I sat on a bench, cold and thirsty after a long journey. We successfully made our way to Singapore, in a group of 8 people. Our passports had been accepted, and we were granted access to the Embassy of South Korea. My turn came round, and I was greeted by a man much similar to the men I had seen in the past, see, 6 times. He was a counselor. I had been to a similar counselor and none have succeeded in curing my sadness. He asked me about my life, and I let out an audible sigh.

---

I clearly remembered how my father had said a promise, then left me only with a picture of our family.

I knew there was an ongoing war. Our country, South Korea, was in war with neighboring North Korea. It was scary; I barely made it. He told me I was going to be safe if I stayed with these people. He told me everything was going to be fine if I didn’t go with him. He promised me that he would be back. Back for me.

It all started when I was 6 years old. We were attacked in my grandparents’ home, back in Anyang. Both my parents were entertainers, so it made sense that sooner or later, they will be hunted. My father was talking with his parents in their room, while I was playing with my mother. We were making some shell pendants as a gift for my grandmother. Our laughs resonated through the building, and we were very happy.

The soldiers broke in. I remember being in complete shock. I could not react nor move; I accepted that I would die. They didn’t take me; they took my mother instead. I watched her die in front of me; I remember how I cried profusely, and no matter how hard I tried to shout, no sound came out of my vocal chords. I remember her peaceful smile, and the look in her eyes during the last moments of life. I choked on my own tears, and with that last I love you, she was gone.

Then, they lifted me. They grabbed me tight, and I was flailing in their grip. I had hoped my father heard everything and saved me. I was not capable of screaming, so I bit the soldier’s arms with my little teeth, and tried to free myself. I barely managed to escape, only to be greeted by the cold, hard granite floor.

I remember feeling that my father’s arms felt like the safest place earth could offer. Then I heard a loud order, saying that he has to betray his country in exchange of my life. He was forced to be a traitor to South Korea. I tried my best to convince my father no, but his mind was set. My life shall be spared.

He was only given three days to get rid of me. He then found me a refugee camp that will soon go to China as a form of escape. Once we arrived on their gathering site, my father dropped me down from his arms, then said,

“Stay here, okay? I have to go.”

Although I shook my head furiously and begged, he wouldn’t stay.

“I can’t stay here, dear. I need to go and hide somewhere to be loyal to our country…”

My hands spoke to him; you should have just let me die instead.

“How could I?” he said, his eyes widened in disagreement, “You’re everything to me.”

I’m scared.

“These people are nice, dear. There’s even Yoo Jae Suk ahjussi and his son, see? You’ll be safe with them.”

I only want you.

“I’m sorry.”

A deafening silence filled the atmosphere. I could not respond nor deny; it was completely quiet. I stared into his little eyes, those eyes filled with sincerity and guilt.

I want to meet you again. The first tear escaped my eye, almost as quickly as his.

“We will meet again.”

When? How can I be sure?

He handed me a picture of our family in a pendant. “I love that. I’ll come back for that. Now go to Jae Suk ahjussi, okay? I need to go.”

No.

“Please?”

No.

“I’ll come back, I promise.”

A sudden wave of assurance hit me, and I finally believed. I erased his tears and kissed his cheek. Left. Right. He wiped away my tears, then whispered the promise to my ears again.

I love you, daddy.

“I love you too, my daughter.”

He enveloped me into a hug, then let a tear hit my hair. He gently separated my hands from his, then kissed my forehead.

“See you someday,” his voice trailed off. I could only watch his back slowly disappear from my sight. I mouthed to him,

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I lo-

Jae Suk ahjussi lifted me up and hugged me. He erased my tears and gave me assurance. He acted like a second father to me, and I always could rely on him with my problems, just like my father relied on him back then.

We came back to his son, Ji Ho, and his wife Kyung Eun waiting for him. We engaged in a group hug before the group leader took me to list me as a member of them.

I used the chance to look around. It was gray everywhere. Buildings collapsing in the distance, fire in another distance. The soil was tainted with blood marks, both faint and fresh. Bloodcurdling shouts of soldiers and victims were heard everywhere. I could only hope that none of them is my father’s.

The leader took me back in no time, and I was happy to finally see the familiar face of Jae Suk ahjussi’s. We chatted about what my father had been, how his back pain had been bothering him. I had no idea about that, but ahjussi told me that he was a fighter, so he should be okay.

I sighed, letting my emotions rule my body. Yes, I was 6, but I understood what had been happening around me. And yes, I can feel the pain of being left with no parents in this dangerous, dangerous world.

---

The counselor took notes, then rubbed my back. I smiled softly, thanking him for the kind gesture. He asked for details of our journey, confirming that he knows fluent sign language. I smiled and nodded softly, then continued the story.

I don’t know what our future holds, will we be safe or not. Here, will we stay? Or will we be forced to go away?

The first country we went to was China. We were sold and traded as slaves there. I had to work day and night without proper meals. Jae Suk ahjussi fainted almost everyday. Out of 18 people, only 13 made it out alive.

We managed to run away and move to Mongolia then. Life was okay, but when refugees keep adding up, the government banished all of us from the country. A family of five North Koreans joined us, for it wasn’t important anymore. We were a family, and we will accept everyone that mean no harm.

We found refugee in Thailand then, but none of us could speak Thai language. It was hard to survive on sign language. I mean, I survived on it, but there were people who helped me. This time, no one would help us. We were looked down upon, and all of us were regarded as unworthy people that has been thrown away from our country. We were broke and had no shelter, so we had to move.

We were lucky enough to be accepted by the Philippines. We stayed for a long time there, before a war also broke out. We had been comfortable living for 4.5 years in a safe place. We were caught off-guard, and with the little defenses we had, we had to set on another long journey. Some of our group members were reluctant, so we set out with only 8 people; our leader, a family of 3, Jae Suk ahjussi’s family, and me.

We bought a flight to Indonesia. The people were friendly, but the problem is in the villages, little people could speak English. In the cities, the living cost was expensive. So, we had no choice but to leave.

Then, we ended up here. I hope we can lead a good life here. We’re tired of moving.

He nodded in sympathy and hoped that we could be comfortable here too. I added,

Thank you. I hope we can lead a good life here in Singapore.