“Mother, please, I beg you. Do not go,” Jongin cried out to the young, beautiful alpha before him as the pup tugged on her sleeve. “Please, Mother, I do not feel right about you going!” for, as weak and helpless as Jongin appeared to be, the feeble omega was truly wise and could sense even the slightest hint of impending danger.

Despite knowing of her sons intuition, Jongin’s mother did nothing to humor nor to reassure the boy- providing no more than a small, forced smile- and turning on her heel, she transformed into her wolf and took off towards the woods after the other alphas. She spared not even a glance to her young, wailing son behind her.

As soon as she cleared the edge of the trees, a stream of red invaded Jongin’s vision and a shriek of pain pierced through the air and into his ears.

“Mother!” Jongin shot straight forward and struggled to grasp hold of reality. It was dark. It was cold. He was alone.

Not much had changed.

It had been some time since he had dreamt of his mother’s passing, and each time, it did not become any easier; rather, it became harder to cope with the fact that he was still alone.

Curling into himself, clutching his knees to his chest, and lowering his head, Jongin began to weakly rock back and forth, ignoring the droplets of perspiration forming along his skin.

“Only a dream, Jongin, only a dream,” he chanted to himself with a trembling voice, as he had every night he had woken from the horrors of his mind. Though, he knew as clearly as he knew his own name, that they were not simply dreams; they were reflections of a haunting past that would never escape him. As he got older, the memories became even more warped and gruesome in his sleep, but the outcome remained the same, remained true. His mother was not coming home.

***

Jongin could not bring himself to fall back asleep. On nights like the last, the haunting memories would return every time he closed his eyes.

He rose with the sun, quietly exiting the tent, as he had every morning, so as to not draw any attention. Without the warmth of his tent, Jongin was instantly struck with how cold the air was; the chill was bitter and the wind did nothing to help. The small omega was at a loss; he alone had not been granted any furs for the winter months, The Alpha had seed to that himself.

As Jongin slowly meandered out of his tent, he was startled by an object flying past his head. He looked to where the object had landed and noticed that it was a rock, a fairly large one, normally used for smashing fruits and nuts.

Jongin quickly turned back to the source and saw a group of alphas standing nearby, each with throwing stones of their own.

It was the youngest who had thrown the rock, not more than eight or nine years.

Jongin’s initial thought was expectation; this had happened before, everyday in fact. His second thought, however, was one of grief- not for himself, but for the child who had thrown the stone; how young these children were taught to hate.

“A fair shot,” the oldest in the group- Zitao- chimed to the tiny alpha. “But this is how it is meant to be done.”

Jongin had no time to protest nor to run, though he knew it was unwise to attempt either, before a rock even larger than the first was hurtling towards him. He heard only laughter as he hit the ground, and soon more stones connected with his skin, a few meeting their mark and colliding with his head. Not long after, the voices faded out as the alphas headed towards the center of camp. Jongin’s own tent was far from the others’, on the outskirts of the clearing his pack called home.

Steeling himself against the dizziness and nausea that had overtaken him, Jongin slowly rose to his knees and was forced to pause, lest he return to his previous position on the ground.

His head was throbbing, and a flow of red trailed into his vision as the blood from his head ran down his face, yet he stood, unsteadily treading towards the forest, a place he knew he could call home.

***

Jongin hadn’t had to rely on his vision to get him to his destination- a hidden lake in a small clearing, past the thick of the trees, where he had near grown up. Jongin had discovered it shortly after the death of his mother, while wandering through the trees in his despair. Only one other member of the pack knew of his hideaway, yet that wolf knew to stay away unless there was something important that concerned Jongin. Nothing important ever concerned Jongin.

Dizzy and weak from pain, Jongin stumbled into his clearing, the blood cascading more fiercely down his face and clouding his vision with burning red. As soon as he emerged, the overwhelming aura of home immediately flooded all of his senses and overtook his whole being, and he hurriedly stripped himself of his clothing and immersed himself in the cool, familiar waters of the lake.

Despite the bitter cold of the air, the shocking chill of the water felt like flames rolling across the gash in his forehead and lacerations along his arms and legs, but soon enough, relief surged through his body and he relaxed in the calm still of the pool. Allowing his head to slip back, Jongin raised his hands above him and allowed a stream of water to fall over his face in rivulets.

