's hospital door open, an 'X' on her name.

He blinks, and he's in his new apartment, diploma sitting on his small dining table. Pills scattered along the side of his nightstand, some on his bathroom sink

He's taken back again, Highschool, and see's Taehyung in front of a girl, hands in his pockets. The uniform's collar was loose, he didn't know how to tie a tie. It always made Jimin want to fix it, like old times. But of course, it wasn't all that easy, not then and not now.

Tae eyes the girl's face and says something that Jimin cannot understand. The girl is mumbling, stuttering in front of a handsome face. Taehyung doesn't smile, he squints a bit at her words and takes a box from her hands. She says more words, bows, and then runs off.

Tae's looking down at the box, his fingers trace the velvet ribbon. He says something and Jimin walks a bit closer as he is still hiding behind the thick pillar blocking a bit of his view. Tae puts the ribbon in his back pocket and walks off campus, box still in hand. He wished he saw Tae like this everyday. But with a scattered mind, it was impossible.

He follows from afar.

27 steps back, 25, 21. He was a little closer at the crowded places, the city was always swarming with teens.

They turn left and there it is, Jimin's childhood home. The peach coloured house with a light brown and white trim. It was exactly the same. Trash bins in the front told him that it was Wednesday.

He hears Taehyung scoff and then hears the opening of the trash bin. He throws the box in and there's a slam when the bin closes. He continues to stand in front of it, he's thinking. He then reaches in his back pocket and looks at Jimin's house. Jimin can't see the look on Taehyung's face, but he sees the clench of the ribbon. Tae throws it in the bin with force.

There's a drop of sweat teasing his eyebrow when he feels his body begin to twist within itself. Had he done wrong to his best friend at that time? Will it ever return? "It" being the friendship they once had, their stability.

He can hear the names, he can feel the punching and the kicking. Little hands tugging at his overalls with force. A boy's shoe scrapes against Jimin's knee, a girl's ponytail touches his face briefly. He hears more names, and more vulgar words. But then, he hears his own name.

Everything stops. The boy's shoe is across the playground, the girls ponytail is in someone's hands. He looks up at his savior and sees the serious look on his small face. The boy lets go of the ponytail and grabs the shoe that was once lost at the eyes of the owner. " What are you guys doing hurting my new friend? I, Kim Taehyung, will report you to Mrs.O if you do not leave my sight in 5 seconds." the other children begin to explain themselves with tless manners when Tae throws the shoe and counts from 3. And at that, the children’s running footsteps begin to disappear.

Taehyung looks at each kid run even when they are no longer in sight. Jimin's knee is bleeding, his knuckles are scraped, dirt is everywhere. Jimin takes a moment to himself and thinks of the pain rising from his knee.

He finally looks up at the one who calls himself Taehyung. He could have sworn he saw some sort of glow.

"ah! You're bleeding? Oh my god-I mean gosh! please don't tell my mom ah um are you okay?!" Taehyung is close to his face. And that was Jimin's moment to start sobbing, tears slicing across his face, Taehyung wiping his tears with his own hands.

That's how Jimin ended up in someone else's room for the first time, the first time he ever skipped school without even realising. You can say he was just helping save his own life.

He remembers Taehyung’s excitement talking about his bunny who reminded him of his older brother who was already in middle school. He remembers Tae telling him how hugs and kisses always made people feel better. He remembers Taehyung kissing his fingers, hugging him tight, and holding his hand. He remembers the love.

But he didn't want to remember anymore.

He can suddenly feel the striking pain of the boys shoe. He feels his father's fist against his jaw, the slap of ponytail girl, the kisses, his mom, Taehyung, Mrs.O, overalls, lipstick, eyeliner, uniforms, Taehyung, the box, letters, words, the letter, the letter, the letter, kisses across his face, Taehyung.

His eyes bolt open, reality rubs against him. He's sitting up and he doesn't know what he's thinking. All he sees is darkness and his eyes can't adjust.

