Chapter 9

The sun had already set and Hyukjae was sitting on the stairs, already in his nightwear. His crossed arms were on his knees and he placed his head on them, keeping his eyes on the front door. He was waiting for Donghae. He did not know what time his husband would be back but Hyukjae hoped he would come home. He would wait no matter until when. He just wanted Donghae to come back.

He did not understand why Donghae had said such things, why Donghae seemed not eager to help him remember things again. But, he knew there must be a valid reason. Donghae was in pain, that was why he had shouted at Hyukjae – he thanked the person who had sent his lunch because he told Hyukjae that Donghae had a headache when he asked. So, he forgave him for raising his voice. But, Hyukjae was not naïve enough to think his husband said all those just because his head hurt. Hyukjae felt the intensity of Donghae’s glare, felt the quiver in his voice as he yelled. Donghae really did not want Hyukjae to learn about his future – or was it his past – Hyukjae was confused when it came to that.

It did not stop him from trusting Donghae, though. Hyukjae rolled his eyes as he thought – yes, Donghae was suspicious. But, Hyukjae was not one to judge nor would he conclude things by a one-time occurrence. Donghae, despite being easily annoyed and lacked in expression – some things Hyukjae wished he could do something about – had been mostly hospitable. Especially remembering the time he had pulled Hyukjae away from the water. Hyukjae had not been in any danger but the thought and care were felt. 

Then, there was the time they had both had felt serene – at least Hyukjae felt that way. It felt right, to be in Donghae’s company. No thoughts needed, no words, just pure serenity and light caresses from the wind. Hyukjae did not have to furrow his brow and try to remember. Instead, the moment became a new memory, forever registered in his mind and heart.

No – Hyukjae would give Donghae more chances.

A bright light penetrated the window and Hyukjae knew Donghae was back. He got up and went to the front of the door, not opening it. He waited, almost bouncing on his feet as the anticipation made him restless. A few moments passed and Hyukjae could not take the waiting anymore. He opened the door and found Donghae standing in the doorframe, his head bowed down.

It seemed that they both had been waiting for the other to open it.

“I’m – ”

“I’m – ”

Hyukjae bit his lip. 

“Sorry.”

Hyukjae nodded, “Me too.”

Donghae looked at him and he blinked a few times, “I… I forgot to get dinner. I’ll go buy it… now.” 

“Hae, I – ” Hyukjae watched him went down the steps and to his lime green car, his heart longing to come with him. When Donghae had gotten into the car, he closed the door and was ready to do some waiting again, thinking at least he knew his husband would be back. He was just about to move away when the door was opened once again.

“Want to come with me?”

Hyukjae grinned and nodded enthusiastically, running up the stairs to change into something that could keep the cold breeze of March away. Donghae’s question made his heart throbbed almost faster than his ribcage could contain. He knew he would not be wrong, he knew Donghae was not the bad guy. His husband was just pressured. 

It did not take him long to get done, lock the house’s door and get into the car.

“Let’s get some food and it eat somewhere else, okay?” Donghae said as he reversed the car.

“Somewhere where?”

He changed the gear into D4, “Somewhere we have been together. Somewhere that can help you remember.” Hyukjae nodded and gave an ‘okay’ with his fingers, a smile permanently on his lips for the night. They stopped by a Chinese stall and Hyukjae volunteered to go buy the food and drinks. When he got back into the car, he refrained himself from asking where they were going. It was hard but he managed to do so.

They got to the place not long after – because Donghae never drive under the speed limit – and Hyukjae looked at the building with interest, unsure what it was.

“This is the only place where we have been together, aside from the house.”

“Our wedding venue?”

Donghae chuckled, and Hyukjae wished he would do it more, “No. This is my work place.”

“Your gallery?”

“Yes. How did you know I have a gallery?”

Hyukjae opened the car’s door, carrying the food, “Mom told me about you on our way back from the hospital. Now, quick! I want to look at your work.” He got out and went straight to the door, waiting for Donghae to open it. But, instead of doing so, Donghae took the food bag from him, freeing his hands of any load. “Open it,” Hyukjae urged him.

“No. You open it.”

**

“What? I don’t know the – Wait! Do I know the passcode?”

