They stopped in front of a cheap coffee shop where students usually came to study after classes.
“Wanna go here?” Eunsook asked, nodding towards the less than clean glass door.
“I don't have any money,” Jjong argued. “And neither do you.”
Yet there was a longing look in his eyes as he caught the sight of the bakery case through the window.
“I'll pay for you.”
“But...”
“Just shut up and go in.”
Eunsook brought their lattes (Jjong was too sleepy to move) and a bagel, a half of which she swallowed as soon as she sat down by the table - she was feeling so stressed lately she was always hungry.
“Are they still torturing you?” Jonghyun asked, taking a plastic knife to put butter on his half of the bagle.
“Can't you tell?” she parried darkly, chewing.
She had dark circles below her eyes, her hair looked unkempt and her general appearance was that of a person depressed to the point of not caring about anything anymore.
“They're still kicking you out?”
“Nobody's begging me to stay, so I guess they are.”
“I mean...” Jonghyun faltered. “Are you sure you have done everything you could to… well... stay?”
“I know I haven't.”
“Why?”
Eunsook sighed, looking at a bunch of school children passing by the window with their teacher at the head of the group.
“Frankly, I'm ing tired. The people are ty, the classes are boring, it's far away from where I live... I hate the place to pieces and I just want to walk away and never see it again. There's nothing holding me back...”
“But Taeyeon?” Jjong asked, giving her a tentative glance.
Eunsook shrugged.
“She's in good hands. Jinki will take care of her.”
“Your opinion of him has improved dramatically.”
“I never thought badly of him... I mean, he has no self-esteem and looks like a rabbit, but he's alright.”
“Interesting…” Jonghyun muttered, folding a paper towel in order to make a figure from it.
Eunsook watched his movements, confused by his remark.
“What?”
“You and Jinki are different, and yet...”
“And yet what?”
Jonghyun didn't answer. Instead, he launched an attack:
“Are you going to tell her you love her or will you run away like a stupid coward and regret it your whole life?”
A vein on Eunsook's forehead pulsed. It was easy to make her angry these days. But she suppressed it – Jjong was the last person she actually wanted to fight. Also, he had a point.
“What difference would it make? It will make her uncomfortable and sad, and she will reject me. In the end, both of us will feel awful, and cry, and...”
“You're gonna feel awful and cry anyway.”
“Thanks.”
“What happened to that open and honest personality of yours, though?”
“It got me where I am now.”
“I thought you were happy to get out of that place?”
“I don't want to be there,” Eunsook agreed. “But it doesn't mean I'm happy. There's a lot more stuff I must take care of than my stupid unrequited crush.”
“It's not stupid. And you know that. What I'm saying is… she deserves to know.”
The girl sighed.
“So, she will know. And say that she doesn't love me back... I already know what will happen. There's no point. I think you're doing it wrong.”
Jjong was trying to make a paper crane, but he must have forgotten how to do it. He crushed the tissue and put it away.
The boy looked his friend in the eye.
“Why are you so sure you're going to be rejected?”
Eunsook blinked.
“Because she doesn't love me.”
“How do you know?”
Jonghyun didn't look like he was joking, and it was confusing. How could he doubt something that was so obviously true?
“Because last time I saw her she had a nerd boyfriend dangling off her arm?!” Eunsook exclaimed, exasperated.
“Have you ever wondered what he would look like with really long hair and without glasses?” Jonghyun asked suddenly.
He looked very serious, but his voice was strangely quiet and subdued, as if he was somehow forcing himself to say the words he was saying.
Eunsook frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“Or you could imagine what you would look like with short hair and glasses…”
“Hella gay, I suppose. But I still don't don't understand.”
“For someone so smart, you're painfully slow,” Jjong said wearily.
He leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms on his chest and waiting for his friend to put two and two together. But she couldn't. She looked perfectly confused.
“I don't get i-” she began, when the impatient Jonghyun broke her off:
“You look alike, goddammit! I'm sure everyone can see it but you!!!”
A few questioning looks came their way, but the two friends were not in a situation where they would care.
“Are you saying that I'm ugly or that he is handsome?”
Jjong made a noise that was half-growl, half-cry, dropping his head on his hands.
“You're a moron, Lee Eunsook. Lesbian moron,” he droned as the girl opened and closed it again.
When the silence continued for too long and he raised his eyes at her again, he could see that she had finally got it. Confusion was replaced by
astonishment, which gave way to a weary detachment, and there was something regretful in the way she was staring at the crumpled tissue lying on the table.
