In the end, Wendy gave up. She told Seulgi.

 

 

But Seulgi, she is not surprised how it is about Irene. She was a friend of both. She watched Wendy’s heart shattering into pieces and she is still tying to pick them up one by one.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Irene starts laughing at herself while there is a tear lingering on her chin and her car is traveling fast. All of a sudden there is an urge to wreck her pricy Mercedes Benz 300 SL down the bridge and just die with it.

 

 

After all these years, she finally found Wendy. The younger still has those lovely cheeks although they are not as fluffy and full as before. Same for her eyes. 

 

 

Irene still remembers she could always find her own reflections in those light browns, but now, they are clouded with something else - and she is no longer the one who deserves to be there.

 

 

Oh, as if she ever deserved to.

 

 

 

Wendy has changed. As well as herself.

 

 

Irene partly prays it is not because of her; yet, if it isn’t, there is no use for her to be here right here, right now.

 

 

 

Wendy has grown up now. 

 

 

Irene sincerely hopes she is not just a part of her memory as an innocent youth. Yes, it’d be a rather heartbroken one.

 

 

 

Because Wendy is one for her. 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

It was back when they were all high-schoolers. Don’t all romance first begin at high-schools? 

 

 

Yes, when they were all friends - when Wendy, Irene, and Seulgi were all friends.

 

 

 

Irene and Seulgi were close as they were both members of the dance club; Wendy and Irene — or I should say Seungwan and Joohyun were close too, but it was a different kind of close.

 

 

They were in different years, different clubs. They shared different hobbies, different groups of friends. They were very different even in person - Seungwan was wise, caring and carefree while Joohyun was child-like and shy sometimes. 

 

 

Still, Seungwan was there for Joohyun ever since they had worked together for the school’s year-end talent show.

 

Maybe that was complementary. Maybe it was something else.

 

 

 

Irene, who is now standing in the middle of their school’s field, certainly knows what it is. 

 

 

 

"I hear the raindrops knocking on the green field, 

I hear the bell ringing from afar, 

But not the warm voice of yours calling my name."

 

 

 

Seungwan used to buy lunch for Joohyun as the latter’s English class, which happened to be scheduled right before lunchtime, always overrun.

 

 

And Joohyun could always find the brunette sitting on the bench even though she would have called out her name from miles away.

 

 

 

They were not the type who spent most of their time together either. But Joohyun somehow enjoyed the right to find Seungwan whenever she needed help, for example, with her homework. The Son girl was just too smart that she could nail assignments for her seniors, while she barely did her own.

 

 

 

Seungwan, on the other hand, always managed to find Joohyun as a damsel in distress. Like the first time they were by themselves, it was when Seungwan found Joohyun timidly waiting under the roof of their science building hiding from the heavy rain.

 

 

“Are you going to the bus stop?” The shorter girl held her blue umbrella higher, gesturing her that they could share.

 

 

Joohyun looked at the wide smile and quietly complies, “Thank you.”

 

 

The walk to the bus stop was short, but they did get closer. Especially when Joohyun saw Seungwan walking back to the car park after escorting her to the bus stop, when she saw Seungwan’s left shoulder all drenched while herself was completely dry.  

 

 

 

Seungwan was always there. Even when Joohyun came running to her for some very special favor. Seulgi was there too, it’s just she wanted to punch Joohyun in the face, unlike how Seungwan was showing her perfect set of teeth.

 

 

Back then, Joohyun had the longest crush on their school’s star vocalist, who was no one other than Wendy’s senior in the vocal team.

 

 

 Now Irene thinks it was absolutely stupid.

 

 

 

“Seungwan, do you think I have a chance?”

 

 

“Taeyeon-unnie is a nice person.” The said girl was marveling at the clear sky with her usual chill composure before turning back to Joohyun who had a dreamy look on her face, “I guess you can try.”

 

 

“Can you help me out with this one then?”

 

 

 

Seulgi stared at Joohyun as if her eyes were falling out. Maybe they did fall out when Seungwan chuckled softly and replied, “If you want me to.”

 

 

Seungwan might be that nice to everyone she knew but it was not even close when it came to Joohyun. So nice, too nice. Like Joohyun could always rely on her no matter what. 

 

 

Joohyun, however, had never given anything back to Seungwan.  

 

 

 

Irene brings the back of her palm to wipe some salty liquid leaking from her eyes off her face when she reaches the old tuck shop.

 

 

 

“If our plan work,” Joohyun nudged Seungwan as they were hunting for snacks during recess time. “I’ll help you to get Dahyun.”