He feels around and the pull of tubes pressed into his skin stop him from moving, he can finally hear the beeping. He's confused for a second until the view of pills give him a playback. "Taehyung.." he can feel a lump in his throat.

The squeak of a door catches his attention and he stops everything once again until the pulling of window curtains make the sun stab his vision. A woman in white holding a clipboard, she isn't smiling until she see's him.

She speaks but Jimin cannot comprehend anything, he feels dizzy as the smell lingers once again. He thinks of the overalls and new clothes again.

The woman distracts him from his thoughts.

“Is that a yes?” Her voice is raspy. Jimin slowly nods, not knowing what he’d agree to.

The woman leaves and he’s left to himself and the sound of compression. His parted lips let the salty taste of tears take over the tip of his tongue. “Why am I so ing stupid?’’ he hiccups and his voice breaks, “ and to think he actually saw me like that..” Jimin sees his ex best friend's face lurking in musky memories of that night.

Imaginative questions are thought and he rips at the skin peeling by his nails.

All he remembered was his face and the blurry connection between them. He wanted more.

“Taehyung, didn’t deserve that..” shaky deep breathes,”why...why am I so so stupid..” Jimin’s knees are touching his lips. His hands grab at his ankles.

His mind intertwines and wires his exotic memories, causing endless streams of tears. All he can hear is himself.If only Jimin had time to hear everything beside his own cries.

There’s rough footsteps echoing the hallways of death and dying. Heavy breathes and heart racing from both anxiety and relief. More tears are hitting the shoes and tiles of unknown,' the wait' was finally over.

The rooms all look the same when looking in a hurry. The number 3 looking like and 8 and a cut off 9. He’s racing with himself and blurry vision. The smiles of angst and children's happy laughter fill his core as everything around him starts to look much brighter.

Taehyung’s mouth goes dry in front of the curled body in front of him. But his eyes grow wet. “Ji..” his teeth tense against eachother, eyes dripping salty water down his face. “..Jimin”

Jimin can only return a sob when seeing the one who brought him life.

Taehyung  steps closer, still letting out tough cries, “Park Jimin!” you can almost hear the whine in his throat “Why were you so selfish Jimin?” He rubs the tears falling off his cheek “ Jiminie! Why didn’t you just come to me when you were in need?” he’s pointing at Jimin now, who can no longer contain himself in his box

“You think you can just leave after just a letter? Why didn’t you let me answer your questions? I-I was always waiting, Jimin. I would wait for you everywhere to make sure you could at least stand up. Jimin!”

Taehyung can’t take it anymore. He sees Jimin’s  trails of tears. He takes a deep breath and sits next to the boy who hasn’t said a word. “Park Jimin,” Taehyung sniffs and cups Jimins face roughly, feeling his lips squish against plumpness. He stays like that for a while, hearing Jimin cry against him.

Jimin’s hands travel to Tae’s shoulders, gripping tightly against the fabric. He wanted to say so much, yet the kiss alone was enough to express the feelings he’s been hiding for a long time.They’re moving lips stop.

“I have always loved you Chimchim,” Taehyung presses a quick kiss. “And I always will.” he earns another sob from Jimin, remembering the origin of his said nickname. Kindergarden.

Jimin continues to hold his shoulders, forehead pressed against his chest. “Taehyung,...I’m so so sorry.” he chokes on a cry “I’m so sorry Taehyung. I didn’t think any of this would affect you at the time I--”

Taehyung completely cuts him off by lifting Jimin’s jaw to face him, attacking him with another kiss. This time it’d been soft, the moving of their lips becoming familiar and sweet. He didn’t have to say another word. They couldn’t waste anymore time talking about the past.

His hands moving down to Jimin’s neck, lightly caressing it with his thumb.

All Jimin remembers is the light touching of skin and small kisses. Taehyung lays there next to him on the hospital bed while Jimin looks out the window where Night now stood. He smiles at the arm laced around his waist and the layers of blankets supporting his feet. He looks over to Tae’s face and studies it gently, earning a look from the other. “What what” Taehyung goofs. Jimin just gives a teethy smile and sighs “Nothing, just like looking at you”

“Yeah I know you ing stalker.”Taehyung pinches Jimin’s small nose. Jimin just scrunches his face, lightly brushing off his hand. Tae chuckles and looks at his boyfriend’s face that’s now pink.

