Garden of Lilacs

Opposites Attract Lilacs

Attraction holds a greater sense than a mere force which draws one body towards another. Opposites do not attract, they contrast. At the very least, opposites can be together but there will always be a sense of juxtaposition embracing the two bodies. Opposing bodies lain side by side will always be black and white, left and right, or Jisoo and Jeonghan.

Opposites do not attract because if it does, then Jisoo wouldn’t be spewing lilacs to the point of almost emptying his insides.

Jisoo has been diagnosed with an illness known as the Hanahaki Disease. He had already been informed that his disease can be removed through a surgery. He has gone back and forth to America considering the cure. However, every single time his plane lands over the grounds of his hometown, he reconsiders his decision. If healing means killing the little garden living inside of him, then he would rather get hurt every time they flourish than to completely eliminate his ability to feel anything at all. He would rather live than to survive like a walking corpse.

Even though there are consequences, Jisoo have always loved the feeling of loving. Loving enables him to feel his insides flourishing and his heart beating which makes him feel more alive.

Loving Jeonghan is hard. It is and it has always been - ever since he met the meek boy seated by the corner of the room, up to this very day.

Jisoo had always tried to keep his feelings bottled up for the sake of their friendship which he treasures ever so dearly. However, there would be times in which, done subconsciously, he would catch himself staring admiringly at the latter. Jeonghan is beautiful. If Jisoo grows his little garden inside him, Jeonghan has his own surrounding him. Or at least, that’s what Jisoo sees every time he looks at him.

The two have always been together, stuck like glue to each other. Spot one then you would know where the other is. At their fan signing events, they would always be side-by-side, hands clasped tightly, leaning in to tell something funny, at least to both of them, once in a while then laugh their heads off. At the recording studio, they would stare at each other so dearly, singing every line to one another as if telling promises of forever. And at night, under the gentle flickering starlight, they would be under each other’s warm embrace with limbs entangled under the covers of their shared bed. They were each other’s best companion. It was almost like nothing would ever pull the two apart. Or that was what Jisoo thought to himself.

The symptoms grew more unbearable to Jisoo. He would spew out flowers almost every night, waking him from his slumber. He tries hard to mute himself as he empties himself inside the little bathroom they have at the dorm. The amount of lilacs flowing out of his mouth multiplied every single day. The little garden living inside of him slowly tries to possess Jisoo’s life for itself.

Once, there was a time when Jisoo wasn’t able to sing for a couple of weeks because the flowers scratched his vocal chords. Thinking about their team, he practiced dancing and playing his guitar instead. During events he would lip sync with the prepared prerecorded voice of his. Feeling guilty, he continued to devote himself to activities which would help him be a better member of the group. Doing so, he jailed himself to their practice room until dawn.

Jisoo’s actions concerned his group, mostly Jeonghan. Jeonghan knew Jisoo the best and he do know that Jisoo does this out of guilt. He have always known that the latter have always wanted to be a better hyung to his dongsaengs. Therefore, one day, still inside the practice room, he approached Jisoo asking him to rest his already tired body. However the latter only smiled and shook his head in disapproval. Jisoo did rest for a bit, if staying beside Jeonghan meant doing so, for at least thirty minutes. Jeonghan took advantage of Jisoo’s comfort and let him rest his head on his shoulder. Soon after, Jisoo slowly fell asleep with the warmth radiating from Jeonghan’s body. Jeonghan felt relief at this and then rested his head over Jisoo’s.

Ten minutes later when Jisoo woke up. He looked at Jeonghan’s sleeping state and admired the said man. Once again, Jisoo saw the flowers blooming all around Jeonghan. It will always be his most favorite sight. Jisoo could see Jeonghan glowing and thinks Jeonghan still looks more beautiful than all of the flowers surrounding him.

However, serenity was then broken when he felt his insides churn once again. He tried his best to keep it in not to wake the other. He freed himself from the other then lay him down gently. Quickly after, he made a run towards the bathroom. Jisoo’s footsteps woke Jeonghan up from his sleep. With his concern over Jisoo, he quickly followed suit.

He knocked on the bathroom door lightly and carefully.

“Jisoo? Are you alright?” worry evident in his voice.

Jeonghan leaned in and heard water flowing from the faucet. As the sound disappeared, he knocked once again. But he received no response from the latter.

“Jisoo? Ya! Hong Jisoo!” his voice getting louder and louder; the banging on the door was getting stronger and stronger due to his anxiety.

However, Jisoo still wouldn’t respond and this made Jeonghan’s anxiety get the most of him. With this, Jeonghan quickly ran to their manager and asked for help.

Five minutes felt like an eternity to Jeonghan with every second weighing down on him.  Which is why as soon as their manager finally inserted the right key in the keyhole and unlocked the bathroom door, his legs gave out on him. They found Jisoo was sprawled on the cold bathroom floor, with his nose and lips stained with blood and there were a mess of blood-stained lilacs around him. The sight was in disarray and most of it was unexplainable. Jisoo never told anyone whether he was aching or hurt and this lead to the members unaware of whatever situation he’s currently into.

