We had pushed aside our plan to break up the next day, meeting each other at the front and talking as if we weren’t supposed to ignore each other. Truthfully, I hadn’t forgotten. I remembered. The thing was, I didn’t want to start ignoring her. I brushed it aside as just me wanting to continue being close to Seungwan - considering we haven’t been this close since a few years ago.

 

I thought about it all night. When was the last time I had felt genuine comfortability around someone else? It was a long time ago, that’s when it was. And Seungwan… Seungwan was someone who I could be comfortable around no matter what. Sure, she could be a little uptight and strict - but that’s just who she is. Me teasing her and her getting angry at me was just how our relationship worked. Even back when we were friends, that’s how we worked. It was our dynamic, and I liked it.

 

And so the days went by, we were still pretend-dating. We always sat together during lunch.

 

“I feel like this is a bit troublesome.” I said one day as we sat at the cafeteria together. Seungwan blinked at me. “What’s troublesome?”

 

“You having to sit with me at lunch.” I voiced my opinion. “I mean, it’s not like you didn’t have friends before we started…”

 

Seungwan just smiled. “It’s fine. Honestly, I prefer sitting with you than sitting with my friends.”

 

“Eh?” I widened my eyes. Who the hell would prefer me?

 

Seungwan shrugged, picking at the meat on her plate with her chopsticks. “It was really crowded where I used to sit. Everyone tried to stick together at one table and it made me really uncomfortable. Sitting off to the side like this is nice.” She picked up the meat.

 

I raised an eyebrow, glancing around. “Even with everyone staring at us every second?”

 

The younger girl just laughed, holding the meat to my lips. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

 

I took the meat with my teeth, chewing on it. “Cool?” I mumbled.

 

“Everyone’s surprisingly taking two girls dating really well.” Seungwan commented, eating her own piece of meat.

 

I stared at all the people looking at us, connecting eyes with some who would, in return, hastily look away. “Our school has always been more open-minded.”

 

It was weird. Whenever our conversation would lead to the topic of our fake relationship, it seemed so real. Did I want it to be real?

 

No. That’s ridiculous. I only said it to not make Seungwan seem like someone who sleeps around. Although… there isn’t wrong with someone who sleeps around. I… I just wanted to protect Seungwan from nasty rumors is all.

 

“Mmm.” Seungwan hummed. “I suppose so.” The conversation ended there as the bell to dismiss kids from lunch rang out. Seungwan and I began to gather our things. I felt her take hold of my wrist. “Hey, Seulgi,” She called out. I looked at her. “Can I have your number? I would still have your number had it not been for my phone breaking in middle school…” She laughed a little.

 

My pulse began to quicken. “S - Sure. Here, give me your phone.”

 

Weeks went by.

 

“You seem kind of out of it, Seulgi.” Seungwan commented one day on our break period. Her head was on my lap as we sat down on a bench outside. “Are you alright?” She asked, looking up at me with worried eyes.

 

“I’m fine. It’s just the exams that have me all worked up.” I lied. Seungwan grinned at me.

 

“You’ll do fine. We’ve been studying for the past week together, haven’t we?”

 

We have, and that’s part of the reason why I’m so ‘out of it’. She had slept over my house multiple times and I had slept over her’s. We were just studying, but when we had to go to sleep, we had to share the same bed. And I had learned the hard way that Seungwan was a cuddler. I hadn’t been able to get any sleep, and my brain was all burnt out from studying so much.

 

Seungwan always woke up much earlier than me and she never acted like much was different despite knowing she had hugged me the whole night. Last night had been the worst night. She had been awake when she wrapped her arms around my waist. She was conscious while doing it! And it didn’t help that I could feel her breathing against my neck.

 

“Easy for you to say, Seungwan.” I grumbled, closing my eyes. “You’re the smartest girl in the school.”

 

Seungwan reached up and poked my cheek. “Don’t be so moody.” She scolded me. I sighed.

 

“Sorry.” I let out another sigh.

 

The hand that had moved to poke my cheek was now cupping it. My eyes opened as her thumb my skin, meeting Seungwan’s own. “It’ll be fine.” She said, her signature smile on her lips. “Just don’t overthink it, okay?”

 

Don’t overthink it.

 

“Right.” I nodded, ignoring the small stab at my heart. “Thanks, Seungwan.”

 

“Mmm.” Seungwan hummed, dropping her hand down. “My next test for the day is science.”

 

I was never good at science. “Yikes.” Actually, I was never good at school in general.

 

“What’s yours?” Seungwan asked, her eyes closing. She, on the other hand, was excellent at school. Excellent at everything in general. My hand moved on its own, fixing Seungwan’s bangs as the wind continued to mess them up. “English.” I answered. Maybe that’s why if we were to really date, we wouldn’t be able to.

 

The two of us are so different - our personalities would clash. It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship.

 

Her eyes opened. “I helped you study English super duper hard, Kang Seulgi. You better get a good grade.” She narrowed her eyes at me threateningly. I ruffled up her bangs. “Yes, ma’am.”

 

She sat up with a huff, fixing her bangs. “How annoying.” She muttered, making me laugh. Her eyes were crossed as she tried to see how her bangs looked. I leaned over, moving her hand to the side, fixing her bangs myself.

 

Her eyes weren’t looking at her bangs anymore but were looking directly at me. I urged myself to keep my attention on her bangs and not at her eyes. I couldn’t help myself, though. “There.” I said, my eyes connecting with Seungwan’s. Her eyes widened just a tiny bit, but enough for me to notice. I backed up, realizing I was a tad bit too close to the shorter girl.