“Are you gonna talk to her?” Jonghyun asked again, not sure anymore, despite all of his efforts to help his friend to arrive at the right decision, which answer he wanted to hear. That story had been going on for too long and his own heart was too full of confusion by now.
Eunsook shrugged.
“I guess I have to.”

Eunsook walked home slowly, feeling like a ghost, swimming, transparent, past the strangers and the affairs of the living world – so normal and serene compared to the mess her entire existence had turned into. She didn't want to think or reflect on anything for now. She just wanted everything to be over.
At home, Eunsook looked at herself in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. She couldn't really see it - the resemblance Jonghyun had talked to her about. And if it was there, lurking somewhere in her eyes, the shape of her nose or the outline of her lips, and if Jinki and herself did, in fact, share some common lines that escaped her perception, what good could that single fact bring? Could it even change anything? Perhaps it was true that Taeyeon was drawn to a certain type of appearance and was subconsciously looking for it in people, so what? Surely Jinki was good enough to be liked for something other than his face (and his face, as Eunsook sincerely thought, just wasn't spectacular enough to count that much). She wished Jonghyun hadn't told her anything at all. While his discoveries, true or not, couldn't make anything better, they certainly could add to the anxiety she already felt.

‘Can we talk?’ Eunsook typed and clicked ‘Send’. She turned the computer off and went to bed.
In a couple of minutes, the phone buzzed beneath her pillow. Taeyeon's reply was:
‘Sure. Whenever you like~’
Eunsook stared at the green stars above her head, lying on her back and not feeling sleepy at all. She was nervous, true. But she also felt the weight of her secrets pushing down on her as strongly as she had never felt it before. It was time to throw it off.
Tomorrow was going to be hell of a day.

She was running like crazy. She needed to see her on time. She needed to...  Eunsook was fighting with endless corridors and stairs (since when did their school have so many?!), with people whom she pushed out of her way roughly, with the air tearing her lungs apart, and with her own body that couldn't carry her fast enough. She ran past Mrs. Han, who yelled something about another punishment, and told her to piss off, shaking her hair off her face. She needed to see...
Finally, she knocked someone off their feet. A girl. She fell flat on her back and Eunsook would've landed square on top of her hadn't she stretched out her hands, breaking the fall. The girl she was hovering over was, in fact, Taeyeon. She was staring back at Eunsook with her eyes wide open. Beside her lay her phone, and Eunsook caught a glimpse of an unfinished message before the screen went black.
Then she felt that something was wrong, looked down, and her own eyes popped out at the realization of the fact that her right hand was not resting on the floor, but actually grasping her friend's . Her first instinct was, of course, to remove that stupid hand with an apology, but things got even stranger when Tae caught her wrist and pressed it against her chest again, only tighter.
“T-Tae...” Eunsook stuttered faintly.
“I love you, Lee Eunsook,” her friend said firmly, not looking shocked anymore. “I want you.”
Before the confused Eunsook could ask any questions, Tae pulled her neck down with her free hand and crushed their lips together.
Then a sound came.
Alarm clock.
Eunsook threw the blanket off her face, the sunlight hitting her eyes.
“What the hell did I just watch?!” she cried, dropping her fist on the bed.

They didn't talk that day. Nor did they do it on the next day. And, to Eunsook's frustration, not on the one after that, too. After one attempt to meet each other to have that one final conversation failed after another, circumstances turning each time against them, it would be naive to think that there were no external forces to contribute to that bad luck. Seriously, how could Taeyeon be needed for some errand just when there was a good chance to talk every single time? When had she become so irreplaceable that Mrs. Han was invariably sending other girls from their class to fetch her from the canteen, from the dressing room at the gym, and even from the goddamn girl's toilet?! Surely Taeyeon's mother was getting paranoid and exploiting all the possible resources to protect her daughter from the danger of talking to her best friend for a minute.
Taeyeon suggested talking on the phone instead, but Eunsook refused. It was definitely not the right way to do that conversation. If she was going to be rejected, she wanted to be wholly present and take the blow in full.

They were working in class, heads bent, on some equations that were going to come up at the exam, and the air was full of the tension that average minds struggling with difficult tasks generated. Eunsook was not writing. She was sitting by her desk, staring at the empty sheet before her eyes, her arms resting passively on both sides of it. Mrs. Han was walking between the rows, meticulous and intimidating, like a tigress. She stopped in front of Eunsook and drilled her with her black eyes. But she didn't say anything. It was clear that the girl didn't care.
Mrs. Han sighed - it was not a sigh of concern or compassion, but that of a person who was convinced they had done everything in their power and were washing their hands now.
Eunsook raised her bloodshot eyes at her.
“Can I use the bathroom, teacher?” she asked in an absent voice.
