Kai stared silently out of the window as the bright city lights flew by in a blur of colors. The other EXO-K members chatted excitedly among themselves, reliving stories from their trip. But Kai didn’t care. He knew what tomorrow would bring. Another flight. Another separation. He should’ve been prepared for it by now, but something had changed. Something that was still gnawing at his innards, producing waves of discomfort that would come and go. The oscillation only made it worse, keeping him from getting used to the sensation. You’re being stupid, he kept telling himself.

He wanted nothing more than some privacy, but being left alone and feeling lonely were two completely different things. His inclination towards introversion should have made it easier, but it didn’t. It only made his lack of social support that much more evident. He knew he didn’t have anyone to fall back on.

“At least we’re going back home,” he overheard D.O. say. His roommate was trying to make the youngest member feel better about having to leave EXO-M.

That’s right, thought Kai, eyeing the maknae out of the corner of his eye. Sehun is going to miss him too. They used to be roommates after all. But Kai was not sure of the extent of their friendship. There had been rumors, of course. Whispers. But those didn’t always correlate with the truth. And it was different now. The fans would expect to be serviced, openly, without any reservations. They had already started to scream like maniacs at the mere hint of skinship. SM had extensively briefed them on the marketing value of pairings between the members. Each of them was supposed to help propagate the rumors, without hesitation. And since Sehun and Luhan would mostly be reunited just for public events, gauging the depth of their actual relationship would be even more troublesome. What the hell am I thinking? thought Kai, snapping himself back to reality. We’re all friends. But the seed of doubt had already been planted in his mind, nurtured by his own change in feelings towards Luhan. No. That’s nothing. I was just overwhelmed. In either case, he knew he would miss his favorite hyung. That must be it, he tried to convince himself. I’m just sad that I have to leave one my friends. My best friend. Best friend? Kai had never had a best friend. His expectations were always too high to call someone that. Others had mentioned it to him, in the past, but he had never really agreed. If we were best friends, we wouldn’t have to declare it to each other. He had thought it so many times. We would just know. Besides, you can only have one real best friend. And it has to be mutual. Was Luhan his best friend? No, said the pessimistic half of his personality. He has too many other friends already. Everyone loves him. And he loves them all back. He can’t be mine. It can’t possibly be mutual.

“Are you listening?” asked D.O., for the second time.

“Huh?” replied Kai, tearing his eyes away from the window.

“I said, are you okay? You haven’t said a word since we left the performance hall.”

“Yea, because usually he won’t stop talking,” responded Sehun sarcastically.

“I wasn’t asking you,” snapped D.O., bringing a gentle arm around Kai’s shoulder. The three of them were sitting in the very back seat of the white van. Outside, it had started to rain, the sound of the heavy droplets creating a peacefully gloomy atmosphere.

Kai only shrugged, not in the mood to make small talk. It wouldn’t make him feel any better. And the last thing he needed was to call attention to the fact that he was hurt. He wasn’t even ready to admit it to himself.

“You can tell me if something’s bothering you,” whispered D.O., so that nobody else could hear. “If not here, then maybe back at the hotel.”

Kai tried to find a smile, but he knew the fake ones were never convincing. Kyungsoo saw right through it, but understood it was best not to belabor the point. Instead, he gripped tighter and leaned his head against Kai’s shoulder. Kai appreciated the gesture, even if he didn’t express his gratitude out loud. Soon, the two were asleep.

They were rudely awakened by a rather loud bump.

“!” yelled the driver. “What the hell was that?”

They all knew the answer before anyone had a chance to say ‘flat tire.’ The driver slowed the van towards the side of the road, cursing as he did. The members waited silently as he pulled out his phone and called for help.

“Hope we don’t have to walk the rest of the way,” joked Chanyeol, staring out of his window. It was still pouring outside. The nervous laughter was broken by a familiar ringtone. D.O. fumbled with his jeans pocket until he recovered his own phone. He stared at the number with wide eyes before answering. Everyone’s eyes were on him until he hung up.

“Well?” asked Baekhyun, breaking the silence.

“Well, what?” replied D.O., irritably.

“Who was it?”

“Why do you all care so much?” retorted D.O., putting the phone back in his pocket. “Just because I live with you doesn’t mean I have to tell you about every single phone call I get. It’s none of your business.”

“Alright, alright,” answered Baekhyun, turning back around to face the front of the van, “didn’t realize it was such a big secret.”

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