Jisoo gained consciousness a day later. With his vision still getting accustomed to the light and his head feeling lighter than usual, he found mop of hair over his left hand. 

“Jeonghan-ah,” he called out, his voice husky.

Said male stirred in his sleep. Jeonghan's face scrunched as he rubbed his eyes. He turned to check-up on the owner of the voice and as soon as he saw him conscious and awake, he jumped in delight and quickly hugged Jisoo ever so tightly while grumbling his complaints towards Jisoo.

Jeonghan's celebration is cut off short when their manager asked them if he could have a private talk with Jisoo. Albeit in disapproval, Jeonghan obliged.

"You haven't informed us about your disease," their manager scolded him as he sat on the seat beside Jisoo’s bed.

"I'm sorry, hyung. It's just that-" he trailed off.

Jisoo was ashamed. He knows disease was unconventional. Fortunately, there is only little to none who shared the same fate with Jisoo. That being said, Jisoo does not really approve on the “Fortunately” part because he was one of those on the least side who got unfortunate and got the disease; and the cause, moreover, is unrequited love. He expected his manager to tell him off and separate him from Jeonghan so when their manager told him otherwise, it surprised him much.

"Have you informed him about this?" Jisoo was first in doubt whether he was on the same page as his manager. And as if reading Jisoo's mind, their manager cleared, "Jeonghan. Does he know?"

Jisoo bowed his head down and softly shook his head. Their manager placed his hand above Jisoo’s.

"Tell him. Who knows; maybe you'll be cured of this disease by then."

With this as his parting words, he got on his feet and walked his way towards the door allowing the members to swarm inside the room.

Jeonghan was the first to make his way towards Jisoo.

"I told you to rest a hundred times, didn't I?  And what are those flowers laying at the bathroom? Were you attacked by some sasaeng or something? You've got a lot of explaining to do Hong Jisoo! I almost followed your confinement here because of worry and-"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll try my best for it not to happen again-"

"’Try’? No! You're not pulling this sick stunt once again! Don’t you even know how much I’ve worried myself over you?-“

“Us too, we got so worried of you Jisoo-yah,” Seungcheol put his arm around Jeonghan’s shoulders and patted him to calm him down. However, Jeonghan acted otherwise. He got rid of Seungcheol’s arms and wrapped his own around Jisoo’s body then continued to scold him.

Few days later after Jisoo’s discharge from the hospital, Jeonghan stuck himself to Jisoo like glue. Jisoo sometimes, although subtly, complain to Jeonghan’s overthinking of his condition. He liked the attention, if he would be honest to himself, however he also knew that this’ll also do him no good.

One day, his manager found him puking flowers by the bathroom inside their company. After Jisoo cleaned up and walked out of the cubicle, he found their manager offering his own handkerchief and a bottle of water to him.

“I told you to tell him already”

“I’m afraid, hyung,” Jisoo splashed water over his face then looked at his reflection by the mirror. The sight was horrible, he knows. But he thinks that he could still be worse than this. That is when the time comes and Jeonghan rejects his feelings.

“You would never know if you would never ask, Jisoo. Don’t worry too much. Hyung will be on your side,” their manager said and then patted Jisoo’s shoulder.

 


 

“Jisoo hyung, Jeonghan hyung, it’s your turn to record,” Jihoon informed the two and went back to the recording studio. The two followed suit with Jeonghan finding his way back to Jisoo then clinging to him tightly.

The words of their manager kept on ringing inside his head and with that, he caught himself staring into Jeonghan as the said male sang his part over the microphone which was facing them. Once again, flowers were blooming and flourishing around Jeonghan.

“Hyung! Quit staring at Jeonghan hyung! It’s your time to sing!” Jihoon informed over the mic, startling Jisoo.

With that, Jisoo obliged and started singing, accompanying the instrumental flowing out the headphones he’s wearing.

“Hyung, hyung, wait. No good. Can you-“Jihoon was cut off by their manager.

“Let’s have a break from here. Jihoon, go back and practice dancing with Soonyoung.”

Jihoon nodded in approval and made his way out of their recording studio.

“You two, you should improve your performance. Jeonghan, listen more to the melody, you’re a beat late and Jisoo, work up on your vocal strength; have more courage,” their manager scolded. Jeonghan bowed his head in disappointment and their manager signed Jisoo.

There was an awkward silence which succumbed the two with Jeonghan disappointed over himself and Jisoo still trying to gain enough courage to confess.

The two got startled when their manager peeked his head from the door saying, “Jisoo, I’m telling you, I’m only giving you two a couple of minutes break, work it out,” soon then, his head disappeared and the two were alone once again.

