“Unnie? Are you sleeping?”

It was late, but Hayoung couldn’t sleep. Namjoo was snoring loudly on the bed next to her, so Hayoung had decided to look for someone else to talk to. As much as she wanted to go talk to Bomi, she knew that the older girl was already going through a lot and deserved some rest without having to worry about anyone else but her. So she decided to go look for her best friend, who she’d been neglecting lately without telling her how she felt.

“Naeun-unnie?2 Hayoung caressed her friend’s arm, being as loud as she could but without waking up Eunji, who was fast asleep on the bed less than a meter from her.

Naeun blinked twice, her eyes getting used to the darkness, and Hayoung knew she had woken her up.

“Hayoung-ah?” Naeun asked, rubbing her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry, unnie,” Hayoung tried to smile. “I’m sorry I woke you, I just couldn’t sleep…”

When she heard that, Naeun smiled back and stood up.

“Let’s go outside to talk,” she said, grabbing Hayoung’s hand. “I don’t want to wake Eunji-unnie up.”

They walked towards the living room, where the dim light of the standing lamp in a corner lit up the whole room so they could at least see where they were going.

“Are you alright, Hayoungie?” Naeun asked the maknae. Hayoung shrugged in response, not really knowing the answer to that herself.

“I don’t know,” she said. “There’s like so many things in my mind going on… so many thoughts preventing me from sleeping well. I don’t know what to do.”

“Let’s talk about it,” Naeun said. “You need to clear your mind a little.”

“There’s like… so many things have happened in the last two weeks,” Hayoung started with a weak voice. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with so much. Bomi-unnie has me so worried… Like, what am I going to do if she… if she doesn’t make it?”

Naeun looked down, speechless for a second. She had been having trouble sleeping as well, and she hadn’t told anyone about it. Eunji knew, of course, because she had been sleeping with her for a while now, and she had witnessed Naeun waking up in her arms from night terrors multiple times lately. Bomi’s situation had left a mark on them all, in different ways but a mark nevertheless.

“She will.” She was strong for Hayoung. “She’s going to chemotherapy, and she’s taking care of herself. We are taking care of her as well. She will get better. She will make it. She will.”

It looked like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince the maknae. Someone had to be the strong one, and it was her role as the unnie to act that way with Hayoung, who was still a child at heart.

“I hope you’re right, unnie.” Hayoung leaned her head on Naeun’s shoulder, finding comfort in the presence of her best friend.

“We haven’t talked like this in a long time,” Naeun spoke after a few minutes of silence, and her smile was a bit sad.

“I know, right? You’ve been spending so much time with Eunji-unnie lately…” Hayoung looked at her lap, avoiding Naeun’s gaze. “You don’t even tell me your thoughts anymore.”

Naeun lifted a hand and moved Hayoung’s chin upwards.

“Hayoung-ah,” she spoke with a calm voice. “You are my best friend. And I should’ve told you everything beforehand, I’m sorry. I’ve just… things with Eunji-unnie were so complicated… but I think we are finally okay now. I feel like something in my life is finally stable and normal, and I am incredibly happy because of that. She makes me very happy.”

Hayoung smiled softly and hugged her friend as much as she could, due to the position they were in.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, knowing how much Bomi-unnie’s state is affecting you,” Naeun apologized, but Hayoung shook her head, resting it importance. After all, they had never needed words to know how the other was feeling, and that’s why they could still trust each other with their lives.

∼

When Chorong opened her eyes, she heard slow sobbing coming from the other side of the room. She opened her eyes wide, both in surprise and to help them adjust to the darkness.

“Bomi-ah?” Her voice was calm, not too frantic. She didn’t want to scare the girl any more. “Bomi-ah, are you alright?”

A low sound of affirmation was heard in the other pillow, but Chorong stood up nonetheless. She lifted the sheets covering Bomi’s body and lay besides her. The younger girl had her eyes close shut, her cheeks wet of salty teardrops that had been falling for a while now, as it was obvious, and her breath was ragged because of the sobs that still made their way out of .

“You don’t have to worry about anything.” Chorong’s voice felt like caressing Bomi’s skin, reassuring. “I’m right here for you. Forever.”

Bomi opened her eyes then, her pupils dilated in fear, or need, or love. Chorong felt her heart skip a beat.

“I don’t want you to spend your life around me like I am your responsibility.” Bomi’s voice was as ragged as her intermittent breath. “You can’t spend your life like you have to focus on me.”

Chorong looked at her, her expression deadly serious.

“You already are the center of my life; you have always been. I can’t fathom a life where you aren’t my sun for me to circle around, for me to worry about. That’s what being in love means. You are my center.”

Bomi’s eyes looked at Chorong then in pure wonder, like she was admiring every syllable the older girl muttered. In pure love.

∼

“Is Hayoung-ah okay?”

Eunji’s voice surprised Naeun when the younger girl got back in her room. She hadn’t expected Eunji to notice the night’s activity, but of course she had.

“Yeah, she’s alright,” Naeun smiled softly and lay down beside her girlfriend. “Too many things are changing in our lives, and that’s making us all uneasy. She’s been having trouble sleeping.”

“I see,” Eunji sighed. She had known that this was meant to happen. They were still young, and even though they were strong, things still affected them. Bomi’s illness had been a tough blow for them to take, and now their lives were changing drastically because of that same thing.

Eunji lifted an arm over Naeun’s head so she could pull her closer into an embrace.

“It’ll be alright,” she whispered in the younger girl’s ear. “Everything’s going to end up okay.”

“That’s what I told Hayoung-ah,” Naeun replied softly. After thinking about it for a couple more seconds, she admitted the truth. “And mostly myself.”

Eunji looked at her right into the eyes, their gazes locking in space. The older girl could see Naeun’s feelings right through them, her worries and doubts and fears. And she wanted to do whatever was in her hands to help swipe them away.

“But, unnie…” Naeun felt as comfortable as she could get between Eunji’s arms, and she felt like it was time for her to express her worries. It was funny, how each of them all moved towards their unnies in times of worry, being strong for the dongsaengs. “Unnie, what are we supposed to do now? We’ve decided to do all this because of Bomi-unnie, but what are we supposed to do with our lives now? I don’t want to say this in front of Bomi-unnie, but I feel like I have no path to follow anymore.”

Naeun looked scared way more than concerned. While in the group, everything was mapped down for them, just like it was since they entered the agency. But what now?

“Right now, we help Bomi-ah heal.” Eunji’s words were measured, trying not to be hesitating. “The only thing we can do now is live day by day, and we must not be scared about the uncertainty of the future. Right now, think of all this as your time of resting and our time to be together as more than family. We need to do whatever we can for Bomi-ah, and that’s our priority. We’ll figure out the rest when it’s time to do so.”

“I wish it was that easy to picture…” Naeun replied, and the silence that followed made her drift slowly into a state of sleepiness.

Once the girl was completely asleep, Eunji took a deep breath and kissed her on her forehead, her heart calm while her mind couldn’t help but worry.

“I wish that as well, Naeun-ah.”