“No.”
“May I ask why?”
“From what I see on your sheet, you are indisposed to learning today. I don't need you wandering around the school while the rest of the children are studying.”
“I need to use the bathroom,” Eunsook repeated firmly.
“Not before you make at least some effort at completing the task,” the teacher replied coldly, tapping the paper with her manicured finger.
“This is abuse,” Eunsook said calmly.
A few more heads were raised and turned in their direction in curiosity.
“This is discipline,” Mrs. Han argued.
“Denying a student the right to use the bathroom is abuse.”
The teacher clenched her jaws. The look in her eyes was so spiteful Eunsook almost wanted to ask her what it was that made the incorrigible woman hate her so much. Her background? Her uality? Her rebel spirit? Or youth? To tell the truth, she didn't want to speak to her at all.
Successfully overcoming the urge to hit the ‘difficult’ student sitting in front of her, Mrs. Ham retreated:
“Stop making a martyr out of yourself and go, then.”
The girl pulled her chair back and rose to her feet immediately. When she had almost reached the door, the woman added:
“I daresay you may not come back with that attitude of yours.”
Eunsook stopped and turned around – neither to look at her classmates waiting at their desks for the fun to continue, nor to pay any attention to the teacher insulting her – from the moment of her dismissal, Mrs. Han had stopped existing for her. Instead, she gave a meaningful glance to Taeyeon, who was sitting in her chair, all tense and anguished, her fingers grasping the pen tightly like she was holding on to it with her while being, her eyes lost. She didn't look as neat as she usually was. Those days were taking their toll on her, too. And even though Eunsook wasn't sure why her friend was suffering so, she felt for her, and it hurt to see her in that state.
She let her eyes linger on Taeyeon's doll face for a second, making a point, turned away and left the class, closing the door behind her quietly.
The sharp sound of Mrs. Han clapping her hands to attract attention tore Taeyeon out of the agonizing reverie she was falling into and she released the breath she was holding.
“Time to check your answers. Lee Taeyeon, to the blackboard!” Mrs. Han snapped, making the girl flinch.
She rose from her seat and let her feet carry her past the woman, standing sternly and raven like in her dark clothes by Eunsook's desk, to the blackboard. She took the marker and stared at the blank space in front of her.
“What are you waiting for? Write.”
Mrs. Han was out of spirits, and her voice was harsh, but it was nowhere near the spiteful tone that she usually used talking to Eunsook. She liked Taeyeon, after all. If she was being hard on her, it was to protect her from the things she was too young and inexperienced to fathom.
The girl put the marker in place and walked back to her desk to grab the paper she had forgotten to take with her before.
She began writing the numbers that were making no sense to her today on the board, but her hand froze and she turned her head in the direction of the door.
Mrs. Han tapped the pointer against the board.
“Don't get distracted. Continue.”
Someone in the class snickered.
Hesitantly, Taeyeon continued writing as the teacher sighed. However, she had barely scribbled another few digits when her eyes shifted to the floor and she saw a piece of paper caught under her shoe. She moved her foot to see what was written there. ‘DYKE’ it said. The girl didn't know whether someone had put that paper on Eunsook's back again and it had fallen off or this time it was meant for herself.
“Don't pick it up!” Mrs. Han barked.
Taeyeon disobeyed. She took the paper and brought it closer to her eyes.
At this point her classmates were not hiding their amusement anymore. They were whispering and giggling.
“Give it to me,” the teacher ordered, extending her hand.
“‘Dyke’”, Tae read out loud, ignoring her.
Some people were openly laughing now. The girl glanced at their sneering faces, then at the empty desk standing beside her own.
She gulped.
“It's funnier when it's here,” she said, putting the note on her forehead, and the wave of laughter washed over her.
Mrs. Han was becoming so mad her whole face went red.
“Out! Out!!!” she shouted, pointing to the door. “Get out and reflect on your sins, child!”
This time Taeyeon complied. She put her task paper on the teacher's desk and strode out of the classroom, determination showing in every step she took.
Mrs. Han's face was shaking with the anger she was no longer able to control.
“Shut your mouths! There's nothing to laugh about! Choi, to the blackboard! Quick!”
Yuri was still smiling though. She leaned to one of her friends and whispered on her ear, distinctly enough for others to hear:
“And know she will run to her gay lover. What a mistake.”
“What did you just say, Kim?!” Mrs. Han screeched, sounding like a train coming to a halt after running full-speed.

Instinct made Tae rush in the direction of the storeroom, but she remembered just in time that a new lock had been installed, meaning that the days when it was their place of refuge were now over. So where was she? Not the bathroom, where they could be easily intruded upon. Roof.