 

“You’re so easy to tease, Seungwan.” I tried to ignore the weird atmosphere around us. It was probably my fault that the tension was like this. I shouldn’t get so ahead of myself. Seungwan stuttered as she spoke. “S - Shut up, Seulgi.”

 

I checked the time on my phone. “We should probably head back to our classes, huh?” I announced. Seungwan nodded, standing up. “Yeah.”

 

“Meet me for lunch at the cafeteria, then?”

 

She nodded again, her bangs jumping. “Yeah.”

 

“Okay, bye, Seungwan.” I smiled as I began to walk away. She nodded again. The smile disappeared from my face as I turned my head. Why won’t my heart calm down?

 

When lunch came around, I entered the cafeteria and immediately spotted Seungwan. She wasn’t alone though. Sat with her was some dude… I didn’t know his name, nor did I want to, but I remembered his face. He was in choir just like Seungwan was. He probably got good grades, too.

 

Without really knowing why, my feet their heels and headed back out into the hallway.

 

“Kang Seulgi!” I could recognize the voice instantly as I headed towards the main door. I stopped walking and turned, seeing Seungwan a little bit out of breath. “Where were you at lunch?”

 

“I was at the nurse.” I lied.

 

Seungwan’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, her hand immediately reaching up to touch my forehead. “You don’t feel too warm.” I gently pushed her hand away by her wrist. “I’m just going to go home and rest.” I turned and began to walk out the door.

 

“What?” Seungwan was walking next to me. “You’re walking home? And you’re sick?”

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

Seungwan kept walking next to me. We were down the street by then. “Then I’ll walk you home.”

 

“You have after school activities, don’t you?” Seungwan was in a lot of clubs.

 

“They don’t start until later. I’ll walk you home and then walk back to school.”

 

“You don’t have to do that.” I said, my temple was throbbing.

 

“Just let me worry about you.” She mumbled.

 

“Why?” I asked before I could stop myself. “We’re not even really dating.”

 

My words caused her steps to slow down. Unknowingly, we both stopped walking. Seungwan looked at me with a bit of hurt in her eyes. Dammit. “You never brought that up before… I don’t know why you’d suddenly bring that up now.” She said. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends worry about each other, don’t they?” She spoke quietly. I didn’t know how to respond. I blame my lack of sleep and my fried brain for my grumpiness.

 

“Whatever.” I mumbled, continuing to walk. Seungan still walked with me, but she was a few steps behind. I felt so guilty - I didn’t intentionally mean to make her feel that bad. It didn’t matter anyways, we arrived at my house. She didn’t say anything as I unlocked my front door. I figured she was waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t. I couldn’t even fully enter my house when Seungwan’s voice stopped me.

 

“Did I do something wrong?”

 

I looked at her in surprise.

 

She stared at her feet. “You’ve been acting cold since this morning.”

 

“You didn’t do anything.” She made me feel even guiltier. “I’ve just been in a bad mood today.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Y - Yeah.”

 

I could tell she didn’t believe me.

 

“Okay…”

 

She didn’t text me that night. The next day at school, she wasn’t there waiting for me by the gate. This was for the best, I guessed. It didn’t hurt any less, though. Exams were over so the schedule was back to normal.

 

When lunch came around, I sat alone at the usual table. Seungwan sat with her friends.

 

This must be what a real breakup felt like.

 

It’s whatever. It’s just the same as it was before I even got involved with Seungwan again. I used to always sit alone at lunch. I always walked home alone before. I was always the lone one. I was staring at my tray of food when I heard a group of people walk towards me. It was the girls who had seen Seungwan and I that day in the bathroom.

 

“Seulgi…” One girl said, using honorifics seeing as I was their senior. “Did you and Seungwan break up?”

 

I blinked, my eyes flickering towards Seungwan’s direction. She was staring at us - at me. I focused back on the girls. mustering up a small smile. “Mm.” I nodded with a hum. “It was a mutual decision.” What type of bull was I talking about?

 

There was a chorus of sad aww’s. “If you need someone to talk to, we’re here for you.” One of them said. I just smiled. They were too cute to get angry at. “Thank you.”

 

The group hurried off, leaving me alone. With my appetite gone, I threw my food out and decided to head to class early. I felt my phone vibrate. It was a text from Seungwan asking me to meet her at the bathroom.

 

She got there before I did, seated on the counter, hands holding down her skirt. She jumped off the counter once she saw me. “Ah, hi.”

 

“Hi.”

 

So awkward.

 

“What’d… What’d you tell them?” She asked. “Those girls.” She clarified.

 

“That we broke up.” I replied. It could’ve been my imagination, but I swore Seungwan flinched when I said it.

 

“Ah, so then there’s no reason for us to keep hanging out, huh?” Seungwan faked a smile. I couldn’t look her in the eyes.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Before Seungwan could walk past me, I stopped her. “Wait,” I might regret this, but I’ll regret it even more if I didn’t do it. “I… I just wanted to say that when we fake dated, it was fun.” I let the words spill from my lips. “A - And I haven’t been that close with somebody since I was little. So, thank you.” Seungwan froze. Here goes nothing. “And I think that somewhere along the way I realized that I really did like you. You don’t have to do anything about this confession. It’s not like I’m expecting you to like me back or anything but I just wanted to tell you - and I’m just rambling now but -”

 

What?

 

Seungwan pulled back. “You talk way too much.”

 

She totally just kissed me.

 

“So… does that mean…” I quirked an eyebrow, my heart pounding loudly.

 

“Yes, I like you, too.” Seungwan giggled.

 

“And…” My hands found their way to her waist.

 

“Yes, we can really date now.”  She was smiling brightly.  

 

Oh thank goodness.

 

boo