“I’m really not use to this.” Jimin’s lips curl. “It feels so nice.” He buries his face into Tae’s chest, “it smells so nice too..” if it was possible to feel someone’s face turn a deeper shade of pink, Taehyung’s chest would have been on fire.

He pulls Jimin away from his shoulders slightly and Jimin just pushed deeper against his chest “hm?”

“Let me stay like this a little longer,..I’m embarrassed.” He giggled, hiding his embarrassment. Tae nodded and rubbed Jimin’s small fingers. Oh how he loved his hands. The fascination he felt when studying his best friend's hand when they were younger was indescribable. To him, it was just a damn cute aspect that never left his mind. They were so soft.

He let his fingers slide down to Jimin’s slender wrist, pressing on it slightly, before sliding down the wrapped fabric around them. The shorter didn’t fight the slight tugging, he knew he couldn’t hide it forever. Taehyung’s lips press against the cuts and scars that mark his skin. There’s another pause before he feels the peppered kisses and hears the coos.

“You went through so much.” he swears he can hear the weakness in his voice,”and I wasn’t even there to help you.” Jimin’s wrist is now on Taehyung’s wet cheek.

“Hey stop it,you’re here now right?” Tae just nods, breaking into another silence.

‘And I always will be, from now on. I promise.” he stops peppering kisses and wraps his pinky around Jimin’s tiny one. He stays like that and lets the boxy smile on his face get bigger. He still loves Jimin’s stubby little fingers.

-

Time passes and Jimin just can’t get over the fact that the sun doesn’t stop kissing his face every morning. His cold mornings grew warm with the touch of his Taehyung. He doesn’t get tired of seeing his stupid face every time he woke up from his naps. The days he came late he always seemed to worry. “ Maybe he grew tired of me’’ he’d think to himself. Taehyung knew these things started slow, the process would never be a smooth sail. But he didn’t care, as long as he’d stay with Jimin, he knew everything will be possible.

  The medical breathe that once surrounded them became a distant friend. Jimin felt at ease, funnel cake in one hand, fork in the other. He wondered how someone could look so beautiful eating. He hardly remembers the hospital bed, 6 years was enough to make new memories. Covering the bad wasn’t easy of course. The journey made him new, it made him feel things he’s never felt before. Taehyung made him feel things he’s never felt before.

He watches Taehyung across the table some more. “He really is the love of my life.” He can’t help but chuckle to himself. The said Tae looks up from his food and scowls, “Are you making fun of me in your head again?” he speaks with his mouth full, making Jimin’s chuckle turn into laughter. “I told you, I have a weird breathing method when eating Chim.It’s been years, you’ve known this for years. Are you going to continue to judge me until we are old and wrinkly?” he can’t stop laughing at Tae’s serious tone, food still filling his cheeks.

 The two continue on with their very obscure date. Were 6 year anniversaries suppose to be like this, spent in an Americanised carnival..festival? Jimin could never tell the difference. He didn’t care though as long as he spent the time with him.

They’re both walking out the small event. They loved being one of the last ones out, it just gave them the space they always craved from everybody else. Holding hands without having to worry about stares was a plus. Their linked fingers still sent chills to both their bodies, it was magic, a blessing. Jimin stays close by his boyfriend, head resting on the edge of his shoulder.

“Happy 6 year anniversary, Jimin.”

“You’ve said this 100 times already.” Jimin laughs

“Tsk. do you not like it?”

“I love it.” Jimin kisses his shoulder.

Taehyung doesn’t say anything and stops them both, not caring if the couple behind them would have to circle around them to pass through.

Jimin gives a questioning look, wondering if he’d said something wrong.

“Jimin there’s something I really need to tell you...well, show you.” Jimin begins to panic a little.

