Jaebum’s POV

        “Let me stay like this for a while… babe…” –I managed to say that words. I knew my voice sounded broken and I could tell that Youngjae thought that something’s wrong happened because he just hugged me tighter. We hugged for a while, wordless.

        All I wanted to do was just hugging him, searching for his warm and comfortable scent that I always longing for, and keeping his lovely presence in my arms. This feeling… I want to feel it every day, every night, for the rest of my life. But my life was ! Unconsiously, I let a single tear dropped on his shoulder. He shocked, but said nothing. How did I tell him? Why life’s been so unfair for me and him? Can’t they just leave me alone with Youngjae? Was my love for him that wrong? If life was only about me, him, and music, I would be the happiest person in this world. All I need was just Youngjae and Music. Did I ask too much?

        I tighten the hug as the scenes of my meeting with PD-nim kept popping and replaying on my mind. Honestly, being criticized by PD-nim wasn’t a big deal for me. It didn’t really matter to me. I knew that I have to work harder to create a great music. I knew it all since PD-nim always taught us about it on trainee’s days.

        I felt something was wrong ever since the first second I looked at PD-nim’s face when he greeted me. He has this certain expression when he was feeling guilty, anxiety, worried, etc. He was nice. He was always been nice person. But, for that time, I’ve already felt that he wanted to meet me because he needed to talk to me about something important, more important than listening to the audio track of my music. His smile was different even his gesture was slightly odd. However, what could I do? I just sat on the couch while PD-nim sat on his chair in front of me.

        “Jaebum-ah… should we listen to your demo first?” –he asked nicely. I nodded and handed my demo recorded to him. One of his staff put my demo and we listened to that silently. I couldn’t tell from his expression whether he liked my music or not. We listened to it until finish. He kept silent for a while. I was waiting for his comments anxiously. I kept thinking that if I got scolded by him, I probably would run into Youngjae directly. I clenched and unclenched my fist, anxious.

        “Jaebum-ah…” –he began talking. I kept my head straight to look at him.

        “Yes, PD-nim. How was it?” –I asked back.

        “Honestly, I think for someone who recently learning how to create music, you did good. Even I surprised. But, it wasn’t good enough to put it on your group next album, Jaebum-ah. While creating music, you should give your heart and soul into it. So, people would get attached to it for a long time. While creating music, think that you will give it to someone special. Make her your muse. So, you can find love in your music. Okay, I can tell that you are in love in this music, but it doesn’t deep enough. Express a little more. Free yourself. Work a little more. I’ll be waiting for it, don’t worry. Do you understand me?”

        “Yes, Sir.” –that was all what I could say. When he said “to someone special” my thoughts directly run towards Youngjae, my one and only muse. But, when he pressed “her” on the next sentence, my heart fell down. It wasn’t her. It was him. But, I couldn’t let PD-nim knows. His words about my music lacks of deep feeling kept lingering on my mind. Deep feeling. Deep feeling. Deep feeling. But, I fell in love with him so deep.

        “Jaebum-ah…” –PD-nim calling my name again, but this time, he was more careful. I knew that it must be the time. The consultation time about my music was done. Now, he would talk about something important, the main conversation.

        “Yes, PD-nim. What’s that?” –I asked, curious and nervous.

        “I heard something about you and Youngjae. Something about you and Youngjae are dating now.” –I shocked from his statement. I knew that PD-nim was always been straightforward about everything, but it caught me off guard. How did he know? How must I react and answer him?

        “No… no… no… I just heard it as a rumor, Jaebum-ah. I think that rumor has been spreading all over the world through SNS, because how closed you are with Youngjae even claiming each other. I saw a lot of videos and pictures that fans shared through SNS. And honestly, judging from the way you looked at this young boy, I could tell there must be something. I just want to ask this. Is it true? Do you have any feeling for him, you know, like more than just brother or member? I don’t want to jump to any speculation. I hate it. I want to know and confirm it to you directly because I don’t want to be misunderstanding about it. It will be a big issue if you said that this rumor is true, Jaebum-ah.” –PD-nim stopped talking for a while. I kept my head down, didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have any courage to look at him. I felt like want to burst out in tears and I just missed Youngjae so much right now.