 

 

The girl with her tie loosely dangling and her sleeves rolled up just shrugged, “Ha. That’s very nice of you.” 

 

 

“I mean it! She seemed to be interested in you!”

 

 

“We’ll see.”

 

 

 

“I-” Joohyun wanted to protest but a red-bean popsicle was stuck in .

 

 

Wendy then finally broke a smile before walking to the cashier with her drink and chocolate bar, “That will shut you up for good. You’re welcome by the way. It’s my treat.”

 

 

 

“Son Seungwan!” The older girl dashed to her side and gave her shoulder a good smack. “I’m your unnie!”

 

 

She skillfully dodged holding her snacks in her hands, “Oh, so now you’re using the unnie card on me?”

 

 

 

They played a little hide-and-seek around the tuck shop until they bumped into someone at the door. 

 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Seungwan the nice girl, of course, was the one who apologized first.

 

 

Joohyun looked up and beamed at the girl with pink ombre, “Hey, Dahyun!"

 

 

 

“Hello, Joohyun-unnie.” Dahyun shyly bowed her head. “… And Wendy-unnie.” 

 

 

Joohyun used to have pink ombre before. Yet she gladly passed it onto Dahyun since this talented junior had joined their dance team.

 

 

 

“You're here for some snacks too?” Joohyun showed the younger dancer a lopsided grin with her favorite popsicle in her hand, not forgetting to give Seungwan a jab sneakily. “We just did and Wendy-unnie here can buy you some!”

 

 

Seungwan gave a weak nod after secretly shot the grinning girl a glare, “Yeah.”

 

 

“Ah,” Dahyun shook her head slightly. “Unnie you don’t need to-"

 

 

“Oh,” Joohyun dramatically checked her wristwatch, “I forgot I was meeting up with Seohyun for the group project. I gotta go first!”

 

 

 

Seungwan’s eyes were glued on Joohyun even when the girl had long disappeared around the corner.

 

 

“Dahyun.” She suddenly called out, startling the girl who had her head hanging all the time. “Do you want some ice cream?”

 

 

Dahyun bit her inner cheeks nodding furiously as Seungwan flashed her a bright smile.

 

 

 

Irene is holding a half-melt red-bean popsicle laughing like a maniac while tearing up again.

 

 

 

It was after a performance from the school’s vocal team, Joohyun was contemplating if she should “man up” and hand the present she had prepared to Taeyeon.

 

 

“Hey.” Seungwan gulped down half a bottle of water and the sweat on her forehead was still streaming. Her eyes darted to the box Joohyun was holding. “You said you’re going to do it today, right? She’s coming down soon.”

 

 

“I’m nervous.” Joohyun stuck her tongue out and earned a ruffling on her hair from Seungwan.

 

 

“Just take it easy.”

 

 

 

It didn’t take long for Taeyeon to join her teammates and friends at the backstage. 

 

 

“Oh my god,” Joohyun muttered under her breath seeing her crush in the same room as her. And she looked for the guidance she needed from Seungwan's eyes.

 

 

“Go.” The younger girl gave her a reassuring smile and a gentle push on her back in return, “What are you waiting for?” 

 

 

 

When Joohyun halted her feet, she was already standing right in front of Taeyeon.

 

 

“Hi.”

 

 

“H-hi.”

 

 

But she still didn’t get to see the look in Seungwan’s eyes. The girl already turned away as she was struggling to converse with Taeyeon like a normal person.

 

 

 

Irene recalls how Taeyeon gladly accepted her gift that day and they started to hang out. She thought she finally did it.

 

 

She also recalls how she found Seungwan and Dahyun walking side by side after Taeyeon excused herself to get changed.

 

 

 

Joohyun didn’t know that she minded until many springs and winters have passed her by.

 

 

 

"I didn’t know what love is when I fell in love with you, 

So I didn’t realize meeting you is the best thing ever happened to me.

Maybe I was too busy to smile and cry, too busy chasing after those shooting stars in the sky."

 

 

 

It was raining again, and Joohyun was not with her umbrella again.

 

 

Instead, she was hugging her knees trying to shrink into a corner not caring her uniform was all soaked.

 

 

 

She just witnessed something she could not make sense of at all, but could not stop wrapping her head around it at the same time.

 

 

Taeyeon was having a fight with another girl in the same grade yet different class as her, by the school’s swimming pool as they thought it was the most deserted place.

 

 

The girl was known as Taeyeon’s rival in school as they both shared the same talent of singing and designing. She was known as cold and chic. Her name was Jessica.

