*note: the kissing scene from the previous chapter was moved to here. it was originally structured this way, but last minute i shifted the scene to the previous chapter as i wanted to speed the story up. but since the story is nearing the end, i changed the organisation back to the originally planned one. sorru! ><

blood flowers

Tuesday simmers in with a warmer breeze than ever as Youngjae sits in the store alone, watching the people pass like a long stream. The flower shop probably stands out of place to most of the people in town who have come to see flowers as a bad omen. Understandably so, since flowers are associated most closely with the Hanahaki disease nowadays, and people fear spilling flowers out of their lungs the greatest. Once a symbol so tied with romance, the most customary gift to a lover, flowers are now detested as much as the Hanahaki disease.

It’s hard not to see flowers as the disease itself. Youngjae himself found it a little gruesome to see Daehyun throw up flowers the first time, petals falling out like his insides had been grotesquely infected.

Only a few like Daehyun can withstand the long stares and whispers from coughing out flowers in public. Some may argue that it’s a small price to pay with the salary he gets, but even before Daehyun began blood flowering, he had no qualms walking the streets with his first Hanahaki flowers.

Daffodils. Youngjae remembers as clear as day, sitting outside the operating room with his hands tightly clasped. The doctors wanted to throw away Daehyun’s Hanahaki flowers but Daehyun insisted he wanted to keep it. He didn’t even try to hide the large capsule bottle as he paced out of the hospital, carrying the flowers with utter care.

Of course. It’s Daehyun’s first love, albeit unrequited.

Youngjae sobers out of his thoughts when a girl idles outside the store, peering at the display of flowers. He offers a smile and the young girl scuttles away sheepishly.

It’s silent in the shop, Daehyun out on his seventh date with Jinhwan. He was here when Jinhwan arrived and watched as the two vanished.

Daehyun seems to really enjoy Jinhwan’s company. On the second date, he had returned with a glow in his eyes, remarking that Jinhwan had quite a playful humour. Jinhwan lived in an average family for most of his life till he met his current boyfriend two years ago.

Youngjae sighs at the thought. He’s happy for Daehyun, really, but he can’t deny the displeasure lingering somewhere within. Perhaps he’s jealous that Daehyun has such affinity with another when he’s always pinned himself to be Daehyun’s closest friend—and vice versa, even though Daehyun tends to assume he has closer friends out there because of their .

Jinhwan’s two years older, so maybe he has a greater maturity which Daehyun appreciates. The fact that he’s gay may be another reason Daehyun feels so at home with him. Most of all, Jinhwan’s excruciatingly nice. Much nicer than Youngjae can ever be, especially when he burst out into tears like a brat because he was dumbly feeling jealous.

Youngjae stirs at his green tea absentmindedly, waiting for Daehyun to return. Hanbin and Jiwon have their exams in a week, so they’ve been taking fewer shifts, making the days more tedious than usual.

Youngjae sends a message to Jisook, asking if she’s free to call tonight. They haven’t been talking much, and even though Youngjae wants to give her space with how hectic her life must be, he kind of misses her.

Deliberating for a while, Youngjae decides to plan the itinerary for their upcoming trip. His heart buoys somewhat at the thought. He pulls out a piece of paper and his laptop, searching for nice places to visit. He pictures the cozy little home they can stay in during their trip. A twin room would be good, with single beds, preferably. A bunk bed would be alright too, but he’d like it if he could see Daehyun next to him. They could talk all night. Then again, they’d probably be too exhausted for that.

As he mulls over the prospect, Youngjae chews on his lip absentmindedly, ending up drawing some blood. He gets a tissue to wipe it, but before he can, he breaks out into a fit of coughs.

The small trace of blood trickles down his chin. Youngjae swallows, rubbing at his throat in discomfort. It feels like there’s gravel trapped in his windpipe, probably some thick phlegm.

Youngjae chugs a mug of water, going back to his planning. In an hour, Daehyun returns, pacing back to the store with yet another incandescent smile. It’s becoming routine to see him in high spirits after his dates, almost like a true man in love. It worries Youngjae.

