Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder.

They lay on Jia Er's floor next to each other like they often did. Staring at his ceiling while they were thinking of a name for the pup who was laying on Yi En's chest. He her fur softly. It was only an hour ago when Yi En had cried and Jia Er had hugged him. Yi En thought he would never stop crying. In the end he did. His eyes were still red and puffy. Jia Er to his side, resting his head on the palm of his hand. Facing the blond boy next to him.

'' What about.. Jackson? ''

'' She's a girl.. I'm not naming her Jackson. ''

'' Jacky? ''

'' No. '' 

" What about Dim Sum? '' 

'' Are you just hungry..? --or do you actually want to name her after food? ''

'' No! Well, I am hungry but that's beside the point. But it has a deeper meaning. ''

'' Which is? '' 

'' Dim Sum can also be translated as; to touch one's heart. And she touched your heart the first time you saw her. I could see it. ''  

Yi En swallowed as he turned to look at him. Keeping the silence between them. Sometimes when he thought he knew Jia Er well enough. Expecting what he was going to say. Or knowing how he would act. But right at that moment Jia Er proved him wrong, again. It surprised him in a pleasant way. When he was with Yi En there was always more to his words. A hidden meaning. This one was simple and beautiful. To touch one's heart. 

'' It should've been your name ''

There was a brief moment before he realised he had just spoken his thoughts out loud. They looked at each other in silence. Jia Er usually laughed or smiled after hearing stuff like this, shrugging it off like a joke. Instead, his eyes were serious and his expression calm. In Yi En's ears it felt like the only sound in the room was the beating of his heart. It was beating faster than usual. Until the pup barked and jumped around by the sound of Jia Er's mother calling from downstairs. She called Yi En. Telling him that he had to head home because his dinner was ready. He hugged and kissed the pup before he left.

'' --But.. I like it. Let's name her Dim Sum. ''

After those days Yi En couldn't help but seeing Jia Er in a new light. The feeling of admiration had grown bigger. He looked up to him. It was because of his kind genuine words and actions. Sometimes Yi En envied him. Wishing deep down that he'd be able to talk so freely, or be as funny like him or to express himself like him. He envied the way that Jackson had a goal in his life he wanted to reach. Unlike Yi En, who had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. Lately he'd become more focussed on the boy. He would follow him with his eyes and stare at Jia Er without realising it.

The lights were off. Their quiet exhales the only sound in the room that was covered in darkness. They lay close next to each other in Jia Er's bed. It had become a natural thing for them to share one bed. It was weird but comfortable. Yi En was laying on his side, his back facing the wall. His eyes were on Jia Er's face. Again. The boy's eyes were closed but he was still awake, probably waiting for sleep to come. His gaze tracing the familiar lines of his face. His eyelashes, his nose, his lips. As if he traced along them with his fingers. He realised he was staring again, and so did Jia Er. His sleepy voice breaking the silence in the room.

'' Do you like my face that much? '' 

'' --What? '' 

'' I know you're staring. I can feel your eyes on me. '' 

Yi En automatically averted his gaze from Jia Er's face. A little emberrassed that he got caught as he shifted his position. He spoke softly, apologizing as he his back. He knew Jia Er didn't mind as the boy let out a tired soft chuckle, his eyes still closed. Jia Er spoke again.

'' Yi En. '' 

'' Mhh? '' 

There was a short moment of silence before Jia Er spoke his name again. Yi En had turned his head this time. Jia Er had opened his eyes, turning his head to look at the boy. The same serious look had appeared in his eyes like a few days ago.

'' Yi En.. I.. am leaving Korea after graduating. '' 

It took him a moment to process Jia Er's words. His throat suddenlt felt a lot dryer and it was hard to swallow. They looked into each other's eyes. Yi En forced himself to smile a little. It felt heavy, as if it was the hardest thing he's ever had to do. As he turned his head to stare at the ceiling he felt a familiar lump in his throat. He managed to speak, trying to sound cheerful; that's great.. But it wasn't great. His eyes stung. Don't cry. Don't cry.

'' I'm going back to Hong Kong for the fencing championships. My dad said it's probably for 5 years.'' 

'' ..and DimSum? '' 

'' Your parents agreed to take care of her. Since she is actually your dog.''

There was silence once again. Yi En felt like crying. And he felt selfish for wanting to cry. They were best friends. They were Mark and Jackson. Yi En and Jia Er. They spend each day together and had grown closer than ever. Best friends could look into each other's eyes without saying a word and knowing what the other is thinking, they shared friendly smiles and laughter, and in times of need comfort each other, embrace each other. But they weren't just best friends, they were beyond that. They were so much more. And Yi En knew this. He felt this. And for once, he wasn't sure if Jia Er felt the same way about it. So instead of telling him all of those thoughts, he his side. His back facing Jia Er.

