“Taehyung. “

“You didn't even bother to say this to me.” I sat at the end of the bed. After talking with Jin’s grandmother, they were escorted to a bedroom. I felt all of the strength on my legs drained as I took all of the things she said.

“I told you, it’s dangerous. I don’t want to put your life into danger, Taehyung. I can’t.” His voice was tight with emotion as he sat beside me, his arms draping in my waist. He kissed my forehead as he pulled me closer to him. The cold of his skin feels so comforting.

“Tell me about it. Please.”

He sighed deeply. “You can’t bear a child because it’s a hard process. I know a friend who had the same case. I saw how he cried with grief as his mate passed away giving birth to their child. There’s just a small success for it, Taehyung.”

I swallowed a lump that formed on my throat. I’m scared as heck. “What about the baby?”

“She lived. She’s already 3 years old.” Jin cupped my face and pressed our foreheads together. “Please, don’t do this. I’m fine with this. I’m happy with the two of us.”

I pulled away and looked in his eyes. “But I can’t let the future of your family end like this.”

He stood up angrily and looked at me with his gold eyes glowing. “Then stop doing this for our family! Stop doing this for me! I could count in my fingers those who survived. I saw a lot of them die, Taehyung. Some along with their babies. I don’t want to take chances. This is the only gamble I can’t risk.”

A tear fell in my eyes as I reached for his trembling hands. I’m scared as heck but… “Hyung, listen to me. I want to have a child with you. I want to build a family with you. I want to be happy. I want you to be happy. I want this.”

He looked at me with eyes a lonely shade of gray. “But I can’t lose you. I wouldn’t want this if it means I’ll lose you.”

I smiled at him and pulled him closer. “Just be with me every step of the way. You won’t lose me. I’ll fight Death if he calls for me. I won’t leave you alone.”

Jin kneeled at the floor and kissed my hands, gently intertwining our fingers together. “I would always want your happiness, Taehyung. But I’m sorry. I can’t give you this.”

I looked at his sleeping face and left a kiss in his forehead. Carefully moving away from the bed, I tried my best not to wake him up before proceeding downstairs. I knocked at the door three times.

“Come in, Taehyung.”

I pushed the door open and found Lady Esme holding a frame, gently touching the picture inside it. She motioned for me to sit. “Have you decided?”

I meekly nodded. “I’ll do this.”

“Are you sure? This isn’t going to be easy for you.”

“To tell you the truth, I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen. Maybe I’ll survive, maybe I’ll die, but either way I want to give him a child. I want to have a family. I’m doing this for him and for me.”

She smiled at me. A genuine smile. Her eyes were blue and there’s a thanking message to it. “When his parents were taken away from him, I saw him at the corner of his room. He was desperately clutching at his parent’s picture, silently crying. I held him again at my arms and my feelings didn’t change the first time that I’ve done it. I want every best thing for him. At the same time, I raised him as an heir full of responsibilities. So when he ran away from home, I didn’t stop him. Because in this place, that every best thing isn’t always here. And he found you.” Her fragile hands held mine. Like Jin, her temperature was cold but there’s a certain warmth at her touch. “My time’s almost up and I’ll leave him in no time. But I’d be at peace knowing he got you. I want you to take care of him and understand him no matter how hard it is.”

I nodded and stopped the tears trying to escape in my eyes. “I will.”

“Thank you.” She stood up and opened an ancient cabinet. Searching for a while, she pulled out a bottle with a red liquid. “Every vampire family keeps a vial of this. Early witches and vampires had worked together for the vampires to continue their bloodline despite believing it would be impossible. There are just a few cases of a male vampire having a male mate so this isn’t practiced and performed for a lot of years. The change will hurt you, your body will alter some of itself for you to bear a child. It’s proven it could work at a human mate, not on a vampire. But still, as Jin said, it is dangerous for you. Do you still wish to continue?”

I inhaled deeply and swallowed. “Yes. But does that mean… I’ll… be a woman?”