“ I know we’ve been together for--” Jimin panics more and shut him up “ Tae is this about last week?” his eye begin to water “ I-I’m sorry I know how much you love hiking and I still asked you not to go and just wanted to spent time with you because you were already away for so long because of that business trip you took to Australia . … I know I’ve told you to stay with me way too many times, but Tae it’s because I’m still afraid of being alone. When you weren’t there I felt as if I was dying. So-sometimes I couldn’t breath and would just take in the scent of your pillow to keep myself at ease. I---”

“Jimin Jimin honey please no. stop. I’m not breaking up with you.” Taehyung’s hands are on Jimin’s shoulders, eyes looking deep within Jimin’s “ I love you so so soso sooooo much Jimin, you know that. Okay?” Jimin nods and lets Taehyung wipe the escaping tears from his lids.

Tae thinks for a second and hums taking out something from his coat pocket. “ I think it’s better if you just read this.” He smiles

“Wha--why?”

“Just read it, butthead” he ruffles Jimin’s hair.

He holds a scroll of paper in front of him. It reminds him of uniforms.

Everything around him fades when he touches the velvet ribbon tied around his future. He unties it, his breathing growing heavy at the realization. He thinks of a Wednesday afternoon that had gotten him utterly confused. He lets the ribbon tangle around his finger when finally unscrolling the paper.

He told himself he wouldn't cry over written words ever again.

“Jimin,

I still really like Sailor Moon.(Don’t worry you’ll always be my #1 though haha).

It’s funny to think you’d like me more just for admitting ^that in my room after you’d gotten hurt...those ing bastards. I never forgot all that. I actually saw the guy kicking you in college, I know you you don’t promote ‘unnecessary violence’ but this was very necessary! And guess what? He clearly remembered that day! Ahh I guess you can’t stop remembering some things, no matter how much you want it to disappear. His name was Timmy. I never bumped into the girl with those ratchet ponytails. Ugh her hair was so greasy..”

Jimin chuckles, still rubbing the velvet ribbon.

“ I remember when i first started seeing bruises on your body instead of your mother’s. We were in into Science, I know you were hiding the fact that it hurt to just move. That hurt me too.

I wished your bedroom was in my house when you first came over. We were both young when I’d stay over many days and nights just to make sure you wouldn’t be touched or harrassed. It was my excuse to be next to you. I really wish that wasn’t my excuse.

Putting my earphones into your ears to distract you from the yelps and driven pain behind the door. Your dad didn’t know I was over, but we both know that doesn’t make anything better.

I really miss your goldfish shaped bread. Hah you know I still bring my packs of sugar, cafe dates with you and me hogging the couch that was somehow comfier than ours. I got into a fight trying to buy that very couch remember? The owner ended up becoming our good friend. Namjoon really helped us out in our college years.

… Just remembering you growing so distant from me made me feel numb. Playing soccer wasn’t the same, you weren’t there to cheer me on and I’d wonder what you’d be doing inside for so many hours. Were you alone? I wanted to ask if you were ok, if you wanted to have an emergency sleepover. I’d look out my window and just continue to wonder what I did wrong. I started brushing my teeth every single day, flossing until my gums started to bleed. I’d wash my hands and comb my hair just in case I’d run into you in the hallway. I Liked you too, Jimin.

I liked everything about you no matter how distant you’d become. I found it cute that you thought you were so sneaky when stealing glances by hiding behind people. For someone who passed all their classes, you were very...peculiar hah. But to this day, I always admired that.

I know you said that you looked up to me while we grew. But the truth is, I looked up to you more. And I tried to impress you as much as I can. Damn just the thought of all my attempts makes me cringe so so much ahh.

But I did all of it to show you how much I wanted to hold you and show you affection. You have no idea how happy I’d be when our hands would touch at the slightest. I’d go home and scream into my pillow, my smile wouldn’t go away. My mom noticed.