“Hey,” Daehyun sighs as he takes off his cap, mirth b through the glow in his eyes. He sinks into the stool beside Youngjae.

Youngjae quickly covers up the itinerary and slots it away. Normally, he’d be over the moon and would seize the chance to shove it in Daehyun’s face. But the way Daehyun had thought it ridiculous they’d go on a trip longer than a few days has Youngjae feeling reluctant.

Daehyun notices the hidden paper but doesn’t comment on it. “No customers?”

“Mm. There was a little girl who was staring in, though. Where’s the client?”

“You should have given her a stalk for free. Oh, I dropped Jinhwan off at the station.” Daehyun chuckles, leaning back against the wall. “His boyfriend offered to send a chauffeur over but he decided to take the subway. Really, this guy is something.”

Youngjae smiles. “Yeah.” He wants to leave it at that but eventually relents, wanting to show Daehyun concern.

It’s easy to hear about Daehyun’s day any other time but… Jinhwan gets on Youngjae’s nerves, as terrible as Youngjae feels about it. Maybe Jinhwan’s just too nice that it’s overbearing. Or maybe he’s upset that Daehyun has found someone he likes a lot—perhaps even more than him.

Youngjae never knew he could be such a brat, and he’s ashamed of it, truly. It’s not like him to vie for Daehyun’s attention; he’s never felt unsettled when Daehyun dotes on Jiwon or Hanbin. He’s never been this disgustingly selfish to be mad when someone else makes Daehyun so happy. But this client just… makes him feel like he’s been left behind. It’s pathetic.

Youngjae exhales softly. He really needs to keep himself in check. Daehyun has met Jinhwan four times in total and he’s acting as if Jinhwan will command Daehyun to burn down the flower shop tomorrow. Anyway, it’s good that Daehyun has someone that he enjoys spending company with, aside from him and the kids. He has high school friends who he’s close with but he doesn’t meet up with them often.

He just hopes Daehyun doesn’t get too attached since this is a temporary arrangement, after all.

“So, how was the date?” Youngjae asks, half regretting his question when Daehyun lights up.

“It was good. Jinhwan’s an interesting guy. You know, he lived on a farm when he was a kid. He said that it was pretty tough for his family so they saved up and moved to the city. Wonder if that’s why he’s so modest, even though he’s marrying into a rich family.”

“Wow,” Youngjae tries to exclaim with as much astoundment as he can.

“And he really finds discounts for everything. This time, he had coupons for Ichiran.” Daehyun laughs, halfway clearing his throat of the Hanahaki flowers.

Youngjae nods along. “He’s resourceful.”

“He is. He wants to get flowers for his boyfriend for their anniversary.” Daehyun grins, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I showed him some of our bouquets and he’d like us to make it for him.”

“That’s good. Your bouquets are beautiful.”

“He actually liked one of yours the best. The one you did in March for that Spring wedding. Pink astilbe, Matsumoto asters, spray roses.”

Youngjae perks up. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Daehyun Youngjae’s head. “You’re up for the job, right?”

“Of course. You aren’t paying me for nothing.” Youngjae abruptly bursts out into a cough, phlegm grating noisily within his throat.

Daehyun immediately crouches over him. He remarks in consternation, “Hey, your cough’s getting worse. I told you not to come over and take care of me.”

“That was weeks before I got this cough. It’s not your fault.”

“I told you to see a doctor,” Daehyun scolds. He presses a hand to Youngjae’s forehead. “You said you’ve been taking that cough medicine, right?”

Youngjae smiles sheepishly. “Ran out a few days ago.”

He hurriedly cuts in before Daehyun nags him. “I’ll be fine. It’ll blow over in a day or two. I just know it.”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s been getting worse,” Daehyun sighs gruffly. “Take care of the shop. I’ll go to the pharmacy and get you medicine. If you don’t get better by Saturday, I’ll bring you to see a doctor.”

“Do you think I’m 5 years old?” Youngjae gets up and tugs on Daehyun’s sleeve. “It’s just a cough.”