 

 

 

But what Joohyun saw was a totally different story —  they were arguing intensely yet Jessica was not that cold and chic anymore, she was softly tugging Taeyeon’s sleeve while the latter was trying not to look back at her.

 

 

Gathering those fragmented words together, Joohyun mentally cursed herself for stalking Taeyeon, wanting to give her a surprise.

 

 

 

It turned out Jessica was not Taeyeon’s rival, not at all. 

 

 

They had been secretly seeing each other for some time and Taeyeon wanted to end it as all they did were fighting lately.

 

 

 

Joohyun watched Jessica throwing herself to Taeyeon’s arms before the shorter girl dragged her away as it rained.

 

 

She did not know how long it had rained or those were really raindrops on her face. If she could, she just wanted to disappear on this earth once and for all.

 

 

 

“Bae Joohyun!” A hand grabbed a good hold of her cold trembling one, replacing it with a comforting warmth. 

 

 

Sometimes Joohyun wondered if it really was because Seungwan played piano and guitar so that her palms were bigger than hers even though she was slightly shorter.

 

 

 

She looked up in shame but Seungwan looked at her with a mixture of sadness and tenderness, at least she got to look at her eyes finally. 

 

 

“Do you know anything about that? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

 

 

“I thought they broke up.” Seungwan squatted down to her eye-level. It was when Joohyun realized she wasn’t bringing any umbrella too. “I’m so sorry.”

 

 

She wanted to hit her, punch her, throw her tiny fists at her if it could really help. But she couldn’t, it couldn’t. “So what now?” 

 

 

 

Joohyun hated how her voice came out as feeble and hoarse. She was so weak.

 

 

Nevertheless, Seungwan, Son Seungwan was still there for her. She pulled the sobbing girl to a hug, ignoring how her clothes would wet hers. 

 

 

She did not even mind taking the liberty to shield Joohyun from the attack of the rain with her own body. Just because she too knew Joohyun had too much already.

 

 

 

“Let it out,” Seungwan mumbled next to Joohyun’s ear. “Then you’ll be fine.”

 

 

So the girl did. She cried her heart out gripping tightly onto Seungwan’s shirt, holding onto her as if it was her life. 

 

 

 

Irene dips her feet into the blue of the swimming pool. 

 

 

Perhaps, Seungwan was her life.

 

 

She should have known when Seungwan returned the hug with the same intensity, when she gently patted her back apologizing for no reason with her soothing voice.

 

 

While Joohyun was the one who should be apologizing.

 

 

 

"Didn’t know you are the luck that I want to hold onto the most,  

Didn’t know we were that close to love.

How you stayed by my side, how you got drenched with me on that rainy day,

Everything is filled with you and your eyes and smiles."

 

 

 

Two weeks later, Taeyeon mindlessly told her that she had broken up with Jessica while they were having lunch together.

 

 

As for Seungwan, who used to be Joohyun’s “lunch-buddy”, was no longer there for her. Sometimes she would be hanging out with her friends, or Seulgi, or Joy, or Dahyun. Sometimes, she was alone. Some other time, she was just nowhere to be seen.

 

 

Joohyun was then too occupied by if she should accept Taeyeon’s implicit offer, too occupied to notice the absence of Seungwan.

 

 

 

When she got to meet Seungwan after so many days, merely because she wanted her advice - again, Irene curses herself for that - Joohyun thought she finally knew why Seungwan apologized.

 

 

“So …. Are you two together yet?” The girl fixed her shirt as she cast her glance at the raindrops knocking on the sills. 

 

 

“Hm, not yet. I was thinking-” Joohyun was once again cut off by Seungwan. Not by her favorite popsicle but Seungwan’s eyes only. 

 

 

She turned around so abruptly and gazed at Joohyun with some unknown emotions flickering in her orbs. Taking a deep breath, she announced.

 

 

“I like you, Bae Joohyun.” Her lips were curved upwards, yet Joohyun could tell she was not smiling at all. “But, I think we should both forget about it from now on.”

 

 

 

“W-what are you talking about?” She was not trembling or stuttering with the chillness of rainy days this time.  

 

 

“I said just forget it!” Seungwan raised her voice. Never did she raise her voice to anyone, especially not to her beloved Joohyun. “….  I just want you to know.”

 

 

 

“I thought-” Joohyun darted her eyes around as she failed to comprehend. “Seungwan, I don’t-”

 

 

“I know!” Seungwan ran her finger through her locks and took a few steps away from the dazed Joohyun, “You like Taeyeon. I know it. How pathetic I am.”

