It had been barely a year since Wonwoo had started his YouTube channel.

He started off basic, mainly doing cliché covers of Jay Park, with some Drake and Childish Gambino when Mingyu could convince him to actually put forth the effort to remember the lyrics. Gradually, he gained popularity with a couple hundred views and subscribers, later rising to tens of thousands only within a few months, motivating him to start uploading videos of his original songs.

Wonwoo remembers his first gig. His friend Jeonghan booked him in his basement for his boyfriend’s birthday. It was a small thing, with about seventy-five people. Afterwards, the word got out about Wonwoo and his voice and over the next couple months his channel skyrocketed.

Though, Mingyu and Wonwoo had met years before either of them had even dreamt of any of this happening.

Mingyu was 16, while Wonwoo was only slightly older at 17. They were introduced by a mutual friend, Soonyoung, who invited them both to his Halloween party one year, where they ran into each other out by the big bonfire in the backyard.

The two boys hit it off instantly and, over the years, grew closer and closer.

Truth be told, Wonwoo was always terrible with words until it came to songwriting, so he surprised even himself when he one day finally gathered the courage to ask Mingyu if he would like to go to a Hyukoh concert with him, a band Wonwoo knew the younger boy loved.

(He said yes.)

Mingyu knew about Wonwoo’s love for all things music and how talented he was. He had an amazing voice and Mingyu would often catch him rapping or singing to himself his most recent song obsession while on one of their late-night FaceTime dates.

Of course, Mingyu never asked him to stop.

Then suddenly they were out of high school and their relationship was serious and Wonwoo wanted to actually do something with his talent, which his boyfriend Mingyu supported him in one-hundred and one percent.

It was Mingyu’s idea to start Wonwoo’s YouTube channel in the first place, as a means of getting his name out there.

“Mr. Beanie”, Mingyu threw out as a suggestion when they were first setting up the account.
“You always wear beanies, and you can actually pull them off… Sometimes”, he said, showing a playful smile that he knew Wonwoo couldn’t resist.

“Aish, Mingyu-ah”, Wonwoo replied, hitting the other boy on the shoulder as revenge for the half-compliment-half-drag, but he agreed to it anyway.

And so it was.

Rise Mr. Beanie.

After a couple of months, Wonwoo’s channel took off exceptionally, bringing him and everything about him with it

… except for Mingyu.

But they’re not kids anymore, and nowadays Wonwoo leaves for shows weekly, barely spending three days at home at a time, repeatedly leaving Mingyu alone in bed before dawn or missing plans without notice to catch a plane to perform God knows where in the world.

Mingyu dealt with it just fine for a while; their FaceTime dates continued, and Mingyu’s knowing that he would get to see his baby again soon and be able to hold him was enough to keep him happy.

But the dates gradually slowed. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and then it wasn’t so easy to cope with being alone in their apartment all the damn time. Mingyu often thought to himself how he would give the world and more just to see his boyfriend every day. Was it really that hard?

Somehow, they knew that was coming.

Mingyu was leaning against the gray island in the middle of the kitchen in his and Wonwoo’s shared Seoul loft apartment. Wonwoo was sitting on a stool across the counter, looking down in his lap as he played with the cuff of the shirt he was currently wearing: Mingyu’s fading Hyukoh tour t-shirt, the show which Wonwoo had asked the younger boy to what now seemed like several lifetimes ago.

It had been weeks since the two had been in the same room.

Funny, isn’t it, how the pair who had once been inseparable could barely keep up with the other nowadays?

“Yah, Wonwoo”, Mingyu offered as a cold start to the conversation they both knew had been inevitable for months.

“Hmm?”, Wonwoo hummed in a gentle tone. The older boy lifted his head as black fringy hair fell into his face, just barely covering his raised eyebrows.

The florescent light above them flickered softly and Wonwoo suddenly felt a chill cover his body, nervous about what his boyfriend of four years was about to say, though he himself could even guess what it was going to be. Mingyu's eyes were glistening in the faded light and Wonwoo couldn't help but remember the first time he had told the still wondrous boy from him just how much he loved him.

But “Just say it”, was all that Wonwoo could get himself to say under his breath.

Time passed and Mingyu’s words were strong. He said something about how the past months have been too much and he deserves something too; how he hated seeing the older boy leave every week, far too long at a time, for some place Mingyu hoped was worth it.

Was worth… this.

And then of a sudden Mingyu was packing his largest suitcase and leaving through the front door as quickly as the prior conversation had started, purposefully slamming it behind him.

He used to always get onto Wonwoo for carelessly closing the door too hard.

When did all this happen? How did all this happen? How did Wonwoo and Mingyu’s adulation turn into Mingyu leaving in a messy blur and Wonwoo left sitting on a cold metal stool alone in his home?

Their home…

Their home?

Was anything theirs anymore?

When did the endearment stop?

What seemed to be centuries later Wonwoo finally mustered up the strength to pick himself up from the counter. He first walked to the bathroom and stared in the mirror.

He was still wearing Mingyu's shirt, the hem ending just below his waistline.

He walked out and looked around the now empty apartment that had once been bursting at the seams with overwhelming vivacity and love from not only Mingyu’s personality but physical being. He was like the sun in the solar system; Everyone else were merely tiny planets around him, drawn close and orbiting around him by the pull that was undeniably Kim Mingyu himself.

No more.

Wonwoo would try his best to accept that.

(But he knew he never could.)

What killed him the most was how he said absolutely nothing. Mingyu more than likely thought his rant went in one ear and out the other, but it was the exact opposite. Wonwoo still loved Mingyu. More than anything. More than the world and the moon and he just wished that the beautiful younger boy could see that.

Wonwoo could've give Mingyu more love and pure adoration than he will ever give anything else he will ever know.

But, after all, he’s never been too good with words.