Daehyun gently pulls Youngjae’s fingers away. “I’ll be back in ten minutes. I need to go grab something else too.”

“Yeah, right. Dae- hey, Daehyun-” Youngjae slaps his forehead when Daehyun hops out the store, striding off without paying him an ounce of attention. Though, he melts into a small smile, a sweet warmth brewing within him. It’s a feeling he often gets whenever Daehyun babies him, but today, it’s especially lovely.

Youngjae coughs again, wincing as the slight soreness starts to sting. As he waits for Daehyun to return, he checks his phone, noticing a text message from Jongup.

Hey, sorry. Can’t meet you tonight. Something cropped up with Yongguk.

In worry, Youngjae dials Jongup’s number. He picks up after a few rings, blatantly out of breath with his pants.

“Hey, is Yongguk alright? What happened to him?”

Jongup takes a moment to reply. “He’s got the Hanahaki disease.”

“Wait, what?” Youngjae rises in shock. “Isn’t he dating Jinah?”

“Yeah. He confronted Jinah. You know that senior she’s always with that Yongguk talked to us about? Seo Gunho.”

Youngjae hesitates, his shoulders falling at the worst case scenario. “She was really cheating on Yongguk with him?”

Jongup sighs. “Yeah.”

Youngjae winces, sympathy weighing down on his shoulders. “I’ll come over too,” he offers, getting down from his seat.

“It’s fine. You’re working. We can bring him out drinking tonight. Hey, I’m about to reach his place. I’ll update you, yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Youngjae puts down his phone with a heavy heart. Yongguk and him aren’t too close, but since Yongguk moved from Incheon to Seoul for university, he’s left quite some of his friends behind. Whenever Youngjae asked why he wasn’t with his girlfriend, Yongguk would say that his girlfriend was working on whatever project with that guy, Gunho.

Youngjae sighs, feeling irate on Yongguk’s behalf. If she didn’t like him anymore, she could have just broke it off before getting together with the other guy. Why would anyone have the heart to date someone else behind their significant other’s back? Honestly, what the hell do these people get from this?

Just then, Daehyun pops back into the store, holding up the bag of medication. “I got the effervescent one.”

He immediately heads to the back and pours a cup of water. Youngjae tails him with a brow raised.

“Why? Aren’t those for kids?”                                                                            

“Yeah. And you are one.” Daehyun plops a tablet into the cup. “It’s orange-flavoured, so you’ll actually take your medicine.”

“You’re the one that doesn’t bother taking medicine,, ” Youngjae retorts. His cheeks simmer with a sensation hard to pin down as he grabs the cup from Daehyun. “Thanks.”

Downing the drink, they settle behind the counter, another leisurely afternoon with the poor clientele. Youngjae checks his phone every once in a while, waiting for any updates from Jongup.

“Waiting for Jisook to call?” Daehyun hums. He sits by Youngjae’s side, browsing through the newspapers like a middle-aged man by the fireplace.

“No, my friend.” Youngjae plays with his fingers. “One of my friends got the Hanahaki disease. He found out his girlfriend was cheating on him.”

“No wonder you were so down,” Daehyun heaves, sympathy flashing over his eyes. “How’s he now?”

“I don’t know. One of my friends is with him now. I really hope he’s okay,” Youngjae whispers.

“Were they together for a long time?”

“2 years. I really don’t get why people do this, seriously,” Youngjae mutters. “It’s okay to fall out of love but why do you have to cheat?”

“Probably because they aren’t sure yet. To them, it’s like having a trial, you know? If they don’t like it, then they still have their current partner.” Daehyun clicks his tongue.

“It’s so damn ty. I’d never do that to someone.” Youngjae leans back against the wall, shoulders slumping. “At least the disease let him know. Else, I can’t imagine how long she’d keep this up.”

“Your friend probably already suspected she was cheating,” Daehyun remarks hoarsely. He clears his throat in discomfort, blatant signs of the blood flowers growing.

“He didn’t. My friend trusts his girlfriend a lot.”

“The flowers can’t tell us what we don’t know,” Daehyun states.

