Starless nights were always the worst.

There were no twinkles to light the darkness, to console a lonely soul. There were no meaningless wishes to be wished. Without stars, Donghae could only shrivel up on the bench and gaze at the flickering lamp posts that matched his dimming spirit. He anticipated the darkness, waited for the lights to wipe out, wished all of them gone. He awaited stillness. He wanted the end. Out of frustration he yanked off the black tie that choked his throat and crushed it in his fist as tear drops splattered onto his bruised knuckles. Donghae sobbed into the crumpled tie, wrenched at his hair, and crescendoed into an agonizing wail. He wanted to return to the beginning. He wanted time to rewind and stop. He wanted an end to his misery.

He wanted the stars.

★★★★★

The cacophony of traffic was of a distant world just 50 meters below. They were just flashing lights that whizzed from here to there of numerous lives clustered onto a giant road. At the top of the building there was just silence and the occasional wail of the wind. Somehow, Donghae had ended up on the edge, cold hands in his pockets and eyes focused downwards. The winter wind numbed his face and froze him to the spot.

"Have I really been miserable enough to end up here?" he questioned himself and laughed as if the situation was only a funny joke, but his laugh only came out as a choked pain.

It was New Years, marking the third year of Donghae's unemployment, second year since his father's death, and another year of a wasted life. How could he move on from a death? How does he get a job after dropping out of college? How does he live the next day, and the next? Donghae allowed the heap of questions to bombard him as he wished for the end. He wished that the answer to all his problems was so simple and so close, just 50 meters away. Maybe the world would be better off, his mother wouldn't worry, his brother wouldn't have to be ashamed, no one would notice. It was so easy to take a step into nothingness but so hard to take a step into the future. Donghae stared down and felt his heartbeat quicken. His hands began to sweat as he pictured the end with a faint voice of reassurance in the back of his mind. He could do it. His feet shuffled forward, the tips just an inch over the edge, as he dared himself to lean forward.

A firm hand on his arm pulled him back and Donghae was yanked from the deafening void he almost lunged into. Startling relief washed over.

"Woah, you gotta be careful there you could've fallen over. We wouldn't want that happening." a bright voice chuckled. Donghae looked up from the stranger's embrace to see a tuft of platinum hair that tempted to hide the warm chestnut eyes.

"Uh, thank you." Donghae murmured wondering if he looked crazy standing on the edge like that. "for stop- saving me."

"You're lucky I was here. You know I've already had the reputation of saving countless Tippers. They all think too much, seeking answers in the wrong places." he shook his head and sighed. Motioning for Donghae to join him, he plopped down and stretched onto his back to stare at the sky.

"I'll let you in on a secret. The stars hold all the answers. If you're lost just look up and they'll always be there"

Donghae smirked, that was romantic bullcrap. But he looked up nonetheless and saw a symphony of twinkling stars that drowned out the world. Amazed, he glanced at the blonde next to him who's platinum strands gave off the illusion of him glowing as well. And just a little, Donghae felt whole again as if he was finally in the right place, lost, but lost amongst the stars.

☆☆☆☆☆

The next few nights Donghae found himself returning to the rooftop no longer in search of the edge but for his savior. He never showed up, but that didn't discourage Donghae. It was an excuse to just lie on the rooftop waiting and watching and thinking, the good kind of thinking. He began to question if he even saw the stranger. What if he was an angel? What if he was a ghost? What if Donghae was going crazy?

Then, more questions followed. If I see him again how should I thank him? What do I say?

Donghae decided to fix himself and dig out of the quicksand. How pathetic would he be if he met the stranger again and he was still a lost soul? He finally found his source of motivation and got to work looking for job offers in newspapers, magazines, and stores all over Seoul. He finally decided to live.

☆☆☆☆☆

Donghae met his guardian angel for the second time, drunk.

He sagged into the swing in the empty playground and gulped down his fifth can of beer while he kicked at the empty ones on the ground. When the angel sunk into the swing next to him Donghae greeted him with a fit of giggles.

"You came into my dream again." he bubbled and swayed. 

"Yes, again." the blonde noted rather amused by the pink faced brunette who seemed a lot happier than their first encounter. Donghae eyed him. His angel carried a bulky bookbag that sunk into his thin shoulders as if he was hiking through Seoul. 