This clearing with its gorgeous pool and open sky, surrounded on all sides by forest, was more of a home to Jongin than even his cold, empty tent. His life was here, his soul was here, his spirit was here, his freedom was here. Freedom from contempt, freedom from injury, freedom from neglect, freedom from- day in and day out- being the runt, the derelict, the outcast, the prey, the mark, the victim. Jongin, in this atmosphere could pretend that he meant something… meant something to anyone or anything willing to accept him. He hoped he meant something to the trees that enveloped him, the animals that ventured into his clearing, the water that welcomed him with cool tides lapping at his sun-kissed skin.

He knew, if nothing else, that he meant something to the moon. Their mother- the force every wolf bowed to, even The Almighty Alpha- loved each of her children as if they were her own mate. She decided the fate of every wolf, alpha or omega. Love meant nothing in a life if the moon decided it was not to be. The moon bestowed the totems, wooden tokens in the forms of their kind- the wolves- that indicated who your mate was to be. Once an alpha was granted their totem, whichever omega then received the matching totem was to be their mate for life: no exceptions, no evasion, and one did not question the moon nor the universe. Wolves were expected to accept their fate, and there had never been an account of complaint; the moon knew who you were meant to be with, created each wolf for the other.

Still, Jongin was constantly struck with the belief that he was an outlier, that the moon had made a mistake in creating him. He doubted he would ever receive a mate; not one wolf in his pack truly accepted him, let alone an alpha who would acknowledge him as mate.

As Jongin was almost swept away by that recurring thought, he smelled something very familiar and he saw the only wolf he could somewhat consider a friend break through the trees.

“Jongin, I wish to eat, and I don’t want to worry that you’ve tried to starve yourself again,” Baekhyun whined to the boy in the lake as Jongin turned to look up at the taller omega.

“Then eat, imbecile, you do not need me to feed you,” Jongin snapped up at the elder. “Besides,” he lowered his head slightly. “I haven’t attempted to starve myself in years. You know very well of the last time I did it.”

Baekhyun sighed, striding to the edge of the lake and crouching to look Jongin in the eyes. “Jongin, it’s been years since your father left, and still I worry. You’ve grown no happier all this time, yet the period for mourning is long over. Why has your grief not passed?”

“I am not in mourning,” Jongin replied boldly with the tone he only dared take in the presence of his omega friend.

“Then you are in denial,” Baekhyun said just as defiantly, his eyes burning with impatience.

“I am not in denial either.” Baekhyun opened his mouth to speak, but Jongin gave him no leave. “You know, Baekhyun, why I isolate myself. You know, as well as I, that I hide for the same reason you only meet me in this clearing and not as a companion under the eyes of the pack. I’m just as great a coward as you.”

“I am not a cowa-” Baekhyun defended hastily.

“You will not know me in the camp!” Jongin shouted, stopping Baekhyun short. “I know why, Baekhyun, I understand why, but you cannot then blame me for divorcing myself so often from the pack. I have nothing with them, not one wolf willing to respect me as they do others. You must either accept that or else accept me.”

Baekhyun, knowing he had been defeated, sighed and stood at the water’s edge, offering his hand to the smaller omega. “Shilah, the chill is biting,” the elder said to divert the subject. “Come, follow if only so that I may know that you are fed and warm.”

Jongin stared at the offered hand then back up at its owner. “You may know, yet you will take your place lengths away as you have thus far. If it concerns you so much to know of my well being, why do you not care to see to it yourself? I can hardly remain warm in winter months because I have yet to be granted a fur, yet you have done nothing. It has been a blessing to me that snow has not fallen since my ninth year, for I would have perished long ago.”

“Shilah-” Baekhyun began, ready to beg.

“You use that word so lightly, yet you by no means deserve to know me as a brother. Why do you mock me so?” Jongin asked, thoroughly fed up with the elder’s games.