Youngjae furrows his brows. “Jongup asked my friend about it and he said there was no way his girlfriend would do that. I really don’t think he knew.”

“Well, the flowers come from what you feel. He probably didn’t want to come to terms with it, but deep down, he already thought otherwise,” Daehyun sighs.

Daehyun tucks his hands into his pocket as wistfulness washes over his expression. “It’s easy to tell when someone doesn’t love you. And it’s easy to tell if they do.”

“As if you would know,” Youngjae bites. He’s surprised by his own hostility, and evidently, Daehyun is too.

“I’m a blood florist,” Daehyun returns, brow arched.

Youngjae bites his lip. “You were the one who was shocked by your first Hanahaki flowers.”

Daehyun blinks. He seems a bit flustered, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Well, that’s different. I wasn’t aware of my feelings. That’s about myself, not about others.”

Daehyun heaves.

“What I’m saying is that the flowers aren’t mind readers. You may be surprised by the flowers because you didn’t know you loved someone, but the flowers won’t grow because it can magically read other people’s minds. The flowers can’t tell you whether or not someone loves you. It grows because you yourself think they don’t love you back, even if you aren’t conscious of it.”

Youngjae nods slowly. “Well, that seems right.” He feels sorry for snapping at Daehyun and he’s unsure of why he’d even gotten annoyed.

“You really didn’t know you liked Sunhwa?”

Daehyun bats his lashes languidly. “Yeah. I didn’t.”

“Didn’t you feel it?” Youngjae tilts his head. “Like wanting to be around her, or being nervous?”

“Uh… I did. I just didn’t expect myself to like her,” Daehyun fills in. His gaze falls to the floor.

“Was she not your type?”

Daehyun shrugs. “I thought it was friendship. That I was only fond of her.”

“Fond of her, in a doting way?” Youngjae asks curiously.

Daehyun knocks Youngjae’s head gently. “What are you asking me so many questions for? It’s a small thing that happened years ago. I’m long over it and you shouldn’t be interested in it.”

Youngjae purses his lips in thought. “It’s your first love. You’re someone who doesn’t open up easily, so of course I’d be interested.”

“I’m not,” Daehyun returns, brows knitted.

“You are. I remember when I first spoke to you; I’ve never felt more like a nuisance in my life than then. You were the one who put a sign out there, asking for an assistant, but why did I feel like I was bothering you to open up a position?”

Daehyun melts into a warm guffaw, stirring a sweet contentment in Youngjae’s chest. “Hey. You know the movie that came out about a decade before? Smother.”

“Yeah, the gory one, right? I’ve never watched it, though.”

Daehyun nods. “Couple was getting a divorce, and the guy choked himself with flowers to make it seem like his wife was cheating. She lost custody of her son and the guy killed the son out of spite or something. She hung herself and came back as flowers, growing in each villager’s body parts and making them rot with her. Then, she killed her husband by growing in his lungs and suffocating him.”

Daehyun rolls his eyes. “The whole world was already freaked out by the Hanahaki disease. Who wouldn’t be, when we call it flower vomiting disease? Everyone saw flowers as some kind of bad omen, so people stopped buying them.”

“But that movie made everything a lot worse,” Daehyun drawls in irritation. “People bought flowers to scare their friends or to jinx people they hated. I remember this high school boy bought some roses from us and ripped it apart once he stepped out of the store. Threw it at his friends and left a mess on the street.”

Youngjae winces, nostrils flaring with anger. “What the hell? I would have smacked the crap out of him!”

“I was 10 at that time and he was probably 16, so even though I wanted to, I couldn’t. But yeah, I was pissed. My mother was so happy at first that he was buying flowers.”

Despite how long ago the incident was, Youngjae can sieve out the melancholy in Daehyun’s folded lips. Youngjae’s shoulders drop in a mirrored sadness.

“It must have been hard to run the business in that climate,” Youngjae whispers. “Were you guys able to live comfortably?”

“You mean expenses and all that? Don’t worry. My father had, well, some businesses on the side.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“Anyway, when you came in, I thought you might be one of those kids,” Daehyun continues. “Maybe you wanted to work here because it was scary and you could tell your friends about it.”

