Junmyeon was not supposed to feel this way.

 In his mind, he was supposed to brush off the voicemail, delete the message and act as if he never existed, as if they didn't happen. In his mind, he would be strong, he would call the man back and set the date and place of their meeting, sounding resolute and intimidating, be in charge, for once, between the both of them. In his mind, he has moved on, should have moved on.

But Junmyeon's mind was different to how his whole body was reacting.

He was shaking, knees crumbling to the ground as he let go of his room's door handle, gasping for air as his heart started hammering wildly inside his chest. Clearly, he was still affected by the guy, and for heaven's sakes, it was just his voice. What would happen if they meet? No, Junmyeon thought. I won't let him see me weak and helpless again. I won't let him see me crumble infront of him. Once was enough, I won't allow it again. I don't need to see him. He can just tell me everything through the phone, or he could email me. That's it! I'll tell Jongdae or Minseok or Luhan to tell him to send them an email, then Jongdae, or Minseok or Luhan could forward it to me. That would be more convenient for the both of us. And if I have questions, I'll just have Zitao or Sehun send him an email with all of my questions. Then he can email Zitao or Sehun again with all of the answers, and they can just pass it to me. Ha. That seems reasonable, right? Right.

With all plans of emailing on his mind, Junmyeon started for the kitchen. The voicemail affected him more than he wanted to and he was hungry. It was only 7 in the morning, and he has a lot of time to cook for breakfast. He can make pancakes, or waffles, or Yifan's favorite egg omelette. Wait, what? How did he enter my mind? Nope, don't do it Junmyeon. You're just distracted because of the voicemail. You need to breathe.. In and out, that's it. You can do it. In and out.. Breathe... 

"Breathe..In and out, baby, that's it. Breathe."

No! Junmyeon shook his head firmly, ridding himself of the memories of them, of him. I've moved on, Junmyeon thought. Why am I still so affected? Why am I still like this? I should stop this, this nonsense! I don't have time for this, I'm busy! Just like the Yifan always was, busy, swamped, always on call, clearly a workaholic. The tall blonde was more often than not in the hospital, tied up with commitments and patients and other things. Junmyeon tried to understand him, he really did. Yifan always made up for it anyway. Sighing, Junmyeon knew that the guy really did love him, and he loved him back, with more fervor if that was possible. The first time he met him, he knew it was love. And he had a feeling it would stay that way for a long time, and Junmyeon was right. Yifan wasn't his first relationship, but he had hoped he would be the last. He was happy, Junmyeon mused. Yeah, he was. After years of self doubts, insecurities and uncertainties, the life he shared with Yifan made him happy. And the last thing he wanted to do was for that happiness to go away. But it did, and yeah, it hurt. It hurt Junmyeon so much he had to take a break from work, distance himself from his friends and spend his time with a psychiatrist, prescribing him with sleeping pills and medicines he knew only helped so much. After a month or so, he was back to work and everyone marveled about how healthier he looked. Some even asked him how he did it, as it was known in his workplace that he was with someone for a long time and then they broke up. They all were astounded on how he moved on so fast, some even going as far as to saying that maybe he has someone new. Junmyeon just shrugged, saying he just has and with a smile, he closed the door to his office, leaned on the wooden barricade and held back the tears. Yes, outside he was happy, glowing even, but inside, he was dying, breaking, and if he can just claw out his heart and give it to someone until all the hurt has ebbed away, he would. 

But that was before, and Junmyeon thought that these past few months has just been nothing but him and his work, it was almost a routine. And he was thankful for it. Being busy kept him from thinking about Yifan, and  that meant he didn't have to deal with the emotions that came with it. He lacked sleep, yes, he had no social life, yes, but it was fine. Anything was fine, as long as it made him numb from the pain, it was fine. He was fine. 

'I still am' Junmyeon thought. And the only thing that would keep him fine was to stay away from meeting the source of pain as much as possible, which was really easy as the guy was miles away from him. He should be fine. And he intends to keep it that way. 

Junmyeon was halfway through Finding Nemo when the telephone rang again. It was 2 in the afternoon. He looked at the device wistfully. He had an inkling on who might be calling. Scared of how his body would react once he hears the voice again, he wanted to answer the phone, and tell him to off without letting him speak, but he didn't have the strength to do it. He let the phone ring and then, just like this morning, his voice resonated through the room. At the back of his mind, he knew there was a part of him who wanted to hear the voice again, and this made Junmyeon sad.

"Hello? Junmyeon, it's me, again. I've called yesterday thrice, and this morning once, I wanted to talk to you, or maybe just hear your voice, I don't know. Maybe I'm just hoping that you'd pick up the phone and talk to me. Please, can we meet? I want to explain myself to you. I have to do this, we have to. Junmyeon please. I know you're there, please pick up the phone. Please, Junmyeon-"

Junmyeon deleted the message, turned the volume up, buried himself in the matress and chanted 'I'm fine' in his head, over and over again. Yes, he has definitely moved on. 

He wasn't expecting anyone to call him, much less visit him, especially his co-workers since it was a holiday, but Kyungsoo was at his doorstep, laden with take out food from his favorite restaurant, knocking on his door persistenly. Junmyeon sighed, the guy really knew him. As Kyungsoo was stepping inside his apartment, the telephone started ringing, much to Junmyeon's dismay and he was trying to unplug the phone but his bestfriend was faster, stepping infront of the phone and picking up the receiver. Junmyeon just stared in horror.

"H-hello? Junmyeon?" 

If it was possible for Kyungsoo's eyes to widen a little more, he may already have. He sent an uncertain look towards his bestfriend, then..

"Yi--yifan ge?"