"Oh! Where are you going with that? Are you on a trip? Are you leaving?" he pointed at the bundle on the blonde's back, curious and afraid.

"I'm a traveler, they're all my belongings. I just go where I feel like, whenever I like, whatever feels right." the angel shrugged.

"I think you're lost." Donghae sighed and shook his head. The traveler was taken back, lost? Wandering was one way to put it but lost? He filled with denial but dismissed Donghae's words as drunken gibberish. "I'll tell you a secret: if you look up, the stars have all the answers." But the traveler didn't look up with Donghae. He watched the brunette giggle and wave at the stars and saw the faint outline of his so-called answer. They stayed like that for awhile until Donghae's eyes drooped and he fell backwards out of the swing plopping right into the sand.

☆☆☆☆☆

Donghae woke with a headache to be met with chestnut eyes watching him from and inch away. He screamed.

The angel is either in my room or I'm in heaven.

"You had some fun last night." the blonde commented sending Donghae into an array of confusion. 

What did I do? Oh dear god what did I do? Did I sin? Is he going to punish me?

"It was difficult getting you here." the angel smirked and shifted onto the bed no longer just inches away and Donghae felt the distance.

Did that mean I was supposed to be in hell instead?

"Alright, I'll stop teasing you. Here drink your hangover soup." he handed Donghae the bowl and Donghae's repressed hunger surged up and he was gulping it down feeling his headache ease away.

"So I'm not dead?" Donghae choked out after a slurp.

"Why would you be dead do I look like an angel to you?" Donghae bit back a 'yes'. But then realization hit him, he was drunk last night. Who knows what atrocities he could've done? Well, the angel did. 

"Did I do anything bad last night?" he asked almost whimpering. He had planned their second meeting over and over. He was going to tell his angel about the job he got at the supermarket. He was going to tell him about going back to college. His angel would've been proud but for all he knows Donghae could've thrown up on him.

"Oh my god, it was a nightmare last night." the blonde groaned and covered his face in distress. He peeked between his fingers to see a wincing Donghae with shame in his eyes. The guilty blonde quickly straightened up. "I'm joking, I found you in the park and within a few minutes you were out cold. So, I brought you to your place after finding your ID card in your shoe. You honestly need a better place to put it by the way. And I left you to sleep, I didn't touch you if you were worried about that." the blonde reassured with a slight smirk.

Donghae was slightly relieved but still down. Perfect second meeting ruined.

"I promise I'm usually not drunk. I was just in a really good mood, I got paid last night! The first paycheck in three years!" Donghae tried to justify his drunkenness. 

"Oh yea?" the traveller grinned and ruffled his hair. "That's good to hear, but no more drinking alone Tipper." Great, now Donghae will be known as the suicidal drunk guy.

"Call me Donghae."

"Alright Tipper."

Donghae scowled, "What do I call you?"

The blonde hesitated. He didn't like going with names, he never stuck around places long enough for people to use them. But he made an exception this time.

"Hyukjae."

☆☆☆☆☆

Like a ghost, the wanderer disappeared again. A hand waving farewell to Donghae and he was down the street blending in with the crowd, gone. After that their meetings were just as fleeting as their previous encounters. Donghae would find him in coffee shops and they would continue conversations as if weeks didn't sit inbetween them. Donghae would find him on the bus dozed off in the back seat and he would take the liberty to sit next to him until he woke up (just to make sure no one would steal his things of course). Sometimes, Donghae would catch a glimpse of platinum hair in the streets below when he looked out his bedroom window, and often when he went out for his morning jog in the neighborhood he would catch flashes of blonde from behind trees and in buildings.

He didn't mind how much he looked for Hyukjae, he anticipated their next coincidental meeting. Everytime they bumped into each other Hyukjae would tell Donghae about all the things he's seen like tomato fights and baby throwing; he would also show pictures of landscapes that seemed too beautiful to be part of this world. Sometimes he had souvenirs, and Donghae would keep small ones in his pockets as good luck charms and larger ones on his nightstand. Donghae would tell stories of school and work and complain about dull teachers and crude customers. Every now and then he would mention to Hyukjae about settling down in one place. He liked the tales of adventures but there was always a hint of emptiness in the wanderer's eyes, he was lost.