Before Youngjae can protest, Daehyun simmers into a breathtaking smile. His eyes crinkle along the sides and a hint of his gums appear, expression emanating with genuineness. Youngjae falls silent and simply gazes at Daehyun.

“I remember when you told me you liked flowers. I thought you might have been lying, but with that face of yours, I decided you weren’t.”

Youngjae beams with sheepishness. “Why?”

“Because you looked too dense to lie to me.”

Youngjae’s face instantly morphs into annoyance. He squints his eyes shut when Daehyun brushes his hair back tenderly.

“I’m kidding. You looked like a sincere person,” Daehyun chuckles. “So I decided to trust you.”

Youngjae’s lips quirk. “Are you happy that you did?” He asks, using a teasing tone to mask his shyness.

Daehyun takes a moment to answer. “Yeah,” he hums, smiling softly. “You’d get an ego boost from this but yeah, I’m really happy that I did.”

Youngjae flushes, not expecting Daehyun to be so straightforward. He yelps when Daehyun taps his forehead.

“I’m going to stop you right there before you say anything that gets on my nerves.”

“I wasn’t! I was going to thank you,” Youngjae grunts. He twines his hands together, fingers squirming. “I’m happy I asked for the job, too.”

“You should be. I’ve taught you everything my parents taught me. Family secrets.”

Youngjae laughs. “Your parents would be really proud of you, seeing all you’ve done,” he softly says.

“My parents would be glad I met you,” Daehyun remarks with a gentle chortle. “You’re like my mother, always nagging, and stubborn like my father.”

Youngjae doesn’t reply, fighting back the heat seeping up his neck. He wants to retort with something witty but he fails to come up with a comeback.

He wants to move closer to Daehyun, but they’re already as close as they can be. Sitting side by side together in the store, oblivious to the busy lives beyond the flowers.

Youngjae reaches over and brushes his hand with Daehyun. He pretends he was aiming for his phone, grabbing it off the counter. The touch stings, but the way Daehyun reacts is startling.

Daehyun shifts aside, a gesture that wouldn’t have been noticeable if Youngjae wasn’t paying attention. The sourness stirs in Youngjae’s ribcage. Just today, Daehyun had showed Jinhwan how to make a bouquet, and Youngjae watched as Jinhwan’s hands kept brushing over Daehyun’s to feel the flowers’ texture.

What’s so wrong about touching him? It was barely a touch, even. Youngjae sullenly looks away and persists in his silence, his initial happiness deteriorating swiftly. It’s annoying that Daehyun can touch him however he likes but such a simple brush bothers Daehyun. So, what exactly is it?

Youngjae understands that it’s Daehyun’s job to fall in love with his clients, but Daehyun’s awfully comfortable around Jinhwan.

“What’s with the long face?” Daehyun chuckles. “I’m sorry, alright? You don’t nag.”

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” Youngjae returns quietly. He restlessly bunches up the fabric of his trousers in his fist.

Daehyun his lips, easily sensing the mood change in Youngjae. He wants to speak but cuts into a loud cough, a petal slipping from his mouth.

Youngjae watches it flutter to the floor. Daehyun bends and picks it up with two fingers, much like a cigarette in Youngjae’s eyes. He crushes it before Youngjae can tell what flower it is.

“They’ve bloomed,” Youngjae murmurs.

Daehyun lets out a low heave. “Yeah. I’ve been drinking less water, hoping it’ll slow it down, but well…”

“Slow it down?” Youngjae repeats. He tries to suppress the bitterness but it bleeds into his words, tinged with disbelief. “You want to spend more time with that client?”

Daehyun’s reply comes delayed.

“…I thought it’d be nice to teach him about flowers before he leaves. It’s rare to find people like him.”

“Are you nuts, Jung Daehyun?” Youngjae blurts. “He’s your client.”

“I know,” Daehyun grunts as he tosses the petal away. “I’m fond of him, okay? He’s a really nice person. It’s not easy to meet people like that.”

