„Hey Min, you still with us?“

 

„Hey Min, let's go!“ he smiled and stretched his hand out for me to take.

 

„Earth to Minnie~~“

 

„You've got to be from another planet, I swear.“ I sighed. Everything reminded me of him.

 

„Yah, snap out of it!“ Someone snapped his fingers in front of my face and screamed in my ear. I jumped back in surprise and shock.

 

„Why would you do that?“ I held my hand against my fast-beating heart.

 

„You were spacing out and totally ignoring us and our plans!“ Jimin pouted cutely at you.

 

„Ew, go away“ Namjoon pushed his face away when Jimin turned to him for help.

 

„Joonie, why so mean?“

 

„You got no jams. Period.“

 

Jimin looked hurt and I almost felt bad for him, almost. This conversation happens at least one time a day so I kind of got used to it.

 

„Anyway, what plans did you want to discuss with me?“ I was currently sitting in their apartment that was surprisingly tidy and didn't smell of forgotten pizza and dirty clothes for once.

 

„And when did you clean your apartment?“ I asked.

 

„Ah, our moms are going to visit us this weekend so we had to but that's not important right now! What's important is what or better whom you daydreamed about“ a creepy looking Jimin wiggled his eyebrows.

 

„Was it him again?“ the somewhat more composed one of the two asked sympathetically.

 

I sighed again and stirred the brown liquid inside the mug in front of me. The faint sound of it swishing and the pretty swirls calmed my racing mind a bit before I finally answered.

 

„What do you think?“ I looked at them with a sad expression that I tried to hide. Their faces however told me that I didn't do a good job in hiding it.

 

The atmosphere changed from happy and laid-back to tense and sad in a matter of seconds and I felt bad because it was my fault. Again.

 

„I always ruin the mood. I'm sorry you guys..“

 

„Hey, there's no need for you to apologize okay? You can always talk to us. That's what best friends are for“ Jimin enveloped me in a side-hug and comfortingly rubbed my back.

 

His words pierced through my heart painfully and made me think back to the time where the term 'best friends' was solely reserved for a special someone. A bitter-sweet memory of two best friends clouded my mind and my heart ached for it, yearned for the person that never failed to make a smile appear on my face and that made it so easy for me to trust and to love.

 

I willed the tears away when I felt my sight getting hazy with an upcoming tide of sadness that overwhelmed me once again.

 

„Yeah, that's what friends are for“ I agreed and closed my eyes.

 

„You know“ Namjoons voice was now next to me and I felt soothed with his low voice talking softly to me.

 

„It's not that he doesn't want to see you or that he forgot about you... It's just that he's busy with the preparations and all that stuff. Writing lyrics that fit every single one of them and their style is a tough job.“

 

„I know, I know. I get all of that and I support him with all my heart. Hell, I was the one that encouraged him to take that step into the music industry. But I somehow still can't accept the fact that he doesn't text or call me anymore. I can't accept the fact that it won't ever be like it was before. Gosh, I sure sound like an that can't be happy about the success of one of her best friends.“

 

„No, you're not an ! It's natural to feel that way, especially when the both of you were so close to each other“ Jimin stated and I thanked him.

 

„I didn't know that your contact was so bad though...he told us that you two saw each other recently and chat every now and then“ he admitted rather reluctantly.

 

I snorted.

 

„Well, you could count me seeing a picture of him last month and the few words we exchanged as chatting and meeting each other“ I couldn't help myself from sounding bitter.

 

That sure shocked both of them and made them feel even worse. I could see the regret in their eyes and it made me sick. I couldn't stand it anymore, the pity they felt for me. It wasn't like I was going to die from an incurable illness, it was just unrequited love. Nothing special.

 

It sure felt like my heart was dying from time to time though, but I would never tell anyone. It was a burden that I had to carry all by myself.

 

I decided to leave my friends shortly after that to give them some time to rest after cleaning their apartment for the past few days. It was really messy so it didn't surprise me that it took them that long. However they were really insistent on me staying and spending time with them. I knew very well why they wanted me to stay and I, again, felt guilty.

 

„I'm totally fine guys. I just want to take a walk and then chill at home and do nothing“ I said with a fond smile on my face. They were just too sweet.

 

„But why can't you stay here and chill? I want you to stay~~!“ Jimin pouted childishly and Namjoon rolled his eyes but agreed otherwise.

