I haven’t slept well since the incident with Joonki. I made my way to the kitchen as soon as I heard Joonki’s car engine started. He’s off to work.

     “You should stop messing around, Joy. I am sick of it.” Mom grimaced as she served me a bowl of mashed potato.

     I hate her. I am her daughter but she is on Joonki’s side.  “I am sick of it, too.” I replied. I played with my food. I am also sick of leftover mashed potato. I almost forgot the taste of a real meal. We were able to eat a real meal before Joonki came to our lives. He suddenly became the ‘superior’ of this house. God, I hate him to death.

     She opened the refrigerator and grabbed a pitcher of water, “Seriously, Joy? He is just worried about you!” then slammed the refrigerator close.

     “Whatever you say, I won’t accept him. He’s a demon. A monster.” I pushed the bowl of the leftover mashed potato and stood up.

     “He almost killed me!”

     “It’s because you’re ing him out!”

     “Keep defending him, mom. I love it.” I almost gag on what I just said.

xxx

      After school, I went to SM Agency and I signed a contract. The agency said that I will be a freelance model. I don’t even care. I signed the contract just because I don’t want to go home after school. Home is where the demon lives.  Where Joonki lives.

xxx

     We took pictures at Olympic Park located in Bangi-dong,Songpa-gu. I was wearing long-sleeved cyan crop top, white shorts, long pastel pink socks just below the knee and white Adidas on my feet.

     After the shoot, we went back to the Agency and they paid my first shoot. I was lucky because the sleeves covered up the bruise on my arm. Joonki.

xxx

     This is the last day I will be stepping inside this stupid bus. I sat on my seat. The bus is quiet. The girls are quiet but they are whispering. It’s so peaceful. No one is talking about me being a or a or a murderer.

     The bus stopped at the school’s parking lot. I walked out the bus and Hoseok is behind me. No one is shouting or calling me names. Sooooo strange but I love it.

     I turned my back to Hoseok who was smiling ear to ear. God, what a weird kid.

     “Something’s strange.” I said. Like, what the is wrong? Is this some kind of Krystal’s evil plan… again?

     He held the straps of his backpack and said, “Maybe because you’re famous.”

     “What the heck are you talking about? Famous for being the so-called MURDERER and BOYFRIEND STEALER?” I replied. Long face really is a struggle.

     “No, but famous for being... a model?”

     “What?”

     “Your pictures are circling the internet!” He shouted as if it astonishes him.

     I gasped, “What? When did you start using internet, Mountain boy? Let me see!”

     He showed me his phone and my pictures are all over the internet. A trusted site featured my pictures and they put tags like “Ulzzang” and “Living doll”. Those pictures were taken yesterday. Just yesterday and it earned a thousand likes!

      SM Agency saved my life. Like, everyone’s not giving a about me today.  When I was in class, no one threw a crumpled paper on my head. I finally made my way to the canteen and did not worry about someone shouting at me or spilling something on me. I finally ate a real meal. Plus, Krystal didn’t say anything mean to me but instead, she stared at me like I have Aids. And when I was going to the parking lot, a group of freshman girls are asking me to sign their shirts. Like, can I pause this moment? Everything’s so perfect. Everything’s new to me. Am I in heaven?

xxx

     The bus stopped at Hoseok’s block and I noticed Sungjae walking along with 3 of his friends. I abruptly went outside and followed them. I did not mind Hoseok. He was like ‘what the you doin this isn’t your bus stop’.

     They walked. I hid. Finally, they stopped at an apartment and Sungjae’s friends bid good bye. He shoved something on his pocket with a grin on his face.

     Before he could close the door, I showed up. I don’t know. This is now or never. I should talk to him about everything. He should clear things out. We should talk about closure or something. We should talk for one last time.

     “Hey.” He opened the door wide. He was wearing a white V-neck shirt and a black corduroy pants. I gulped before I could say something stupid. “I know I scared the out of you because I suddenly showed up—“

     “Easy, Joy. Let’s talk inside. It’s getting cold out there.”

     We sat on the couch and he turned the lamp on. I placed my bag on the floor. The apartment is pretty small. Enough for a young man. I wasn’t aware that he has his own flat. He started talking, “So you were saying...”

     “I... I just want to talk about everything. What the heck did just happen? How did we end up like this? Just tell me, Sungjae for whoever’s sake!” I buried my face in my hands. Part of me doesn’t want to hear it because I know it will hurt. A lot.

     Silence filled up the room. He did not flinch or did not even say a word. This is hopeless. I shouldn’t have asked him.

