(Song: Me and My Broken Heart - Rixton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie1wU9BLGn8)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seungwan no longer existed when she walked out of the school gate that day. 

 

 

It is just Wendy now.

 

 

 

That Seungwan stayed in the past where she was still able to love, where she was still not shattered, where she was still unsullied by her own tears.

 

 

And Wendy moves on. 

 

 

 

But only Seulgi could tell Seungwan and Wendy are different —  for her, Wendy is the armor of Seungwan, Wendy is ideal, Wendy is everything everyone wants. 

 

 

While the others, they all thought she had never changed.

 

 

 

And Seulgi was actually scared by Wendy, who was too perfect to be true, too fine to be after a heartbreak. She wondered if there was a totally different face under the skin of Wendy’s. 

 

 

The thought chilled her to the bones and Kang Seulgi was not that in love with the girl yet. So she just watched her from afar, hoping to keep a close eye on her as Bae Joohyun was gone.

 

 

 

Wendy spent her last year in the same high school not quite peacefully. She was still doing great in schoolwork but she was spending all her time doing something else.

 

 

 

Have I mentioned how perfectly ideal she became yet?

 

 

You’re right.

 

 

 

There were barely pretty, cute, smart, hot girls in the neighborhood who Wendy had not dated.

 

 

Because none of them could say no.

 

 

 

Seulgi saw it as an experiment from Wendy —  if she could capture all those hearts so easily, why not the one she really wanted?

 

 

Why? Was it because God didn’t favor this child? 

 

 

And Seulgi wanted to know too. Was it a joke from Him? Punishment for her past life’s sin? A curse for something she or her ancestors did?

 

 

Or, was it just because of Irene?

 

 

 

Oh, speaking of Irene. She just went disappeared from her social circle after entering a college that was cities away and Wendy, this girl acted like she had ever known and loved someone called Bae Joohyun. 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, you got me busy this weekend.” A shadow creeped up on Dahyun’s table and the girl was totally caught up by the sudden presence of her senior.

 

 

Her classmates in the classroom were all looking at them, whispering to one another, and occasionally throwing the pink-orange-ombre girl a thumbs-up or a playful wink. They were happy for her.

 

 

It was because nobody really knew what happened except Seungwan and Joohyun themselves, and Seulgi.

 

 

 

Dahyun herself had sensed something strange going between Wendy and Irene but it was soon dismissed since her senior in the dance team approached the star vocalist Kim Taeyeon after their annual performance.

 

 

While she was pretty obvious as a lovestruck teenage girl as Irene (un)intentionally brought up about to the Canadian sweetheart during their break once.

 

 

So how all the others thought about them was like —  Wendy Son Seungwan must have heard about Dahyun from Irene and she seemed to be very welcome towards her feelings too.

 

 

It continued with Wendy constantly teasing and hanging out with the younger girl in the new school year, after Irene had graduated.

 

 

 

“W-what?” Dahyun just could not look up from her notebook and her palms were sweaty.  “Why?”

 

 

Wendy lifted a smile at the adorable sight and made some students swooned a little over the place, “You said you like manga, right? Tokyo Ghoul? I’m planning to finish it this weekend.”

 

 

Jungyeon, one of Dahyun’s friends, let out a standard fangirl squeal at such bold statement and Jihyo quickly covered flashing Wendy an apologetic smile.

 

 

 

The senior cooly waved it off and moved onto fixing the tugged sleeves of her blinding white shirt, diverting her focus back on a certain blushing girl, “But I can’t seem to find some of the volumes, can you lend me yours? Or, I can come over to read it? If you don’t mind of course.” And it is ended with a standard charming smile.

 

 

Smooth. Nayeon side-eyed the rest of their friends ad she said, “Well, I suddenly remember I got a project to do over the weekend so we may not do a movie marathon this week……”

 

 

Not waiting for the girl to finish, Sana excitedly nudged her two other Japanese fellows, “It seems Dahyun you gotta make plans for yourself.”

 

 

 

And so, after some good minutes, the said girl finally gave an almost invisible nod because she was too busy hiding her burning cheeks. “I-It would be nice.”

