Middle Finger; for haters and when you want to be left alone!
Five Points: Behind Our LoveTaemin has been avoiding me lately and I don’t know why.
When I think of how long we’ve been apart, our friendship feels like a dream I’ve dreamt for a long time. I become saddened when realise that he isn’t sitting next to me anymore like usual. Every time he did, I had the opportunity to reach out and touch him if I wanted to, and to be near him. This person is some one I always want close to me and right now, I feel lost without him. It’s been almost a week now and I haven’t seen that blonde head of his around anywhere! I honestly don’t know what I could’ve done to upset him, I’ve been a good hyung. Although there was that time last week when he asked me…but it couldn’t be that, could it?
“Minho-hyung, guess what!” Taemin enthusiastically beamed as he bounced up and down excitedly. In his hands that he was trying to hide behind his back were two small paper strips with a few words written on them and their price.
I placed my books in my locked before turning around and giving him my full and undivided attention. “What is it, Taemin?” I asked.
He moved his hands from behind his back and shoved the two strips of paper in my face, almost poking out my eyes. “I got two tickets to the new Amusement park that opens up next week and thought we could go together.” He told me.
“Sure, sounds fun!”
“Really?”
“Of course!” I answered again as I gave his hair a quick ruffle. This time, he didn’t protest or try and pull away OR slap my hand away. I’m pretty sure he was fine with it and if I looked real close then I could see a faint blush on his cheeks.
“Well it’s not until next week, you know, but I thought that it’d be best to buy them now instead of miss out and be sorry later.” Taemin explained.
“It’s okay, I understand.” I said as I brought the ticket up to inspect.
Amusement Park
Grand Opening This Friday
Start Time: 4:00pm - End Time: 10:00pm
-Have fun and enjoy!-
My eyes double checked the time and a familiar schedule popped up in to my mind. I looked at Taemin’s face which looked happy and hopeful, an emotion I couldn’t bear to strip from him. He had gone to the trouble of buying us both a ticket so I’d be rude to reject such a wonderful offer (especially when it would be like a date). But I had no choice, I couldn’t go. “I’m sorry, Taemin.” I solemnly told him as I held out the ticket for him to take back.
Taemin stared at it, his mouth agape in shock, and then he looked up at me with the same expression. “W-Why, hyung? Don’t you want to go with me?” He worriedly asked.
It pained me knowing that I caused him to ask this ridiculous question. “I can’t go because I’m busy that day.” I said.
“Doing what?” He asked.
“I’m tutoring someone…a girl.” The gender didn’t matter so much, not to me at least, but he was curious to know.
Taemin looked away from me and hung his head low. “…I see. And that’s more important, right?” The tone of his voice was rhetorical, but I didn’t catch that so well.
“Well, she’s failing calculus so…yeah.” I said, placing academic matters in front of self-beneficial ones. “That’s a lot more important than hanging out at an amusement park, Taemin.”
I was expecting him to say okay and tell me that we’d go another day when I didn’t have anything planned. But instead, I heard something dreadful. “If that’s what you really think then I guess I won’t be needing these anymore.” He was acting completely out of character and even more so when he started ripping up the two tickets.
As I watched him, I felt the desire to pull him in to a hug and never let him go. I wanted to cancel my plans and just run away to the amusement park with him, but that would cause the failure of an innocent student who needs my help. As I watched him, it felt like he was ripping our friendship up in to tiny pieces of nothing as well. All those years of hanging together and making each other laugh were slowly fading away.
And then he left me alone, ironically mirroring how we first met. I’m not entirely sure what just happened but neverthless...
I’m sorry, Taemin.
This memory was starting to give me a headache, so I thought. Once I realised that I had been banging my head against my locker for the past eight minutes or so, it made sense.
“Are you okay?!” The concerned voice of the student I’m going to tutor asked me when she came over to me. She was dressed a little too comfortably for a study session even if it wasn’t her intention to have every pair of male eyes follow her body every time she was around.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said as I began to rub the back of my head.