She chuckled. “No, no, my child. Just a few changes inside of you. And I want to add that you’ll only be pregnant if you do it at a full moon because that’s the only time you’ll be able to produce those fertile egg cells a woman have.”

I felt myself blushed intensely. “Why is this so complicated?”

“And so is loving a vampire.”

“I would never regret it.”

“I’m glad.”

I inhaled deeply as she passed the bottle on my trembling hands. I might die, Jin may hate me for this… but I’m not going down without a good fight. I don’t want to give up without taking this chance. I want to see myself taking my kids to sleep, I want to see myself having a family I never had. I’m an orphan. I never got the chance to feel what a real family is. And this is the only chance I have.

I closed my eyes as I drank the liquid. I almost gagged at the first swallow but continued until the last drop. My throat almost hurts and felt the sharp taste as it settles on my stomach, then spreading on my system.

“The change will take place after a few hours. I’ll call the doctors to assist you during the process. I’ll be at your side. Be strong, Taehyung.” She said as she helped me sit on a chair.

The feeling was unsettling, like a calm before a storm. Swatting away the nervousness, I tried to smile at her even if I could feel the pounding of my heart on my ears. “I will.”

We talked for a little before I decided to go upstairs again. About the family history, about vampires, about anything she could fill me in. Smiling, she pulled an album from her collections. “I guess I can’t let you leave without showing you this.” She flipped the pages and saw Jin when he was a baby. He was too cute. They continued and laughed at the silly smiles he shows. But a certain picture caught my eyes.

“Are you lost?”

“Excuse me but how old is Jin here?” I asked and pointed his picture in a forest, wearing a black coat, smiling widely at the camera.

“He’s 10. This was taken after he met you.”

I felt my heart stopped for a few seconds and a long silence had passed after I found my voice. “Met… me?”

Her brows creased and she sighed after a while. “That kid didn’t tell you.”

I just looked at her, dumbfounded. I could remember that time that I was lost in a forest and met a kid. But in a lot of years that had passed, his face slowly became a blur.

She smiled and looked away, recalling the memories as if it just happened yesterday. “That time, he went home so happy and asked me to take a picture of him. So he would have something to remind him that he had already found his mate. That he met a kid named Kim Taehyung. I didn’t believe him, he was just 10. How could a kid know? But years had passed and he never had any interest on anyone. I kept him here, saying that it would be impossible to find you again. But the time had come, he was almost on his limit for not taking any blood. He said to me that he’s going to take his chance before he dies than regret that he didn’t do anything to meet you again. He ran away to search for you.”

“I didn’t know…” My throat felt so painful and tears were threatening to fall again. All those years… He was waiting for me. I smiled at Lady Esme, giving her a brief hug and stood up. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you for taking care of Jin.”

She smiled back. “You’ll be doing that the next time.”

“I will. Thank you.”

I slipped beside a sleeping Jin, taking in his features. I played with the soft locks of his hair and touched his face. I love you.

Jin’s eyes suddenly fluttered open and were a shade of blue.

But I might have been crying again because he worriedly gets up and wiped the tears on my cheeks that continues on falling no matter how hard I tried to stop it. He left gentle kisses at my eyes, mumbling soft words. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Tae.”

I breathed. “Do you remember helping an annoying kid who was lost in this forest 14 years ago?”

Silence.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why are you keeping these things from me?”

He was silent for another while then he looked at me. “I didn’t because it doesn’t change anything. What’s important is you’re here and I found you.”

I shook my head. “No. It’s important to me. I’ve been thinking before that maybe everything you’re doing for me is just because I’m now your mate. Your mate that you didn’t even planned and wanted. I remembered how much you tried to refuse my blood but I pushed it on you. I always had that doubt.” I sniffed and a new wave of tears started to fall. “But knowing that the first time you saw me when I’m not even a little bit attractive that time,” they both chuckled, “I realized I’ve got nothing to worry for because you knew I was the one for you. And you continued to search for me without an assurance we’ll meet again.”