 

 

“Text me about the details then. See you.” Wendy chuckled while giving a soft pat on Dahyun’s head before turning to her friends. “And, later.”

 

 

 

You just could not deny how Son Seungwan would be too good to deny.

 

 

But, you too know that there is someone once did that, who happened to be Son Seungwan’s first love, and she was not the same since.

 

 

In Seulgi’s eyes, Wendy had been wanting to be loved and she got all the love. But she was still never truly happy because it was not the love she truly wanted.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

When it was Wendy’s turn to enter university, she parted with Dahyun quite naturally.

 

 

Of course, it did not stop there. Even when it was probably the longest courtship record in the older girl’s life, except for that with Seulgi which happened much later.

 

 

 

Every student would have heard of the “legend” about a gifted freshman named Son Wendy courting the leader of the volleyball team as soon as she had set foot in school.

 

 

Most importantly, it soon ended as the semester did. Yet Wendy did not stay single for long as there were so many pursuers waiting in line. 

 

 

 

“Hm, Wendy, do you have time now?”

 

 

“Yes?” She tilted her head slightly from her locker to catch a glimpse of a fairly hot girl who was about a head taller than herself. If she remembered correctly, they met merely once or twice on formal occasions. “It depends on what you are going to ask me.”

 

 

And she could sense the girl twitched a little from her spot. Perhaps not entirely because of the gawking and mumbling around them as Wendy bet that she was already used to all those attention. Anyway, encouraged by the bright smile radiating from the shorter girl’s face, the cheerleader asked, “I’m asking you out if you are still wondering.”

 

 

“Oh, Kim Yura you are really something.” Wendy closed her locker chuckling. “Very well. Sign me up.”

 

 

 

“All I need is a little love in my life,

All I need is a little love in the dark.

A little but I'm hoping it might kick start,

Me and my broken heart.”

 

 

 

There were definitely nights where Wendy wearily went back to the apartment owned by her parents and forlornly perched herself down staring into space. Seulgi hated to say it but she would think that would be every night.

 

 

As a schoolmate of hers for years, she could see what under Wendy’s skin, she could still see Seungwan.

 

 

She had tried to talk to her. 

 

 

 

“Are you happy?” She quietly asked as Wendy seemed to be enjoying the TV program a little too much. It was a rare day that both of them were free from all the burdens in the world.

 

 

“Why am I not?” The girl quickly replied as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eyes.

 

 

“I mean it, Seungwan.”

 

 

“What?” 

 

 

 

Seulgi snatched the pack of chips away, “With all those people.”

 

 

Then Wendy’s face fell solemn in a millisecond, “I am not playing with their feelings.”

 

 

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

 

 

 

She pushed further. Maybe a little further the walls would crack down, and Seungwan would be back.

 

 

Wendy tried to rebut but a buzz from her phone interrupted. She checked the message without replying and looked back up at her friend. 

 

 

 

“What else do you expect me to do?” The talented vocalist’s voice somehow came out fragile.

 

 

“I am not saying you are playing around breaking people’s heart.” The slender girl placed a hand on the other’s shoulder, trying to make sure she was listening. “I’m saying you aren’t making anything better, you are still breaking your own heart.”

 

 

 

“Goddamn it.” When the words sinked in, Wendy grabbed the still-buzzing phone from the table once again and tossed it on the carpeted floor. “Damn it, Seulgi. You don’t understand.”

 

 

“Then make me understand!” She was not backing down even when her friend seldom lost her control like this.

 

 

Her hand was clutched tightly around a plastic bottle, making a weird sound from it. “I’m getting over with it. Don’t you see? Don’t you see I’m struggling?”

 

 

“There’s something you might not understand as well.” She turned off the TV since it was nothing but a pure source of annoyance. “What if Joohyun actually liked you too?”

 

 

 

Wendy’s crooked laughter echoed around the room, “When it snows in July, for sake. I asked her not once but twice. Twice, Seulgi. Twice! So after such a long time, so many chances, how could I still not know? She does, did not like me, not in the way I wished. She likes Taeyeon and I helped her ask her out. What else can I do? With all the people on earth, why did I have to fall in love with her? Tell me why and make me understand!”

 

 

Seulgi calmly looked on and concluded, “You still love her.”