When Donghae was getting off the bus by his apartment complex he noticed a familiar lump on the bus stop bench. Hyukjae was huddled up, knees drawn into his chest. He was robbed of his winter jacket so he fought the cold with his thin turtleneck and a flimsy jacket.

"Hyukjae! Wake up!" Donghae shook the wanderer gently. He frantically felt his face for signs of warmth left and found a burning forehead.

"We gotta get you inside." he said, voice dripping with worry.

He struggled a little to carry Hyukjae and his bulking backpack but he managed to trudge up the stairs and plop the sickly blonde onto his bed. Donghae quickly tucked him in, wrapping him with two layers of blankets. He dug out flu medicine for Hyukjae to take and wiped down his body with a cool cloth to lower the temperature, however Donghae's own body temperature rose as he traced the curves and dips of the angel's body. He shook off the odd feeling and busied himself with fixing pillows and adjusting blankets. 

Hyukjae moaned and attempted to open an eye. 

"Donghae-ah." he muttered looking for the brunette's eyes in the dimly litted bedroom. 

"You're lucky I was there." Donghae sighed. "How can you wander while sick?" Hyukjae opened his mouth to explain but Donghae's finger paused his lips.

"From now on if you're sick and dying, if you don't know where to go, just come here. I won't kick you out" Donghae stopped as he saw the warm chestnut eyes melt his heart. He blinked and looked away, abashed. "u-unless you do something terrible like eat all my food or burn my posters."

Hyukjae didn't protest and smiled a thank you before dozing off. Donghae sat still and watched the blonde drift through pleasant dreams and nightmares; from time to time he would smooth out Hyukjae's creased eyebrows whenever he drowned in a nightmare. He found himself dozing off right next to Hyukjae and that would continue for the next few days. 

They found themselves having whispered conversations at night. Hyukjae would be home when Donghae got off from school and work (although he had tried to escape the first day). They would eat take out and end up sitting in silence reading a book or talking for hours. For Donghae it was exciting to see Hyukjae everyday, although the unplanned encounters out in the corners of Seoul were thrilling, he liked knowing he could see Hyukjae with the sunlight and under the moonlight. For Hyukjae it was an unusual change to stay in one place. But he felt like he was in the right place and he felt it whenever the brunette plopped into his bed every morning announcing the breakfast menu and whenever they took walks beneath the stars. Maybe the word 'home' would fit the description? Hyukjae still wasn't entirely sure and he was scared. So he made the safest decision to leave at the end of the week. 

While Donghae was out at school, Hyukjae packed all his belongings and scribbled a farewell onto a sticky note. "Thank you for everything. Let's count on fate to let us meet again." it said in scrawled writing. He stuck it on Donghae's favorite back that they would read every night. Resisting a second glance back, Hyukjae was out the door.

☆☆☆☆☆

Donghae told himself that Hyukjae was a wanderer and wanderer's need freedom. Wanting Hyukjae to stay would be selfish and would hurt Hyukjae. But no matter how many times he told himself lies he couldn't stop coming home to check the balcony for a grinning blonde who's gaze never left the sky, he couldn't help himself from checking the living room at night for a lump of blankets on the couch, or turning over in bed expecting a wave of warmth to comfort him. Donghae wanted to believe in fate, but he also believed fate was full of bullcrap and that it needed a boost to happen, so he began sitting on the bus stop bench whenever he got off the bus at night. The stubborn brunette would sit from ten minutes, to thirty minutes. On days where he needed someone to vent to he would sit for an hour and make sure no one was nearby so he could mutter to an imaginary Hyukjae. As Donghae found a higher paying job as a bank teller and his studies increased he found himself dozing off on the bench. While he was drifting in his dreams he didn't notice the blonde stranger that would sit quietly next to him and would subtly wake him on cold nights so he wouldn't get sick and eye potential creeps to prevent them from getting too close.

One night, Hyukjae couldn't stay in his hiding spot behind the scratchy bushes anymore, Donghae was crying. It was the silent kind of crying when the pain took away your ability to howl and rendered you useless of finding any sort of consolation from screaming out. Tears streamed steadily down Donghae's cheeks almost afraid to leave his eyes because he was holding back, but soon his face became a snotty mess. He pulled his knees into his chest and buried his face in them, hugging himself to ward off the world.

He felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder and looked up to see his angel lighting up his darkness once again. All his burdens welled up within and demanded to spill out but what he wanted most was to be in bed and shriveled into a ball. Hyukjae understood it all with just one glance at his drowning chestnut eyes.

"Let's get you cleaned up." he said lightly and scooped up the fragile brunette into his arms, cradling him with care as if he was made of glass.

After half a box of tissues and hugs that Hyukjae gladly initiated for the purpose of consolation, Donghae calmed down enough to provide some sort of explanation. 

"My brother just called, he told me Mom has cancer. They don't know how serious it is yet but I'm scared Hyukjae, I'm so ing scared. Dad left, what if-what if Mom does too and-" he cut himself off by burying himself in Hyukjae's shoulder while Hyukjae whispered sweet comforts.

"Why does everyone leave? Why do they always leave me so alone?" Donghae whimpered and at that, Hyukjae's arms tightened around Donghae pulling him into his chest afraid that he was also at fault for how alone Donghae felt.

"I'm going to the hospital tomorrow, can you come with me?" Donghae looked up at Hyukjae's warm chestnut eyes. "Please?" he added. He was done letting this so called fate take Hyukjae away every single time, this was his chance to be selfish and he needed the best emotional support tomorrow.

"Of course." Hyukjae said after mulling over the thousand what-ifs that all became irrelevant. He wanted to protect Donghae and be there if another tear was to be shed. He wanted to make sure Donghae was never lonely again.

☆☆☆☆☆

The hospital room was still and peaceful except for the hushed ticks from the machines. Donghae's mom slept soundlessly. Donghae, his brother, and Hyukjae sat in silence filled with relief. His mother had stage two cancer which had a ninety-three percent survival rate. After constant reassurance from doctors and Hyukjae Donghae was finally alleviated from his worries. As their mother stirred, the brothers gathered around her bed.

"Oh, don't frighten me like that with your faces so close." she remarked. "It's not like I'm dying, you boys are so overdramatic."

"Mother don't say th-" Donghae whimpered.

"Especially you Donghae-ah, you know your ole mother's a strong one." she sighed and scooted herself up in a sitting position with the help of her sons.

"And who might this handsome young man be?" her gaze landed on Hyukjae across her bed who sprang up from his seat to bow. 

"That's Hyukjae, he's a-" Donghae hesitated as he glanced over at Hyukjae, "he's a good friend of mine." He quickly looked away questioning the validity of his explanation. 

"Come over here." Donghae's mother beckoned the shy blonde over with a warm smile. Hyukjae wavered but slowly approached the sickly woman. She held his hands firmly in hers and beamed up at him before embracing him. Hyukjae was so taken back he almost fell backwards. "Thank you for taking care of my Donghae." she whispered to him and squeezed him tight. She gave the kind of hugs where warmth flowed from heart to heart, her hugs could make even the scum of the earth feel loved. All the while Hyukjae's hands lingered, a breath away from emracing the old lady back. 

"Mom you're being too mushy again." Donghae's brother, Donghwa, laughed.

"Nonsense, I'm just welcoming him to the family." she defended. Hyukjae shook, feeling a shudder of reminiscence for an emotion he had long forgotten. He tried to push it back down into the depths like how he did years ago but the longer he listened to the joyful exchange between the family before him, the harder it was.

"Excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom." he excused himself as the family continued their conversation. Hyukjae grabbed his backpack and was out the door, once he passed the bathrooms he didn't look back and continued on. 

☆☆☆☆☆

Ten minutes seemed awfully long for a bathroom break. Donghae looked around his mother's hospital room to see only other patients in ugly gowns, there was no sign of platinum fluff amongst them all. He noticed Hyukjae's backpack was missing too and a biting fear began to grow in him. Donghae told his mother he would be back and hurried out the room. He checked the empty bathrooms to only feed the fear within. The thudding of his feet on the floor crescendoed as he raced around the hospital questioning every nurse about a blonde angel who was flying away. Racing down each floor, he ended up scouting the park that was dimly lit under a crescent moon. He passed by a few patients taking a stroll as he squinted in the darkness. Groaning he looked up at the sky in frustration, the twinkling stars almost took his breath away, when he regained focus with renewed hope he spotted the flashing platinum hair in a grove of small birch trees. Donghae caught up to him his heart racing and filled with questions and boiling with anger, but instead of bursting out in fire he fizzled down to nothing.