Donghae nodded, remembering the time he had the sudden urge to share the code with Hyukjae, “You are supposed to. There are only two people who know the code; you and me.”

Hyukjae whined, “But, I can’t possibly remember it.”

“Try.”

It was his way of helping. Hyukjae wanted Donghae to help him remember again. So, here he was, trying to stimulate a memory for him, with a heavy and longing heart. It was a start. A start to make things better, to lead things to the way they were supposed to be. Donghae had promised himself he would make things right, no matter how wary his heart was. It was what Hyukjae wanted, needed. Thus, Donghae had contacted a consultant to ask about Hyukjae’s condition and to know what he could do. It was a minor effort, but he was trying.

“But – ” Donghae shook his head at his husband who grabbed onto his forearm. Hyukjae stared at him, and Donghae knew he was going to pout. With his bottom lip jutted out and his pupils bigger than usual, and watery as well; Donghae almost gave in. He stayed unwavering though. The pleading look changed into a scowl in a snap. Then, he watched as Hyukjae concentrated on the buttons.

The consultant had told Donghae that it was possible that Hyukjae remembered fragments of his memory that he should not have access to because of the ordeal that reverted him to the mentality of a nineteen years old. It might be because of how significant or how many times the information he remembered had been strengthened at the core of his brain. With the right questions and expose, it would help him in reaching out for any memory that would be related to the stimulator. Memories linked to each other. If one remembered a certain memory, another memory would be triggered and brought to the forefront of the mind.

Hyukjae had only been to the gallery once, so, it was farfetched when Donghae thought he could remember the four-number code. But, in a solemn thought after the call he had made, Donghae realized it was the only thing he could help in, regrettably. The gallery was the only place they had been to together, not taking into count where Hyukjae made him go to the store with him.

He stepped up closer to Hyukjae, who was leaning against the glass door with his brow furrowed and his lips in a tight, thin line as he was in deep thoughts. Donghae pulled him away from the door and entered the code, without letting Hyukjae look. The doors slid open.

Hyukjae snorted and crossed his arms, “I had almost gotten it.” 

Donghae squinted his eyes and smirked, “Really?”

“Yes. I was just about to press the buttons. But, oh well, thanks,” Hyukjae grinned cheekily and walked in. When he was seven to eight feet away later, Donghae let the doors slid closed, stepping back. He locked the gallery again. Hyukjae turned around, his eyes wide. 

Donghae waved at him, the smirk still adorning his face but with no menace. He watched as Hyukjae ran the short distance and plastered himself to the glass, “Hae hyung!”

“What? You said you remember. Open it, then,” Donghae twirled the ring of keys he had on his finger, hoping to trigger the information. They had been at this same position before, same situation and almost at the same time. It would be okay if Hyukjae remembered about it, this moment that Donghae had let played in his mind countless times. He had viewed the moment from every angle he could, and the last thought would always be the same; this was the moment where he made his first fault, this was the moment he had let the feelings growing inside him control him after many years.

Hyukjae leaned his forehead against the glass, his hands on each side. He stared at Donghae with his eyes threatening to let a few tears drop. He had his bottom lip into his mouth too. Donghae snorted at the childish act, trying to manipulate him. Due to the soundproof glass, Hyukjae started mouthing at him with exaggeration, “Hae hyung. Pity me, please. I’m so cute and innocent and know nothing.”

“Tsk. Try to remember, can you?” Donghae mouthed back before he came closer and breathed out on the glass, making it foggy. He was taken aback when he realized he had done it right over Hyukjae’s lips. Fighting to avert his focus to something else, he used his finger and wrote ‘7’. He was about to continue with the next digit when suddenly Hyukjae placed his hand over the number. Donghae watched as the other gazed at the number with a tilted head. He waited with a bated breath until Hyukjae looked up at him, blinked and went to the lock. Donghae was torn between feeling hopeful and discouraged when the doors once again slid open.

Hyukjae’s hand were still on the buttons, standing with his back to Donghae for quite some time. Both of them did not move. Donghae hung his head down, staring at the white marble floor. He could not help but felt fear, thinking if Hyukjae’s memories had returned totally. What if then? Who would be the one to leave; him or Hyukjae?

