The plastic bag on his side was filled with milk and eggs. He debated wether to go out in such weather, the way the rain slapped him across the face made him think twice. Yet, he still went. He could already hear his brother's annoying whine 'How else will we make cupcakes?'
Those damn cupcakes, was it really necessary to bring cupcakes to an employee get-together?

Bright coloured paper shook his thoughts away.

The note on Taehyung's door was pastel pink with blue ribbons on its sides. He blinked a few times before reaching over to it with a light blush spreading across his cheeks. This wasn't expected, nope, not one bit. The only person he could think of was the girl from room 2B but even she wasn't tall enough to reach this high. She's 7.

The neat writing was purple, the style all too familiar. The curves and points of each letter so feminine yet so masculine, like a peacock finding it's mate in disguise. It was nice in a way. Not so 'in your face' but it still managed to catch your attention, the way the ink glittered against the bright light in the ceiling added to this.

Taehyung, do you remember?

His eyes traced every word.

He clenches his fists as those words staining his mind. Lonesome and grusome pictures inside his mind quickly fills the empty gap between himself and exploration. A war banging against his head as he continued to read.
The words so strong yet so damn easy for him to understand.
"..Jimin"
He knew what he was doing. These words were just right. So right in a way only Taehyung would understand.

He could feel his legs shake in both fear and anger. His desperate breath matching with the beat if his aching heart. "No.."
"No..no no no no"
He shook his head, his fingers searching for his phone, loudly cursing each time the item slipped from his fingers.

He quickly pressed it against his ear, chills running down his neck with each ring.
"Come on....come on pick up, pick up.." he muttered to himself, looking around for something, someone.

No answer.

He felt a pit in his stomach, he ran.

He didn't care about the cupcakes, the broken eggs on the floor, the whinning, the crinkled letter on the floor. He didn't care how ing crazy his looked, with his phone against his ear, running the streets like a lunatic.

"Jimin-ah! Please pick--pick up,please tell me this is a sick joke... I don't want this to happen, not like this.." he pants as his jog grew faster.
"..please be home, please be alright."

We used to be together all the time. So much, that everyone began to think we were twins.

"Jimin, I still want you by my side." His voice cracked, his lip quivering from forming words.

He stopped on the side walked , looking around frantically. He couldn't tell from his left from his right, at this point everything looked the same. He shouts Jimin's name over and over. The echos telling him Jimin was still far from reach.

He didn't care about the stares.
The way children were pointing at the 'crying boy' in the street, the way the old men and women snicked about lack of respect. He didn't care.

I'm sorry..

He let out another screech, his legs taking him, dragging him to what seemed to be the right way.
"Jimin please..."

I know it's my fault, everything is, not just in our friendship..

Their friendship was ideal. The way they both walked arm in arm in their little uniformes with wide smiles, it was great. Taehyung knew.
But friendship's change, Jimin changed. Their afterschool hangouts didn't feel the same, he could feel Jimin shift everytime he sat close, quickly pulling away if their hand's touch.

He noticed the bruises, the deep cut on his shoulder from his 'fall'. He noticed the growing heachaches each day, the way his grades stayed pure, his dark circles showing lack of sleep.

He noticed the way he panicked when he got anything lower than an A.
He'd told him to calm down, "it's just a grade."he would give him a pat, "you'll do better next time." Giving his rectagular smile, Jimin would give in.

He remembered when Jimin moved out when his mother passed away, when he got the bruise on his jaw. He remembered the depression finally showing in front of him, he did nothing when Jimin grew distant. He watched from afar.

He didn't realize how bad it became, his demons finally showing in the first year of highschool. Jimin was near silent. Cracking a smile every now and then.

Taehyung craved these smiles, these little signs of 'getting better'.

His heavy breathing filled the way up the staircase, still he took no break.

He remembered the way to Jimin's new place, when he got the address from the teacher to deliver notes and homework he sprinted. Knocking on the door, his smile fell when he saw Jimin's puffy red eyes, his hair facing more than one direction. He would hand over the papers and Jimin bowed slightly *"Thank you"*

He should have seen this coming.

He was drenched from head to toe. His cheeks red from the cold. The rushed to the familiar door, banging on it frantically.
"Jimin! Jimin-ah!!!" He continued to bang, his fist becoming sore and bruised.

No answer.

I really can't take it anymore.

He banged harder, louder, making sure every resident heard his agony.

He turned the nob, pushing the door with his body, pressing against it, his knee became sore too.

Someone out there, heard his prayer, his bloody knee feeling the new atmosphere. His quick breath filled the room.
"Jimin?"

The room was dark, and rather large. He didn't bother closing the door behind him, too eager to find his one and only Jimin.

We'll still be bestfriends.

Taehyung felt every movement in his body stop. A small noise coming from the bathroom, along with light tapping.
"Jimi--!"

He heard himself yell. There he was, on the floor. His Jimin.

Foam filled his mouth, white and pink from the hints of blood. His body was shaking yet he look lifeless and tangled with thought.