Just as she ran back to the stairs she heard Mrs. Han's voice thunder:
“Lee Taeyeon! Come back to the classroom at once!”
She didn't spare her a glance. The woman followed her to the staircase.
“All students must remain in class during the lesson time!”
“You told me to leave, teacher,” Taeyeon reminded her, skipping two stairs at a time.
“I told you to go and reflect on your sins so that you repent them and clear your spirit of impurities!”
Mrs. Han, not being young, was already panting, but some inner source of energy together with her fanatical persistence was pushing her forward, and instead of slowing down, the sharp noise of her heels was catching up with the runaway.
“That's what I'm doing. Repenting my sins,” Taeyeon answered.
“I am not blind, child! You are on your way to infinite suf-”
“It's you who are the blind one,” Tae argued, looking up. Just a few flights more. Her lungs were bursting at this point - an aftermath of her illness. But she was going to do it. Nothing could stop her. “My true sin was abandoning my best friend when she needed my support. And my other one was trying to be what I was not.”
“It's the Devil speaking! You've been-”
“No. It's me. And I wish you left me alone now.”
Taeyeon was speaking to the woman chasing her, but her mind was elsewhere. She was just an annoying distraction, a mosquito buzzing by her ear. Tae didn't care about throwing her off that throne of false piety and moral superiority that she had built for herself, or open any truths for her. She just wanted her away.
“I will not leave you alone! For the sake of the school, your mother, God and my personal honor I will protect you!”
Taeyeon's heart fell as the horrible realization hit her: it was the wrong staircase. It was leading to a locked door on the top floor, a dead-end. And to correct that mistake, she would have to run down again, and pass the terrible woman on her way. She looked and sounded agitated enough to be able to actually grab Taeyeon and drag her to the classroom. It was possible that she would have to get into a physical fight with her.
The girl clutched her fists and turned around. Mrs. Han had already passed the landing of the floor below, so encountering her on her way back was inevitable.
“Protect me from what? From meeting my friend whom you have humiliated, isolated and slandered in every possible way? My friend who has done nothing wrong, who is a brilliant student and the most kind and selfless person in the world?”
“Also an atheist, a rebel and an ungrateful brat who tarnished the reputation of her already low family!” Tae shuddered at all the poisonous spit flying her way. The sheer magnitude of the disgust, the hate she was feeling for her teacher now was astonishing even to herself. She confessed she was usually too cold-blooded to feel either too much joy, or too much anger for that matter, and certainly not to the point of actually wanting to hit a person's face. However, that was exactly what was on her mind now.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Han continued spitting her insults, her claw-like fingers gripping the railings as she was slowly closing the distance between them:
“What she did wrong was being born at all! God is against abortions, but with abominations of her sort…”
“Shut up! Just stop talking!” Taeyeon cried, finally. “You know nothing about Eunsook!”
She was running down the stairs back.
“She's been messing with your mind! People like her shouldn't exist!”
Mrs. Han reached out for her, but Taeyeon pushed her away.
“Leave me alone!”
“I won't let you see her! I won't let Satan get you!”
The woman managed to grab the girl by the collar and pulled, making her suffocate for a moment.
“ off!” Taeyeon yelled, breaking away.
She started running down the corridor to another staircase, the right one, but the terrible woman charged after her. In the corner of her eye, she spotted Kim Gwiboon loitering about as she ran past her, and she could swear she
had seen her trip their teacher up.
Mrs. Han tumbled on the floor with a cry of a defeated animal. Indeed, when Taeyeon threw a glance over her shoulder to check if she was alright, she looked a perfect mess, her eyes red, her hairdo falling apart - quite like a wild beast.
“Oh, teacher Han, are you okay?!” she heard Gwiboon exclaim dramatically as she sped away from them. “No offense, but running around like there's no tomorrow in your age…”
But no reproaches could reach the furious woman's ears at that point. Curses and offenses were flying out of like angry bees rushing out of the hive:
“Her mother should've aborted her! A ersion like hers should be punishable by death! She deserves to be burnt alive!!!”
Taeyeon felt a chill run down her spine as she heard the terrible words, becoming more and more distant as she hurried away.
She threw Mrs. Han out of her mind and rushed to the top of the staircase, her thumping heart ready to jump out of her chest. Pushing the heavy door open, she shivered in her school uniform as the chilly wind touched her face, brushing her hair back.
She saw her.