His thoughts kept supplying food for his fear, but then it all came to a stop when Donghae felt two arms wrapping around him and pulled him tout against a warm body that fit his so well. With his chin on Hyukjae’s shoulder, naturally, Donghae’s free arm encircled the other. 

“I did it! I remember!” Hyukjae was almost hopping, restrained only by the arms. Donghae felt rather than see the wide grin on his face. Donghae nodded. He was a true hypocrite to himself, telling himself that he was as happy as Hyukjae was at that moment. The arm around Hyukjae loosened but not the ones encasing Donghae, “Thank you.” Hyukjae stepped back, his smile reached his eyes and his words reflected on them as well. He grabbed Donghae’s hand and they walked into it together this time. Donghae felt as if his heart had swelled up, finding it hard to breathe while at the same time at ease.

They stopped when the narrow hallway opened up to a wider room. Clearing his throat, Donghae asked, “Do you want to walk around first or eat?”

“Can we do it at the same time?”

Donghae hummed and nodded, “Suit yourself.” He opened the food bag, releasing Hyukjae’s hand and feeling his turned cold at the next second. Distracting himself from the thought, he passed a chopstick and a carton to Hyukjae before taking his own ones.

“Show me which ones are yours.”

Donghae navigated the way through the maze-like gallery. Hyukjae was not that much into paintings, anyone could see that by the way he continuously ate his food and nodded with his mouth full. Donghae could not bring himself to feel annoyed or offended. Clearly, I’m nineteen Hyukjae had not learn to be subtle. Despite it all, Hyukjae did seemed genuinely interested to know the ones Donghae made. He smiled, swallowed and gave simple compliments. It was more than enough for Donghae. In between it all, he felt curious about the time that morphed I’m nineteen Hyukjae into the Hyukjae he had walked down the aisle with.

The food was finished with Hyukjae taking Donghae’s, “I’m nineteen. I should eat a lot.”

“You will be twenty-eight this year. You don’t need food to grow anymore,” Donghae looked at him incredulously. He shook his head as Hyukjae shrugged and with one last shove into his mouth, the food was all gone.

“Have you ever drawn yourself?”

“What?” he was staggered by the sudden question. Hyukjae repeated the question as he wiped his mouth with a tissue Donghae had just passed to him. It was a plain question, a simple yes or no would be sufficient. But, there were two reasons why Donghae felt stunned; the reason for his answer and the realization that Hyukjae had once asked him the same question. Donghae his dried lips as he stared at Hyukjae, who did not know the weight of his question. “Actually…” Donghae blinked multiple times, “No. I haven’t.” 

“Is it hard?”

Donghae found himself nodding, slow and getting faster. It was a simple word again. Hyukjae said it with ease yet Donghae felt it summed up his complicated reason perfectly, “Yeah, it’s hard.” The word was the same, but, it meant differently. 

“How many more of your paintings have I not seen?”

Glad for the change of subject, Donghae said, “Just one more. It’s near the front and- ” He cut himself off, going silent as he became conscious of what the last painting would be. The only painting left unseen was Midnight Blues.

“Let’s go see it,” Hyukjae smiled at him and Donghae led him to the featured area, his steps getting heavier. He could only wish that Hyukjae would not ask anything, because currently, if the other request anything, it would not be hard enough to make Donghae say yes. 

They stood in front of the painting side by side. Hyukjae, liked at the event a month before, touched the glass encasing the painting. His eyes were wide and he was slack-jawed, “It’s your best artwork, isn’t it Hae hyung?”

“Judging by the fact that it’s on the featured display area, yes.”

Hyukjae looked at him with a brow lifted, “Sassy, aren’t you?” After glaring, he turned back to the painting. Donghae smiled, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from chuckling. “Tell me about it.” All traces of a smile were then gone.

He had told not one living soul the story behind Midnight Blues, though his parents might have a clue. It was a painting born from his deepest pit. The painting was the missing pieces of his heart on display. To tell Hyukjae about it? Donghae did not know if he could. He hesitated before saying “It’s… nothing special. Just read the short description on the plate.”

