“TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WONWOO!” Mingyu yelled out pained across the practice room, all the lights dimmed; only the two of them inside the mirror covered space.

“DAMN IT WON PLEASE!!!”

His voice bounced all around him, every sound amplified by the stark silence of the room.

Wonwoo stopped half way across, the echo of his heavy footsteps halted as his body froze when he heard the desperation in Mingyu’s  voice.

He hears Mingyu’s labored breathing, chasing his breath after going after him down the halls of the empty Pledis building, only the two of them inside the night after their first concert

Wonwoo doesn’t turn around; he knew he would break if he did, but he needed to speak, he needed to be heard;

“You tell me Gyu…” he breathed out, heart wrenching at each word that escaped his lips. “You tell me what you want.”

The lights were flashing sporadically all around them echoing the frazzled state of their minds;

Hundreds of fans were screaming with all their might, mixing with the deep blaring of the music inside the venue as Wonwoo and Mingyu were standing for their encore stage feeling the jolt of adrenaline surge through their bodies as the first beat bounced off the stage.

His heart was racing, thudding out of his ears as his mind readied for his performance.

Wonwoo gripped the microphone hard, gritting his teeth as the beat accelerated nearing his intro. Across the platform he saw Mingyu standing there, clad in his black performance coat, looking right at him with blaring eyes.

Unknowing a sea of emotions began brewing inside of him. He felt anger, confusion, delusions, lulled illusions and rage.

But most of all Wonwoo felt adoration and pain and he needed to let it out.

The two were inseparable when they were trainees.

One would automatically find Mingyu at Wonwoo’s side every second of every day when they were  writing hours and punishing recording sessions all in the sake of following their dreams, if not following each other.

They were there when the other needed them the most; the time when Wonwoo wanted to quit it was Mingyu who gave him the strength to keep on fighting, to keep reaching for his dream. Wonwoo was the one who took care of Mingyu when the other fell sick, staying by his side every hour until the other recovered.

The two were fused at the hip the moment they met, sharing almost every blatant moment together of every single day, learning each other’s quirks, likes and dislikes, abilities, strengths, limitations and inspirations. But somewhere along the way Wonwoo started looking at Mingyu differently, his close bond to the other began shifting.

He would look at Mingyu , eyes shining with admiration as he watched the other skillfully dance, masterfully rap or just when the other would bend a simple smile.

His heart explodes each time Mingyu would wrap his arms around him, gather him in his embrace, giggle and laugh at his lame jokes.

Everyone took notice of this, especially the hawk-eyed  the fans that would watch their broadcasts.

“Meanie?” Mingyu read confused one day when he was scrolling around the comments section of one of their videos on the internet. He turns to Wonwoo who was lying on the floor, head resting against his lap after a tiring day of practice. “Hyung what’s a Meanie?”

“Huh?” Wonwoo asked, prying his eyes away from his own phone and seeing the adorable look of bewilderment in Mingyu’s eyes. “What’s a…what?”

“I dunno either…” Mingyu said, handing his phone over to Wonwoo for his to see; “I was searching for Seventeen online and I saw this  where they  had a picture of you and me and tagged it as meanie…”

Jeonghan overheard this and scooted over; “It’s a ship name”

“A what?” the pair asked in unison, even more perplexed.

Jeonghan pulled out his own phone and searched for something online, pulling out blog post after blog post dedicated to Mingyu and Wonwoo and to Meanie.

“It’s what fans call it when two members are like really close and assume immediately that they’re a couple…” Jeonghan summed up, going over to posts about him and their leader; Seungchol, showing it to the two; “See even me and Coups have a ship; Jungcheol...”

From the corner of their eyes they saw a very disgruntled looking Woozi almost reaching out for his guitar and a half-hurt Joshua slumped over at the other side looking beadily at Jeonghan.

Immediately Jeonghan dismissed his phone and rushed over to Joshua who already stood up and was walking out of the studio, Jeonghan right at his heels yelling out an explanation;  “Ey—Jisoo-yah! I-I was just explaining it the kids—“

Wonwoo and Mingyu looked at each other, not saying a word until Mingyu grinned, his sharp canines flashing at Wonwoo feeling collywobbles erupt in his gut.

“Guess we’re a couple!” Mingyu joked not knowing the emotions that were crashing over at Mingyu when he heard those words.

Then finally they debuted and their lives were thrown in the mixer.

Their already busy schedules were doubled by television appearances, radio guestings, fan signs and music show tappings topping over  the ever exhausting rehearsals, reducing their personal time to nothing more than bathing and sleeping.    

Slowly their interactions began to dry up, no more time for Mingyu to be cuddly except when in public events like fan signs or music show behind-the-scenes green rooms which makes Wonwoo thinks that the other was only doing them for show, seeing as he would do it to all the other members of the group.

They would be paired up during fan signs and events, but Wonwoo felt it forced, seeing as they were known to be always together, he assumes it was something just for the fans.

Mingyu’s hugs soon began to feel hollow for Wonwoo, his touches no longer special, his smile now viewed by thousands, and soon his adorable personality began to shed and morph into one of masculinity and iness. Though Wonwoo wasn’t complaining, seeing Mingyu in a whole new light, his missed the old ball of fluff he began falling for.

True that the two still talked, still latched to each other in public and private but Wonwoo felt a change began to mold.

When they performed they did beautifully, complementing each other perfectly. But Wonwoo could feel something each time they would share the stage rapping, sudden spikes of heat would snap through his body, he could feel the same each time his and Mingyu’s eyes would meet on stage, as if a fire was lit behind the younger’s eyes, threatening to consume his body whole.

