CHAPTER VII : What Is Love

“Sir, I think you have had enough of drinking for tonight. Should I call your chauffeur?” The man behind the bar asks.

In response, Joonmyeon angrily slurs, “Just who do you think you are to tell me I’ve had enough?! Don't you know who I am?! I'm ing Kim Joonmyeon of the world-renowned Kim Trading Corporation! I ing own the industry! You, a lowly barista, have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do! Not even my stupid filthy mother can do that!”

Kim Joonmyeon is the one and only child of Kim Dongwan and Kim Yoojung, two of the top descendants of pioneers of trade in Korea.

He's the only heir to Kim Trading Corporation. He's the prince of the household. Being treated like a prince, however, and being showered with all the riches of the world, doesn't necessarily lead to living a life of satisfaction or happiness.

Yes, his upbringing is good. He grew up to be a fine and noble man, and that is thanks to his grandmother, whom he lovingly referred to as his ‘nana.’

His parents never had time to spare for him. When they did have time, it really only amounted to the occasional question about how his day went. His “nana” was the only person who treated him like how family should. She was the only person who showered him with love and kindness; the only person who taught him that there was more to life than money and power.

Too bad that his nana has already passed on; just when he needed her the most. She had died because of old age and left Joonmyeon with her last words, “Love, my dear. Love is all we need. When you know how to love, the rest just follows.. the forgiveness, the compassion, the peace, all of it. Never forget to love. It makes the world go round my dear Suho…”

And he did love.

He lived by his nana’s words. He was crushed countless of times but he still stood and faced the world with his chin held high. His social status prevented him from doing otherwise, after all. He cannot ever succumb and throw his name and pride away.

It was an entirely different thing that he learned from his parents, “Never show your weakness. Always keep a straight face for your enemies and keep an angelic facade for people who are useful to you.”

Because of his parents’ words, only a few people knew of the real Kim Joonmyeon; the Suho that nana devoted her life to raising and caring for.

Sehun was one of them. Sehun’s father was one of the trusted investors of the Kims. Sehun was always out with his father when he was not simply left at home. Being playmates is primarily the reason for he and Joonmyeon meeting; they were of similar age and Sehun was neither restricted nor discriminated by the rules that Joonmyeon’s mother intended for her child’s choice of company.

They were both too young back then, he and Sehun. They were both too clueless of their status in life; too clueless of the world that their parents were a part of. That may be the reason why true friendship blossomed between the two, they were too innocent to lie about themselves to each other.

You can never really count with your two hands--even if you include your toes--the number of times that Joonmyeon has wished that he was born in a simpler household; a house wherein he could peacefully live with a complete family whose members adored one another, like how true households should be. Maybe then, he wouldn't feel the pain of being left behind; being fooled by people to whom he had given his trust.

Over the years, he has experienced a lot of betrayals--from his so called friends, his lovers, and even his blood relatives. Even when he was still of a tender age, he tasted the ache of being led on. At the time, being too young only made him feel the betrayal without explaining why it happened; why it hurt; why he had to hurt.

His first memory of heartbreak was by a girl whose name was Yubi. He can never forget that name. He had a little crush on her, not that he was truly aware of what a ‘crush’ was that time. He met her in the park around the corner of their neighborhood and he noticed that she was always all alone and that she looked sad, that's why he decided to approach her. She was always there when he and his nana would arrive at that corner and he always made it a point to talk to her.

He was too caught up by her beauty--or maybe it was just because he was really young--to notice the wide-eyed look and the smirk that came to her after he introduced himself. Since then, the girl would ask little Joonmyeon to bring her presents; to just buy her stuff. Of course, as a child, Joonmyeon thought that he just made a new friend and that was what friends normally did; to give each other gifts. But, when he tried showering Sehun gifts only for Sehun to refuse them all, he finally realized that Yubi wasn't a true friend and was an unfortunate addition to his list of those who just used him for his wealth.

You would think that, with that experience, Joonmyeon would have learned his lesson and would be dissuaded from trusting so easily. Well, he did learn.

He simply didn't learn well enough.

Kim Dongwan has always been so neutral with his social engagements with his son. Although he was never the kind of man to voice out his feelings, to tell his only son I love you, he makes up for the fact through his actions. He cares, a lot. It is just that, Kim Joonmyeon is too caught up with his own yearning for his mother's love that the young Kim couldn’t see that he still has someone behind his back aside from his nana and Sehun.

Kim Yoojung has got to be the most detrimental person in Suho’s eyes. His mother is many thingsㅡan academic, a hard worker, a perfectionist; the epitome of a gorgeous and ambitious woman.

Under all the layers and the mask she wears for the outside world, his own mother, to Joonmyeon, is like a machine. Sometimes, he is led to believe she could be a dash of evil incarnate, that she is a master puppeteer while he is just one of her puppetsㅡto be manipulated through every flick of her hand. He thinks that the only emotion she is capable of feeling is anger; anger whenever she cannot exercise control.

She was almost never home. Sometimes, Joonmyeon even questions why he even has a mother. The only reminder that he has parents is when he passes by their huge family portrait in the living room. There are many family photos in thereㅡself portraits and pictures of them together; all with bright smiles on their faces. The guests are always quick to assume that they are a perfect family.

If only they knew that all of those were fakeㅡthe pictures of them in the beach enjoying the day together, the family portrait that stood proud in the center, the skiing they did bonding togetherㅡall of it is just pretend. If guests ever really wanted to see or know the true emotions that were linked to those images, Suho would gladly usher them to the talented photographers that his mother tasked to set up those photo shoots. They would surely be surprised to discover just one of his pretentious mother’s many shams.

Joonmyeon doesn't understand why his father always let her be despite also being tired of her antics. He wonders if it's because his mother is much more capable and is the wheel that keeps the company running; if his father knows consequences can easily go from bad to worse and he is wary of them.

He wants so badly to believe that his parents hold love for him, even if it's just the tiniest amount, because his nana told him that they do. He hoped that they do but, when he got involved in a car accident that caused a metal rod to pierce through his body, only a strand away from his heart, at the verge of death, and his parent's didn't tend to him right away, he was through with his hope.

His mother showed up only once in the hospital. She didn't come inside his room; didn't check up on him; didn't talk to him or comfort him. Nothing. He only saw her silhouette by the door's window and overheard the conversation she had with his father on the phone.

He thought that, if his mother didn't care for him then, maybe his father cared. He hoped, he really did. He knew his father cared about him and that the man’s absence was simply due to a very important business trip. That hope was crushed as well when he heard his mother say, “He's alive. We still have an heir, Dongwan. That's all that matters. Your mother is not here, she keeps insisting that I should take care of our son… that's what nurses are for Dongwan, I need to go to work! I can't stay here! No, I haven't checked on him.. I'm just outside of his room. Why do I have to see him? The doctors already briefed me of hisㅡ”

Joonmyeon tuned her out. He didn't need to hear more. At that moment, he was so sure that his mother never loved him. She never cared. She only cared about herself and the reputation that was attached to their family's name.

At seventeen, Kim Joonmyeon had given up on ‘love’ and believed he will pass on without ever experiencing it from the people he called his parents.

Love always gets him into trouble and, if not trouble, simply just hurts him tremendously.

He got engaged twice. He called off an engagement twice, as well. He almost proposed to several people because he truly thought that he could spend the rest of his life with them. He had loved many, be it male or femaleㅡthey just didn’t love him back; not as intensely or as passionately as he loved them. No love w