Hyukjae furrowed his eyebrows as he read, “It only tells the meaning of the colour. I want to know what it all means,” he turned to Donghae and stared deep into his eyes, “It’s more than just a mere painting, isn’t it? There’s a story. Tell me the story. It’s very… sad,” Hyukjae seemed to be almost in tears.

It was hard for Donghae, he tried looking away, at the floor, the wall, the roof, all except Hyukjae and the painting. But, he could not turn away from the other’s gaze. Just like that, the invisible barrier around Donghae fell and he pointed toward the pitch black shadow at the top part of the painting. His eyes remained on Hyukjae while his husband followed his finger, “This one is an adult. It represents someone walking away, going away. It is pitch black because where he is going to, he can never... return from it. He… He chooses to go and never come back.”

Hyukjae was alternating between looking at the painting and Donghae. As he felt his mouth tightened and his eyes started to burn, Donghae focused on the artwork.

Donghae sniffled once and jammed his finger onto the glass, pointing at the shadow right on the middle, “This one, the child, it is clearly reaching out for the other shadow. It represents the feeling of not wanting to let go. Do you notice how it is black at the hand reaching out toward the shadow moving away, but, the shades get lighter and move into gray?” He saw Hyukjae nodded, his attention and eyes on Donghae, “It means, that if he does grab onto the other shadow, he too won’t be able to come back. He will turn pitch black.”

“Turning pitch black means…”

Donghae nodded grimly, knowing the other knew, “But look at this,” it was the hand holding the gray shadow. Donghae blinked even as he was talking, “This has the lightest shade of dark gray. This hand, it holds back the child from following the adult shadow. It represents someone who gives light, or in other word, a reason. It has the lightest shade and going into light gray because it tells that it is the right thing to do, holding the kid back.”

Donghae could not look away from the painting, his eyes locked on it. It had been a very long time since he last looked at it with full intent. Clearing his throat after he managed to hold back the tears, Donghae said, “That’s it,” he shrugged, “That’s what the painting is about.”

“It’s…”

He knew Hyukjae did not purposely left his word hanging. Thus, to rid the thoughts about the painting, he tried to direct the topic away, “It’s not a romantic love story, which is what everyone like to interpret it as.”

“I know a romantic love story!” Hyukjae latched onto the topic, and Donghae knew they both appreciated it. The other walked away, heading toward the door and he followed him, catching up.

Skeptically, Donghae asked, “You do?”

Hyukjae stopped and placed his hands on his waist, tilting his head, “Yes, I do. And it’s about me.”

Donghae felt amused, “Really?”

Hyukjae glared, “Yes!”

“Tell me, then. Was it when you were five years old?”

Hyukjae laughed mockingly, “No.” He took a deep breath and a smile formed on his lips. Donghae watched it with curiosity as the smile grew into a grin, “It was about five years ago and – Okay, not five years ago. I forgot I’m not nineteen. Pfft. It felt like it was five years ago… at least to me. Anyway, I was sitting in front of my mom’s small restaurant back then, after being kicked out of it.”

“You were naughty?”

“Tsk. No, and don’t cut me off,” Hyukjae warned him and Donghae smirked at the finger pointed at him. “As I said, I was in front of the restaurant. The road was busy with cars coming non-stop. It was noisy because of the people walking on the side road. It was also rather hot.”

Donghae placed a hand on his waist and raised a brow, “You are not at a story telling competition and you are boring me. Get to the point.”

With his eyes squinted, Donghae heard him say, “If only I can go home by myself…”

“What’s that?”

Hyukjae grinned sweetly, “Nothing. The point is here,” he started walking again, but not toward the entrance. Donghae kept close to him as Hyukjae continued to talk, “I saw this boy across the street. Our eyes met for about three, brief seconds. Amazingly,” his hands were moving as well, “the busy road was cleared for that particular moment. Nothing was in between us. It was fate, I’m telling you.” Every single of his movements stopped, surprising Donghae. Hyukjae’s eyes looked glazed and he had some sort of a dreamy smile. 

Donghae was sure the other – his husband – was thinking of that boy he was talking about. Something was simmering in Donghae’s chest. He snapped his fingers in front of Hyukjae’s face, startling the other and earning himself a glare, “That’s it, right?”

“No. That was only the beginning.”

