A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating this story in so long! I haven't had any ideas on how to continue it, but I should finish it soon. Also, Chanwoo has a bit of a panic attack in this story and I tried to explain it as best as I could since I have panic attacks from time to time but it proved to be harder than I originally thought, so I hope it makes sense! I hope this chapter is alright and feedback is very much appreciated! Thank you for reading and thank you for your patience!

Chanwoo hasn’t been this nervous walking up to the dorm since he was announced the 7th member of iKon. He doesn’t want to see his hyungs, doesn’t want to know what they’ll say to him. He doesn’t want to know what they’ll say about him. He doesn’t want to know how much he’s disappointed them.

Chanwoo pauses at the door, his heart is in his throat and his breath is starting to become rapid, before he turns the doorknob slowly. No one is waiting right inside the doorway to scold him when he enters but Chanwoo hears voices coming from the living room, and he’s starting to wonder why he came back to the dorm in the first place.

When Chanwoo walks into the living room all conversations come to an end, and he’s left standing in a room so quiet he could hear a pin drop. 

“Where have you been,” Jinhwan’s voice is sharp, cutting through not only the silence in the room but also Chanwoo’s heart.

Chanwoo feels his breathing picking up and his heart is starting to race, but he knows he needs to answer Jinhwan’s question, “I-I,” He takes a deep breath and swallows down the bile that is starting to rise in his throat, “I needed to clear my head, hyung.”

Jiwon glares at him with something akin to hate before biting out, “Oh, so now we’re your hyungs?”

Chanwoo flinches at the tone, but his hyungs aren’t done with their verbal lashing yet as Yunhyeong adds a, “I thought we weren’t good enough to be your hyungs.”

His hyungs look so irritated and Chanwoo know’s he has no one to blame but himself for this. “I-I’m sorry,” He croaks out, his voice rough with all of his sobs trapped in it.

Chanwoo knows when Hanbin speaks in a calm, steady voice that he’s in deep because normally he’ll yell at Chanwoo…unless he’s pissed beyond belief. “Yeah, well, we don’t necessarily care how sorry you are,” Hanbin gives him a look that tells Chanwoo that he needs to shut up, “it doesn’t matter how upset you were, that gave you no right to hurt everyone else’s feelings.” 

Chanwoo knows that everything Hanbin just said is true and that he doesn’t deserve their forgiveness. He doesn’t deserve to be apart of their group, and it hurts all over. The pain of rejection and the hatred he knows his hyungs feel for him is felt in his chest. He feels it all over his body and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever not feel this pain sitting on his body, weighing down on his chest and crushing him.

Junhoe is the first to notice the small tears forming in the youngest member’s eyes and the rapid rise and fall of the maknae’s chest. Junhoe’s seen Chanwoo have a panic attack before, they all have, and he knows that if Chanwoo starts to grab at his chest then he needs to calm him down.

“Hyungs, I think you need to calm down. I know Chanwoo hurt all of our feelings, but we haven’t let him explain why he was so upset,” Junhoe is also about to mention the fact that Chanwoo is on the verge of having a panic attack when they hear a choked sob escape Chanwoo’s throat.

There’s sweat pouring down Chanwoo’s face and the other members can tell that he’s having trouble breathing. “Chanwoo? Hey, look at me. Breathe in and breathe out, okay? Just copy what I’m doing,” Hanbin is in front of Chanwoo in an instant trying to calm him down. 

Chanwoo’s trying to get a steady breath into his lungs, but he physically can’t and he’s beginning to feel the pain in his chest worsen with each failed breath. Hanbin continues to get Chanwoo to breathe, scared that maybe Chanwoo won’t calm down long enough to get enough oxygen into his body, but just when Hanbin is about to give up, Chanwoo finally starts breathing normally. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Chanwoo’s sobbing as he lurches forward burying his face in Hanbin’s neck while Hanbin wraps his arms tight around Chanwoo’s waist. “I’m so sorry that I took all of my frustrations out on you hyungs. You’re all so good to me and all you’ve ever done is try to make me feel wanted and all I’ve ever done is let you down. I hate that I’m not good enough to get more lines and I hate that I’m not even a decent dongsaeng. I hate myself so much and I just wish that I was even half as talented as any of you.”

Before anyone can respond to his small outburst, Chanwoo wrenches himself out of Hanbin’s grasp and slams the bathroom door shut as soon as he’s inside it. He lets himself slide down the bathroom door until he’s sitting with his back resting against the only thing separating him and his hyungs. Chanwoo never wants to leave the safety of the bathroom, he never wants to face his hyungs after telling them what he truly thinks of himself.