June 24, 2015

I look back and see the figure of my best friend coming my way. His tall stature is not that hard not to see, so I quickly turn the corner to avoid him before he can even spot me in the sea of passing students. Adrenaline is surging fast in my veins as I hurry on my steps, but then as soon as I hear my name being called from behind, I sigh and stop.

“Baek, wait up!” He says, and I lazily turn around only to see him running with a huge grin on his face. I try to smile too just to look a little excited to finally see him today. Not that I haven’t seen him a day before this. He’s just too stubborn to appear in front of me. Sometimes I even wonder whether he’s stalking me or what, that I always see him anywhere.

“Uh? So?” I say, a little hesitant to begin a conversation since I’m afraid that he’s going to ask me a favor again like yesterday.

He beams and then places his hands on my shoulders, the gesture giving a significant meaning to what he’s going to say—that I already know of. “Have you already thought about it?”

I scratch the back of my head and say, “About what?” I try to look a little baffled just to delay the conversation and think of something to tell him as an excuse.

“Man! Don’t tell me you have already forgotten what I told you yesterday?!” He says in frustration and I just beam sheepishly.

“Sorry, but I did.”

“Aw.” He sighs, pulls his hands away from my shoulders and then crosses his arms over his chest. “Seriously, what have those three years of being away from us made you as forgetful as Yi—“

“Man, actually I have some things to do today. So, if you have something to say, can I just hear it tomorrow? It can wait, right?” I cut through his words to quickly make an escape from him.

He frowns and then tries saying, “But we have to—“

“Sorry.” I pat his arm and turn away quickly before he can even say the words I have been dreading to hear. “I’ll be going now. Just remind me about whatever you’ve been meaning to tell me tomorrow or whenever we will see each other!” I quip with a smile while jogging away.

“Ya! Byun Baekhyun!” I hear him holler from behind, but I didn’t risk looking back since that will only give him the opportunity to hold me back.

Grinning to myself as I continue to jog my way out, I mentally congratulated myself for escaping him again. It’s not that I don’t want to see him without a purpose or that I’m trying to avoid him because I just want to. The thing is just that, I am not yet sure whether I’m ready to embrace again the dream I have long abandoned. Three years being in Gyeonggi-do with my parents and grandmother made me see how much impractical it is to live in a dream. A life full with nothing but promises. So, instead of taking up music for college, I followed my dad’s footsteps to becoming an architect. Right now, I’m continuing my course in architecture in the same university as my friends since they have suggested for me to attend the same school even though we’re going to be in different departments.

Besides, I know that they had managed to find a replacement for me three years ago, so why do they even need me now?

I sigh as I decide to just let the thought go off my mind for a while.

Stepping out of university grounds, I am met by the warm wind blowing gently on my skin. The weather is pretty much warmer in the city like this than when I was in the province. Other than that, pollution is pretty high here unlike in Gyeonggi-do where there is fresh air. Somehow, with those thoughts I suddenly remember grandma and miss her. If she’s still with us, would I have been here right now? How I wish that I can just live in our old house and not get reminded of the bustling life in the city where the future is a scary picture to paint.

Yet, if my grandmother didn’t die, then I wouldn’t be able to live in that house and find those letters.

Thinking of all those papers and the girl that had written them, everything that I worry about seems to dissipate slowly in thin air. I don’t know how, but there’s just something in her letters that calms me, that makes me feel less lonely.

The thing is that, it’s as if I am reading letters addressed to me. As if I am the friend she is talking to, and all her stories and worries seems to fascinate me and affect me in different ways all at the same time. There’s just something in them that excites me and makes me look forward to times when I am finally able to read one or at least five in a day at most.

Looking to my left and right, I decided on walking towards the bus stop and taking the bus to go somewhere else before going back home. It’s just four hours past lunch time so I want to take the liberty to visit the school Miyeon used to attend back in high school and visit that convenience store she kept on talking about in her earlier letters.

You see, during the past days, I had actually spent most of my time organizing her letters according to dates. And I started on reading right from her very first letter so I get to understand why she wrote things that way instead of picking out letters in random. Four days into reading her letters, I have learned that she attended Munhwa High School. I heard it’s not too far from our current house, so I just decided to visit the place today since I have this impulsive urge to know her more. Besides, she had stubbornly insisted that the marshmallows sold at the convenience store across their school is the best so I want to give it a try. I didn’t think that she’s also actually addicted to marshmallows like her friend Hana, until I finally read her fourth letter and she started talking about marshmallows and how good they are.

I hop off the bus when it finally reaches the street close to Munhwa High School. I look down on my phone displaying the map to the area that I have already researched on, and then trail my eyes up to take in the sight of the scene in front of me. There, I see Munhwa by the distance with several students going out since it’s about time to go home for them. The school is huge, doesn’t really look that old, and seeing female students as I pad closer towards where it is, their uniform looks so cute that I suddenly imagine the young Miyeon wearing it. Thinking of her like this even though I don’t have a clear picture of what she looks like, suddenly makes me feel somewhat excited and curious.

Is it wrong to feel this way for someone I have just known from mere letters? What am I even feeling?

I pat my chest as I try to calm my beating heart. The stupid organ has not been listening to me ever since I started reading her letters and anticipating for the next chance to get to read them. I honestly don’t know what this is that I just try not to name it. Besides, it’s not like it’s an entirely unpleasant feeling. It’s just a little weird. Maybe, after a few days it will function normally again like how it used to.

“Right.” I muse out as I turn my gaze to the small convenience store I recognize as the one Miyeon had been talking about when I look back at the school and trace its way to the said establishment across from it.

I saunter towards the store and hear the employee by the counter greet me when I finally enter. I bow back in response and turn my gaze around the whole place to survey it. It’s a little packed since some of the students from Munhwa High have just occupied some of the seats by the glass window wall. Shelves of various items lined up the walls and most parts of the store, a clock is hanging by the upper portion of the post across from me, and refrigerators containing various types of beverages are sat near the counter.

I start walking from the first aisle to the next while looking for the pack of marshmallows that is supposed to be somewhere. As I go through every aisle, I imagine Miyeon walking in front of me excitedly while checking out some of the items, but dropping them back to their shelves in the end to get her real treat—marshmallows.

I smile when I actually find the said marshmallows at the last rack. Grabbing one pack, I turn around to pay for it at the counter when I accidentally catches sight of something at the beverage section. I quickly make a trip to the area and grab three cartons of strawberry milk before finally paying for my items and then going out of the store.

Having little to walk, I decided on knowing the route home through the map I have of the area in my phone. I followed the trail, though I almost got myself lost in the middle of the alleys I have gone right and left. But the moment I walk out into the familiar sight of the street where our house is, I start to slow down to delay going home a little. Just to breathe some fresh air and bathe myself in the colder air since it’s almost sundown. I shoved my hands in my pockets to maintain a little warmth while the handles of the plastic bag containing my items are hanging around my arm, the side of it bumping with my thigh every step I take making it bounce over and over.

I look do