“Because I don’t want to waste the only chance I have to experience loving someone.” He smiled and continued to wipe the tears while I just stared at him. “I love you, Kim Taehyung.” He went closer to me and kissed me.

If my eyes would show a color, it would definitely be blue. The happiness that had always been there from the time I met Jin is something I would be forever thankful for. And no matter how many obstacles I have to face, as long as Jin’s beside me, I’ll be okay.

“I love you, too hyung. I love you so much.” I held his hands and breathed deeply. Lowering my head and avoiding his stare, I did my best to be strong to say those words. “And I’m sorry hyung for being so selfish once again. I… already had my choice. And I chose the future we’ll have.”

He looked at me dumbfoundedly and the grip of his hands on mine started to lose. “Tell me you didn’t.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

For the first time, I saw him cry silently. With so much sadness and anger. He looked so defeated, he can’t even utter a single word. And my heart ached for him, when I could see a child Jin as he lost his parents. And for a second, I wish I didn’t do it. It hurts seeing him like this.

But I already did. And I have to be strong for us. I held him in my arms, and said I love you for so many times. We stayed in that position for almost an hour when he hugged me back so tight and pressed a kiss on my lips. “Promise me you’ll get through this.”

I smiled at him. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”

But that smile slowly faded when I felt a horrible pain in my stomach. I gripped on Jin’s shirt, desperately holding on for strength. I heard him calling for my name when everything went black.

The first hour was terrible, like my insides were being ripped apart and crushed before the anesthesia finally kicked in. Jin was there at my side the whole time, his hands gripping mine and whispering soothing words. Lady Esme was also there, sometimes touching my forehead or telling me it’s going to be okay.

Laying still at the bed, I sensed Jin’s distress and anxiety as he wipes the sweat on my forehead. I felt so hot, like my whole body was burning. Contrast to Jin’s cold, dead-like temperature. But in his hands, delicately holding me, I felt I’m home.

I’m going to be fine. I promise.

A few days had passed and the pain had subsided but Jin was still worrying about me even if I’m just walking down the stairs or helping to cook at the kitchen.

“Stop moving around, will you?” He told me one time when I was tending the garden with Lady Esme.

“Stop worrying too much, hyung. I’m okay.”

He scowls and didn’t answer but he stayed and helped them. Lady Esme was just watching us with a smile on her face. We had been like that for a few days until the full moon finally arrives. Jin was tense as he stared at me with his gold eyes glowing in the darkness of the room.

“Are you scared?” He asked me gently and I could have sworn that I heard the rapid beat of his heart if only my own wasn’t doing the same.

“I am.” I said and pulled him towards the bed. “But I trust you. Are you scared?” I asked back.

“A ton. What if I can’t take care of you? What if I fail to do my what I have to do as your mate, as your husband?” He was holding me gently like I was a glass that was going to break any moment, his hands caressing my face as if he was trying to memorize my features. And I love him more for it.

“Trust me. Trust yourself. Trust us.” I said and gave him a reassuring smile.

He slowly closed the distance between us until his lips touched mine. It was soft at first, their lips just barely touching, slowly trying to grasp the feeling and each other’s taste. They’ve done this way too many times but the sweetness and excitement never fades.

Jin eventually deepened the kiss while his hands worked on the buttons of my shirt. I held onto him, and responded on the same fervor. My shirt fell from my shoulders and felt his warm skin. I pulled from the kiss. “Why aren’t you cold?”

He smiled and removed his own shirt. “Aside from the full moon, it’s also because of you. Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from touching you like this on the whole time we’re on the same roof?” His voice was deep and warm, sending shivers down on my spine. He kissed me again and laid my back on the bed. His lips slide down to my neck, and he mouths at the skin until it bruised. “Mine.” He growled.

“Yours.” I breathed.

I was aching to be touched and the feeling of his torso pressing into mine had me biting my lips as I tried to stifle a moan. It doesn’t take long until the both of us are completely , the cold wind from the open window brushing on our skin. Jin and kisses anywhere he can reach, his hands gently holding me as if he was holding onto his dear life.