To this day, she had been our greatest supporter. She told me that she actually saw you play alone in the ditch by my grandma’s neighborhood. I didn’t know you were so into mud pies. Thinking about it, we should have made some. I wish I could go back to that age of innocence.

Jimin, I still have your letter. When I first saw it on my door to my apartment, I thought it was the little girl  in room 2B  who had a crush on me. The writing was so neat and familiar, I melted a bit at the sight. But the words stabbed me through. It hurt to read it over and over. I felt as if my world was falling apart. I didn’t care that my brother’s eggs broke when I dropped them or that I looked crazy just running through the rain. I never once thought that finally finding you would not bring me relief. It just wasn’t you, but your shell. I had been wondering while waiting in the hospital ‘where is Jimin? And when will he be back?’ I just wanted my best friend to hold my hand, to kiss my lips and tell me everything was going to be ok.

Seeing you again, sitting up from your white bed made everything stop. Your skin was pale and you had tubes stabbing your skin, God, you weresstill so beautiful to me. The pain in my knee and the pulsing bruises on my hands didn’t bother me anymore. The only thing I felt was light. Finally kissing you and calling you mine just had to be the cherry on top. Well, strawberry since I don’t like cherries haha. 

I'm really glad we ended up going to Jeju short after.

Ah, Jimin you’re still so beautiful to me. Spending these 6 years with you again has brought so much trust and acknowledgement into our relationship, and I’m glad it has. Me moving into your apartment had to be the best part. I got to see your waking face every morning, snuggling close to you whenever it got cold at night. But, Jimin I still feel as though there is something missing.

My love for you cannot even be expressed through any words I write. I think I’ve just been writing nonstop, I don’t remember some things I’ve already said, yet there is still so much more I would love to say. Ah this is getting too long I think I’m already ruining this letter.

Hah but I bet you don’t think I’m ruining it, I can secretly tell that you want this letter to never end. You're smiling aren’t you? That’s just how I know that you actually love me, I wish you can believe me when I say I’m completely in love with you. You make me feel a way no one has ever have. And to prove it to you I will close this letter with a question.”

Jimin stops reading, turning to a blank page, tears still streaming down his puffy face. He was happy, confused and somehow broken.

He continues to scatter the pages, maybe he’d miscount. Or maybe he’s dropped it. He removes all the pages from his view and looks down, only to be met with a kneeling Taehyung, smiling with a ring at the palm of his hand. Jimin’s eyes widen, tears halting.

“Jimin, will you spend the rest of your life with me?” Taehyung’s eyes sparkle at the sight of his boyfriend covering his mouth in awe, Tears escaping his eyes as he nods his head. “Yes, I would love nothing more.” Jimin utters out while wiping his tears, a smiling ripping his face.

Taehyung grabs his hand gently, placing a ring onto his finger.

“I love you so much Jimin.” He gets up and cups Jimin’s face, kissing him softly as small faint cheers surround them.

They aged like wine. Their embraces getting stronger as the days grew crisp. The memories that were once horrid now became lessons in their head. It was all a special game. In fact, a tie didn't make their life any more difficult than many people would expect.

Instead, the newly ringed couple, that stated their vows on December, continued to love eachother. The memories still lingered when Jimin saw his invited father by the alters. He wouldn't necessarily say he was someone to instantly forgive but, he could work on anything he put his mind to. Just like his father, he kissed the ringed finger of his husband. His father cried, clapping the loudest. Taehyung could see the glimmer of hope between father and son. Their smiles and small touches remind him of a woman.

"I, Kim Taehyung, will never have any regrets from now on."

A/n

- The chapter is suppose to be very scattered so don't judge me on that.
-wahhh It's the end of the beginning. I hope you enjoyed. THIS WAS MORE LIKE AN ALTERNATE ENDING IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE END OF THE OTHER CHAPTER BUT TBH THEIR ARE MANY ENDINGS TO THIS STORY BC THEIR ARE ENDLESS PATHS TO EVERY STORY.
- I WILL make new chapter but they will be 'extras' that take place between the gap
-another chapter that takes place will come