        “Jaebum…”

        “Yes?” My phone was ringing at that time. I knew it was Youngjae. I have special caller ringtone for him. But, I couldn’t pick it up. After a while, my phone stopped ringing and a single tone rang, a message came. I couldn’t even read it because PD-nim continued his words.

        “You are an adult now. And you are a leader of this amazing group. You must know how to behave in front of other people. Love is beautiful. And I personally think that love has no gender. I never against someone that fall in love with people the same gender. But, our community is. So, behave, Jaebum-ah. Keep the PDA low. And, I’m sorry to say this, but maybe your feeling grown up since you always stay with him every here and there, sleeping on the same room and on the same bed for more than a year. So, I guessed to avoid any risk, I want you to move from your shared room with Youngjae. The roommates will be rearranged again, so the members won’t find it suspicious. I want you to keep the distant around him. What’s your word, Jaebum-ah?” –he asked me.

What in the world he needed me to say? I didn’t know. I just felt so stuffed and it’s hard to breaths so suddenly. Moving out? But, why? So, PD-nim thought that if I didn’t roommate with Youngjae, I would probably forget my feeling for him? Did he expect me to do that? I understood now, PD-nim wanted me to kill my feeling little by little. But, I fell too deep! What did he expect? God, why life is so unfair? I couldn’t help but let a single tear running down on my cheek. My face was hot and burning. I couldn’t keep it again. I cried, clutching my chest, bitted my lips hard to hold my tears.

“N-No, PD-nim. I-I don’t want to do this. I don’t want. I don’t want.” –I kept replaying those words like a mantra. Suddenly, I felt a tap on my back. PD-nim hugged me.

“I’m sorry, Jaebum-ah.” –he whispered to me. And that’s all I need to know that he was serious. He hugged me briefly. When he let go of me, we sat there in the silent. I was thinking to nothing particular. My head was spinning. And I took my time to excuse myself since PD-nim has done talked to me.

My manager hyung obviously was waiting for me in front of PD-nim room. He has a guilty expression. His first word was “Sorry, Jaebum-ah.”

“You knew about it, right, hyung? I know you know.” He nodded.

“It has been a while, right? I ever found both you too talking too intimately in the dorm. You called him “baby”. Sorry, Jaebum-ah. But, as a leader, you should consider about your member and group first either your feeling. You can’t continue this relationship. It’s too risk.” I listened to him, silent.

“Jaebum-ah… about the rearrangement, did you want to tell him by yourself? If you can’t, then I—“

“What did you expect me to say to him, hyung? That PD-nim and you found out about us? Or maybe even our fans? Did you just want to say that I should break up with him?” –I cut his words. I was so tired from all this . I felt my anger just kept rising. Suddenly, I remembered that I have one message unread. I opened my phone and found Youngjae’s message for me.

Hyung, are you ok? I’m still waiting for you. Call me if anything happens. Fighting!

Love you. J

I suddenly wanted to burst out of tears again. I didn’t even care if manager hyung think that I was weak. That’s the truth after all. I was weak.

“Jaebum-ah…”

“Enough, hyung. I don’t want to talk about it again. I have had enough.” –I said to him, nearly crying again.

“I’m sorry.” –he said before left me alone with my thought. Why did everyone say sorry today? What were they sorry for? Sorry was not enough. Sorry didn’t make everything better.

After stood for a while, reading Youngjae’s message over and over again, I let a big sigh. Suddenly, I didn’t want to meet him. I was scared. If I met him, what should I say? If I faced him, what should I do? I thought that I would just cry my lungs out if I met him.

But, Youngjae was waiting for me. He would keep waiting for me. So, I forcefully dragged my feet to the vocal practice room. Only to find Youngjae was sitting in front of the piano, smiling wide. Then, I knew the reason why I fall in love with him. Not only his smile, but also his presence. Only with his presence his self could make me calm. I found peace in him. So, my desire to hug him and keep myself in his embrace was stronger. The next I knew, I’ve already had him in my arms.

***

Youngjae’s POV

We hugged for long time. I could barely stand when he broke the hug. I smiled to him, brushing off his stain of tears.