 

 

“I-I’m so sorry.”

 

 

“Don’t be. It’s my fault.”

 

 

 

Seungwan opened the classroom door but she did not storm out immediately. She took her time absorbing the dampness of the air and the sound of rain pouring down while Joohyun was planted on the ground like a punished child.

 

 

“So what are you waiting for, Joohyun?” She looked over her shoulder although her eyes were on the floor tiles instead. “She's waiting for you.”

 

 

 

The door was close with a bang, also marked the unspeakable, unreachable distance between Seungwan and Joohyun until today.

 

 

 

Joohyun did go out with Taeyeon afterward. It, however, just was not what she thought it would be.

 

 

The older vocalist was the type that gave Joohyun a lot of space to do what she wanted and stayed quiet unless Joohyun too wanted to talk. She was just a little bit too hard for Joohyun to understand.

 

 

 

One day after they spent some time at the shopping mall, Taeyeon headed to pick up some drawing tools and Joohyun decided to wait for her by taking a stroll in the park.

 

 

Not that she had imagined to see it with her own eyes, but Seungwan was there —  talking to a random kid grinning so brightly, donning the navy blue beanie Joohyun gave her as a lame birthday present —  since Seungwan had baked her a cake the same year.

 

 

When the younger girl waved goodbye with the kid and stood back up, her eyes crashed with Joohyun’s. They had not seen each other for god knows how long as Seungwan skipped school occasionally. The principal was okay with that because he couldn't deny she was too smart for that.

 

 

 

Joohyun thought Seungwan would run away, yet the younger greeted her with a faint smile, “Hi. Out for some fresh air?” As if nothing had happened.

 

 

“I…... Yeah.” She was way too awkward so she shoved her hands back to the pockets of her cardigan. She just couldn’t play it cool like her.

 

 

Seungwan gave an understanding nod, then they fell into the abyss of silence.

 

 

Five minutes, maybe ten, or more, slipped away as they had that staring battle in a park. Kids shouting, running, riding their bikes around them but they did not move an inch.

 

 

Until the kids were gone. And the rain came again.

 

 

 

“You haven’t brought your umbrella again.” Seungwan let out a small chuckle. 

 

 

Joohyun, therefore, eased up and giggled a little, “I don’t see you have either.”

 

 

“You should take care of yourself.” She looked down on her shoes. “Is Taeyeon not doing that already?”

 

 

She parted her lips carefully, orchestrating her words properly, “It hasn’t been that long to-”

 

 

“There you are.” An umbrella appeared above Seungwan’s head and Joohyu sealed her lips again.

 

 

“Thank you.” Seungwan tilted her head to thank Dahyun with a nice smile.

 

 

 

“Ah, maybe I should go first.” Something was clutching onto, or, pressed down onto Joohyun’s chest so that she felt like she had to go. Even when the rain was not that hard.

 

 

“Wait!” Seungwan’s stern voice bound her feet from marching another step. “Take it. You’ll catch a cold if you keep getting drenched like this.”

 

 

Joohyun dully stared at the jacket Seungwan took off hastily,  “I...... Maybe I should find Taeyeon.”

 

 

And she just ran away, away from the hand Seungwan reached out, all the way back to her own sanctuary called home.

 

 

 

“Joohyun!” “Bae Joohyun!”

 

 

Irene perches on a bench under the tree in the familiar park, with Seungwan’s voice echoing around her. Thinking perhaps she would never have the chance to hear it again.

 

 

 

It was soon Joohyun’s turn to graduate.

 

 

And Seungwan was there, again, eventually. She showed up to congratulate her seniors and of course, Joohyun too.

 

 

 

When Seungwan walked up to her, looking at her, smiling towards her, Joohyun froze although she was glad to see her. 

 

 

“Hey, congratulations.”

 

 

“Thank you.”

 

 

 

She tiptoed a little to glance around as she did not see Taeyeon around, just like Joohyun did not see Dahyun.  

 

 

“So you’re leaving.”

 

 

“Yeah.” Joohyun tried to smile too, but she was sure it came out crooked. “Finally out of this place.” 

 

 

“Poor me.” Seungwan made a face. “Lucky you.”

 

 

 

Joohyun didn’t know if Seungwan really meant what she said, “You’ll be fine.”

 

 

“I don’t think so.” Her face fell a little and it didn’t go unnoticed by the older girl.

 

 

“Seungwan.” She heaved a sigh and spotted Dahyun holding her phone trying to find someone.