     After a few minutes, he moved. He pulled out a clear plastic out of his pocket. He dipped his finger inside the plastic and put his finger inside his mouth. “You should try this.” As soon as he said that, he dipped the same finger into the clear plastic and put it inside my mouth. The texture is powdery and I don’t like the taste. It tastes bitter.

     “What is this, Sungjae?” I asked as he his finger for the second time.

     He smirked, “Molly.”

     What? Is he serious? Did he just put drugs on my mouth? “You mean... MDMA?”

     “Yes, it will kick in soon. Just wait and you’ll experience joy.” He threw his head back and spread his arms on the inside back of the couch.

     “I came here to talk about us, Sungjae.”

     “Shush.” He dipped his finger into the plastic and put it into my mouth. I can’t stop him. I don’t want to stop him. I know I sound crazy but I want this moment with him to last.

     “Where did you get that?” I asked. It’s getting hot inside this room. I can feel sweat forming.

     He chuckled. He craned his neck to me and smiled softly, “From my Chinese friend.”

     Moments after, the room is getting hotter. We almost emptied the plastic. I think this is the moment where the drug kicks in. We are getting stoned.

     “Sungjae, I said I am here to talk about us.” I said, almost like a whisper.

     “Okay, start.”

     “Why did we end up like this?” I chuckled as tears run down my face. I sound insane.

     He sighed and smirked, “Because we’re over.”

      He crawled towards me and touched my face. He was so close I can feel his breath. He shut his eyes and kissed me. He kissed me like it was our first kiss.

     His lips moved from my mouth to my neck, giving me butterfly kisses.

     “You can’t date Sungjae! For how many times do I have to tell you, Joy that popular people are for popular people?” Krystal screeched with tears in her eyes.

I froze because she was mad as hell. I squeezed Sungjae’s hand. “But I like him, Krystal! Why do you keep on ing? Why do you keep on yelling at me about your stupid rule? God! For Pete’s sake, grow up!”

Sungjae didn’t say a word. He was watching us with fear in his eyes. He was startled.

     Sungjae’s mouth made its way back to my mouth. He turned the lamp off as he my tongue and I forgot how to breathe.

     Krystal pulled a cutter out of her tote bag. Her fist was clenched. “Break up with him or else I’ll kill myself.”

     “What exactly do you want from me, Krystal? I was never a bad friend to you. Let me be happy. You’re my best friend; you should be the one supporting me!”

     Sungjae pulled my shirt up and I helped him with his shirt. His hands explored my body like it was a map. We lay down on the floor and he is on top of me. His skin is so pale he glows in the dark just like the moon on the pitch black sky.

     “Because I love Sungjae! I love him since we were freshman! I hate you because you snatched him away from me. I hate you because you’re a !” she shrieked. Her makeup was running down her face.

     “No. I won’t break up with Sungjae just because of your childish thoughts. Grow up, Krystal. We’re sixteen!” I said with conviction.

     Sungjae unclasped my bra and placed hickey where people can’t see them.

     But the next thing she did changed my life. She sliced her own wrist with the cutter. She collapsed. We ran towards her. There was so much blood on the ground. My shout disturbed the quiescence of the abandoned playground. Sungjae carried her and brought her to the nearest hospital while I called her parents.

     She was confined in hospital for a few days. That was the day when people started bullying me. Krystal posted an entry on her blog saying I tried to kill her with a cutter. She said that I was so jealous of her that I snatched her wrist and sliced it. She said that she was dating Sungjae and I stole him away from her. She did not mention my name but she wrote “#BESTFRIENDturnedBEASTFRIEND” Everyone knew that I was her best friend. The people believed her lies because Sungjae and I were dating secretly and Krystal is very popular in school. I did not fight back because she was my best friend. I still love and care about her.

     Sungjae didn’t defend me. He stayed quiet. He watched me suffer. And he randomly stopped talking to me.

     I found myself crying as Sungjae started ping my jeans. “Stop!” I begged. “I can’t do this.”

     He looked up with knot on his forehead. “Why not?”

     “Because we’re over.” I said as I pushed him that caused him to sit on the floor. I put my bra and shirt on and grabbed my bag. I exited the apartment quickly.

     I don’t know if this is one of the effects of the drug but I am glad I pushed him. I don’t need him. He said it. He said we’re over.

     I ran as fast as I can. I stood outside the house. Joonki’s car was on the driveway. I glanced at my watch and it was 9:00 or 10:00. I am not sure. My head is not functioning. I heard the doorknob click. “I am going to teach that a lesson.” Joonki shouted. I peeked on the window and my mom was on the floor crying. Her right cheek was red and a bit violet.

     No... Where should I go... No... He’s going to kill me...

a/n: ive been so busyyyy these past few days and bc i am having second thoughts about posting this chapterrrrr. anyways, hope yall like it :-)