 

„Hey, if it's because you think that I might drown in self-pity and whatnot; don't. I can deal with it myself, okay? I'm older and wiser now. I won't let something like that bring me down, so stop worrying and go relax. You look drained“ I laughed and shoved them back into their apartment.

 

„You sure?“

 

„Yeah, absolutely sure.“

 

„Really, really?

 

„Gosh Jimin, yes yes yes! I'll be going now you fools.“

 

I left them and exited the complex with a sigh. The air was fresh and cool against my face and it helped me calm down. At first it was just made up but now I realized that I needed that walk to collect my mind.

 

Wandering around the city was something I used to do when I was younger. Be it alone or with someone else, I would skip along the streets and would feel free and refreshed. A change of atmosphere was something that everybody needed from time to time.

 

„I should've done this waaay earlier“ I murmured to myself and closed my eyes.

 

I couldn't help myself from thinking back to the time we spent together. It feels like a curse and a blessing at the same time. I'm so grateful for him coming into my life and brightening it to a great extent but at the same time it hurts me to know that the source of my happiness turned into one of sorrow. I don't want to give up on our friendship or what could've been if he didn't abandon me like he did. I know that he is busy with composing and such and I know that it has always been his dream of making it big so I could never stay in his way of happiness...even if I have to give up mine for his.

 

I regretted thinking about him the moment my eyes turned glassy and my nose started clogging up.

I willed myself to smile through my tears because that's what he told me years ago.

 

„Hey you pabo, why are you crying?“ he worriedly asked me with a frown adorning his normally smiling face.

 

„A-ah you know...it's..it's just the usual.“

 

„Look, I know that it's hard to deal with these things sometimes and in that moment nothing seems to make sense and you're angry but listen up: It will get better, okay? If you smile through your tears everything will turn out alright in the end“ he smiled fondly at me and wiped some stray tears from my cheeks.

 

„You promise that everything will turn out better in the end?“ I asked and looked him in the eyes.

 

„I promise.“

 

I smiled wider when I remembered how serious he got.

 

„Will you promise me to always smile even if it's hard?“

 

„I promise“

 

„I promise...“ I whispered into the wind and looked up into the night sky filled with stars, wishing for one star to lead my words to him. „...Wonwoo...“

 

~'~'~'~'~

 

After the uneventfully eventful day yesterday I just wanted to spend the whole day pigging out and laying in my bed watching dramas and funny cat vines but my plans sadly got destroyed. Now I'm being dragged down the streets by a certain someone that I didn't expect to be standing in front of my door early in the morning.

 

„Where are you dragging meeeh? Or most importantly: WHY?“ I whined and tripped more than once on nothing but air.

 

I got no response. No response at all. Oh, how I liked getting ignored by this lovely kidnapper of mine. Not. If you're kidnapping me at least tell me where you're taking me away to.

 

„Haaaaa, we're finally here~“ the perpetrator hummed happily and pulled yet again, this time he pulled me into a pleasant looking coffee shop. It looked really familiar to me for one second until I surveyed the room better and realized that indeed, I knew this place.

 

„No, I don't want to be here! Let go of my hand so that I can sprint my way out of here!“ I whisper-yelled and tried to yank my arm out of his strong grasp.

 

„Pfft, don't make me laugh. You and sprint? Yeah sure, that'll happen over my dead body“ he snorted and lead me to a table on the right side of the shop.

 

„I can arrange that...“ I whispered and glared at the back of his head.

 

He pushed me into a seat and sat opposite from me. He left me no room to complain and ordered right away for the both of us.

 

„You're so dead. If those people wouldn't be here you'd already be pushing daisies.“

 

„Well,“ he shrugged with a smug expression on his stupid face and looked me over. „You look dead to me right now. And gross. And you call yourself a girl?“ he snorted and laughed at my face.

 

„Excuse me, but who knocked so early on my door and dragged me out of my apartment in my sleeping attire after I just woke up? I'm sorry that I don't look like a barbie doll after sleeping for twelve hours“ I grumbled and tried to smooth out my hair and hide my clothes under my jacket.

 

„Blah blah blah, that's no excuse and who the hell sleeps so long?“

 

„Hmm, I don't know...Could it possibly be...you know? Normal people…?“ I faked a gasp and shocked expression before I got back to my resting -face.

 

„Sarcastic as always“ he laughed and I couldn't help but smile with with. I missed spending time with that idiot. He was busy a lot in the past months too so I never had enough time to see that dork.

 

„So, Mingyu, why'd you want to spend time with me...especially here“ I said and looked around before fixating my gaze at him.