"Are you leaving again?" 

Hyukjae stopped at the sound of the broken, lost voice, the same voice he heard when he saved Donghae that night. He didn't move forward but he also didn't look back.

"Is this a wandering thing, to leave when things get good?" Donghae was sick and tired of chasing after feathers. He wanted the angel. Hyukjae turned around, jaw set and eyes empty because he didn't know which emotion to allow to fill his soul.

"I'm ing sick of being left behind. Do you know how it feels when you don't know when someone's coming back, if they'll even come back? If they're still alive?" Donghae found himself shouting and it echoed through the air between them and dispersed between their gazes. "Why do you keep running away? Who do you keep running away from!?" he felt a pang of insecurity. What if all this time he was the only one who felt complete when they were together? What if this was all Donghae's imagination tricking him into believing that someone who sought death would deserve an angel?

"Me. I'm running from me." Hyukjae choked out, fists clenched and quavering. "I didn't have the greatest childhood." he tempted to smile at his understatement but he ended up wincing. "I'm not running from you, I'm just scared of everything you have to offer. I'm scared of repeating mistakes." The usually bright aura about the blonde was torn down and darkened with regret and fear. Hyukjae was never one to break his facade. It was so painful to break this one but he was so relieved to stop lying to Donghae. And for once Donghae saw a wingless angel, an angel that was too lost and darkened to fly away. He walked up to the angel just inches away and marveled at the broken beauty.

"I'll help you find the way, I don't care about getting hurt." Donghae said filled with determination. He was going to get what he wanted, with or without fate because Hyukjae was finally something he wanted to fight for. "I don't care if I have to circumnavigate the world with you I just want to be with you." Hyukjae never felt so grateful. Everything Donghae offered was beyond what he had dared hoped for. He felt the air around them tingle with hope and then throb with yearning. It was as if the universe switched up gravity and a magnetic force pulled their souls together. Their eyes searched each other for confirmation and found desire so strong it wiped out every drop of anger and regret left in their bodies. 

"No, I'm tired of wandering. Tell me to stay." Hyukjae whispered as he lingered breaths away from Donghae.

"Stay-" the syllable was cut short as the air between them vanished in a surge of longing and their lips met. It was an overwhelming rush of bliss that coursed through their bodies sending every nerve into elation. Donghae's fingers swam throughout the glowing blonde strands as if he was caressing stars. Hyukjae's arms s around Donghae's waist and locked him in to never let go. Their souls sang as lips moved and tounges danced. For the first time Donghae felt complete, as if a missing piece was fully restored and a wave of entirety washed over him. For Hyukjae, he wanted time to cease and for the entire universe to capture this moment. He wanted to stay bounded to this other soul forever, no more wandering after emptiness. They stopped when lips pressed into smiling teeth and arms traveled down to capture each other in an embrace. 

They had found their answer after all the waiting and searching. As they walked back to the hospital room with arms linked, Donghae happened to glance up again and Hyukjae followed his gaze. The angel smirked, "I told you so."

Donghae scowled playfully, "I told you so too."

☆☆☆☆☆

The winter wind chilled the windows that Donghae pressed his face against. He could bear a little cold since his cheeks had someone that could warm them after. Donghae watched the sky with excitement in Hyukjae's embrace. The room was warm with candles and blankets, so warm Donghae wanted to fall asleep but he had to stay awake. Suddenly, explosions cracked the warm silence as colors shot into the air highlighting the night sky with falling stars.

"It's starting!" Donghae exclaimed with excitement. Hyukjae beamed down at him before they shared a new year's kiss.

"Ahhh." Donghae sighed as he slumped into Hyukjae's chest. "It's been a year already."

"I have to say I prefer seeing you here than on a rooftop." Hyukjae chuckled. Donghae silently agreed. 

"I'm going to my mom's tomorrow to spend the new year. She always hosts these big feasts for the neighborhood and of course I have to help. I shouldn't drag you along some of my family are pretty conservative." Donghae sighed. He wanted to bring Hyukjae along but he felt as if that would be too controlling, Hyukjae was a professional wanderer after all and their relationship that seems to have existed since the beginning of time is only officially a few months old. "Will you visit your parents?"