Donghae crossed his arms on his chest, “What? You coupled with him after that one moment of so-called fate, then? I thought you said you never had any girlfriends or boyfriends?”

“I said that? My twenty-seven years old self said that?” Hyukjae cupped his own cheeks, “So, it means I never met him, then.” Hyukjae squeezed his eyes shut and whined.

“Wait, wait. Him, who?”

Hyukjae furrowed his eyebrow, glaring at Donghae, “The boy. The one I’m telling you about. See? This is why you should not cut people off.”

Donghae snorted, “Excuse me. You were the one stuck dreaming of him while in the middle of your romantic love story-telling session.” 

“Well, listen now. Me, being my friendly self, went across the road and sat next to him,” Hyukjae giggled, “He did not act as if I was there when I was sure he saw me. Oh well,” he shrugged, “The boy was drawing in a sketch book. And he was drawing my mom’s restaurant! – okay, it was the entire street but objectively, the restaurant. He was very talented! His precision on the details were amazing!” 

Donghae felt a lump in his throat suddenly. He swallowed but the feeling did not go away. He remembered an event like that, but from a different point of view, his point of view. But to believe such coincidence could happen would be believing in miracles, and Donghae had long lose faith in such things. He would not let himself wish for it. “Then?”

“I asked him to draw me. A picture of me,” Hyukjae pointed to himself, his eyes twinkling, “And he did. He did not say a word at all, but he sketch a picture of my with the street as the background. I don’t know how long I stayed frozen just to give him time. Just suddenly, a paper was shoved into my hand. He just… He did not just capture a picture of me in the paper, but he captured my heart.” Hyukjae was his bottom lip, his hand rubbing his nape.

Donghae bit his lip before he asked, “Do you know his name?”

Hyukjae pouted, “No. He never say a word. He doesn’t know mine and I don’t know his. All these years,” he his lips, “I was hoping to see him, at least once again.”

“You… You love him?”

Hyukjae giggled and scratched his head, “I think so. I mean, I’ve been waiting so long, hoping. What else is that if not love? So, yes, I…”

**

Hyukjae stared at Donghae, his husband. Husband… His words were stuck in his throat. If he loved L.D.H. then what was he feeling for Donghae?

“You love him. Okay,” Donghae shrugged. Hyukjae watches him carefully, trying to read him. Donghae was averting his gaze. “Let’s go home. It’s getting late.” He walked away, heading for the exit. It was obvious that his husband was avoiding something.

Hyukjae caught up with him and grabbed his hand, halting them both, “You’re not jealous?” Hyukjae realized too late that he was being too blunt. Where were his social skills when he needed them? As far as he remembered, he was tactful when it came to this sort of matter, always finding other ways to get the truth without being obvious. But, maybe because of his own confusion and curiosity, he did not have time to think of other approaches.

Donghae raised an eyebrow and snorted, “No.” He then walked again but Hyukjae still held his hand, following his rhythm of walking.

“Really?” Hyukjae asked, not believing so. Donghae still would not look at his eyes.

“Why should I be jealous?”

Hyukjae shrugged, “You’re my husband. You’re not just supposed to be jealous, you are expected to be mad as well.” For a split second, Donghae’s eyes had met Hyukjae’s, but it might be only his imagination as it was so brief. Thus, he could not be sure. He let go of Donghae’s hand when they were outside, getting into the car while his husband locked the gallery. 

As Donghae drove them home, Hyukjae could not stop stealing glances of him. He did not feel right, his feelings jumbled up, his thoughts a mess. He did know what was right nor wrong except for one thing; he should not have said he loved L.D.H. in front of Donghae. If mom knew, she would nag until his eardrums burst. Hyukjae ended up leaning against the car’s door and looked directly at Donghae, saying, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

Donghae’s eyes remained on the road, “Acted like how?”

“Acted like I was so in love with that boy. Saying all those things. I should have thought of you.”

The car stopped at the red light, “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Now, you’re jealous and may be thinking of murdering that boy.”

Donghae snorted, “I told you, I am not jealous.”

“Yes, you are.”

Donghae looked at him, “No, I’m not.”

“You are! You’re my husband!”

“I am not jealous!”

“You are!”

“Am not!”