 

„I thought it'd be nice to spend some time with you, you know? With me being busy and all while you're doing nothing“ I snorted and rolled my eyes. „I thought: 'Hey, it would be nice to see her again' and so I came knocking on your door this morning and you know what happened from then on“ Mingyu smiled and received the coffee he ordered.

 

The waitress brought me my Chai Latte and I thanked her. A nostalgic smile spread across my face as I looked at the mug and moved it around a bit.

 

„You still remember?“ I asked.

 

„Hm? Of course I remember, you dummy. It has always been your favourite“ he swallowed a big gulp of coffee and watched me stir my Latte.

 

„So...why did you really meet up with me?“ I smiled fondly and took a sip from my mug and sighed closing my eyes. It still tasted so good.

 

He gave a laugh and shook his head. „I still can't fool you now, can I?“

 

„Never could, never will“ I smirked.

 

„I wanted to check up on you to see how you're doing, you know? Are you doing fine? How are your studies? How are you feeling?“

 

I knew what he was getting at and it irritated me. Why was everyone so concerned about me? There was nothing wrong with me or the situation at all. They're all too sensitive and care too much. They are such fools, someone could take advantage of that.

 

„I know what you really mean. 'Has your heart broken to tiny little pieces yet?' No, it hasn't. 'Is there something that can take your mind off of him?' My world doesn't solely revolve around him, ok? 'Are you really doing fine? You sure that you're not near breaking down?' Yes, I am sure. I' sure that I won't be dying of heartbreak at some point in the near future.“

 

I knew that I was lying at some points. My heart did hurt and crack from time to time but I'll always pick up the pieces and glue them back to their respective place. It might not look perfect anymore but we're nowhere near perfect anyway. What do a few additional scars change then? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

 

„Are you really sure you're not lying to me...?“

 

„I am. Now, please stop, okay? Let's enjoy our coffee and the time we can finally spend together, yeah?“

 

„....Okay...but there's still something that I need to tell you, haha“ he laughed in embarrassment and rubbed his neck.

 

„What is it?“ I suspiciously asked. You could never know what he has up his sleeve.

 

„So, you say that you feel good and that there are no hard feelings“ I nodded in confirmation „Well, then the place I'm gonna take you to won't raise any unnecessary feelings, right? Right. So finish up your Latte and let's go!“

 

„What do you mean with unnecessary feelings? I don't understand a single thing you're talking about“ I deadpanned and watched him raise himself from his seat and walk to the cashier to pay.

 

When he returned I asked him again but he just pulled me with him, again, and ignored me half of the way to our destination.

 

„Are you going to tell me where we're going, Mingyu?“

 

„Nope.“

 

„Can you at least tell me how long it will take us to get there? My feet hurt“ I whined and pouted.

 

„Ew, don't pout. It looks disgusting, only cute girls should do that. And no, I'll tell you when we're there“ I stuck my tongue out at him but followed him nonetheless.

 

However, when we approached a tall, luxurious looking building my alarm bells started ringing uncontrollably. He must've felt my hesitation for his grip on my hand started to get tighter and the determination in his eyes was unshakeable. It made me feel nervous all of a sudden. He couldn't be taking me to...that place...could he?

 

Over the ringing in my ears and the loud traffic I almost couldn't hear him, almost, but I did and it made me gulp.

 

„You'll probably hate me forever for this...but it's something that has to be done. We're all agreeing to that. It was planned to be a surprise for you and for him.“

 

„No...don't tell me...“ I couldn't end my sentence out of shock and realization that we stopped walking and were now standing in front of that building.... that building.

 

„Why are you doing this to me? I don't want to go in there!“ My voice shook and so did my body.

He grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes with a reassuring smile resting on his face.

 

„You need this. You and him need this right now. It hasn't only been hard on you but on him too you know? We all know that it's inevitable that you two see each other after all those months of rare contact and interactions. You'll feel much better“ he finished his pep talk and patted my shoulders before guiding me into the building.

 

I was shaking and it wasn't really hard to spot that I felt uncomfortable with that and the cold sweat that ran down my forehead and neck. I wiped some of it away but it kept coming and coming endlessly so I gave up on trying to look remotely acceptable for what was coming at me.

 

„They're in the room at the end of the hallway. They don't know who's coming but I told them it's someone very important to me. I'm not sure if he got the hint but we'll see“ Mingyu said.

 

„T-they?“

 

„Yeah they. You know, all the others.“ My eyes widened drastically.