“I won’t asked you why, if you doesn’t want me to, hyung.” He kept silence. I sighed.

“Everything will be alright. It’s okay.” –I said tapping his shoulder.

“Do you still need hug?” He shook his head, no. Fortunately, he was smiling now.

“I’m sorry, Youngjae.” –he said.

“For what, hyung?” –I chuckled. But, when I looked into his troubled face, I sighed then grabbed his hand.

“Let’s sit. Just now, I practiced some songs. Want to hear that? I knew that music will calm you more, hyung.” –I smiled to him. He nodded and returned my smile.

I began playing the piano. It was my favorite song.

I love you, I love you, I love you
you are the most important person to me
because you’re always with me, I easily forget but

I love you, I love you, I love you
you’re the thankful person till tears come out
Please always be there
And know that I’m happy filled with thinking of you

-(I love You by Sweet Sorrow)

While singing, he kept staring hard at me. I couldn’t read his expression.

“Hyung…” –I called him as he kept staring at me even I’ve finished my song.

“Hyung, what—“ suddenly I felt a pair of lips on mine. He kissed me briefly. I shocked and blushed like crazy because that was my first kiss. We’ve been together for 7 months, but we’ve never been on this stage before. The highest stage was just kissing on the cheek or forehead. I left speechless after he kissed me.

“Hyu-hyung…” –I stuttered.

“Youngjae-ah…” –he managed to called my name. I was waiting for him again, so I just shut my mouth. I could still feel the tingling feeling lingering on my lips.

“Baby… Youngjae… Jae-ah… I love you, more than you know.” His words were nice, but the way he said it was odd. I didn’t want to think about it, so I just shrugged it off. Feeling happier than before.

“I love you too, hyung.” –I managed to have the courage to peck his lips. He smiled wide. I chuckled.

“Keep singing. I want to hear your voice more.” –he said.

“Okay. Hm, but… what should I sing now? Hmm…” –I put my finger on the lips as I was thinking about the song that matched with this current mood. Suddenly, I felt lips pressed on my right cheek. I turned to look at him. He just giggled.

“You are so cute.” I blushed at his words.

“Thank you. Then, why don’t you sing for me in return?” –I demanded. He smiled an “Okay.” Then he sang his own song.

The first thing I want tell you, don’t hurt anymore

When you fall, I’ll be the first one to reach out my hand.

The second thing I want to tell you, be sure… don’t cry by yourself

I’ll protect your bright smile

I’m forever in your heart

        “Hyung, why this song? It’s so sad!” –I whined, interrupted him.

        “Ssst… let me continue. Just listen, babe…” then, he continue…

I need to leave you. I’m silently crying and erasing my heart.

On a night full of our memories,

I have to say goodbye, words that I don’t want to say.

The first thing I want to tell you, don’t hurt anymore

When you fall, I can’t give you my hands anymore

The second thing I want to tell you, be sure… don’t cry by yourself

Even if I’m not by your side, don’t forget me

I’m forever in your heart

It might be hard to say goodbye while separating

I was determined but the words only linger around

And I finally tell you while looking at your lips

The last thing I want to tell you is I was happy

Because I was able to be by your side, like a gift

I love you, words that I couldn’t tell you, I miss you

Even though I’m saying goodbye, I’m not far away

I’m forever in your heart

(Forever Love by GOT7’s JB)

While listening to his song, I kept staring him. I really wanted to figure out what was happening and why did he act like this. It wasn’t because I didn’t like this song, but I felt that he wanted to tell me something by singing this song.

This song was about breaking up. Did he…?

------------------

a/n: Finally, I can continue again. I managed to sneak out from my office duty to write. LOL. I hope you like this chapter. I wrote it in hurry. I’m sorry if this doesn’t fulfill your expectation. I even didn't know why it turned to be angst. I'm not really into angst actually. Forgive me T.T My mind did the trick for this chapter.

I’m ! I need refreshing! I need my imagination back! Oh Gosh, so sorry that I kept blabbering here. But, seriously, I need my me time T.T

Anyway, enjooyyyy and thank for all of you who subscribe, vote, and comment this story. THANK YOU SO MUCH. And also to my silent reader. I love you all. T.T