Indignant, Youngjae wants to chide him, yell at him to come back to his senses, but keeps mum when he sees the conflict written in Daehyun’s irises.

Instead, he turns away, giving an exasperated smile. “You really do love the nice ones. It's been two weeks since you met him.”

Youngjae knows he’s shooting himself in the foot, but his lips itch to spill the words—and he does.

“You spend so much time around me and you’ve never liked me,” Youngjae jokes, wavering somewhat in his delivery. “Am I that crappy as a person?”

Daehyun’s brows crease. “What? No. When I’m with my client, it’s intimate in a way, so it’s different.”

“You don’t do anything intimate with them,” Youngjae presses.

“You get what I mean,” Daehyun firmly states. “The context’s meant to be romantic.”

“Then… If I was intimate with you, would you like me?” Youngjae’s voice drops to that of a mouse, words airy like a timid breeze.

In a complex bout of sourness and hurt Youngjae can’t justify, he musters up a misplaced boldness. Youngjae leans over and presses his lips to Daehyun’s cheek. His skin burns and his cheeks flare with a lovely heat, like a pounding heart on the first day of Spring.

It feels nice.

“Like this?” Youngjae whispers.

Daehyun widens his eyes, visibly taken aback. Slowly, his face morphs into anger.

“Don’t play with me like that,” Daehyun grits. “I’m not a toy, Youngjae. Do you think I’d fall in love just like that, as if I’m a beggar?

“Wait, sorry,” Youngjae hastily says. “I-I don’t know why I did that.”

Guilt sinks in his ribcage and he chides himself for doing something so inconsiderate. What was he thinking? Has he gone insane? First, he broke down in front of Daehyun for a small issue, and now he’s kissing Daehyun like he’s a circus oddity about to do a magic trick.

Daehyun glances away. Youngjae tries again, regret entrenched in his eyes. “Daehyun, I’m sorry. I was being stupid,” he bleats.

“It’s fine. I’m not mad. I’m just saying.” Daehyun waves him off, though his expression spells a wholly different story. He looks clearly upset, but he attempts to shroud his annoyance with a small smile.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He rises and paces away with a briskness in his steps.

Youngjae stares at the closed door as an indescribable feeling clenches up his chest. He presses his hands to his face, remorse gnawing through his insides. He’s a horrible person, truly. He asked Daehyun why he’d never liked him but it’s so obvious how terrible he is—even if he were Daehyun’s client, it’d never happen.

Daehyun’s the one who throws everything out the window to please him. What has he even done for Daehyun? How dare he treat Daehyun like this, getting idiotically jealous over a client as if Daehyun is his?

While Youngjae sinks in regret, Daehyun finally emerges after a long while. He looks more pale and tired, for some reason.

Daehyun scoffs as Youngjae peeks up at him. He joins his side and drawls, “Stop looking like a kicked kitten. I told you, I’m not angry.”

“Daehyun, I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispers anyhow. “I don’t know why I keep doing stupid things.”

It’s because he’s jealous of Jinhwan, and he knows it. Refusing to call the client by his name, making sarcastic remarks when Daehyun’s happy about his dates—it’s so obvious but he didn’t want to acknowledge how bratty he is. He’s an absolutely selfish friend to demand Daehyun to himself.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m really sorry. I don’t think of you as-”

“Stop,” Daehyun cuts in, patting Youngjae in the face as the college student yelps. “You’ve already wronged me and now you’re making things worse by making me listen to your speech.”

Youngjae dips his head. “I’m sorry.” His words brim with misery.

“It’s fine. Just don’t do it again, alright?” Daehyun gazes out the window thoughtfully, sunshine drawing out how prominent his eye circles are.

“You know, we usually squabble, but lately, we keep fighting. Feels like something’s going to happen one day.”

Youngjae slouches. “Are you going to fire me?”

Daehyun bursts out laughing. “I’m not, . I’m only saying it feels like it’s building up to something. We fight, then it’s over, then we fight again. So, let’s try not to fight so much.”