 

„What?! Are you crazy? Isn't it enough that you have to bring me to him but now everyone else is going to be in that room too? And I'm looking like a piece of poop!? I hate you! How can you do this to me??“ I started breathing erratically and slapping the out of him. I didn't realize we were already in front of THE door and I unfortunately didn't see the that there was like a see-through window thingy there as well... Whoops. Did they see my slapping escapade? I hope not..

 

„Hey hey hey! Chill! You look good, okay? It's not like they're looking any better in their sweatpants and sweaty shirts, smelling like the dumpster from a fast-food chain. It's all good, no need to act crazy. Just breathe in and out, in and out.“ He held my shoulders and breathed with me.

 

I punched his chest a few more times and buried my face there after. „I still hate you“ I whispered with a last slap.

 

„I know“ he laughed and patted my head fondly. „ I thought it's going to ease the tension a bit and make you feel less pressured when we're all going to be there. Now, let's go. They're probably waiting for us already.“ With a last reassuring smile from Mingyu and a last deep breathe on my side he stepped forward and opened the door to reveal some handsome men sitting around having fun.

 

„You liar! They're all looking really handsome, you tard! How could you??“ I whispered harshly with an accusing finger pointing at his chest with fury and sadness swirling in my eyes.

 

My first time meeting them and I look like this... oh my god. I don't want to live anymore. /cries

 

I was too fixated at accusing Mingyu and scoffing at his response -'Pft, I look better than them anyway'- that I didn't realize that all eyes were on us, but mostly me.

 

I saw them smiling amusedly at me out of the corner of my eyes and I promptly closed my eyes and bit my lip. I felt the burning stares, and maybe one burned particularly more than the others, and I felt like it would be great if the ground could swallow me whole, like, right now, please?!

 

„Mingyu you stupid !“ I yelled and hit the back of his head repeatedly. „Why am I even friends with you, you imbecile!“ I crossed my arms over my chest to try to stop shaking from embarrassment.

 

„You know you love me“ he smirked and laughed.

 

„Eww stop, I'll have to vomit if you say one more word“ I gagged and searched for a garbage can.

 

„Need this?“ Someone asked behind my back with a bin in his hands and my face started flushing. First of all the situation was hilariously embarrassing and second of all: My god, was he cuteee!

 

„Yeah...thanks. Haha“ I awkwardly laughed and took the bin between my shaky hands. Until that point I didn't even realize that the others were laughing and rolling around the floor.

 

„She showed you your place Mingyu!“ A boy wiped tears from his eyes and laughed straight at Mingyus face who immediately went for the other boy's neck.

 

„Can we keep her?“

 

„She just showed up and reduced us already to pile of laughing idiots. I approve!“

 

I just stood there dumbfounded and looked at them confusedly.

 

„Seems like you didn't have a good laugh in a while, huh? I wasn't even funny, it was just the truth“ I deadpanned and shrugged.

 

Some burst out again and agreed wholeheartedly with me. It was sad that I had to come along to make them laugh again. Well, it's confirmed now, I'm a living joke. How funny.

 

I totally forgot the purpose of me standing there, lost and confused, in the middle of the room. It was really a good idea for them to be here, they sure made me feel less jumpy and unsure.

 

I was okay until I met his eyes. He was smiling as he looked at me and as the laughs finally subsided so did the faint smile that I unknowingly had on my lips. I was like paralized.

 

„H-hey...“ I surprisingly started with a small and awkward face with my voice cracking.

Mingyu that sat down some time ago looked at me and then at him before settling on gazing at me again. The others joined in too as they felt that something wasn't quite right. „...Wonwoo..“

 

That name brought so many emotions to me at once. It has been so long since I last tasted his name on my tongue. Too long. My heart stopped beating when he answered with his slightly deeper voice and dark eyes looking at me.

 

„Hey.“

 

~'~'~'~'~

 

It surely didn't go as expected, my first meeting with him after such a long time that is. I don't know what I expected but it sure as hell wasn't this. What the hell was happening?

 

I was mostly talking to the other boys, that were total sweethearts, and it seemed like they had an unsatiable want to know more about me and most of all the relationship between me, Mingyu and Wonwoo. They first asked me about how I met Wonwoo and I replied that it was complicated and too much too talk about when it really wasn't. I just didn't feel like talking about that with him being here too. I was really thankful when they disregarded that matter and went on to the next.

