some explanations and ing as promised, but i wrote this while drugged up on painkillers because i got 4 wisdom teeth pulled so idk!

8

Tilted to the side, it represented infinity -- a concept impossible to wrap one's mind around and impossible to know if it was truly real, but made sense in theory. Like parallel universes, like the Butterfly Effect, like life after death. Like going back in time to resolve a regret and creating a multitude of parallel worlds, which diverge to infinity and add to the entropy of the universe. Each alternative self leads its own slightly different life, faring better or worse, while the original regret is still dead, rotting six feet under.

But upright, it meant nothing. Meant something.

It meant that only half of the inhabitants were still left (trapped? living? in misery?) and all six were intricately tied to one another. The clock was ticking and Lay could see the translucent webs connecting them all, but only clear under the exact angle of sunlight.

He padded away from the projected countdown. Xiumin -- his brother, he reminded himself -- had said they were all meeting in the den. And so that was where he went.

Lay hovered outside when he heard the heated discussion within. Xiumin's mellow tone, Luhan's fast-paced words and Kris's deep voice melded together in harmony and Lay felt like such an outsider. They were the friends, he was the random stranger picked up from the streets and shoved into their tightknit circle. Suho had said that they loved him -- surely they did -- but he was still so other.

He pressed against the door and eavesdropped.

Deep voice: Taozi spoke to Xing before he disappeared. But he didn't even come find me.

The nicknames were familiarly strange. Lay sagged, leaning heavily against the door.

Deep voice, sentimental: Do you think . . .

Teasing voice: Are you jealous? Don't be jealous.

Deep voice, insulted: Shut up, Lu.

Tired voice: Maybe he was afraid. You acted so cold and distant.

Deep voice, sighing: I have a bad feeling about everything.

Teasing voice, so obviously Luhan: No , Sherlock.

Tired voice, uncharacteristically: you, Watson.

Luhan, in shock: Minnie!

Deep voice, tired in a different way: I think they disappear after they resolve something.

Luhan: That's what I think too!

Tired voice, exhausted but more like Xiumin: But it doesn't answer everything. Like Kyungsoo. What did he resolve?

Luhan, thinking carefully on Xiumin's words: Oh yeah, and Chanyeol. What even happened to him? I don't think I noticed when he first left. He just . . . melted away.

Deep voice, wise as always: Maybe they're removed when they have no value to the man anymore.

Xiumin: Entertainment value?

Kris, sighing in an irritating way: And I don't know what to feel about Xing either.

Xiumin: What do you mean?

Outside the door, the man in question stiffened, breath hitched, fearing they would notice his presence.

Kris: He seems different.

Luhan: He doesn't remember anything.

Kris: Does he really?

Luhan, the peacemaker: He probably subconsciously refuses to remember. A lot has happened, you know, with the betrayals and deaths and-

Xiumin, dangerously quiet: He's my brother. Don't doubt him.

Kris, after a pause: Okay, but-

"Lay!"

Sehun's voice shattered Lay's focus. He gasped for air.

The voices inside continued without a stop and Lay needed to know, but he forced himself away from the door.

He had promised dream-Tao he would love Sehun. Although he couldn't, at least not in the way Tao wished for. He could love his family, love his friends, but romantic love was impossible. He wasn't a romantic; no, infact, he was aromantic.

But he had promised and Sehun made him feel less other, so he put on a smile as he walked away from the door.

"Sehun," he greeted.

The boy grabbed his hand without warning. "Do you want to go to the library?" he asked, even as he was dragging Lay along to said location.

They settled into their usual positions: Lay curled in the chair by the window, Sehun sitting cross-legged on the ground. Well, Lay tried to settle into his usual position, but his spirit was still floating outside the den's door. Ignoring the fact that they had been discussing him, he should still be there. Xiumin had said there was going to be a meeting and . . . he was here in the library with Sehun instead.

Outsider, it echoed in his mind.

"Lay!"

The man blinked and Sehun's face came into vision -- for the second time today. But rather than the frustration that was usually present when trying to regain someone's attention, Sehun seemed cautious. Timid. Shy.

Lay shifted, crossing and uncrossing his legs. "Sorry," he muttered. "After Tao left, I just have so much on my mind."

The boy in front of him smiled. "Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to talk about . . ." His voice trailed off as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Oh?"

"Now that Tao's gone, you're the only one I really know and was -- is -- close with." Sehun peered up from beneath trembling lashes. "I like Luhan and the rest, but I feel like they never really liked me as much. You five were a group and I was just there." Sehun let out a soft sigh while Lay arched an eyebrow. The subtle hierachies and sub-groups within their group were so complicated, but it was clear who the core consisted of.

"But you . . . we could talk about anything, from books to rocks to -- I don't know -- guns? We could just sit there in silence, comfortable silence, staring up at the night sky. I was so happy when my dad took you in as an apprentice because then you practically lived with us. We could hang out all the time without the rest. I was with you as you become more and more successful in our business and you were there with me when it went downhill and when my dad died. And you're still here, even though you don't even remember half of our times together and I don't know. I just -"

Sehun's lips crashed into Lay's lips, teeth clattering against each other; a knee against a thigh, fingers gripping arms; Lay's eyes wide open, staring as Sehun's slowly opened. For the briefest of moments, they melded into each other like they belonged together. And then Lay resisted, or shifted a bit, and Sehun shot back to his original position on the ground and it was over.

An unexpected serenity hung over the library as Lay stared, still in shock but acutely aware of a craving for the absent physical contact.

"Huh." Sehun pouted a bit. "That was how our first kiss went, by the way." He was so casual and Lay didn't ing get it. "We were in my dad's study and you randomly kissed me. It was sudden and awkward."

What was he supposed to do with this information? Did it mean he had truly felt something more for Sehun in the past? It was doubtful; but having Oh Sehun in his arms, being the only one to hold him, marking him; gave him a rush of dopamine and epinephrine.

He cleared his throat, creating ripples in the (fragile) calmness. The boy under him looked up with curious eyes.

"Shall we . . . try again?"

Pink tinted Sehun’s cheeks as if Lay’s utterance was a brush set with rouge. An apology was at Lay’s lips, but his hand reached out on its own accord and the other boy latched on. Sehun landed in Lay’s lap, long legs in an awkward position between bending and straddling, but he didn’t seem to care. Lay grabbed the back of Sehun’s neck and the younger let out a content whimper into his mouth and this time, it was right. This was how it was supposed to be – Lay and Sehun, Sehun and Lay -- nibbling on lips, tongue reaching in, hand pressed against a chest, palms feeling the thumping heart. The dopamine was there, so thick in the air he could taste it when he broke apart for a gasp of air before diving back.

With a sigh, Lay closed his eyes. He didn’t care anymore. He could care less about feelings, mysteries, why the Kris was suspecting him, the little details in Sehun’s confession that didn’t sit quite right – as long as he could kiss the boy to oblivion and conquer him. That was all he needed.

“Okay, what the .”

Like a scene out of a cliché movie, the two (secret) lovers broke apart at the intrusion, lips bruised and eyes averted.

“Ah,” Lay forced out, voice and spine cracking as he stood up. “Luhan.”

“We thought you disappeared.” Shadows hid Luhan’s expression and that was probably for the best. “Did you forget about the meeting?”

“No-”

“What meeting?” Sehun questioned timidly.

His answer was Luhan stalking in, grabbing Lay and wrenching him out of the library. 

wow, what just happened.