Taehyung put him on his side, head in his lap. "Jimin stay with me, they're in their way. Please don't leave me! Please no! We'll go to Jeju! Anywhere! Just please stay please ple--" he broke again. His head dropped, tears kissing the side of Jimin's pale face.
He wiped Jimin's foamy mouth, " it's okay, it's okay..."

He brushed a thumb on Jimin's lips, "Jimin you need to stay, I need to tell you how much I love you; Damn it Jimin...." he wiped his eye, " I love you so damn much and I know you love me too...just come back so I can tell you...show you how much I ing love you.." more tears kiss Jimin.

Taehyung ran his hands through the other's soft locks, something he hasn't been able to do for a long time.

Jimin let out a noise, eyes barely open
"Jimin! Yes! Stay, okay? You can't go, they're coming to help!" Taehyung smiled at the sign of life. Jimin continued to make the same noise.
"What is it? Come on, tell me." Taehyung gave full attention, cleaning the shorter's mouth again.
"I-I'nnmm sorrwy.." Jimin's mouth was numb his eyes shutting again, he placed his hand on Tae's jaw.
"No, Jimin you're gonna be alright!"

Jimin shook his head and his arm grew limp, more foam sliding out his mouth. His skin grew more pale and his eyes shut.

Taehyung shook his friend, screaming yelling. He lost his chance. His Jimin.

All Taehyung could think of were the words.

Taehyung, do you remember?

We used to be together all the time. So much, that everyone began to think we were twins.

I remember how it started. We both liked that weird japanese stuff, you know, the ones people were too embarrassed to talk about. But you didn't care, you spoke loud and clear, " I love Sailor Moon!"is what you would say.

You had no shame and I loved that. From that day on you became my role-model. My happiness.

I know you sensed the tension in my family, you saw the bruises too, the cut. I wish I could have told you. But I kept it to myself, like many other things.

I remember when you would come to my house and how we'd go upstaires and eat that bread in the shape of goldfish. Your favorite was redbean paste and sometime the maple one if you were in the mood. I remember when you would bring your little packs of sugar to sprinkle on the tails and nibble in the edged while thinking of the next game to play.

My dad yelled. Downstairs, with my mom on the couch, his ferocious, harsh ranting, a pace so face even my ears couldn't keep track of each word. My mom would look dazed, nodding obediently, waiting for another slamp against her eardrums. My door was closed, but you could still hear him, pacing around the room with his mouth running like a motor.

You would slip your earphones into my ears and the same song would play over and over ....and over again.

It became my favorite song.

It was by the end of Middle School that I accepted my uality. I didn't know I could like boys as much as I like girls. I was proud to call myself biual(In my head at least). I told my family, and from that day on, my life turned into broken seashells, I got more bruises, more hate from those I was ince close to. The old lady across the street stopped coming by, the boy I tutored wasn't allowed to come over.

I wanted to be like you, so proud and happy.

"I like boys too!" Oh god how I wanted to scream it out, be proud and unhurt by words that spread like venom on an open wound.

But that never happened.

It's all my fault, everything is,not just in our friendship.

I noticed the way you would shift uncomfortably every time I was quiet. I thought our silence was suppose to be comfortable, like before. We weren't suppose to care, you know, when people said those things about us.

We brushed it off at first, laughing and joking about being 'lovers'.

do you have any idea how much I've been wanting to hold your hand, to kiss your mouth, and god how I want to hold you close and call you 'mine'.

Things between us changed, it wasn't your fault. I left first, I stood far off into the distance and read my invisible books. I watched as you played soccer with the neighborhood kids, I saw that girl give you chocolates on Valentines day, you threw them away in my trash bin...And Taehyung, gum doesn't belong under a bench...you are so damn open, do you not care if you get caught?

After I moved alone into my apartment, I felt the box around me shrink against my hips. My days shrunk short and my nights grew longer. I couldn't sleep.

* wanted to feel my mother's little hands run through my hair as I'd fall into a deep sleep. I've never wanted anything more than to go back in time like in our favorite movie 'The Girl Who Leaped Through Time", do you remember it? God, I wish I could go back and just fix everything, anything ,but this, would be of favor.

I want to thank you, because of you I was able to sleep some nights. The thought of you smiling and telling me 'it was okay' made pleasent rivers stroll down my face. I was so happy whenever I was...am next to you. Lighting up whenever our arms touched when I sat next to you.

I love you.

Kim Taehyung, you have helped me through so much.

Although we grew distant, my feelings never went away, not even a little bit.

I'm sorry..

I don't want to say goodbye, I don't want to cry anymore. But it's okay, because we'll still be bestfriends.

I can still feel the wires slicing my skin 1, 2, 3, 5, 20..the counting was the worst. And I'm counting now. Counting the seconds when my body will finally grow limp, shrink into a fine powder.

My pain will disappear, be replaced with fluffy clouds and stardust.

Smile for me Tae, okay? Hold someone's hand, kiss them hello,goodbye, I love you, kiss them like they're the most important person in the world.

You're the best. The hero that spreads happiness.

I hope to leave a trail of shining stardust.
A beautiful train in which only you can see.

I love you Taehyung.

I'll be by your side, forever.

sincerely yours, Park Jimin
♡