 

„So, basically, Mingyu is like a bacteria or better virus that infected my life and can't be killed with all the medicine there is in the whole universe“ I talked so seriously about that matter named 'Mingyu' that they couldn't be stopped from laughing for a while. He looked hurt but I just shrugged and smirked, and I knew that he knew that it was part of my revenge for today.

 

He stuck his tongue out at me and gave me the stink eye, so I blew a raspberry at him. He looked scandalized and held a hand in front of his heart. Between the exchange the two us had with the remaining boys I couldn't help but glance at Wonwoo from time to time and frown, because he wasn't giving a damn and was constantly looking at his smartphone.

 

It irked me to no end and my eye started twitching while I tried to force a remotely believable smile.

Mingyu noticed my tenseness and looked at his friend with furrowed eyebrows. I was pissed and I think he got the hint and lead the topic of the conversation from me to something else for some time to give me a bit of space. The boys wouldn't stop involving me into their interactions before that. It's really nice of them to include me and I am sooo thankful for them being open about it but why wasn't he saying anything?! Was I the only one suffering all this time? Was I the only one that had feelings that went above the ones of friendship? Was I the only that cared at least for our friendship? It couldn't be, right? Is everything going to waste now?

 

My heart was throbbing painfully in my chest and I felt betrayed. Betrayed by him and my weak, oh so weak heart.

 

I guess I wasn't the only one that noticed him being unresponsive as, I think it was Woozi, snapped his fingers in front of Wonwoos face and brought his attention back to us. Wonwoos eyes immediately flew to me and I stupidly let my heart skip a beat before he nonchalantly looked down at his phone again before finally settling his eyes on Woozi.

 

„What is it?“

 

„You didn't even say anything! Let go of that phone and work for a minute and relax a bit with us, will you?“

 

„What is so relaxing about this?“ he gestured with his hand lazily and blinked.

 

What the hell? Am I air to him?

 

„You're unbelievable“ Woozi shook his head and sighed.

 

„Unbelievably hot and talented? Yes, why thank you“ he smirked and the others gagged and retorted immediately, being apparently used to this.

 

I couldn't believe my ears. Who is that person? It can't be the sweet and loving Wonwoo from a few years back, it just can't! Who is that impostor?

 

I glanced at Mingyu who was staring at me worriedly. He could see my inner conflict and he sighed sadly and then shrugged. My eyes quivered and he seemed to understand. It has always been like this between the two of us. We had that kind of connection where we didn't need words to know what's on the others mind. It was a mutual feeling of unity we felt even though we weren't friends for all of our lives like others, but it was there and I thanked the gods for it in that moment.

 

I couldn't speak out loud now especially not about how I felt. Wonwoos words as he was speaking now pierced me more and more and the question that burned at the tip of my tongue remained the same: 'Who the hell are you??'

 

Mingyu seemed apologetic and sorry but quite frankly, I wasn't even mad at him. It isn't his fault. We had to meet at some point and in this case sooner was better than later. What would've happened if I met him years later, still full of hope to return to how we were, only to be disappointed and hurt beyond repair?

 

„You know, you could at least participate in the conversation. That would be polite. And anyways, wouldn't you want to talk to your friends?“ the leader asked him and we all anticipated an answer from him.

 

„No, why would I? It's boring and there's nothing I would want to talk about with them anyway“ he nonchalantly replied and picked his nails.

 

That shut us up for sure. I couldn't help the words from spluttering out of my mouth.

 

„What the ?“ The others looked at me incredulously and Mingyus eyes got frantic trying to tell me to not say something that I'd regret later on but now was not the time to hold back. All of these pent up frustrations had to go and now was the right time for that.

 

„Like, what the ? Who do you think you are to say something like this? , forget about me but what about your friends here you work with every day and what about Mingyu. When did you become so disrespectful? Is it really too much to ask for? Just a simple conversation is already too much for you? Showing respect, too? What the hell happened to you, Wonwoo?? Did the fame get over your head or why are you acting like an !??“ I yelled in moderate volume with my fists clenched. I didn't even notice that I stood up started trembling from rage, that's how angry I was.

 

„...“ Wonwoo couldn't utter a single word due to shock.

 

„Oh, now you can't speak but a few minutes ago you were spurting senseless and you felt so big and mighty and all that but now you can't even say a word to me? Not after all this time? You still can't say a single word to me?“ My anger slowly morphed into sadness and I couldn't and didn't want to hold back tears. My head fell down and the tears started trickling down. They were quite confused and sorry at the same time to see me breaking down so pathetically in front of them.