“Why?” Daehyun grins. “You’re scared I’ll fire you?”

“No. I don’t want us to stop being friends,” Youngjae mumbles, so soft as if he’s afraid he’ll speak it into reality.

“We won’t. No matter what happens between us, we’ll still be friends,” Daehyun assures confidently. He stands when he sees Jiwon walking towards the shop.

“Can I leave you two to take care of the shop?” He hums. Abruptly, he coughs, petals pelting out of his mouth.

“Yeah, no problem.” Youngjae rises with him, fingers still curled in remorse. “Daehyun, I-”

“You’re sorry, I get it. I know you are. And it’s really okay,” Daehyun chuckles. He his head towards the door. “I’m leaving, alright? Take care of the flowers. Remember to unpack the deliveries from this morning.”

With that, Daehyun swings out of the store, bumping into Jiwon just a few steps down. They chat for a moment and Jiwon punches Daehyun in the shoulder, much to Daehyun’s askance. Youngjae can piece out the dialogue in his head—Jiwon probably made a dumb joke and Daehyun chided him for wasting his time.

Youngjae slumps in sadness when Daehyun disappears, but he forces out a smile once Jiwon enters the store.

—

After closing up the store with Jiwon, Youngjae trudges back home, harping still on the incident from this afternoon. He’s more than ashamed by the way he acted, and even more so befuddled by how drastic he’d been. He’s never been this petty to demand all of Daehyun’s attention and care, to the point he riduculously wants Daehyun to see him romantically as well just because Daehyun sees another man in such a light.

It’s pathetic. Youngjae opens the door to his apartment and flings himself on his bed, burying his face into the pillows. He feels like , but what makes him feel absolutely awful is thinking about how Daehyun feels. Humiliated, maybe. Bewildered, probably thinking Youngjae’s out of his mind. And he is.

Youngjae checks the time. He sends a message to his girlfriend, finding some comfort in simply the thought of her.

Good morning. :) Have you eaten?

Jisook replies fifteen minutes later. Yeah. You?

It’s shorter than what she usually writes, but Youngjae doesn’t pay too much heed to it.

Ate some instant Kimchi ramen with Jiwon. I bet you miss Kimchi even more after I said that, right?

Haha, a little.

What did you eat for breakfast? Do you want to video call?

Some cereal. Sorry, I’m kind of tired. Can I talk to you later?

Sure. Get some rest, okay? Your health’s more important than schoolwork. I’ll call you when I’m awake tomorrow, Youngjae replies. He frets to himself in worry. Over these past few weeks, their conversations have been lackluster, owing it to Jisook and her curt replies. She doesn’t have classes at this time since it’s the holidays, but she seems weirdly more busy. Is she sick? Or stressed out?

Youngjae rolls over, waiting for an answer but it doesn’t come. He wants to give a call just to check up on her but decides against bothering her. Jisook must have been groggy after waking up and probably went back to sleep. It’s understandable she’d want to catch up on sleep after a tiring semester.

Opening his list of favourite contacts, Youngjae stares at Daehyun’s number, unsurely hovering his thumb over it. Should he text Daehyun and ask if he’s okay? Apologising again would be a good idea, no matter if Daehyun finds it naggy. He only wants Daehyun to know he meant it.

Typing out a message, Youngjae contemplates over the words, rephrasing it repeatedly to his frustration. It seems too formal and burdensome if it’s long, but keeping it short doesn’t convey what he wants to say.

Youngjae turns over and stares at the wall, sighing feebly. The thin breeze flutters past his curtains and accentuates the leftover silence in its wake, loneliness another symptom.

Youngjae gingerly presses the call button. His heart crawls to his throat as he nervously hears the phone ring.

Daehyun picks up. “Hello?”

“Oh, Daehyun,” Youngjae churns out. “Hey.”

“You still haven’t slept? Are you playing your games again?” Daehyun clears his throat and mumbles under his breath, probably because of petal got stuck to his tongue.

“No, I’m not.” Youngjae pauses, deliberating on his words.

Daehyun doesn’t give him a chance to speak. “Have you eaten dinner?”