“Well, I’m ready whenever you are, seongsaengnim!” She playfully announced. JiHae is an exceptionally bright student who is also two years older than me, but she somehow can’t grasp the basics or understandings of simple calculus. So I was asked to be her tutor, since I’m passing that class easily.
“Okay, let’s go.” I told her. As we turned to walk, Taemin emerged from the corner and almost walked right in to us. When he realised which two people were standing before him, the peaceful look on his face dropped and changed in to an irritated and tired one. He barely even spared me a glance.
JiHae didn’t notice it though, or rather she chose not to. She’s a nice girl who lets things slide easily and she doesn’t hold grudges, not always at least. “Hello, Taemin-ah!” She happily greeted.
I could tell that he didn’t want to respond at all, his grinding teeth was the clue. But he did so anyway to act like he wasn’t in a mood . “Hello, Jihae-noona.” He politely replied with looking up.
The tension between Taemin and I and Taemin and JiHae didn’t go by without consequences. The three of us were awkwardly stood together, silent, not knowing what else to say. This is the first time since last week that Taemin and I have met face to face like this and he won’t even look at me for anything, which leaves me where exactly? What kind of apology or speech to make him understand can be said to the back of him?
After a while, I plucked up the courage to speak. “Shall we go, Jihae?” I offered with a smile. I would’ve added ‘noona’ on the end like Taemin did but JiHae didn’t think it was appropriate considering our arrangement.
“Of course!” She answered sweetly. “Will Taemin be coming a long too?” This question was the most shocking of all so far, and she began to explain her reason for asking it. “It’s just that I think it would be more fun if we all studied together! What do you think?”
Taemin sighed as he flicked a piece of hair out of his face. “I think you’re seriously messed up in the head if you think I want to be anywhere near you. And besides, three’s a crowd. I really wouldn’t plan on being the person to leave though but seeing as Minho asked to see you, it can’t really be helped, can it?”
“Taemin, what’s gotten in to you all of a sudden?” I asked, surprised and also appalled by how he was speaking to JiHae. “First you avoid me and now you mouth of to-!”
“Don’t pretend to care about me because I know you don’t!” Taemin shouted, directing a glare my way. His hands clenched in to a fist around the straps of his bag, pulling on the material but not damaging it in any way. “You don’t even give a damn about how I feel!”
“Of course I do, you’re just too spoilt to see it!” I shot back without thinking. I’ll admit, Taemin got away with a lot of things but I had never once saw him as spoilt. More like gifted because he made me willingly want to please him all the time.
Everyone knows how close Taemin and I are, even upper-class students like JiHae. There isn’t anything particularly interesting about a fight to her, she wants to stop them whenever she can or get to the root problem of it. Just like in calculus, there are solutions and problems to solve. “Wait, are you guys fighting?” JiHae cut in to ask.
Taemin clicked his tongue in annoyance. “What business of yours is it if we are?!” He snapped.
“Yah, watch your mouth!” I scolded him, feeling a little annoyed myself. “Now you’re acting just like a spoilt brat, but why?”
For the first time since we had approached each other out here in the hallway, Taemin chose to look at me properly, allowing me look directly in to his eyes and see deeply in to his swimming emotions. all “GO YOURSELF, CHOI MINHO!” He screamed, using his middle finger to give his words the proper meaning.
JiHae gasped and put a hand to her gaping mouth, showing just how shocked she was. No one ever heard Taemin swear, not even me, which is why I was the most affected by it besides the fact that he had aimed the profanity at me. “Wh-what…did you just say?!” I asked in a hushed but hard tone. I tried to reach out and grab him to further the confrontation, but he was too fast and managed to escape by running off down the hall. “YAH, LEE TAEMIN!!” I called after him.
I could’ve ran after him and maybe I should’ve, but it was useless talking to him when he’s acting this way. I turned around, ready to take JiHae back to my house so we could study but stopped when I noticed something wet on the ground in the shape of a drop.