I thought, if I won’t survive this, it was still worth it. Everything was worth it. I found him and he found me. I was able to love and be loved in return. I had the chance to know what happiness is like.

But God, oh God, I want to stay. I want to live a little longer. I want to be with him my whole life. I want to hear my kid’s first word, I want to see my kid’s first step, I want to be there while my own child grows up.

My thoughts came to a halt when Jin called for my name and looked in my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you.”

“I know.” He smiled so warm, so caring and pressed soft kisses around my face. “And I love you, too.”

My breath hitched when his fingers worked its way to my hole, the self-lubricant helping to ease the pain. I groaned and threw my head back, desperately gripping the sheets. My thoughts are in disarray, and all I know is how good it felt and how beautiful Jin is, his face illuminated by the subtle moonlight. I could see the desperation and desire in his eyes, a color of gold with a ring of blue.

I tugged on his arm and smiled nervously, trembling hands touching his face. I nodded.

He pressed his lips in mine to drown a scream as he lined and enters me. It hurts, it hurts but it’s so damn good, my mind losing any coherent thoughts. He slowly pushed himself to the hilt and stays there, his face searching mine and wipes a tear that escaped on my eyes. “Should I stop?”

I chuckled and tried to adjust at the new feeling. “Can you?”

He grinned and I could swear the playful glint in his eyes tells me that he also doubts his own question. “Actually, no.”

Laughing, I wrapped my legs around his waist and told him to go on. He was gentle, he was sweet and I meld and melted with him. I had never known pleasure to be so painful before, stinging and faltering and the warmth of our bodies together makes my mind go numb. His fingers reached for mine and he moves carefully, slowly, as if we have all the time in the world. And indeed, tonight, we have.

It’s so embarrassing, really, as I heard the noises that escapes from my lips, but Jin didn’t mind as he growls and hums with every sound I make. He calls my name for so many times and I love how his voice breaks and falter. I was close, too close and felt Jin’s tongue the skin on my neck, felt the fangs rubbing at the flesh. I closed my eyes and waited, my heart beating so fast and throat so dry.

I screamed for his name when we both came as he buried himself to me and his teeth on my neck, his mouth and drinking the blood that started to flow from the wound. I tightly hugged him, and bit my lips when tears started to form in my eyes. I remembered that fateful day, when I was lost but found something a lot more valuable. Now on my arms, now lying beside me.

He pressed a kiss on my temple. “I love you.” He whispered, his voice dripping with weariness and sleep but there, in his face, is a smile of contentment.

“I love you, too.”

“Did they just kick me?”

I laughed as Jin pressed his ears on my tummy and happily called for our baby. Nine months had already passed and it’s almost time for me to give birth and honestly, I was anxious every time I’d feel pain in my stomach. I almost had a miscarriage in the second month, the stress of school started to get in me and only God knows how scared I’d been when I saw the blood. Thankfully, everything went well with the help of Lady Esme, and the doctors always checking up on me. I was able to graduate on college on the fourth month, with my pregnant state almost recognizable but the coat helped to hide it well.

Ever since then, Jin had his full attention on me, constantly on my side and attending to my every need. Even on the times that I was so moody and tend to easily get mad at him, he didn’t leave and just gave me a smile and a kiss. He’d been so patient and understanding.

Jungkook and Jimin also come by our house once in a while to ask how I’d been, bringing fruits and milk. The two said they also had plans on having a family but they are waiting until Jungkook graduates and until he’s ready. Like us, they had also fought over the topic, Jimin doesn’t want to, Jungkook pushes he’d like to. If ever I’m able to successfully get through this, I want to be there for them, in any decision they would come up with.

But first, I have to deal with this.

I was walking towards the room when I felt so much agony shot through my stomach. The feeling was so terrifying, like the twin inside me was trying to find their way out on their own. Nervously cupping the bump, I inhaled and watched as white liquid flowed on my legs. It was time.