“On what beat should I start?” Jeonghan blurted out. Jisoo was having a little monologue inside his head therefore unaware of whatever Jeonghan was asking.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“Don’t let it get to your head that much Jisoo, I still love your singing style however you do it,” Jeonghan stated a little more comfortably to Jisoo’s liking.

“I have something to tell you actually,” Jisoo blurted, stuttering at his first few words.

Jeonghan tilted his head in confusion.

“Wait, is this about your illness? Is it serious?! What-“Jisoo cut Jeonghan off.

“Relatively yes and relatively no. Wait, hear me out Yoon Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan opened his mouth to rebut but was ceased when Jisoo grabbed his hands.

“Well, I have this disease, Hanahaki Disease, I puke out flowers when my feeling are not returned. I knows it sounds weird but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I already flew back and forth to America. They know how to get rid of this-“

“Then why didn’t you get cured?”

“I’ve always changed my mind. If I was to be healed from this, first, I would undergo a surgery; second, I can’t go back here on time because I’ll need to recover; lastly, all my feelings would be gone together with the disease. Above it all, I love the having the ability to feel joy or even sorrow. I am fond of feeling this little garden inside me grow and flourish whenever I adore you. I’ve always loved the feeling of being alive. And I don’t want to simply get rid of this because I don’t want to get rid of the things I love. What I’m saying is, if I get rid of this, that’ll also mean that I cannot feel the joy of liking, loving rather, you. If I did, I know I would be like a walking corpse surviving just for the sake of it. I’m not getting towards something am I? But to simply put finality into whatever I’m saying, I- I love you Yoon Jeonghan. I always have and I always will. I don’t care whether I’ll continue being in this state or not but I just…” Jisoo trailed off and lost his grasp of his vocabulary.

“Is that the only way for you to be cured? There must be another way,” Jeonghan suddenly asked.

“No, it’s not the only way.”

“What is it then?”

“Accept my feelings.”

“That’s it?” Jeonghan asked in bewilderment.

“It’s crazy I know but it’s true. But don’t worry yourself much over this I’m not urging you to accept my feelings or anything.”

“But why didn’t you say so earlier? I could’ve done something.”

“It wouldn’t work, I won’t heal if your feelings are not real,” Jisoo sighed a shaky and heavy breath and let go of the latter’s hand.

“Who said my feelings aren’t real?” Jeonghan grabbed back Jisoo’s hands and held it tightly. “That’s not very nice of you. I thought we were clear and all about this. I mean we were all lovey-dovey and stuff well, not until you decided to separate yourself from me then overwork yourself. We’re best friends! Or at least that’s what I view you as. What kind of best friend don’t trust their best friend about serious matters like this?”

“Exactly. We are best friends.”

“You’re not even listening!” Jeonghan exclaimed startling Jisoo. “Hear me out, what I’m saying is that your best friend loves you more than just a mere best friend! I mean yes, a friend can also be lovey-dovey and stuff but me doing those with you, for me, it means something more, something more which even to myself is way too complex to understand. You’re just way too special for me above anyone else.”

“So, are you telling me that you love me too?”

“Yes, I do, you half American halfwit! Now, are you relieved of your disease already?”

“I don’t know, but there’s one crazy thing I’ve thought to confirm,” Jisoo carefully stated while staring straight into Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Then do it, you-“

Jeonghan was cut off with a pair of soft plump lips adjacent to his. Although still in shock, he slowly closed his eyes to let himself be swallowed by the euphoria up to the point of his legs passing out on him. Jisoo caught him before he even fall and said,

“It worked, I completely healed,” he let out a gentle chuckle and pulled Jeonghan into a tight embrace. “I love you, I love you so, so much,“ he whispered to the latter’s ear.

The statement which was filled of emotions and certainty was relayed to Jeonghan very well to which he replied,

“I love you too, as much as you love me. Maybe even more.”

 

From then on, Jisoo learned. Opposites, still, do not simply attract. They may contrast but they would always complement each other. After all, similar bodies do not always stay with each other. One body must find another which would complement and fill-up its flaws and weaknesses.

 

Moreover, even if Jisoo and Jeonghan sit on completely opposing side, they would always be facing each other.

 


Author's Note: 

Hallo it's me again. If you reached up to this point then omg thank you very much for reading ㅠㅠ 

Comment or anything I wanna know what do you think :>

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Jewelandelf
#1
Chapter 1: Finally. Hanahaki!Jihan that ends well
Y_Y
deathbaek
#2
Chapter 1: THIS IS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT AND I LOVE JIHAN AND THIS IS PERFECT and ahhhhhhhhhh GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL AND YOUR WRITUNG SKILLS MY HEART AND FEELINGS ARE CURED FROM CORRUPTION AND DEVASTATION OOOOOO UR SO GOOD I LOVE JIHAN IT HURTS WOW