“Mm. I ate instant noodles with Jiwon.”

“You two… You guys live like I don’t pay you. You’re always bugging me about eating instant noodles yet you always eat the same thing.”

“Well, that’s the same for you, isn’t it? You scold me but never listen to your own advice.”

“Fine,” Daehyun concedes in a defeated rasp.

Youngjae melts into a gentle laugh, mirth blooming in the recesses of his sadness.

“Daehyun?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for what I did today,” Youngjae meekly whispers.

Daehyun heaves. “Youngjae, it’s okay. I forgive you. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I know you were only being cheeky.”

Youngjae fidgets. He doesn’t correct Daehyun. “I feel bad. I know I can’t change what I did but… I don’t know, do you want to go out for lunch tomorrow? It’ll be my treat,” he says softly.

Daehyun chortles, his laugh drawing out like how a fire would sizzle out. He stays quiet for a long while and exhales faintly.

“Sure. Why not?”

Youngjae sits up, joy buoying up his chest. “I promise it’ll be good.”

“It better be,” Daehyun hoarsely returns. He tries to clear his throat but his voice still comes out rough. “What do you have in mind?”

“Mirino! You liked that restaurant,” Youngjae bubbles.

“Alright. We’ll go after the mid-shift. Wanna check out the arcade afterwards?” Daehyun wheezes. His voice is thinning out, a consequence of the growing infection in his lungs.

“Yeah, sounds good!”

Daehyun chuckles between his coughs. “Okay. Are you going to bed?”

“I guess, I’m sleepy. Are you? You sound really tired.”

“Tired?” Daehyun repeats in a ragged breath. “Yeah, I am, actually. I’m really tired.”

“You should sleep then,” Youngjae hastily says. “I won’t bother you anymore. Goodnight and sweet dreams.”

“Yeah. Goodnight. Sleep well.”

Before Youngjae can cut the call, Daehyun hums, “Hey, Youngjae.”

“What?”

Daehyun breathes out heftily. The silence lingers on for uncomfortably long.

“Do you think… you could ever like someone like me?”

With how feeble Daehyun’s words are, Youngjae finds his heart crumpling in sorrow. “Daehyun, I’ve told you before. Anyone who thinks that you can’t date someone because you’re a blood florist is complete trash. You’re a great person, Daehyun,” Youngjae stresses.

Surprisingly, Daehyun laughs, loud and husky like Youngjae had told the best joke he’d heard all day. He drifts off into a croak. “Ah… I’m so tired. I really am.”

Youngjae clasps the phone tighter. “Daehyun-”

“Yeah, yeah. I should get some sleep,” Daehyun says. “Have you called Jisook today? You haven’t updated me much on what she’s up to.”

“…I did. She’s tired so I’m going to call her tomorrow,” Youngjae murmurs.

“That’s good. Let me know when she’s visiting. I’ll make a bouquet for her.”

“Daehyun,” Youngjae interrupts urgently. “I really mean it. Someone who thinks of you badly because you do blood flowering doesn’t deserve you.”

Daehyun doesn’t respond immediately. Youngjae awaits his reply with a poignant anxiousness, listening to Daehyun’s coarse breathing.

“Yeah. Thanks, Youngjae.” Daehyun utters. “That means a lot to me.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m here,” Youngjae readily offers. “I could come over.”

“I’m fine. Just late night thoughts. I’m tired so I’m turning in.”

“Okay. But I’m really here for you, Daehyun. Let me know, okay? I’m not going to sleep yet.”

“You said you were.”

“I have stuff to do,” Youngjae lies. “So call me. I’ll be awake.”

“Don’t treat me so nicely,” Daehyun remarks jokingly. “You aren’t my girlfriend. Stop it.”

“And it’s alright. I’m sleeping now. Goodnight, Youngjae,” Daehyun yawns.

“…Goodnight, Daehyun. Sleep well.”

The cold beeping tone rings in Youngjae’s ear. He pulls away his phone and stares at the screen, woe sitting on his shoulders.

He heads to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

reaching the end soon! hehe