 

 

“I said it myself. I said we should both forget about it.” She sighed too, but immediately tried to brush it off.“But I just can’t. Nothing is the same since. It’s all my fault.”

 

 

 

“No, Seungwan...... I’m sorry too.” Joohyun got distracted for a second as Taeyeon was waving at her from afar. 

 

 

“Everything has changed, right?” Seungwan’s eyes were no longer clear and limpid as the sky that day. Bright and cloudless. “There isn’t just no way for us to go back, right?” She painstakingly paused for air and continued, “Do you- have you ever liked me? Even just a little? Bae Joohyun, I just want you to answer this one last question then I’ll let you go. Once and for all.”

 

 

 

Joohyun closed her eyes to ponder over her answer.

 

 

It was too late.

 

 

She still didn’t understand she was not merely missing Seungwan as a friend.

 

 

 

“No, sorry.”

 

 

“Thank you.” Seungwan smiled however. 

 

 

 

It was Joohyun’s last time to look into Seungwan’s eyes, her last time to see her smile, yet her first time to see a tear falling from her eyes.

 

 

 

"I am so glad that I have met you, 

Although I have also lost the right to smile and cry for you.

I just hope that you have already spread your wings in the sky I can’t reach, 

That you would meet the one for you, and how lucky she would be."

 

 

 

Joohyun believed she had done the right thing back then. The best thing for both of them. Even when Seungwan walked away, out of the school gate, alone.

 

 

Taeyeon paced to her side asking if everything’s alright and Dahyun was already chatting happily with her group of friends.

 

 

 

Joohyun only knew it was probably a terribly wrong answer when she broke up with Taeyeon three months later.

 

 

Because she finally realized that she had met Seungwan in terribly wrong timing when she herself was too busy chasing after something that was not meant for her. 

 

 

Therefore, she had lost Seungwan, who still chose to look at her with all the love she ever needed even though hers were for someone else already.

 

 

 

Irene wonders —  how could Seungwan agree to help her to get with Taeyeon if she had loved her from the start, and only her?

 

 

And Joohyun was such a jerk that she turned her down not only once, but twice. Even when Seungwan gave her one last chance before they parted their ways.

 

 

 

If they hadn’t met on that day, maybe much later, maybe Joohyun would finally see the love in Seungwan’s eyes and they would be together. 

 

 

Maybe.

 

 

 

But they did meet on that rainy day and Seungwan did love her and Joohyun did fail to see Seungwan’s and her own hearts.

 

 

Maybe Joohyun had used all her luck in her past life.

 

 

 

When Irene first heard about Wendy again, she was not surprised knowing it is Seulgi, instead of someone like Dahyun.

 

 

Seulgi always has a soft spot for Wendy since high-school days, it’s just Wendy was too busy to see that before.

 

 

 

Everyone likes Seungwan, Wendy.

 

 

But she was stupid enough to push her away, again and again.

 

 

 

Now, Irene is thankful that Seungwan came to her life and taught her about love.

 

 

 

And so Seungwan has never left, Seungwan is always there, in Joohyun’s mind.

 

 

Although Seungwan is no longer Seungwan, and Joohyun is no longer Joohyun.

 

 

 

Joohyun had missed Seungwan in her youth. 

 

 

Once.

 

 

So Irene is not going to let Wendy pass her by. 

 

 

Not again.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

And now, Wendy is lying on Seulgi’s lap, sobbing without herself knowing.

 

 

“I thought I could do it. But why, Why it is still hurting like this when I saw her again?”

 

 

 

Seulgi softly caresses her hair and coos, “You always keep everything to yourself. You’re repressing yourself too much, Seungwan-ah.”

 

 

“W-what do I do now?”

 

 

 

“I don’t know. But I’ll be here.” 

 

 

Seulgi leans down to place a kiss on Wendy’s temple and the girl hums in reply. Although she has a bad feeling about this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

Tada. At least we know about Irene's side of the story.

(which means Wendy's is next *whoop whoop*)

 

And Irene/Joohyun is not a bad person, right? 

It might come out complicated but that's how love plays with people in real life *sighs*

 

 

AND if you happen to know Chinese, you can check this out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sQSXwdtxlY&list=PLieo0apvqId5xc6L7ZOjfAma0-c_Q4OY7&index=2

This chapter is inspired by this song (and the movie) and it is my translation of the lyrics I put there (but I modified them a little). 

 

 

FYI the characters of Irene and Wendy can actually be seen as the reverse when they were Joohyun and Seungwan :d

btw Seulgi fighting!! lol

 

See you.

xo