'' Sorry.. "

Jia Er looked at the boy's smaller back that was facing him and noticed his shoulders were slightly shaking. He knew Yi En was crying but didn't want him to notice. He knew Yi En wanted to be happy for him. As always, Jia Er let him cry as the boy's tears stained his pillow. Somehow he had known Yi En would cry and that there was no way of preventing it this time. And he knew he would hug him again and that Yi En would let him. The boy's back pressed against Jia Er's chest as he pulled him closer. Embracing him as he cried softly. This was the third time he had seen him crying. Two times which was because of him. He wondered how many more times he would make him cry.

Yi En wanted to stop crying. For once he hated that Jia Er would let him cry. For once he wanted Jia Er to tell him that he should stop crying. He wanted him to stop comforting him, embracing him. He wanted himself to get rid of his selfish thought that he wanted to say so badly; and what about me.

Eventually they both fell asleep. Jia Er's arms loosely around Yi En who had shifted his position during sleep. Jia Er was the first one to wake up. It was weekend so they had no school. Only tons of homework to do. He opened his sleepy eyes and looked down at the boy next to him. His still blond hair in a mess, head burried in his pillow and an innocent face like a sleeping child. It was hard to imagine that Yi En was the older one, seeing him like this. He stayed like this for a while. Awake and watching the boy through half lidded eyes. He felt a sudden heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. They had changed each other and their life and knowing this made it feel even worse when he thought about leaving. He quickly slapped himself on his cheek before putting his arm back around Yi En. Come to your senses Jia Er. It's only 5 years then you'll come back. But even that he wasn't sure of. He had no idea what would happen after five years. He sighed and closed his eyes again. He heard Yi En shifting his position and felt the boy's hair brush against his neck and an arm around him. Yi En had curled up against him, still sound asleep in dreamland. Jia Er had slowly opened his eyes before closing them again, smiling a little. The boy looked like a cat. He didn't mind and softly tightened his arms around the boy before returning to sleep.

They had decided that for now they wouldn't worry about the fact of Jia Er leaving. It was still a year away. Thought the thought was burried deep in their minds and they often thought about it. They spend each day like they used to. Going to school together, celebrating holidays with each other's families and having fun. Yi En had to study harder to get into a college while Jia Er was practicing his fencing. Dim Sum had grown over the past month and they had spend a lot of time with him in the park while autumn had changed the weather.

But not only the weather had changed. Yi En had realised something in class today. They were assigned to make a top five list about the things they liked the most. Everyone thought it was childish but their homeroom teacher had assigned it. He thought it could help them with what they wanted to do in the future even if it wasn't job related. Even thought most of the students followed their parents wishes to become something that would earn enough money to make a good living. Jia Er never liked making lists. The reason why was because he had to choose between a lot of things he liked. But it order not to be left out and get scolded by his teacher he made it anyway. He wanted to write fencing on number one but instead wrote it on number two, leaving number one blank. Number three was Dim Sum the pup, four was basketball, and five music. He stared at his paper, eyes on the number one he left blank. His pen tapping against the paper while he was thinking. He gulped. He knew what he wanted to write down. It was that thought that was somehow always lingering around in his mind. But to him, writing it down ment more than just being on top of a list. It wasn't just a number one on paper but a number one in his life. It's what he liked the most.

In the end he left it blank, explaining to his teacher that he couldn't think of anything. Yi En passed on his note to the front seat, which was Jia Er. As he expected, the boy's list was simple but it described him well. 1. Dim Sum 2. Astronomy 3. Books 4. Martial Arts 5. Fencing. Jia Er smiled as his eyes quickly scanned the boy's list. A smile appearing on his face as he read the last two. He had introduced him to both and felt a little proud. Of course he had expected their dog to be on number one. He loved him. But what Jia Er didn't know is that Yi En didn't mean their dog, even thought he did love the pup very much. He just thought it wasn't of any us to put it on since this list was about their future. Besides, he would've written Coco's name behind it as well. Yi En's number one was Jia Er. Because he had touched his heart.

It was clear to Yi En that he felt more for his best friend as he was suppose to. Most guys wouldn't overthink tiny matters like an arm around each other, a kind smile, gesture or playful hit. But when those things occured between them it was different. Or atleast that's what Yi En felt. They both knew that best friends often didn't share one bed or embrace each other while sleeping just because it was comfortable. They both knew but neither of them ever mentioned it. It was Yi En's mom who had also noticed these things. She wasn't worried because she knew he was a good kid. Jia Er was like her own son and she treated him that way. She knew they had something special and noticed Yi En had changed a lot. She knew her son well enough to know that they were becoming more than just best friends.


Sorrry this chapter is so much shorter. /cry