I called for Jin and he came rushing towards me. He stood there for a few seconds before carrying and laying me at the bed. He tried to calm himself but I could see how his lips tremble, so worried and tense. Before I knew it, a group of doctors were around me, equipment readied for the operation.

“Jin. Jin. Jin.” I continuously called for his name, desperately finding his face on the unfamiliar ones. My heart was thumping so loudly, my thoughts in disarray.

“Baby, I’m here.” A familiar cold gripped my hands and were touching my face.

I want to cry, I want to ran away from pain but I can’t do anything but to get through this. And it’s not only my life that is in risk. “Stay. Please, stay. I’m scared.”

“I won’t leave. I’m here, I’m here.”

Everything was a blur, a needle was injected, tubes were all over me and a mask of oxygen placed on my nose. The pull of sleepiness was greater as the time passed by and I fought hard not to. I faintly heard Lady Esme shouting at the doctors, “Get them out! Quickly do it or he’ll die.” I bit my lips, trying not to scream as I felt the knife opening me, expertly making its way inside.

The whole operation was so painful despite the anesthesia, or the calming words. It hurts like hell. My eyelids felt so heavy and my body felt so weak.

Even out of focus, my eyes tried to trace the face of the man beside me. Tears were running at my cheeks and I held onto Jin, the reason for trying so hard to be strong. The man who gave me so much happiness, so much love.

I don’t want to fail you. I want to stay. But I’m sorry. When you see my babies, can you tell them I love them? Can you hold their small hands for me? Can you touch their face at night and sing them my favorite song?

I want to sleep. I’m tired. Can you let me go?

As if realizing what I meant to say, he leaned on me and shook his head. Tears were b in his eyes. “Baby, no, please. Just a little more. Don’t leave.” His right hand frantically rummaged through his pockets and pulled something. It was a ring. “This is not the right time, I know. But say you’ll marry me. Say you’ll marry me, Kim Tae—Damn it! Don’t close your eyes and listen to my voice!” His voice broke and he cried so hard, like his soul was being crushed but he can’t do anything. “I want your world to recognize us, not only mine. Let’s get married. Anywhere you want, anytime you want. Just… just, please.”

I cried, I cried a little more. And I realized there was hope, there was a reason for not giving up. The kids that I carried for nine months, the only man that I love and will ever love. He was the sun, the very thing that gave life and color in a world painted black and white. I nodded when I failed to find my voice over my dry throat. I nodded, and heck, I badly wanted to say yes, but I guess it was enough for him because he cried as he landed a brief kiss on my lips and slipped the ring on my finger.

I looked into it and tried to think of mornings, hoping that I would see his face at my side, with two screaming voices, telling me to wake up. Of snowy days, where we could build snowman, and castles, and dreams. Of summer, playing with bubbles and flowers and sunlight. There is a lot for me and for us.

My breath was caught in my throat as I heard small but strong cries and my eyes turned into the fragile, innocent lives at the edge of my bed, carried by two doctors. The twins had their hands in the air and my heart swell with a lot of warmth and gratitude. After them getting cleaned, and my tummy stitched back together, the doctor placed them at my arms. And it was so great. Words aren’t even enough to describe how much thankful I am that I had the chance to glance at their faces. You both looks so much like us.

My eyes went to Jin and he looked so relieved, his emotion a mirror of mine. I pressed small kisses at their foreheads, and smiled as my lips touched their soft and warm skin. My little angels.

The doctors are starting to disperse while a few talks with Lady Esme. The other equipment was pulled out, the room getting cleaned. I smiled as I saw the tears in Jin’s eyes as he carried the two in both arms, carefully trying to fit them in his inexperienced arms. The sight was so beautiful and I tried to carve it in my mind. I would never forget this day.

“Thank you.” He mouthed to me, his eyes bright blue. “And I love you so much.”

I gave him a little smile and felt the strong urge to sleep. I glanced at them one last time before I closed my eyes.

I love you too