 

 

 

There was no reply coming from the smart student as she was already breaking down, burying her face in her palms, pulling her hair out, trying not to cry. All because Kang Seulgi had said an answer she would never wanted to face.

 

 

Feeling a bit guilty, she walked up to her and silently hugged her as she was letting her fences down for the first time in years.

 

 

 

And Wendy did not usually seek warmth and comfort from someone else’s arms that easily. But since that time, at least she knew that Seulgi’s embrace was that warm and comfortable.

 

 

Although Wendy was still Wendy.

 

 

 

A year before her graduation from college, she found a new tenderness from another stranger's arms, which she felt quite blessed. They had been an item for a while and it surprised Wendy that it would last that long.

 

 

As if she could offer her a shelter from the ruins and chaos surrounding her.

 

 

 

Yet Wendy chose not to overthink and just went with the flow. When they kissed, she was at ease, forgetting everything ahead and behind her. 

 

 

And she believed they loved each other when they stripped each other bare, whispering the language of love.

 

 

 

“I need a little loving tonight,

Hold me so I'm not falling apart.

A little but I'm hoping it might kick start,

Me and my broken heart.”

 

 

 

“I love you.” She breathed as Wendy was tracing butterfly kisses on her neck.

 

 

“Just hold me.” She brought her lips to the jawline tangling their limbs back together.  

 

 

 

In the end, they still did not get to go far because Wendy was not ready to stay.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Wendy’s lips form a lopsided smile as she is picking up some pieces she left in the past. She perches on her usual spot, next to the window in the living room; while Seulgi is keeping an eye of her even when she is doing some sketching on the other side of the room.

 

 

 

“Don’t you think it’s scary?” A leaf rests on their balcony and Wendy wonders if it has found its peace.

 

 

“What’s scary?” Seulgi puts down her charcoal pen as she is studying her canvas in different angles scooting her head away from it.

 

 

 

“How terrible we are.” She reaches out and scoops the leaf up in her hand. “We are all terrible beings. It’s not about those survival-instinct bull. We always claim we are nobler creatures on this planet yet we are the very ones who do all sorts of terrible s for the sake of fulfilling our little desires and always end up destroying them.”

 

 

Seulgi listens attentively and the girl continues.

 

 

“And how we are so pathetically fragile that it could only take one person to another person up. It takes one person to leave a deeper scar on another person than any other animals. It is always one person who ends up hurting another one person. Scary, isn’t it?” 

 

 

Wendy’s finger lingers on the surface of the dried red leaf, as if she is scared to break it, as if it was fragile like her heart, as if she would disturb or even kill it with a single movement. 

 

 

 

“So you’re scared?”

 

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

 

“I’m here, Seungwan.” Seulgi’s voice solidly travels into Wendy’s ears as she steps up from her stool. “And you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

 

 

“No, I'm afraid of me.”  

 

 

 

“You won’t break me.” She stops right by her chair, where the sun ray touches her too. Wendy takes time to look at their shadows and they are merged into one dark disaffirmed circle. 

 

 

“I won’t break you?” She repeats it word by word, like a child learning their first word. 

 

 

 

“Yes.” She gently tugs her head close to her upper body, one hand around her neck and another on her back. Thoughts fly to one particular person however. “So don’t you be scared. I’ll be fine.” 

 

 

She then closes her eyes and encloses her arms around her thighs, “You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Irene somehow manages to learn all about Wendy’s many ex-girlfriends. Instead of jealousy, it is a pang of regret and guilt that is gushing to her bosom. 

 

 

A broken heart breaks hearts.

 

 

 

She had imagined what if she said yes when Wendy asked her the one last question —  would they be together happily ever after? Would they last any longer than those relationships Wendy had?

 

 

But she could not imagine how shattered Wendy’s heart could be for loving so many, she could not imagine if Seulgi was not there.

 

 

 

It took her long enough to see, to see how the love she has been longing for is actually projected from the Seungwan in her memory.

 

 

And if she could be Joohyun again, she only wishes there is Seungwan to take her back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hey, surprise? The war between the bunny and the bear is going to start soon.

Stay tuned!

(p.s. you can find me on Twitter @AD_saudades)

xo