let me be your first

Seungcheol tries to focus on the chick flick playing on TV - he really does - but his eyes keep flickering over to Jihoon, who’s lying curled up with a pillow in his arms. Unlike him, Jihoon has his sight fixed to the screen, eyes wide and unblinking. Seungcheol’s lips twitch upwards and he wipes the smile off his face with his forefinger and thumb. They’ve watched this movie a dozen times, but Jihoon still doesn’t want to miss even a second.

Jihoon looks like he’s fighting hard not to cry, eyes glassy from unshed tears. The boy holds a white-knuckled fist to his lips (lips that Seungcheol wants to kiss so bad it physically aches when he remembers he’s in no position to do so). Seungcheol returns his gaze to the movie.

The actors on screen kiss and Seungcheol squirms in his seat, glancing over at the other boy. Suddenly he’s twelve all over again, watching a movie with his family when a scene starts playing out - sloppy kisses and moans of pleasure and all. It’s taboo, because he knows he shouldn’t want it. And yet, he’s drawn in by the passion. The twelve year old him wanted to experience that intimacy with someone. Just like how the twenty year old him wants to kiss Jihoon now. 

“Oh my god, that’s so sweet,” Jihoon says, a breathy sort of quality to his voice.

“Yeah,” Seungcheol agrees. 

The end credits start to roll and Jihoon sings along, as he always does. The boy falls quiet minutes later, and Seungcheol is in no rush to break the silence.

Jihoon is the first to speak. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” 

The question is so unprompted that Seungcheol starts. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m nineteen, Seungcheol. I haven’t had my first kiss yet. Don’t you think that says something about me?”

Does Jihoon really think so little of himself? “You’re gorgeous, Jihoon. Anyone with eyes can see that.” Seungcheol is careful to keep his voice neutral as he says those words in fear of exposing his feelings. But in truth, his heart slams against his ribs so hard that there’s no way his voice can possibly be steady.

“Do you think it’s my personality then?”

“No, your personality is—” perfect “—on point,” Seungcheol assures. When the boy raises his hand to smooth down his bangs, he adds, “And pink hair suits you. Trust me.”

Jihoon hums, unconvinced. “How come no one’s asked me out, then?”

In a moment of boldness, Seungcheol asks, “How about me then?”

“W-what?”

Seungcheol is as shocked as Jihoon sounds, scarcely believing that he said those words out loud. He wills the panic seizing his chest away. “I’m just saying. If you want your first kiss so badly, then I can be your first.”

If Seungcheol’s eyes weren’t glued to his lap, he would have seen Jihoon flush red from his neck all the way to his hairline. But by the time he looks up, Jihoon’s deep blush has eased to pink.

“Okay.” Jihoon says it so quietly that if Seungcheol hadn’t seen the boy’s lips form those words himself, he would have thought he imagined it.

Jihoon averts his eyes and Seungcheol is so stunned by the consent that he just sits there dumbly, mouth agape. 

The seconds of stillness stretch into what feels like minutes, and eventually Jihoon huffs. He glares up Seungcheol from beneath his lashes. “I thought you were being serious. You shouldn’t joke about stuff like that, you .”

Those words jolt Seungcheol to action. He crawls over to Jihoon from his side of the sofa. The way Jihoon sinks into the sofa, curling into himself as the distance between them shrinks would have had Seungcheol grinning in any other situation. But now, the only thing he can think about is how he gets to feel the gentle press of Jihoon’s lips against his own. If he’s honest with himself, it’s something he’s wanted for years.

Seungcheol crowds Jihoon against the arm of the sofa, his hands on either side of the boy’s head, knees trapping him into place. He’s never seen Jihoon from this angle before and he tries not to think about all the other instances where the boy would be beneath him. 

Seungcheol’s eyes slide from Jihoon’s wide eyes to his lips, slightly parted and oh so inviting. Before he loses his chance, he slowly dips his head down, stopping a scant millimetre before their lips can connect. He’s close enough that he should be able to feel Jihoon’s exhales against his skin, but he can’t. The boy is holding his breath. Knowing that Jihoon is as nervous as he is gives him that extra burst of courage.

And with that, Seungcheol presses his lips full against Jihoon’s. A tremor shivers down his spine when Jihoon whimpers softly into him. God - if Jihoon is already making noises like that, Seungcheol is certain he could kiss the boy crazy. He reaches out blindly for the boy’s hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze, before directing them to his shirt. When fingers tentatively curl into his shirt, Seungcheol smiles into the kiss.

He tilts his head, tongue tracing over Jihoon’s lips in request for entrance. But that must have been the wrong thing to do, because Jihoon pushes at his chest and Seungcheol has no choice but to pull away. 

Jihoon won’t meet his eyes and Seungcheol doesn’t want to think about what that might mean.

He his lips nervously. “Was that okay?” he asks, voice rough in a way he has never heard it before.

“Y-yeah,” Jihoon says, swallowing so hard that Seungcheol can hear it. When he remains on all fours, hovering atop Jihoon, the boy says, “Um - you can move now.”

Those words - spoken in a wavering voice - formed the sweetest rejection Seungcheol has ever experienced.

author's note - Now it's just a question of did Jihoon really reject Seungcheol, or is Seungcheol just being insecure? Hope you enjoyed the read! On an unrelated note... do people actually read jicheol ? The rated M section is really sparse and I don't know if anyone would bother to read what I wrote if there's jicheol . Can you guys let me know? This is for future works - thanks!