And it definitely doesn’t rain in doors.
Why are you crying, Taemin?
Shouldn’t it be me since I’m losing you like this?
The study session with JiHae ended quicker than either of us would’ve ever expected it to and we were now just going over the last few points of the topic. As I said, JiHae is bright, and with the proper explanations and time given she can do anything. I admire how hardworking and determined she is all the time, she reminds me of Taemin. It’s a quality I find attractive in both of them, more so in Taemin though. I’m slowly trying to piece together things that could’ve possibly played a huge role in Taemin avoiding me and then acting so different with me, but my mind is blank. All that comes to me is the time I rejected his offer to attend the opening of the new Amusement park with him.
It would bother me if I were in his shoes, most definitely, but…“Aish, YOU DON’T LOVE ME LIKE THAT THOUGH!” I shouted aloud to no one in particular. I'm a guy involved in a one-sided romance with my best friend, who I’m pretty sure only saw me as what I am to him now-a friend/enemy.
JiHae stopped writing with her fluffy blue pen and gave me a puzzled look. “Are you okay, Minho-ssi?” She asked.
I slumped my head against the table and let out a long moan. “Not really
“No offence, but it’s painful to see you like this.” JiHae sheepishly smiled, unsure of what to do to help me.
“It’s because I’m crazy, crazy! Because I’m crazy, crazy about you! Don’t leave, my love, my love, I don’t want to let you go!” I sang pathetically, leaving out the ‘hate’ part of the song because it’s something I could never bring myself to feel against Taemin. Whenever I acted this way with Taemin in this past, he brushed it off and told me that everything would be okay after I slept. So where is he to tell me this now? Why isn’t he at my side? Everything’s okay when we’re together, always.
About ten minutes later, I was showing JiHae to the door and she seemed delighted about the fact that it was time for her to leave already. Today’s study session had gone well and there was no need for it to carry on. Speaking of tutoring, Taemin needs to help me with my History assignment. “Thanks again, Minho-ssi.” Jihae said at my front door. It was open, it was dark outside with a few lights lit up but she wasn’t going anywhere yet.
“You’re a lot smarter than you think. I knew you’d get this calculus stuff down easy peasy once you understood the material, so well done.” I praised with the genuine feeling of relief and satisfaction. “And I’m sorry about how weird I was acting today.”
“It’s okay, you’re only concerned about Taemin, right?” She guessed.
“Yeah, I am.” I’m truly worried about what might become of our friendship. I can’t just stand around and do nothing!
JiHae smiled softly and rested a hand on my shoulder in comfort. “I know how close you and Taemin are, that’s why I also know that you won’t just give up on this. I can tell that he’s precious to you.”
“He is. Taemin is everything to me.” I have admitted this to myself as often as I can remember and the more I do, the more I realise that I’m not complete with Taemin right beside me. Taemin is something I can never live with out.
“I thought so, that’s why I made our study session end quicker by pretending to know the material.” JiHae added with a quick cough before scurrying out of the house and in to the cool night.
“YOU WHAT?! NOONA!” I called after her in a scolding tone. I couldn’t believe she had pulled such a stunt on me-an unsuspecting innocent victim-like that! I gave her all of my attention for nothing, but I can’t say that I was a little relieved.
“Yah, what have I said about calling me that?! I’m not that old!” She shouted. “Now go to Taemin and tell him you love him already! Smart people should already know what to do!”
“Aish, seriously!” I whined, realising how sneaky my new acquaintance can be. She was right though, I have to find Taemin now before it was too late. The longer he has to dwell on his emotions, the further apart we’ll become. And I don’t want that all, I can’t lost him! “Thank you, JiHae, you’ve done very well today!” I called out to her once more. “I’ll go and find Taemin now!”
“Of course, I never want to stand in the way of true love. Minho-ssi, fighting!”
Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson, noona.
I won’t be so foolish anymore.
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