Moments later, a subtle wind whipped through the clearing and Baekhyun closed his eyes, listening to its song. When the wind died down, Jongin’s flesh became rugged and frigid, and he knew he had to heed Baekhyun’s word before he froze. Baekhyun himself visibly relaxed after the wind ceased; the tension left his shoulders, and he sighed contentedly as he opened his eyes and refocused on his friend. “Jongin.” The younger looked up. “Take your place beside me this morning.” Jongin’s eyes widened as he opened his mouth, though he produced no sound. “If you do not wish me to hide… then I shall not.”

“Baekhyun, no matter how often I complain to you of this… this could ruin you! You cannot come out of this decision peacefully. Baekhyun… no, you cannot-”

“Jongin, as annoying as you are when you complain or chastise, you are correct. I have not done what I can. So now, I will,” Baekhyun said as he, again, extended his hand to the omega below him. With drawn out hesitation, Jongin delicately accepted Baekhyun’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled from the bitter cold of the water. The dizziness and nausea returned upon his ascent from the lake, and he braced himself against Baekhyun as he regained his bearings. As Jongin rose, exposed in the gusty open air, the chill finally caught up to him in full, and he shivered involuntarily. The throbbing in his head grew worse, though he knew, from previous experience, it would soon fade.

When Jongin emerged, he crouched low to the ground to steady himself. Baekhyun noticed, as he had many times before, and knelt down beside him, clutching Jongin’s shoulder and cradling his head. “Jongin, who was it this time and what did they use?”

Jongin leaned into Baekhyun and heaved an alleviated sigh. “Ten or so children… I assume they were lead by Zitao, he’s not one to follow. They used rocks.” Baekhyun knew that the children, and some of the older boys, often used rocks and stones as their weapons of choice, and he had tended to Jongin’s wounds on many occasions. He pulled back to examine the gash on the younger’s head and pushed aside the long, brown hair in his way. “You’ve cleaned it; that is good. It would be wise to rest today, allow this time to heal. The bruises as well.”  Jongin nodded and decided he was fit enough to stand, with Baekhyun’s help. Once again on his feet, Jongin found movement immensely easier.

“Thank you…” Jongin whispered to the ground.

“What for?” Baekhyun asked, awaiting an answer.

Jongin shook his head. “I honestly do not know.” Baekhyun provided a light chuckle and placed his hand between Jongin’s shoulder blades, directing him towards the camp.

“Allow me to first return to my tent and retrieve clothes; you were right about the cold,” Jongin requested, turning towards the taller wolf. The clothes he had been wearing before were now soaked with icy water.

“Of course,” Baekhyun nodded. “I will be waiting in the village circle, in the space you take everyday.” The space lengths away from where the rest of the pack gathered to take their meals, out of sight and out of mind, that was where they had forced Jongin long ago, and that was where he was safest in any case- away from the other members of the pack. Jongin nodded as well, and together, the two of them headed back through the trees.

*** 

Once he had clothed himself, Jongin slowly headed towards the village circle, being careful not to put pressure on his newest injuries. As the faces of his pack members came into view, he looked towards his normal spot near the trees, only to find exactly what he had expected. There was no one there.

Scanning the circle, he knew he would find Baekhyun where the elder sat every morning: between his closest companion, Taehyung, and his brother, Daehyun. Jongin knew that he should not have been hopeful; nothing in Baekhyun’s life came before the clumsy, foolish alpha that was Taehyung.

Jongin should have been hurt, he should have been angry, he should have been resentful. Instead, Jongin was empathetic. He knew that Baekhyun wanted to help him, he knew that Baekhyun truly did care. He also knew that Baekhyun was just as scared as he was himself and that self preservation was any wolf’s first instinct. Had Baekhyun sat down in the spot Jongin was currently seated in, he would have been humiliated and hurt for the rest of his life for associating with Jongin, with the pack’s pathetic runt. Unworthy, unwanted, deplorable- words that Jongin heard every day would soon become Baekhyun’s titles as well.

As he looked out at Baekhyun, who was leaning his head on Taehyung’s shoulder, he suddenly felt relieved that Baekhyun had chosen to save himself. He didn’t want anyone, let alone the one he held to call friend, to lead a life at all similar to the one he had lead and would inevitably continue to lead until he became one with the spirits.