He felt Hyukjae's chest tense and there was a prolonged silence that was filled by the crackles in the sky.

"I can't." Hyukjae took a deep breath to steady himself. "They're in Busan." Donghae turned to eye him, he could sense there was something wrong.

"And you call yourself a traveller. Why can't you visit them?"

Hyukjae knew he could tell Donghae anything but he couldn't handle reliving the memories through his words. So he just sat there in silence staring down at the plaid blanket and studied the lines of red. Still, he felt Donghae's eyes boring into him full of reassurance that it'll be okay.

"I ran away when I was 16. They won't remember me it's been ten years." Donghae slipped his fingers between Hyukjae's held and held them tightly pressing him to go on and let it all out.

"They were always unhappy, but they weren't always like that. I don't remember what changed. Maybe it was because we were tight on money. Maybe it was because we began taking each other for granted. But Dad started coming home drunk and he would say these mean things. Mom wouldn't do anything sometimes she would come home with him drowned in alcohol. And they kept telling me I was adopted. I didn't believe it until I found the papers." He choked up and buried his face in Donghae's shoulder. "I didn't want to believe it."

"I didn't want to believe anything but I saw no other choice. If I was adopted there was no point in me staying with them so I ran away. Ever since I've just been wandering around getting by with a few jobs here and there . But I never felt like I belonged anywhere until you found me." Hyukjae gazed at Donghae as the brunette smiled and kissed away a lonesome tear. 

"You can't stay away from them forever. You have nightmares every night. And even with me you're still lost. Go visit them this year." Hyukjae wanted to argue but he knew it was for the best.

"You're right."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Donghae offered.

"No, it's my past I need to resolve I don't want you mixed up in there. I only want to see you in my future." the angel smiled as he wrapped his arms around Donghae. He was glad he could finally face his past after years of running away. He was glad that he had found his own home right where he was. The last of the fireworks died away in an echo as smoke transcended the sky to reveal the stars that shined as bright as ever. 

☆☆☆☆☆

Hyukjae got off the bus and stepped into the familiar city. The five hour ride was refreshing but also nerve-wrecking. He spent the first hour enjoying scenery and reminiscing his travelling days. Then he spent the next four hours going over imaginary scenes in his mind of what he would say, what his parents would say, and what they would look like.

He travelled through the winding streets of his old neighborhood recalling the tree he used to eat stolen icecream in, the bench where he gave his first kiss, and the utility pole where gum was stuck as a result of childish games he played with friends. As he walked up the stairs to the shabby apartment he used to live in, he saw the gray corner by the window where his parents would go to argue afraid of him hearing; he saw the neighbor's door where he would often knock on when his dad couldn't drag himself up the stairs before passing out. Hyukjae's feet shuffled to a halt in front of the battered door with a gray dotted design of peeling paint. He thought about turning away. He imagined how disappointed Donghae would be so he took a deep breath and rapped his knuckles on the door. Long seconds dragged by like hours but Hyukjae couldn't turn away, his feet sunk into the concrete with anticipation and fear. 

Finally, the door creaked open as gray strands of hair peeked out. The door revealed a lady who should be in her early fifties looking as if time had dragged her down and tried to eat her soul away. Hyukjae almost couldn't recognize her. His mother was hidden beneath the lines of grief and burden. But her eyes shown and widened with recognition and disbelief as she gazed longingly at her lost son.

"Hyukjae-ah?" a trembling hand reached out wanting to his face. Hyukjae backed away a little with fear but after seeing the heartbreak in his mother's eyes he leaned back in and took her hand in his. 

"Happy New Year."

☆☆☆☆☆

Hyukjae and his mother had a small but warm dinner on the rickety kitchen table and it felt as if time had rewinded to the more simpler days of the warm waft of pollock soup and bubbly laughter. The absence of ten years did a toll on his mother, sagging her once youthful features, but it didn't hinder their conversations of reminiscing the old days. They spent hours catching up. His mother was always the gentler parent. Hyukjae learned his father passed away from liver failure. He never tried to quit alcohol even when he learned it would kill him. 

