A Promise

Title: 4/5

At first glance, "A Promise" sounds like its a cutesy story. Almost along the lines of story titles like "My Gangster's Promise" or "Promise Me," etc.( On AFF alone there's hundreds of stories with the word promise in them. It's not too unique.) That being said, from the very first chapter I totally got why you chose that title. It talks about the driving force of the story, Minho's promise to Taemin. Your story is dark and ty, so it's title should stand out from the ranks of fluff fics. Maybe using a one word title, "Promise" would make it more memorable.

Graphics: 6/10

This is where it was a little confusing to me. I saw that you had a wonderfully moody background and credited a poster shop, but I didn't actually see any poster. I think perhaps you took it down in order put a new one up? I would recommend having one. It helps present a story and catch reader interest. As I cannot review what I can't see, I'll just talk about the background. It was dark, brooding, and had the title of the story on it. It perfectly fit the story.

Description and Forward: 9/10

I really liked your description and forward! The description is pretty much spot on what the story is about and a great way of introducing Taemin's plight. You also put your warnings in the description so people know what they're getting into. Well done on that. Not everyone is comfortable reading darker stories like this. I would add a sentence to it though, a little something about Minho's promise to him. Maybe something like "until a frog-like man quietly enters his life." Just a little something to introduce Minho too. On the forward, I like how you catch attention by putting a small segment of the story there. It works beautifully and the introduction of Minho entering the room is an awesome hook.

Characterization: 10/10

Wow. Amazing characters! I can't help but give 10/10 for them. Taemin shines as the main character of this tragic story. He's been abused and we feel that. It's absolutely gut wrenching to learn he doesn't know what money is expect it's the reason he's being held a slave. Key and Jonghyun (this is biased as my OTP is Jongkey) stand out as being the only good people in his life and we feel the horror of what Key might have to do with TOP. His tale is a brutal reminder these slaves could be killed at any moment for fun. All three of these characters are well fleshed out and strong enough to carry the weight of this sadistic story. For the FBI agents, Minho acts exactly like a knight in shining armor, almost eclipsing Onew. All I can do is hope he can get everyone out alive. While it takes a LOT for me to hate CL, you had me despise her the second her name was brought up. TOP is horrifically evil and I hope he rots in jail.

Plot: 38/40

When I first saw that the story had a trigger warning, my first thoughts were "this will be gory and full of ". This was technically true, it wasn't just gore and like many. Yours was more heartbreaking as looked at these people as slaves who needed a way out. The idea of having people enslaved for pleasure since such a young age is saddening and all the readers want is for them to be alright in the end. without plot? Not a bit. It's character driven and the , while interesting, serves to further the plot instead of having people randomly screwing each other. Having Minho and Onew leave for the nine days was a horrifying way to show how expandable these slaves are. Your story stands out among the rated M for these reasons, good job!

Consistency and Flow: 4/5

Your story is very consistent, but I had just one nitpick. I was slightly skeptic of how the slaves rebounded so quickly day after day of abuse. While in the beginning you addressed how painful their work is, they seem to be recover from it fairly soon. If Key is shocked to the point he almost dies, it's going to hurt like hell for a while. It's not a big issue, but it's something to keep in mind. Adding in a scene where one of them is dragged out because they can't walk anymore can add drama and more realism to the story.

Reader Response: 5/5

With over 1,000 subscribers I can say with confidence that people love your story. I scrolled through the comments and saw that many of them were "NOOO DON'T DO THAT! LET HIM LIVE WHERE'S MINHO????" I kind of laughed, but they all showed how readers become emotionally connected to your story. It's a shame not many of them up vote though, they really should.

Grammar and Writing Style: 3/5

You did a great job of conveying the filth and the pain of the main setting. Your writing people into your world and we feel everything the characters are going through. (I would suggest fleshing out the descriptions just a bit more though.) A problem that I had with your grammar was that some of your sentences read reallyawkwardly. An example would be "It was a master called CL, she was a horrible woman who clawed Jonghyun almost once a week, sometimes twice, Jonghyun had scars mainly from her.” This writing is a little muddled and not very clear. Something along the lines of "“CL was responsible. A horrible woman, she clawed at Jonghyun. Most of his scars had come from their weekly sessions.” would be better. I saw a few little tense changes and a stray misspelled word, but other than that you were fine.

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10

What can I say? I actually did find myself getting into your story! It was dark, depressingly dirty, full of horrible people, and it makes me want to know what's coming next! I -who read to the end of your updates - really do hope Key is rescued before TOP buys him. I hate the villains and I'm rooting for the main characters. Story well done!

Total Score: 88/100 Grade: B+