Chapter Thirty-Four
Drenched“What did you say?” Chorong almost never lost her patience, and she herself hoped this wasn't one of those times. “Bomi-ah, what did you tell the president?”
Chorong had received a very worried call from Eunji. After the girls had discussed disbandment a few times since Bomi got to the hospital, they had all agreed. But now for some reason the president had changed his mind after Bomi spoke to him, and that was probably because she had disagreed with the other members. But she hadn't said anything to them before...
“We were planning on standing by you, disbanding if necessary.” Chorong tried to explain, but Bomi avoided her gaze. “We were not going to continue with Apink without you...”
“Is that really what you think I want?” Bomi locked her eyes with Chorong's, her voice loud and cold. “How can you think I would want you to stop doing what you've always wished for just because of me? How well do you know me?”
“But Bomi-ah... We've talked about this. It's our decision, and even though I'd rather you agreed with it, you cannot decide our future.”
“But can't you see it?” Bomi was exasperated. “You're ruining your life for me! It's enough that you are here right now wasting your time instead of living your life!”
Chorong opened her eyes in shock when she heard those words. She couldn't even compose herself and answer before Bomi continued.
“Why would you stop chasing your dream for me?” Her voice was cracking. “Why would I have to bear the feeling of breaking your dreams and destroying your future just because I am dying?”
Chorong was about to answer, her eyes filled with tears, when they heard the front door open. HyeNa was back.
Bomi rolled her eyes while tears fell down her cheeks. “Awesome.”
∼
Naeun was lying on her bed, her gaze lost in the ceiling. Tears had stopped falling a while ago, and now all she felt was emptiness. She turned her back so she could reach her phone, which had just beeped.
Fighting, unnie! Be strong!
Hayoung's message made Naeun smile slightly, and it helped her put her thoughts in order. She wasn't sad anymore. She was mad.
“Why would she do that to me?” She muttered to herself. “How dare she play with me like that? All I've given her is my time and affection, and she dared push me away!”
She sat up on the bed, her decision made. Why would Eunji have to be the one winning? Naeun could be strong too, if she just managed to control her feelings.
She texted Hayoung back on thankfulness and told the maknae to go to sleep. It was late, and the situation had been so awkward during dinner that they'd all gone straight to bed. Hayoung had decided to give Naeun some space and she was sleeping in Chorong's room while the older girl cried herself to sleep. They were tears of anger, of despair and confusion.
Her door opened, and Naeun couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Eunji come in.
“What are you doing here?” Now she was the one with a cold voice. But she got nothing but a shrug from Eunji, the girl daringly looking into Naeun's eyes.
“My room was boring. And you are not.”
Naeun stared at her harshly in silence.
“Do you think you have any right to come here?” Her voice was quiet but sharp. “We are not together. You have no rights at all.”
If Eunji was taken aback by the comment, she didn't show it.
“I'm still your unnie after all,” she answered with another shrug. “And don't you want to have fun?”
Eunji didn't even notice the slap until Naeun took a step back, shocked by her own action. The older girl felt her cheek burn and her eyes opened wide. Naeun widened her eyes even more than her unnie and left her standing right there when she ran out of the room.
∼
Chorong knocked softly at the door, but without waiting for a reply she entered.
“Bomi-ah...” She started with question in her voice. “Can we talk?”
Bomi didn't even turn around to look at her girlfriend.
“Yoon Bomi, look at me when I talk to you.”
Bomi turned around slowly, still deciding whether to start a fight or just remain quiet until Chorong got tired of arguing on her own. She chose the latter, so she remained silent as much as she could.
“We need to discuss this, but you know I don't want to argue.” Chorong's voice sounded tired. “You know I hate arguing with you.”
When Bomi didn't answer, she continued.
“We talked about disbandment before, and you seemed to agree! This is what we all want! What we've all chosen to do... because of you. We are on your side, you know? Even if you don't seem to realize how much we love you, how much we're trying to protect you. I love you, and all I'm doing is trying to protect you.”
“By flirting with HyeNa-ssi?” Bomi regretted her words as soon as they left .
That came from the darkest part of her, the part that was boiling with anger, despair... and jealousy.
“What?” Chorong looked confused. “Why are you bringing her into this?”
“You don't even realize, do you?” A bitter laugh accompanied the sentence.
Chorong thought about it, confused because of why the nurse was appearing in their conversation.
“Bomi-ah, you're just mad at me for some reason, but you don't have to keep starting arguments you will regret later.” The leader stood still. “I am not talking with someone unreasonable.”
“Oh yeah, leave and go talk to your HyeNa-unnie.” Bomi spit those last words, jealousy obvious in every syllable.
“Oh, no.” Chorong was mad then. “Don't you dare throw that back at me. Everything I am doing, I am doing it for you, can't you see it? I am here, every hour of every day spent taking care of you because you matter to me, because I care about you. And HyeNa-unnie is just trying to help us as much as she can, in everything she can, and we should be thankful for that. I have tried to show her my appreciation, and we've ended up becoming close because we do have things in common. What's wrong with that? We are both here for you, not for each other. Why can't you see that? Why can't you understand that I'm doing everything for your best? The disbandment is our choice, even though we thought you were okay with it and... I wish you understood how much I care about you and why I'm doing what I am doing.”
“I do! And that's the problem!” Bomi exclaimed back, but her eyes looked like she just wanted to hug Chorong and agree with her for now. But it wouldn't be Bomi if she didn't fight for what she wanted. “I don't want you to do this for me! I don't want you to waste your time on me, to throw away your dreams because of your sick girlfriend who's going to die!”
Chorong looked at Bomi for a couple of seconds, her face hard as stone, not revealing any feeling. Then she took a step towards the younger girl and embraced her with her arms. Bomi tried to resist at first, exclaiming something about not being done with what she had to say, but she finally surrendered and hugged Chorong back, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.
“I am sorry, Bomi-ah.” Chorong was the first to speak, and she was crying then, tears streaming down her face. “I don't want you speaking like that. I love you so much... I don't want to lose you. I can't stop trying to help you as much as possible, I am trying to cherish you and love you and I will continue to do so until the end. That's how much you matter to me.”
Bomi looked at her quietly, carefully choosing her words.
“You may disband if that's what you choose. But I'll go with you, I will announce it with you so everyone knows we are together in this.” She kissed Chorong on the forehead, and when she moved back, the older girl could see the tears in Bomi's eyes. “I love you, unnie. And because I love you I don't want you to get hurt or abandon your dreams because of me.”
“I won't abandon them. I don't need anything else,” Chorong said. “You are the only thing I want and need, Bomi-ah. You are my dream.”
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