He could still feel the heart sinking feeling  .. But it  left as suddenly as it had came and so he  chose to ignore it ..

How bad can it get  ?

He had a feeling something bad was gonna happen .. Maybe his favorite vase would have to pay for his infamous clumsiness ..

Maybe the food would get burned again and he would sulk because his lover deserved better than that . Or maybe his boss would call and inform him that he had to go to work to replace one of the fellow workers ..

He had expected every single thing out there .. But definitely not that .. Not the telephone ringing in a menacing way ..  though ridiculous , the sound alone didn’t seem to bode well for him .  The sickening feeling came back as he started approaching the telephone with heavy heart ..

“ Hello ? “ He had answered ,  hesitant as he started gripping the handle tightly .

“ B.. Byunghu.. “

Whoever was on the other line was a female , her voice cracking as she fought back the urge to burst into tears ..

Perhaps it was the shock preventing him from recognizing his own friend ..

Perhaps it was the fact she had called him from Changhyun’s workplace  , choking on her sobs .

He stood there , frozen , ignoring the lump in his throat as he processed her words .

His grip on the phone had loosened as soon as he heard it before finally dropping it altogether , only to follow it short after .

The last thing he recalls was everything spinning , light blinding him and shock spreading to every nook and cranny in his shuddering being . His heart rate had dropped along with his physique , too frail to take in such news .

~ ♦ ~ 

At the middle of the night , he would wake up with a start . It was almost like his vision was alive , pulsating .  the beats reverberating about  , ceaseless and merciless , sent him to his knees in no time  .  He was wreaking havoc on himself by giving in to grief and he knew it . Nevertheless ,  he could do naught but  groan in pain as sharp ache surged through his being . He could do naught but survive .

swaying the covers away , he slowly made it out of bed heading towards the kitchen for a glass of water and sadly that meant a long walk , descending the stairs and basically a lot of movement .

He had staggered his way towards the railing and took a deep breath before proceeding only to slip down . A gasp choked its way out of his mouth as he gripped whatever was in vicinity for support .

The way he fell down should have resulted in certain death yet he was safely half-lying on the last steps ,  not even a scratch on his  face .  The only thing proving he had fallen was his memory of it and how labored his breathing had become in shock .

Abruptly scanning his eyes everywhere in search as realization hit him ,  Byunghun called for his lover over and over again  “ Changhyun ??! Changhyun .. Are you here ? “

He could have sworn he felt the other’s presence ..  After all ,  nothing else would explain him surviving such fall . Besides ,  he could feel the gentle force holding him still in an attempt to lessen the impact of the fall .

His tone growing even more  desperate with each call ,  Byunghun ‘s face twisted in despair ,  longing and helplessness ..  

He could feel tears streaming down his face .

His lips were quivering and body heating up  as different emotions welled up in his chest suddenly making the air feel thick around him .

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

“ B.. Byunghu.. “ Her voice cracked as she sobbed along .

“ When we came here to leave Mina , C..Changhyun was resting on the chair , a peaceful expression on his face . We thought he was merely resting but then.. h.he didn’t even b.budge when we tried to wake him up .. “

Byunghun’s body dropped into darkness .

There was a lot of noise around him , seemingly that of a woman gasping and crying . He could faintly recall a blinding light forcing him to look away . Was that .. the doctor using pen light to gauge a reaction from him ?

But soon enough everything went black again . His body was floating in a never ending maze of darkness . He couldn’t respond to anything though , not the white noise of the people around him , not their touches , nothing  .

He could remember being offered a choice but recalled making none .

It was highly disturbing when he saw everything from a distance like it wasn’t his own body . It was so random how every memory kept flashing before his eyes then he was pulled backwards in what seemed like a hyperspace of nothingness .

It had been a painfully long time before I strained my ears to a familiar melody . They told me that was the first time I showed any response ever since the comatose . My index twitched and against all odds , I suddenly felt  alive ! Like the first greedy breath of oxygen you get as soon as someone saves you from drowning .

The white noise no longer faded out , it grew stronger .

For the next day , I was caught in a delirium state during which I felt my awareness of real world slowly coming back .

It appears , the one humming the melody was Changhyun’s mother which explains everything .

His mother used to lull him to sleep like that and he in turn did the same with me .

She probably knew nothing about it and started unconsciously humming it . Maybe she saw her son in me , maybe she wanted to protect the last remnant dear to her deceased son . I still recall her pleas as she asked for forgiveness . Changhyun’s parents were not completely against his ual orientation yet they weren’t that accepting either , unlike mine who ditched me as soon as they found out . Changhyun’s parents were awkward and rarely visited him but at least they still acknowledged him .

 She was desperate regretting the days she spent without her son , without seeing his smile , without being a part of his life and now he was gone .. I could also recall how her grip on me had tightened as she sobbed along . Partially aware of her presence but still in a state of unrest , physically , mentally and emotionally , I resorted to comfort her by my actions and not words .

They said I was healing but I was far from that . I had to go back home because Changhyun must have been waiting .

Her moistened eyes gazed at mine in sympathy when I said that .

Home felt foreign .

I had spent three days in a coma and woke up to being delusional refusing to accept the truth .  They couldn’t wait for me and proceeded with the necessary measures , the funeral took place without my presence . Horrid , that’s the word . My brain had to shut down to protect me after all .  I guess it had started as agitated depression that soon transformed into a vegetative one . I had suffered an emotional overload in the first stage , feeling nausea and trembling as my body went limp . It was too overwhelming to the point I soon reached the limit , the possible capacity of emotions , stress and sadness making it turn to vegetative depression .

Instead of feeling too many conflicted emotions , I felt none , I responded to none .

Everything was a blank mess before my eyes and  even though I tried my best to function properly , my efforts were futile .

~ ♦ ~

He had spent the rest of his days avoiding everyone , locked up in his and Changhyun’s house . The place where their memories had lingered like he didn’t even care about healing  . There he sat preparing French salad ..  It was Changhyun’s favorite ..

As time passed by ,  he had started spacing out , eyes distant and plate appearing to be blurred as his mind focused on otherwise .  

“ Ah .. “

He winced finally aware he had cut himself . Watching as crimson leaked through his index flowing like a small river ,  Byunghun blinked weakly .  Any normal person would instinctively bring their fingers to their lips on the cut to stop the bleeding .  

Byunghun though ,  kept staring blankly at his injured finger ,  it was quite a big cut , starting to sting soon after because of the citrus effect .

Drop

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