So, he looked to the ground and produced a small smile for his friend’s sake as he took his place, waiting until everyone else had eaten completely and made their way from the village circle before daring to touch any food. It was customary; he knew it was only safe for him to eat once every wolf had cleared out, on good days leaving him scraps, on bad days not even leaving him bones or rinds of fruits. He prayed to the moon that it would be a good day.

Movement to his left caught Jongin’s eye, and he looked towards the circle to see Baekhyun turned to stare at him. The expression Baekhyun wore broke Jongin’s heart, because there was such guilt in those thin, dark eyes, and Jongin knew instantly that Baekhyun wanted to try to fix his mistake, but he realized he could not- not if he wanted to save his own hide.

Jongin longed for the guilt to disappear; he disdained Baekhyun’s mouth formed in anything but a smile. Jongin wished to be able to approach the elder and ruffle his hair and clap his back and tell him no harm had been done, but if Jongin were able to do that, this problem would not have appeared to begin with.

So, instead, Jongin yielded a small, light smile and shook his head subtly as if to say it is alright, Baekhyun. Everything is alright. Baekhyun hesitated, deigning to look away from his friend, but Taehyung eventually turned and whispered something into his elder’s ear, causing Baekhyun’s eye contact to break. The omega looked down at the ground for a moment before shifting his attention back to the alpha beside him and offering a small nod.

Jongin was happy, because his friend was happy. Jongin was happy because he had a friend to be happy for. Jongin was happy that he was capable of feeling happy. Truly, Jongin tried to convince himself. Truly happy.

Directing his focus away from Baekhyun, in an attempt to refrain from delving too deep into the matter of his friend’s decision, Jongin examined the rest of the pack, taking note of the smallest details such as how the village elders ate their food very differently from the younger wolves and how the young alphas finished quicker in an attempt to have more time to gambol in the fields with each other. Though it was not done purposely, the positions the pack sat in around the circle very much reflected rank. Less prominent families that comprised a majority of the pack were scattered around a good bit of the circle, then the omegas who chose to not eat with their families in an attempt at being as social as possible outside of their tents, next the alphas with the same goal in mind. Most of the village elders were scattered throughout the ring, some with their families, some with other elders, some still with a few of the village children surrounding them, eager to hear whichever mystical tale they were telling that morning.

This left the young mates, who were close friends of The Alpha, to be seated at the top of the ring. Jongin noticed Chanyeol, a rather timid alpha, laying half asleep in the lap of his larger omega, Yifan. Beside them were Zitao and his omega Minseok- the pair could not have been more different. On the other side of the tip of the ring sat the pack’s hunter, Luhan, and his anxious omega, Kyungsoo, the former of which was trying to offer the latter a piece of meat, which Kyungsoo eagerly declined. To their left were Jongdae and his alpha, Joonmyeon. Joonmyeon was the pack’s guardian, appropriately awarded the title Suho, though he seemed to have more trouble keeping his omega safe than the pack. At the crown of the circle sat The Alpha.

Yixing had been granted his totem- The Moon Totem- at the age of six. Immediately named Alpha, the intense, determined child took his position as leader of the pack. Even village elders bowed to the youth. Nearly two decades later, The Alpha still stood strong over his village and its inhabitants. The Alpha was intelligent and able, he was good to his people and they came to instantly admire their leader. He was, however, without.

There was no Omega. No one had yet received the matching Moon Totem; the pack did not know when some ordinary omega would become The Omega.

However, the younger omega who sat to Yixing’s right, Sehun, was already accepted as Yixing’s mate. The whole camp foresaw and awaited the day that Sehun, nearly the strongest of all omegas, would receive The Moon Totem and officially take his rightful place beside Yixing. It was only a matter of time and not a matter of doubt.

Except for its helpless runt, the pack was nearly perfect. Everything was in its place and there were few problems and complaints. The pack was content, prosperous, and purely ideal- a model for all other packs within a hundred mile radius.

Yet, as Jongin looked at The Alpha- the way Sehun leaned into him, the way he scratched the younger’s head, ran his fingers through his hair, fed him a piece of cooked deer meat- he couldn’t help, nor explain, the pain that arose in his heart.

**********

shilah-  a Navajo word, meaning "brother"