 

I picked myself up again and lifted my head to look at him with a smile despite of the ocean of tears strolling down my face. I lifted my finger next to my lips and smiled wider. The others didn't get what I was going for and they didn't understand why I was smiling all of a sudden but the three of us knew and Mingyus eyes started to water as well.

 

„Remember? I promised I'd smile even though it's hard. I held onto that promise and never broke it, what about you, Wonwoo?“

 

He flinched and a tear rolled down his pain-stricken face.

 

„I..I don't know what to say...? What should I say now, huh? You don't leave me any space for explanations whatsoever!“ he whispered and wiped at his eyes.

 

„I think I got your hint. You forgot about our friendship, about the feelings we shared with each other.. and you forgot about me.“ I spat sadly.

 

„You turned into something I could never ever have imagined. An egotistical, fame-hungry . Where's the sweet Wonwoo that cared about everyone and talked about everything and nothing? Where's my best friend that I loved so much?“

 

I bet I looked scary with the tears and the smile on my face but I couldn't care less. I had to get this off my heart.

 

„He grew up, okay!?“ Wonwoo said and stood up facing me.

 

„This business is merciless, ruthless and nothing for kids! If I want to make it I have to focus on what's important for my success, even if I have to forget about what was important to me before.“

 

I snorted. I couldn't believe how this all ended up. That was not what I was hoping for.

 

„So, you say that you're happy like this?“ I asked with a shaking voice. I was afraid of his answer even if I already knew what he was going to say.

 

„Of course I am, why wouldn't I be? I have this bright future ahead of me, it's everything that I ever wished to have.“

 

„If that's the case I will be gone from your life.. Because no matter what, I would give everything up just for you to be happy...cause you've been always the only thing that made me happy“ I smiled and reached out to touch his hand fondly.

 

„However....I'll just be selfish for this once and ask you something.“ I'm pretty sure nobody saw that coming. They expected something along the lines of 'Please, don't leave me. I love you!' or 'Do you love me? Cause I do' or 'Give all of this up for me, I beg of you' but I can't give them what they expect.

 

„Can we please turn back time?“

 

He was confused and so were the others, something that I already expected.

 

„W-why? Why would you want that? I don't understand...“ he murmured in confusion and pulled his eyebrows together to gaze at me expectantly. I smiled.

 

„Because everything was a lot easier between you and me back when we were still Seventeen.“

 

I let go of his hand and stepped back. I didn't need to hear his answer to know what he wanted to say. I also couldn't bear hearing him say that he didn't care about the past and only wanted to live to achieve his goal, his dream.

 

I quickly glanced at everybody in the room and glanced at Mingyu and his red, puffy eyes. I'm so gonna for that and I'm sure he knows that but as of now, he just looked sad. I couldn't think of a time he looked more depressed than now but I willed myself to look away and to lock my gaze at him.

 

„It was nice meeting you all. I'm sorry for the commotion I caused and I apologize for being a nuisance“ I bowed and stepped out of the room. With one last longing glance at Wonwoo I turned around and speed-walked my way through the building and out into the cooling breeze where I could finally breathe. I quickly left the thing behind that was my biggest source of happiness yet caused my biggest heartbreak.

 

Even though I lost so much in the last minutes, I somehow felt more free than I did yesterday and all the days before that. It was weird but at the same time crystal clear. Happy yet sad at the same time I made my way through the mass of people swarming around the city back to my apartment to call it a day and flop down onto my bed.

 

~'~'~'~'~

 

I really don't know how I ended up sitting in a pile of dirty clothes and leftover food and I think I don't even want to know. I surveyed my surroundings and searched for a chubby-cheeked boy that I lost some time ago to the big mountains of dirt and clothes.

 

„How could you turn your tidy apartment to a pigsty in a span of a few hours after your moms left?“ I yelled and was surprised to hear an answer from the tall mountain next to me.

 

„I'm not so sure myself, it all happened so fast“ Namjoon answered and I rolled my eyes in response. He fought a green pullover and pulled himself shakily from the ground before sitting down on what seemed to be the couch.

 

„So, what am I doing here?“ I asked and watched him expectantly.

 

„You could help me find Jimin first...?“ he squeaked and I rolled my eyes yet again before standing up and kicking all the obstacles out of my way. One seemed to be Jimins head that got a sharp hit to the forehead by my foot.

 

„Found him!“

 

„How?“

 

„I accidentally kicked him!“

 

„Okay, that's alright! Just drag him back here to the couch!“ he screamed.

