song: Amnesia - 5 Seconds of Summer

He counted the days since the last time he has seen him. He counted the days since the last time he has heard from him. He counted the days since the last time they had communicated. 13. Soon to be 14.

"Time of death: 7:05 P.M."

The moment he needed someone, he's gone. The moment he wanted someone to be around him, he has left. The day he felt pained the most, he's not around anymore.

Jaebeom opened his eyes. Jinyoung was beside him again. He did not know if it was a dream, or it was the real thing. He was not yet prepared to wake up if everything's only a dream. He held Jinyoung closer. For the last time, if everything's a dream, he wants Jinyoung to not slip away. To not let him go far away ever again.

That was all it could ever be. A dream. A peek from the past.

"Halmeoni, why did you leave me so early?"

To: Jinyoung

From: Jaebum

Hello. Where are you? It has been 13 days already.

To: Jinyoung

From: Jaebum

I miss you.

To: Jinyoung

From: Jaebum

Please talk to me.

To: Jaebum

From: Jinyoung

I'm sorry.

To: Jaebum

From: Jinyoung

I don't feel anything anymore.

To: Jaebum

From: Jinyoung

I loved you, but not anymore. I love you, but as a friend now.

Jaebum's tears doubled that day. First day of his grandmother's burial. First day of his heart's wake. All of his conversations with Jinyoung came back to him. The I love you's, the I miss you's, the talks about their future together to Paris, to London, to every corner of the world. Their cats' and dogs' names when they finally settle down. Jaebum asks himself if everything's real. If it is, how could Jinyoung be so calm? How could Jinyoung be like this? He never seemed to be so...heartless.

He doesn't want to judge him without seeing his face. Without seeing him face to face. But it was very hard. Really hard. He felt his unstopping tears flow down his face.

"Is Jinyoung coming?"

"No."

"Oh...maybe tomorrow..."

"No, he's never coming back. Just like halmeoni"

Jaebum's mother held him in his arms. He calmed down in a few minutes, and excused himself to go somewhere where he can calm his heart down, where he can think clearly about the things about his life right now. How could he live without the person who raised and loved him for so long? How could he live without the person he loves so much that he would like to raise his children with? How could he live without his future anymore?

He was walking aimlessly across the road. He heard the beeping horns of the vehicles around him. But he just kept on walking and walking without direction.

A crash.

A very bright light.

Until everything turned black.

Jaebeom opened his eyes. The white ceiling and walls told him he's at a hospital. His throat felt hoarse and rough. He could not talk. He looked around and found a man holding his hand. The black mop of hair reminds him of someone, but he could not fathom who. He twitched his fingers. The man woke up, looked up at him, and smiled.

He stared at him longer. He couldn't remember the man's name. He couldn't recognize where he saw him. But he smiled nevertheless. The mind might forget temporarily, but the heart never does.