“You are!”

“Am not!”

“Hae hyung!”

“Hyukjae!”

The light turned green and Donghae focused back on the road. Hyukjae bit his lip, trying to stifle his laughter, but to no avail. He was still looking at Donghae as he laughed and his husband joined him. Their chuckles only died down once they reached the house. Even then, smiles were still adorning their faces. 

They both went up to their room. When Donghae was about to leave after grabbing his night clothes, Hyukjae wanted to call him, wanting to say that he could stay. But, he did not muster up enough courage to voice it out. So, when the door was shut, Hyukjae changed into the nightwear he had worn before. He got on the bed, but like the previous nights, he felt as if something was missing. The bed felt empty. He felt lonely. Making up his mind, he went downstairs. Donghae had just came from the kitchen and looked at him as Hyukjae stood on the stair.

“What?”

“Are you not going to come up tonight too?” Donghae was about to refuse or say he would come up later, Hyukjae knew. Before he could do that, Hyukjae continued, “I want you to come up. Please.” He waited for an answer, a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘later’. A few moments passed and when there was still nothing, he turned around, heading up. Then, he heard the creak of the maple wood stair. Trying to hide his smile, he waited at the top landing. 

Hyukjae realized while drumming his fingers om his chest, after they had both lied down on the bed, that simply having Donghae next to him would not help him sleep right away. Lying on his back, he learned that it would be harder since his heart was beating erratically. Sighing, he shifted to lie on his side, only to find that Donghae was also doing the same. Staring at each other, Hyukjae grabbed the bolster in between them and squished it hard against himself. 

“If you can’t sleep, I’ll go back downstairs.”

Hyukjae almost did not catch those words as he was busy staring at Donghae’s lips, “No. It’s fine. I’ll sleep in awhile.” He his dried lips before he his bottom lip to nibble on. Then, he caught Donghae staring. Their eyes met. Hyukjae almost gasp, releasing his lip. He watched as Donghae blinked profusely, searching for something else to look at. 

Hyukjae closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. What was there to lose? What was wrong if he were to try it? If it could help clear some questions, why not? As far as he knew, Hyukjae had not kiss anyone. But, he was married to Donghae, how true could that statement be now? He removed the bolster from the middle of the bed and scooted just an inch closer.

“What?” asked Donghae, he sounded almost breathless.

“Do,” Hyukjae cleared his throat, “Do you want to kiss me?”

Donghae’s eyes widened a fraction before he his lips, not realizing that he was tempting Hyukjae, “I…”

“I do. I want to… you know.”

Donghae looked at him, his brows raised, “Really?”

“Yes.” They both lifted their heads from the pillows, and Hyukjae felt Donghae’s hot breath on him as they got closer. Warily, Hyukjae parted his lips slightly. As soon as he felt a soft, plush lip filling the gap, his eyes fell shut. His lips were slick against Donghae’s. A hand came to rest on his cheek as his hand found Donghae’s nape. Hyukjae on the other’s bottom lip as Donghae did the same to his upper lip. When they broke the kiss, Donghae rested his forehead against Hyukjae’s, their hot breath hitting each other. After his breathing calm down slightly, Hyukjae said, “Let’s talk… tomorrow.” 

Donghae nodded. Hyukjae closed his eyes again and parted his lips. He did not have to wait long for the kiss to ensue. 

Well, how was that? Who else thought Hyukjae would remember everything by the title? No one? G Sorry, I wanted to post this up two days ago but then time got in the way, not to mention I was too sad because of Donghae. Do you know that he is feeling lonely right now? That he said ‘it to be in the army’ and having Siwon and Changmin did not make him feel much different? He misses Hyukjae, clearly. I’m so sad, I was even crying thinking about him. Sigh… Anyway, back to the story. This is a few words less than 5000. It took me awhile because I edited almost the entire 3000 words that I cut off and changed it from Hyuk’s POV to Hae’s POV. That took some time. Hope you like the update! Have some juice! Hope no tissues needed!

P.s. Opinion on the kiss? Hahaha I’m not sure if I explain it well enough.
P.p.s. What do you think Midnight Blues is about?
P.p.p.s. Hope the story is progressing well in all of your opinions :)