Was it anger? Was it resentment? Bitterness? Distain? Hate? Whatever it was Wonwoo could feel it eating away at the other, but thought nothing of it.

‘...Maybe It’s just him growing up…’ Wonwoo thought, slowly accepting the fact that the old days when the two would spend hours together were nothing but a distant memory, just accepting that nothing would grow but friendship between them, even accepting that some distance might not be too far away.

“Hey…are you okay?” It was Seungchol who asked one day when he saw Wonwoo sitting alone in the Pledis building with laptop in hand typing away.

“Huh? Oh yeah—I’m cool hyung!” Wonwoo projected, but his façade wasn’t fooling Seungchol.

“There’s something wrong Won?…tell me.” Seungchol urged, seeing something different in Wonwoo’s eyes. “I’m you leader, and your friend. You can tell me anything.”

Wonwoo wasn’t ready to tell anyone of his feelings, not especially their overly talkative leader; “I—I’m fine hyung…I’m just exhausted, this concert prep is brutal.”

Seungchol wasn’t buying it but decided not to press the mater, “Yeah…it’s tiring, but this is what we wanted after all…”

“By the way for an encore stage you and Mingyu will be performing, is that cool with you?” Seungchol added. 

He l didn’t fail to notice the quick flash of apprehension in Wonwoo’s eyes that the younger quickly buried under false confidence and nonchalance.   

“A-alright hyung no problem…”

And the day he dreaded arrived.

The entire concert was going smoothly, everything going just as they did in rehearsal without bumps or any mishaps. 

Backstage was a flurry of people rushing around, stagehands and stylists busy prepping idols while stage managers bustled around talking into their headphones as they coordinated the next set of performances.

“Mingyu, Wonwoo places!” one of the stage managers announced signaling the two to walk up to their spot.

The lights were dimmed, giving Wonwoo and Mingyu time to get to their places at opposite ends of the stage.

As they walked up Wonwoo’s heart started to beat faster, thinking it was just the exhaustion from the concert or maybe it was the adrenaline that was surging all throughout his body all night.

One they were in place the lights were brought back up, revealing the two rappers on stage, making the crowd roar with excitement.

Soon the low beat of the song began, piano keys started playing as the crowd boomed along with it.

Wonwoo felt his heart pacing faster and faster, nervousness suddenly flooded his system, but he fought through it as he made his mark and began his rap, his deep voice filled the entire venue with skillful rhymes. He was projecting all he could while his eyes were averting away from the figure right across the stage.

He finished his verse, prompting Mingyu to start his.

Somehow Mingyu’s voice coaxed Wonwoo to look at him, watching him blow out verse after verse, voice heeding stronger and stronger, tone growing harsher by the second, accompanied by the sad lulling of a violin.

Soon the beat started accelerating as the two moved to the center of the stage.

When Wonwoo started his part the circular platform started rotating slowly, spinning them languidly around, Mingyu answered with his own verse, his words sharper.

Unknowingly Wonwoo retorted just as harshly as the blue lights swirled all around them sending him into a trance like state.

Anger started fueling him hotter and hotter, his voice raising and his words seething. All the world started to fade away and all that’s left was him and Mingyu on that stage and at that very moment, Wonwoo broke;

The song was gone, all that was left was him raw.

The performance soon grew more intense, both of them mirroring each other’s fervor as if both were in a heated argument and somehow, in Wonwoo’s mind they were.

He let himself blare out, using all his pent up feelings flow out of him through his words; no longer caring of the consequences;

Anger, love, hate, sadness all surged through him like a primordial urge, its only outlet was his rap;

He couldn’t help himself, he started walking towards Mingyu and the other towards him; true this was part of their routine but this was something else, this was something primeval inside of him wanting to be released.

He was an inch away from Mingyu, wanting to grab the other when something inside of him held him back, snapping him back to reality.

He walked to the other side of the stage, a slight moment of clarity sparked inside, clearing his mind momentarily as he hung his head down low, but the lock has been broken, the dam shattered, the beast inside of him couldn’t be tamed.  

He turned around, and saw Mingyu standing right across the stage, the emotions raging back to life. He stomped across the stage, meeting Mingyu in the middle with the younger suddenly shoving him back, blasting right pass him and only made his anger roar even hotter than before.

‘I ING LOVE YOU DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!’

Mingyu walked around him, continuing his rap, feeling Wonwoo’s rage surge in stage.

When Mingyu made it back in front of Wonwoo, it was the elder who shoved him this time, practically punching the other in the shoulder, pushing the younger stumbling back.

His anger needed an outlet, his vision started to darken, nothing could hold him back, he needed to touch Mingyu, he needed to tell the other how he felt, he needed the younger to understand.

Both understood, reading each other’s eyes when they forcefully butted their heads together, eyes sinking deep to one another as Wonwoo roared his heart out in his verse;

‘I LOVE YOU’ he wanted to yell out but instead kept with his rap. ‘WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK?!’

‘WHY DON’T YOU TOUCH ME LIKE BEFORE?’ he cried in his mind ‘I MISS YOU!’

‘WHY ARE YOU SO DISTANT?’

‘DO YOU HATE ME?’ he jabbed his fingers forcefully against Mingyu’s chest.

‘PLEASE DON’T HATE ME!’

‘MINGYU TALK TO ME!’

They were close, far too close, he could feel Mingyu’s breath ghost against his skin, he could hear the other’s heartbeat above everything else, but most of all, he could feel Mingyu right underneath his touch.

His anger still was burning white hot when suddenly Mingyu smirked at him.

Then Wonwoo felt a pair of warm lips pressed against his hand and from then on, he remembers nothing.