Memories of a Mother- Comforting Kiss

My eyes moved listlessly through the house. Beak Seung Jo had gone for work before me and I had over slept.

I felt empty like a withered hollow shell. I looked at the calendar and sighed. I slowly closed my eyes and forced myself to take a deep breath.

I don't know how long I sat there. Was it minutes? Hours?

But I finally got up and out of bed. I was able to move and breathe. I was alive.

I decided I would clean the house to try and take my mind of off of what today meant. I slowly dragged out the cleaning supplies and got to work scrubbing down the counter tops and bathrooms.

But I couldn't stop my mind from wandering.

I remembered her warm smile, and her small, soft hands. I even remembered when she would fight with my dad over something on the menu and things would get nasty. But even that was a fond memory now.

I tried to move my mind away from the past to what I had now. Beak Seung Jo, and my father were here with me and that's what mattered.

I pulled my hair into a bun and started to sweep the floor. I must have gone over it a hundred times. There was not a speck of dust on the floor. I then filled a bucket with soapy water and mopped the titles. While it dried, I went to get the vacuum cleaner. I was reluctant to turn it on for I knew it would roar like crazy and fill the peaceful quiet with noise.

But I flicked the switch and quickly up all the dirt on the carpets. When I was finished, the hose was fully clean. It had taken me only two hours to fully clean the house and put the laundry in. I stood in the middle of the living room wondering what to do now.

I picked up my phone and dialed my dad.

"Appa, can I come to the noodle shop?"

I hear the busy noise of the kitchen behind him as he said, "Why are you even asking?"

I hung up and quickly slipped my coat on. I hopped onto my bike and pedaled as fast as I could to the noodle shop. I wasn't prepared for the melancholy that would hit me as soon as I saw the shop.

I wondered how hard it was for Appa to be working in this shop today, having to force a smile on for everyone.

I locked my bike to the rack outside and walked in. "Appa! I'm here."

"Oh Ha NI!" Bong Joon Gu franticly waved me over. I sat at the noodle bar and placed my face in my hands. "What shall I make for my Oh Ha Ni today?" I smiled at him and asked for nothing. My stomach just wasn't up for eating today.

"Joon Gu, get back to work!" shouted my dad.

"Okay chief!" He saluted him and ran back inside. He really was getting to be a great chef. I smiled fondly at his busy form, hands moving quickly over ingredients-selecting some and ignoring others.

I turned to the plaque of my small baby handprints and the imprint of my mother's nimble hands. I traced the outline lightly and closed my eyes, breathing the smells of the pasta house. I tried to keep the tears in that threatened to spill over.

I felt a warm hand lay on mine. I looked up into the weathered face of my dad. "Appa," I said, looking at the plaque. He gently rubbed circles in my hand with his thumb.

"It's okay, Ha Ni-ah," he whispered. He patted my hand and pushed himself up. I watched him keep walking steady, and felt ashamed for feeling this way. Here he was, going on strong while I sat around and cried.

I felt so weak. So alone. Why did no one get it?

/_-_-_\

I walked past Baek Eun Jo, who looked at me warily. "Why are you so quiet?" When I didn't answer he teased, "Have you gone mute? Good thing since you can barely read anyways."

I chewed my lip and looked away. He frowned and I could feel his gaze on me as I walked upstairs.

I flopped on the bed and closed my eyes.

My father offered no comfort; I felt as if his pain was greater than mine, why should I burden him by showing him my pain too? Bong Joon Gu was too loud and boisterous; he was always moving around and never still. Beak Seung Jo just didn't get it and I don't think he ever would.

I felt the bed dip down from Seung Jo lying next to me. He draped a hand across my waist and tugged me towards him. He peppered kisses up and down my neck and I shivered.

But I wasn't in the mood. I could offer anything back; I couldn't feel anything. I was numb. I put my hands on his shoulders and firmly pushed away. "Stop."

His eyes searched mine questioningly. He my arms slowly and he sighed. "Ha Ni-ah," he whispered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I gulped and tears threatened to flow.

He pulled me to him again and tucked me tightly against his chest. "You're never alone, okay. Don't ever cry when I'm not there, okay."

A sob wrenched its way out and the dam broke. Sometimes in the presence of someone you love, you can let all your sorrows go. You can mourn and then put the burden down. So I leaned agains Seung Jo and let him take my weight.

I felt his light kiss against my forehead and hair. His soothing humming washed over me, creating a sense of peace.

"You're not alone," he repeated firmly. He pulled back to look me in the eye. "Remember that, idiot Oh Ha Ni," he finished fondly.

He reached up and with small kisses, wiped my tears away.

R&R for tons of turkey/tofurky on Thanksgiving!

Hey guys, the next chapter isn't depressing. In fact... it has bubbles. Yay! It's much more fluffy and light so stick around ;)