Eunsook was standing there, hugging herself for warmth, and looking at the trees swaying feebly in the school garden, their colors already faded in the wake of winter. Taeyeon was anything but calm, yet being alone with her friend still had the power of putting her at peace. With Eunsook, she forgot all about the outer world and its tiresome meddling. She wanted to touch her, call her name, but no sound came out when she opened . The wind must have cleared her mind and carried all the words that had been swarming restlessly inside it for days, away. So many important things needed to be said! And yet... yet all she could do was gaze, transfixed, at Eunsook's long black hair blowing in the wind. Was it always this beautiful?
Meanwhile the door shut down by itself, with a crush that made both girls start. Eunsook turned around, and Tae's heart skipped a beat.
“Jeez, that was loud,” Eunsook said.
She looked tired, but her eyes lighted up like they always did when she saw her friend.
“Yeah.”
“You came,” she observed, and there was a faint smile on her lips for a moment, but that expression was replaced by a slight frown. Taeyeon could understand that. There wasn't much to be happy about in their situation.
She nodded, because the lump in wouldn't let her speak.
“We might be interrupted soon, I think, so I... I need to talk to you about something...”
Tae took a step closer and cleared .
“Me too.”
Eunsook raised her eyebrows in surprise. She looked adorable with that confused expression, Taeyeon thought.
“Oh, really? Then, you go first. My, um, thing can wait.”
“No, you speak first.”
“But... are you sure?”
Taeyeon nodded.
Eunsook pursed her lips, looking at her shoes.
“Okay, then... I'll just…” she coughed into her fist. “…start... And I don't wanna make it too long, so... The fact is, I love you.” She looked at Taeyeon to see her reaction. She couldn't understand her expression. She just looked… calm? “That's pretty much it.”
To her surprise, Tae smiled softly.
“I love you too,” she replied.
Eunsook's face brightened at first, her eyes glistening with a hope she hadn't allowed herself to cherish before, but then her features fell again.
“No, you don't get it,” she muttered.
The other girl looked at her questioningly.
“What do I not get? Love is love, isn't it?”
“It is, but, uh... I love you as a woman.”
“So do I!” Tae exclaimed, smiling even wider now.
It was really out of place, that grin, Eunsook thought. Her friend just didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. Plus, it was distracting.
“That's not what I mean, dammit!” she cried in frustration.
“Then what do you mean?” Tae came even closer. The sun came out of the clouds for a moment, its warm light caressing her face and pouring right into her soul. “That you want to date me? And kiss me?”
Eunsook gulped.
“Yes. And marry you. See the world with you. And explore space together.”
“That's what I'm saying,” Taeyeon said, cupping her friend's cheeks gently and peeking into her eyes, staring at her dumbfoundedly.
“No way,” Eunsook murmured, shaking her head. “It can't be. You just don't get it.”
“I'm in love with you, Lee Eunsook,” Taeyeon confessed. “And I'll repeat it until you believe me.”
Pause.
“Um... It seems that you do get it after all…”
Taeyeon laughed and pecked her friend on the nose. Eunsook took her both hands in hers.
“But… since when?!”
The other thought a little.
“That day when we went to the science museum and you explained to me how steam engines work?”
“But it was like the first week we met!” Eunsook cried in disbelief. Today was full of surprises, indeed.
“Yeah... I...” Taeyeon looked away, feeling shy for a moment. “I thought you wouldn't return my feelings, so I kind of decided to... conform…”
Eunsook frowned.
“Wait. So that kiss on the Ferris wheel was real?”
“Yeah.”
“And I... damn...” Eunsook set her hand free to press it to her face. “I'm an idiot.”
“No, it's not your fault. I should've told you how I feel.”
“I should've been honest with you, too. So much time has been lost, and it all had to come to this…” She sobbed.
Taeyeon put her hand away from her face. A tear was glistening on her cheek.
“I know, but there's no point in regretting now. Don't think about it.” She wiped the tear of Eunsook's face. “Just… kiss me.”
Eunsook looked at her for a moment, wondering if it was one of those dreams that chased her every other night. But the pain, the hope and the love she was feeling now were just too real, too tangible than she could ever imagine. And Taeyeon's smile, warm and a bit giddy, was speaking all the truth she needed to know at present.
Her eyes shifted to her friend's mouth, and, craning her neck just a little, she touched Taeyeon's lips with her own as her eyes closed.
The kiss was only light and innocent, yet Eunsook had not felt so electrified and full of life since she didn't know when. They looked at each other when it was over, and one glance was enough for them to let each other know that another caress must follow.
With Eunsook's arms wrapped around Taeyeon's waist, and Taeyeon's fingers caressing Eunsook's smooth, long hair, it was no longer clear who was leading the kiss, and it didn't matter. They were equally in love with each other, and that was the only thing that mattered.