[ Flashback ]

Sulli’s pov

It was a terrible day. I searched on the internet for my name but all I got is: liposuction, lazy, swearing and Choiza. There were articles saying how bad I was at singing and dancing, and how I don’t deserve to be in f(x). People compare me and soo jung for our acting skills. They said that the success of soo jung in The Heirs already won all my effort in these years.

To be honest, I already knew it would be something bad, and I already had mental preparation. However, this is really too much for me to bear. I know I’m bad at dancing. I just can’t dance. On the other hand, I know I’m not the best singier – I can never beat Luna unnie and Soo Jung. But that doesn’t mean that I’m bad at it, right? I may be a bit cocky, but I think my vocals aren’t that bad. Not as bad as they said I were. I respect my other members’ talents. But aren’t the netiens too mean?

Okay, I have to agree that I don’t deserve to be in f(x). I also know that I might not be as popular as I was. F(x) is promoting Red Light now, but I don’t really know if I could do it. The pressure is unbearable -  I feel like I’m likely to break down any minute.The company told me to act cool about it, not to mention it and do my best on stage. I had to keep smiling at my fans. My f(x) family, Even Soo Jung. I shouldn’t let them know how fragile I am, nor let them worry. I’m already darkening their future, so I don’t want to become pressure for them.

Everytime we sleep together in the dorm, chatting with each other and eating midnight snacks, I feel that I’m a bit distracted in my own thoughts. Although my unnies and Soo Jung still see a happy-faced Choi Jinri in front of them, they wouldn’t know what I am facing right now.

Today I just couldn’t pretend. It’s not that I don’t want to. I really can’t. I need to express some of my feelings out. I’m frustrated, while pressure is on me at the same time. I don’t have the energy to pretend. I’m exhausted. Physically and mentally. I’m falling apart.

No one’s pov

Sulli was crying in her bedroom for a few hours. Her eyes were puffy and she was sleeping due to exhaustion. Krystal came back from her work. The other members were still on their schedule. When she stepped in the dormitory, she already sensed that something was wrong. Sulli wasn’t sitting on the sofa, smiling and waiting for her to come like what she would usually do. Krystal was a bit worried.

Krystal’s pov

Something isn’t right right when I stepped in the dorm. Where’s Jinri? Is she okay? I cried her name out but nobody replied. Maybe she’s sleeping. Still, it’s kinda weird. Why should she sleep now? Is she sick?

I hurried towards her bedroom and knocked the door.

‘ Jinri, its Soo Jung- ah. I’m coming in, okay? ‘

‘ Okay. Come in. ‘ Jinri replied with a strange tone. Wait, is she crying? I swear I heard she weeping!

I was so scared and worried about Jinri, so I opened the door and barged in hurriedly.  I couldn’t believe what I saw. Welcoming me is a wan and sallow Jinri with puffy eyes and tear tracks on her face. Her hair was messy and she was lying on her bed sobbing. I gasped. I rushed towards her and hugged her tightly.

‘ Are you okay? No, you’re not okay. What’s wrong? Tell me please. I’ll try to help you.’ I begged her worriedly, fearing that she would do silly things.

‘ I’m sorry. I should have told you before but then I realised that I would become pressure for you and the other unnies. ‘ Jinri is crying. My heart hurts. How would she be pressure for us? She’s our vitamin! Or at least my vitamin.

‘Its okay. Tell me what happened. You can always trust me, right?’ I said with a smile.

Then she told me all about the pressure she got, and how frustrated she was when she saw those articles online, which smashed my heart into bits. I was angry and disappointed towards the netizens. How could they say something like that? Don’t they know that our Jinri practiced so hard when it comes to dancing and singing? Having love life isn’t wrong, and I’m sure that Jinri wouldn’t put love in a too important place. For god’s sake, couldn’t they just accept it? Geez! No matter why Jinri couldn’t bear it. I wouldn’t be able to bear it too if I were Jinri.

While listening to my ever best friend, my tears start rolling down. She was having too much pain. She had to keep everything in herself. I could see her falling apart. I wasn’t a supportive friend. I should have supported her all way long.

‘Jinri- ah…’ I carresssed her gently. We cried together hugging. Like we’ve always done. Down at the beach. Our secret place.

‘ Soo Jung- ah, I really don’t think I would be able to …’ Jinri’s voice kept lowering down, so I couldn’t really hear her.

‘ What did you say? I couldn’t hear it properly.’ I asked.

‘I… I don’t think I would be able to finish the… promotions with you guys. I’m sorry.’ Jinri bursted into tears.

My heart sank. What!? She want to cut our promotions short just like that? I know the pressure is kinda unbearable, but then isn’t she too selfish? Shouldn’t she be professional? When Jessica left, I didn’t miss any of our promotions, concerts, and even the S.M. concert. Why couldn’t she be a little bit more selfless?

I clenched my fists. ‘ No, Jinri, you couldn’t do it. You know what it means to f(x). You’ll cut our promotions short. You’ll disappoint our fans. You’ll waste all our efforts practicing the past few months. You just couldn’t do that to me.’ I said angrily, glaring at her. She was looking at me heartbroken. I was too furious. I pushed her away and left her room banging her door.

From that day on, she never opened her room for me. She never came to our practices, and we heard that she went to find the manager. I was sad. Empty. Why did I say that to her? Why couldn’t I be understanding? It’s not her fault for this. However, nothing is the same anymore.

[ End of flashback ]