Namjoon

I sighed in annoyance when a big car pulled into the gas station and an aggressive honk pulled me from my thoughts. I hated the night shifts here, but I had no choice because during the day I had another ty job that had to be done. The shifts in the supermarket weren't quite as nerve wracking and badly paid as the job at the gas station, but it was still a ty job. There was no other option for me. Who would take in a boy who dropped out of school just to be able work more. Not everyone was born with the blessings of riches, and certainly not my family! After lighting a new cigarette, I shuffled listlessly to the car at the dispensing station. Filling up the car at night was really a ty job ... fitting for my ty life. If someone had told me four years ago that I would end up here one day, I would not have believed them. Back then I had dreams that I wanted to accomplish, I did well in school and I had friends with whom I spent every free minute in my life. Where did the time go? Growing up , and obligations and bills . There was no more place for friendships in my life because I didn't have the time to take care of them. I had no idea which of my friends was doing what, but I hoped they were better off than me. Occasionally my mind wandered to them and I imagined Seokjin getting up with his parents in the morning and going to work because he wanted to take over the company ... or how Taehyung got into trouble because of his careless behavior.
“Don't dream around!” The driver of the car snapped at me when I forgot to close the fuel filler flap (?). I apologized with a small bow and quickly closed it.
Today was just not my day ... actually it never was. When I wanted to go to the driver's window and take the money for the tank filling, I saw the driver simply drop the bills out of the window on the floor before starting the engine and driving off. Don't I deserve respect? Was I worth less than him in his fancy car just for working night shifts at a gas station? I was seething with anger. This disrespectful behavior and how dirty and unworthy it made me feel, I could no longer endure. I was just that kind of person ... just the lower class. I gritted my teeth and tried to swallow my anger, but I'd never been particularly good at accepting insolence. I would have loved to chase the car and dismantle it into its individual parts. In order to somehow get rid of my frustration, I threw my lit cigarette on the banknotes on the floor. I wouldn't even accept that dirty money if I was starving on the streets!
"I thought it was your job to take money."
I winced when I heard the voice and an engine shut off. In my anger I hadn't even noticed that the next car had already pulled up to the gas station. Seemed like more work that night than the usual two or three cars. I turned around, a snippy comment already on my lips, and my eyes almost fell out of my head.
"Seokjin."
The older boy smiled happily at me and my eyes fell on the boy who was taking the passenger seat in the car. Kim Taehyung. Was I dreaming?
"Do you know how stressful it was to find you? Your old cell phone number is dead and we had to go to your house first to find out from your mother that you work night shifts here." The older man's tone was reproachful, but his face continued to glow. Taehyung next to him remained silent and stared straight out.
"You were looking for me?" I asked surprised and leaned against the window.
Seokjin nodded and the joy of our reunion faded from his face.
"We need your help, Namjoon."
I looked at him for a long time without saying anything. The serious expression on their faces told me straight away that they hadn’t just come by to say hello. It was also weird that the two of them were in the same car because, as far as I knew, none of us was in contact any more... with one exception, maybe.
"Taehyung and I are in trouble," said Jin after I remained silent. "We want to ask you for help, but it's okay if you want to decline. I can only tell you what it's about when you've got in the car and promised to help us .. that's better for us and for you. If you refuse then forget that we were here."
His words made me nervous, but something else also crept into my chest. A warm feeling of affection. Those two boys before me had been my best friends once. I told them everything and even though it was four years since we had seen each other, they still came to me for help. Our friendship meant no less to them than to me, because no matter how much time had passed. I would walk through fire for all six of them at any time or have my arms cut off or tell any lie in the world. I glanced at the dirty little booth and then at the money slowly glowing on the floor. What am i doing here? Why did I stop believing that I was worth more than this? There were other jobs, better paid and with friendlier customers, why was I satisfied with this? I slowly shook my head. Maybe it was a sign that Jin and Tae showed up here tonight even though we hadn't seen each other in so long. Whether it was like that or not, I wanted to believe in it.
"Sounds to me like you're in pretty deep ," I said slowly. "And it doesn't sound particularly legal either."
Seokjin shook his head briefly. "We will never be able to undo it and if anyone should find out about it ... let’s say it would have far reaching consequences for each of us."
I nodded slowly and cocked my head to pretend I was thinking.
"You've been showing up here after close to four years asking for my help in something that could put us in jail if it ever gets out, did I get that right?"
Jin nodded and for the first time Taehyung started moving. His head jerked around and he leaned over to me a little to get a better look at my face.
"Hyung, you don't have to ..." There was something pleading in his gaze and I shook my head, grinning.
"Of course I don't have to, but if one of you has problems I'll be damned to refuse your request for help. You wouldn't have shown up here if it wasn't urgent and honestly ..." I paused to let my gaze wander over my old workplace once more. It was time to bury this bleak life. "A change of scenery is long overdue."
Jin grinned and nodded towards the back door of the car. I followed his silent request, opened the door and got into the car with them.
"So what's up? Do we have to kill someone? Rob a bank?" I asked jokingly and Jin started the engine.
Taehyung turned to me with a blank expression. "I killed my father."
His words were followed by a booming silence in the car and I just stared at him. Our eye contact did not break while thousands of thoughts and memories shot through my head. Images of Taehyung's injuries came up, his silence and ours ... I couldn't really say I was sorry. Maybe for Tae, who, understandably, seemed to be bothered, but not for his father. Back then I would have loved to break his neck with my own hands for doing this to one of my best friends and robbing him of his smile. Taehyung as well as I have always belonged to the lowest class of society in contrast to Seokjin ... to this day it was a mystery to me why he was friends with us. But at least I had an understanding family that I knew loved me. Without them, I would have gone crazy long ago. I understood Taehyung, accepted it. Finally I nodded slowly and put my hand on his head.
"Seems like you've been through a lot over the past few years, Tae," I said quietly. "I'm sorry. Sorry for leaving you alone."
His eyes filled with tears. "It was hell, Hyung!"
I slid forward in my seat to pull him into a hug. I rubbed his back up and down reassuringly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jin smiling at us and shifting into gear to finally get us away from this place.
"Ready?" He asked us and I nodded, while Taehyung only gave a choked sob.
As he drove from the yard, I fished the key for the booth out of my pocket, opened the window and threw it out as far as I could. It felt good and I felt like a load had been lifted from my chest. Breathing became easier and I felt alive.
"Come on then," I mumbled.

It was time to find our friends.