Dear Donghae,

Sometimes, Donghae I keep wondering…

Do you remember when we both got the same Nemo toy from the claw machine? Do you remember how happy and excited you were when you played with them? Do you remember when we used to cuddle as we watched scary movies in the cinema? Do you remember how I’d kiss you and comfort you whenever the zombies or ghosts appear on screen? Do you remember when I drove you around in my beat up old car and it broke down in the middle of the night, where we had to push the car to the nearest gas station then went to wait for our parents at the nearest McDonald’s restaurant?

Do you remember the promises we made to each other? Do you remember that we said we’d last forever and grow old together? Do you remember all our late night sweet talks every night?

They’ve all become memories to me now. They have become memories that I no longer have the right to share with you, because you no longer belong to me, and I no longer to you. They all belong to the past. They were just empty promises that we made to each other. You’ve changed into a different person. I’ve never blamed you, and I never will. I know that deep down, somewhere, perhaps the old Donghae I know is still alive. I’m sorry that I no longer get to take care of you. I’m sorry that I’m no longer able to make you happy. How I wish I could turn back the time and start all over. I’d be sure to cherish you even more than I ever did before because I’m regretting the many times when we quarrelled over nothing. I should have tried harder to make you stay, to save our relationship. I never should have let you go that easily.

I