The night before the New Year's visit was over, Hyukjae took up the bench outside that creaked under his weight, something Hyukjae wasn't accustomed to. The sky caught his eyes in a cozy bundle of stars. They dotted the darkness with the occasional blinking plane. Home was in the stars that were always watching him wherever he went, but he had found other places to belong, with his mother and with Donghae. Wanting to share his freedom from his past burdens, Hyukjae giddily dialed Donghae to hear a rushed "hey" on the other end.

"Donghae-"

"Hold on." Donghae whispered apologetically then there was shouting over vegetables and a missing fish. Hyukjae couldn't help but smile as he imagined Donghae hustling around the kitchen in an apron among a bunch of moms. "I'm sorry we're in the middle of cooking. How's your visit? Is it going well?"

"Yeah, it's great. I miss you though."

"I miss you too-Donghwa don't touch the squid yet!" Hyukjae sighed a little, Donghae was too busy to really engage in a heartmelting conversation right now. There was no point in whispering about stars and dreams while he wrestled fish.

"I'm sorry it's a mess in here can I call you back later?"

"It's fine but Donghae-ah." Hyukjae's voice melted into a softness that Donghae knew too well.

"Yeah?" Donghae paused what he was doing to listen.

"I love you." The words held all the thank you's in the world. A thank you for making reconciliation possible. A thank you for being Hyukjae's star. 

"I gotta go, I-I'll see you tomorrow." Donghae was too taken back, the words seemed almost too sudden to be said in just a few months but they sang to the ear in perfect harmony. He wished he could've said something different, he thought about about calling back but was swept away with tasks of making the soup for dinner.

☆☆☆☆☆

That morning was wrong. Everything felt wrong. The tea didn't taste the same, the birds didn't sing, the sun didn't shine. Donghae felt the rest of the day go by in a haze as he left his mother's house to pick up Hyukjae's favorite bread before heading out to pick him up from the bus stop.

Donghae stood in the cafe with the cloud of coffee and fresh bread making him hazy. A couple behind him kept whispering and broke him out of his daze as he picked up snatched words of "bus", "crash", and "Busan." His head snapped up in search of the source of the grim words. The TV displayed the news story of the bus on it's side, crushed in between the railing and a truck. The sounds around him became a distant hum as Donghae picked up on the details of the story to confirm his fears. His trembling fingers fumbled for his cell as he ran out of the shop to escape the overbearing noises. He dialed the only number on his mind only to reach voicemail. He jammed the end call button and called again and again and again as he squatted down in the middle of the block with people pushing past him. Then he began embracing the empty voicemails crying into them hoping they would be received on the other side. Tears streamed down his face as he cried "I love you's" to be swallowed up by the world in an endless cacophony.

★★★★★

The cold bench grew icicles as Donghae sobbed into his tie. He wanted to blame the world, he wanted to blame Hyukjae but couldn't bring himself to do so. He found blame on himself. And as each tear splattered onto the bench the hatred grew. That's how it all began: self-pity. He would wallow in it day and night hating how his life was going hating how he did nothing to fix it and found himself on the edge. But he had an angel and the stars to save him. Now he had neither. How else was he going to live the next day and the next without wanting to end it? What more was there to live for?

Warmth spread throughout Donghae's shoulder and touched his heart with a pleasant surprise. He looked up to see his beautiful angel with a soft glow and graceful wings that surrounded them both, enclosing them in their own little world. Hyukjae smiled and wiped away a tear only for Donghae to make more.

"I'm sorry." Donghae whispered hoping it would makeup for everything. He hoped it would make up for the years lost, for the time he had wasted, for the opportunities he missed. But Hyukjae didn't want the apology and Donghae knew that from the look he gave.

"I love you." he said as a thank you, as if it held all the thank you's in the world. A thank you for giving him a second chance at living. A thank you for loving him. And like that they were both content. There would be no more days of wallowing in regret and hesitating at chances. The warmth of the wings slowly disappeared. Donghae gazed into the warm chestnut eyes that held all the reassurance in the world, that told him "it'll be okay." The wings slowly deliquesced into scattered gold dust as the rest of Hyukjae followed and sailed through the sky. He glistened and formed into a bright star in the sky so that Donghae would never have a starless night again.