 

„I'll try!“

 

So now I was sitting on smelly laundry again but with a slight change to it. Namjoon and Jimin apparently had another guest they didn't tell me about; Mingyu.

 

„What now?“ I pursed my lips and tried to avoid their eyes because I knew for sure that Mingyu told them what happened a few days ago. I still didn't know how to feel about that.

 

„Well, well, well, shall we speak about how you played the martyr 2 days ago and have only been sleeping and eating junk food if anything?“ Jimin started with an accusing tone in his voice.

 

„I didn't play the martyr okay? It was the truth and I won't change my mind so fast. I'll stay true to my words.“

 

„We know that but you can't do that, not when you love him so much“ Namjoon retorted.

 

„I shouldn't be telling you this...but...he hasn't been feeling well lately. He hasn't been himself anymore since you left that day. He can't concentrate on his lyrics nor can he keep track with the instrumentals and he's been down all the time“ Mingyu sighed and looked at me.

 

„So what?“ I gave a short laugh and shrugged.

 

„Huh?! What do you mean with 'So what'?“ Jimin looked shocked and slightly disturbed.

 

„What do you want to hear from me? That I'm soooo sorry for telling him how I felt and to show the emotions that I have been bottling up to that moment?“ I scoffed.

 

„I don't even know why he would be sad at all. It's not like he cares for me whatsoever.“

 

„Are you really that dense? He does like you the same way you like him!“ Mingyu bellowed frustrated.

 

„How can you be so sure about that?? Has he ever said that out loud? No, I don't think so“ I rolled my eyes and looked away. I couldn't stand their eyes boring into mine.

 

„He doesn't need to say anything as long as he shows his love for you“ the poet Namjoon broke the silence that was slowly enveloping us.

 

I couldn't do anything but sigh in return. What should I say? Is there even anything to add to that? I knew that he must've had feelings for me in the past but I don't know anything about how he feels now. Everything was a mystery...a mystery I wasn't so sure I could solve.

 

~'~'~'~'~

 

It was later that day, in the cozy coffee shop I visited with Mingyu a few days prior, that I thought about what happened today and the last week in general. Everything still felt like a dream to me. A beautiful yet painful dream that I wanted to wake up from so badly but wanted to stay in it forever as well. I was sipping on my Chai Latte with my eyes closed when the door to the shop made a ding sound and indicated a new customer.

 

I gave it no heed and closed my eyes with the mug on my lips and the delicious smell wafting around me and into my nose, making me feel calmer than ever. I heard a chair near me screech and I furrowed my eyebrows.

 

„You're still drinking that weird abomination of a Latte so it seems“ a very familiar voice chuckled in front of me.

 

I opened my eyes in shock and looked upon the man on the chair while putting my mug back down onto the table. I got over the shock and composed myself and scanned him starting from the top.

 

„I see you are still drinking disgusting black coffee without any sugar and milk“ I mused and he laughed. I couldn't help but laugh as well. His laugh and eye smile were still as contagious as I remember them to be.

 

„I guess we didn't change much, then“ he smiled.

 

„You're wrong.“ His eyebrows went a notch higher and he hummed in confusion. „A lot has changed. We have changed.“

 

He took a deep breath and gazed at me with regret swimming in his eyes. What was he regretting? Was he regretting ever meeting me and befriending me? Was he regretting spending his precious time with someone like me? What was it?

 

„So, what brings you here?“ I irritatedly asked and took a sip from my warm Latte.

 

„I should be the one asking you. I come here every week to enjoy a cup of coffee and a slice of their lovely cheesecake. It helps me relax from all the work at the company.“

 

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe the words I was hearing right now.

 

„O-oh, you do? Well, that's interesting“ I gulped and stirred the brown liquid in front of me and tried not to stare at Wonwoo all the time. He did look really good with that new hairstyle.

 

„Yup. I really like coming here but I would like it even more if you were with me every time I'm here“ He cheekily replied and I stared at him. What the hell?

 

„Wonwoo, what do you want?“ It was now his turn to feel flustered and he started to move on his chair relentlessly.

 

„U-uh, well....I...wanted to grant your wish?“ He murmured and looked another direction while swallowing a huge gulp of coffee from his mug.

 

„What are you talking about? I don't get it, what wish are you talking about?“ I deadpanned in a serious manner.

