Chapter 6
잡아줘 (Hold Me Tight)Third person Omniscient POV
Darkness.
That was the only word Taehyung could use to sum up his thoughts. When his dad got bored of beating him up for the day, Taehyung was left to be alone in his room unless his father told him otherwise. Due to having no one, he thought a lot in the silence of his room. He had a cellphone so that his dad could contact him so he had music he could listen to but music just added on to his thoughts. With his room being silent apart from some drunken yells from his father heard downstairs from time to time, it was easy to get lost in his thoughts.
He thought about everything to 'why does no one like me?' to 'will life ever get better?' and he was always left with silence, without an answer. He hated everything about himself and his thoughts would eat away at him. He didn't like to call this depression because he believed if he stayed in denial, if he refused to let himself think that, maybe it wouldn't be true. But it was and he couldn't get out of it.
Just last year, Taehyung had tried to kill himself after thinking about it for so long. He felt that there was no point of living. If everyone hated him, if he hated himself, why should he continue living only to continuously get insults and hits thrown at him every day? He tried so hard to endure it but he couldn't anymore so at aproximately 8:00 P.M he went to the bridge nearby and jumped into the water but when he opened his eyes instead of seeing that white light people had talked about, he was met with a lady's face that he assumed had been passing by, coughing up the remaining water in his lungs. She had insisted taking him to the hospital but he refused and ran away to prevent further argument or questioning.
The constant hatred towards him with no one to tell him that everything would be okay, with no sign of affection ever given to him, it wasn't possible to be happy no matter how hard he tried.
That was until he met Hoseok. Taehyung had only known him for two days yet Hoseok actually made him feel happier inside. Just with one single smile, Taehyung felt warm. He had never had a hug before he met Hoseok, he never had been given a genuine smile, he had never smiled, but in a matter of two days he had gotten all of those things.
But now he was pushing him away because he couldn't risk getting more hurt than he was.
*****************************************************
"Taehyung. Taehyung. Kim Taehyung!" Taehyung's head snapped to the front of the class from previously looking out of the window in thought.
"Ah y-yes?" Taehyung stuttered nervously as snickers were heard throughout the classroom.
"Please pay attention to the lesson." the teacher said sternly. "I don't know what is wrong with you today; you're usually really good at listening."
"Yeah Taehyung~ What's wrong with you today?" Jeongki mocked.
"Sorry...I'll do better." Taehyung said softly.
Hoseok watched from the other side of the room with a sigh. He couldn't stop thinking about him. Hoseok felt terrible about yesterday, he couldn't help but feel some responsibilty for what happened. Since Taehyung was with them and the students thought Hoseok and the rest of the group was cool, they made horrible comments towards Taehyung for being with him. He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. Hoseok watched the clock, anticipating lunch so that he could try to talk to him but the time felt like it was going terribly slow.
After what felt like hours when it had only been five minutes since he had last checked, the bell finally rang signaling it was lunch time. Hoseok wasted no time, quickly gathering his belongings and agreeing to meet the rest of the group in the same spot, he made his way to Taehyung's desk before Jeongki's group could do anything and before Taehyung could leave. Jeongki's group glared at Hoseok which he just responded with the middle finger, making their glares intensify before walking away and leaving the room empty aside from him and Taehyung. "Taehyung we need to talk."
Taehyung stayed silent as he packed his notebook away into his backpack. "Taehyung.... please." Hoseok begged.
Taehyung bit his lip as he zipped up his backpack "What is there to talk about?"
"I'm really sorry about yesterday...please don't care about what they think. You're our friend and we care about you, please don't shut us out...don't shut me out."
Taehyung sighed and his lips that Hoseok had learned to be a habit in the two days he's known him "Don't apologize, it's not your fault. I just...I don't think I can handle having friends right now."
"Taehyung, don't do this to yourself."
"I'm not doing anything to myself. You don't even know me so stop acting like you do."
"I know...I know we've only known each other for two days but you're my friend and I want you to be okay. I know you're a kind person and you don't deserve everything that you're going through and I know that I really want to hear that laugh again. I know I don't know you completely but please let me get to know you."
Taehyung took a shaky breath, no one had ever said anything like that to before. He was overwhelmed. "I'm sorry...I...sorry." Taehyung said before quickly getting up and walking out of the room.
The last thing he heard was "Please don't shut me out." He wished he could go back and hug onto him as if his life depended on it, let out the tears that he bottled up all these years, but this was reality and he couldn't do that.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've just been so busy with homework :(. But the good news is I have a four day break from school starting on Friday so you'll see an update soon! c: Thank you for all the sweet comments!
Comments