 

„I wanted to grant your wish of turning back time.“ My eyes largened drastically and he smiled in a nostalgic way. „I may have not noticed it until a few days ago but it was my wish as well for time to turn and twist to lead me back to when we were still 17. It has always been in my heart but I decided to overshadow it with the wish of becoming a well-known composer and songwriter. The coffee shop here was something that I tried to desperately hold onto, to the memories we shared and all these days we spent together laughing and having fun. I knew I lost something big in my life but it became more apparent when I saw you again“ He looked into my eyes and grabbed my hand.

 

„I am truly sorry for how I acted. I really am. I was just overwhelmed. Seeing you again after such a long time...“ he whispered and caressed my cheek softly. „And when I saw you and Mingyu still being best friends after you haven't seen each other....made me jealous I guess... It hurt me to see you two like you were when we were still in High School.“

 

„You were jealous?“ I couldn't help the smile from forming on my face and a slight giggle from escaping my lips. „Because of Mingyu and me? Oh please, he's such a derp. Nothing to be jealous of“ I laughed.

 

„See! That's what I meant. The relationship that you two were able to hold up until now...I'm jealous of that“ he looked into his cup and sighed.

 

„What makes you think that we didn't succeed?“ I asked truthfully and he looked up with wide eyes.

 

„What makes you think that our...friendship didn't survive?“

 

„I hurt you. Not only that time a few days back, but all those years I have been hurting you, hurting me. I can't forgive myself for that..for ruining everything that I had“ his eyes glazed over and his look was just heart-breaking to me.

 

„Wonwoo...“ I took his hands into mine and stared deep into his dark and mesmerizing eyes.

 

„...I....forgive you“ I smiled at him in the most sincerest ways possible. Wonwoos stare was hilarious. His eyes doubled in size, watching me like I had grown a second head and a tear rolled down his cheek. His jaw slacked and he let out a 'huh?!'. Maybe I did grow a second head. I just forgave him like that? Others would be scandalized by my decision, but....

 

„E-excuse me? What did you just say?“ he stuttered and blinked several times.

 

….I couldn't care less...

 

„You heard me, didn't you? I forgive you, you dumbo“ I smiled even brighter and my eyes crinkled despite the few tears that were strolling down my face.

 

…..Because...

 

„Are you serious? Why would you do that? I- i did nothing but hurt you in the past..“

 

….I....

 

„Are you that dense? Do I really need to tell you?“ He just looked at me in a confused manner and cocked his head to the side while I just shook my head in disbelief.

 

….Love him...

„I love you, Wonwoo. Isn't it obvious? Hasn't it been obvious in the past too?“ I just smiled at his flushed face. How can he be so beautiful? I, to this day, am not sure if I've ever seen someone so beautiful and perfect like him and I'm pretty sure I never will.

 

...And I always will.

 

„Y-you do? I mean I knew that in the past cause we were uh, yeah, back then, um haha. ...But now? I-i thought you'd hate me...“

 

„So?“ I just interrupted his blabbering. I couldn't take it anymore.

 

„So? So what?“

 

„What is your answer...?“ I waited patiently for his answer with butterflies rampaging in my stomach and my heart skipping a beat once too often.

 

He smiled so brightly that my heart stopped and my world brightened up immediately.

 

„It will always be the same answer: I love you too. I love you so much“ He sighed and laughed a bit while squeezing my hands. I felt my cheeks burning but his were no better. I started crying, again, but I couldn't care less. He said it. He said that he loved me...

 

„Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear those few words from you?“

 

„Yeah... I'm sorry I took so long.“ We both chuckled at the situation we were in now. We didn't know what to do or say, really. What was there else to say anyway?

 

He slowly leaned in and so did I.

 

Was he trying to kiss me?

 

Hot breath fanned over my face and I shivered. His lips parted.

 

„Is that how you've imagined turning back time?“ He sheepishly smiled and I smiled back.

 

„No, it's even better.“

 

There was a promise between us that didn't have to be spoken out loud for us to know. Just staring into each others eyes we knew that we wouldn't break this promise ever again. I knew that it was forever.

 

We sealed that promise with a gentle kiss and I tried to pour every ounce of my love for Wonwoo into the kiss we shared, and so did he. It felt so right, so so right that it took my breath away. I clenched my eyes together and shuddered in delight. His lips still felt the same even after all those years.

 

It was like we landed in his backyard with all those flowers blooming around us and the sun burning down us like it did back when we were still seventeen.

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A/n: I hope it was an enjoyable read ^-^ please do tell me in the comments what you think about it ^^

Sorry for any typos~ And i had to tweak the curse words because they got censored and i didn't want to

rate the story cause it's unnecessary lol XD