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Hana

LIFE’S BRIEF CANDLE by William Shakespeare is one of my favourite poetry since I learned it in fifth grade. I liked it even more because daddy’s always read it for me while mommy prepare our dinner. But, never in lifetime have I ever considered that the poetry holds a significance meaning in my life, such as, now. Now my life feels like a candle, it will end just with a single blow. How funny is that?  A few years ago I loved the poetry so much but now I hate to even listen to every single word in the poem.  I hate that it hold a significant meaning to me. I hate that it has given me a happy memories once but I hate it mostly because it remind me of the bitter memories of betrayal.

You see in life, people should have plans for the future but I don’t have one, I wish I have one but realistically a life that I led now don’t permit me to have that. I just can wish that I can survive today and tomorrow even though tomorrow for me is full of unsureness. I don’t dare to hope too. A hope is something you can’t wish when you don’t have anything. Like myself. To add to my already pathetic life is I’m jobless right now. Dad’s debt interests isn’t going to decrease anytime soon too. All thanks to dad’s debtor or should I say gangster for visiting me at work and scare the out of the costumers so my bosses had to fire me because I can harm their businesses.

                So, as for now, I’m jobless again. I can’t get any part-time job around Seoul anymore because...  let’s just say I have so much dirt in my name already. Maybe I should just e myself to pay the rent and the debts. The thought of ing make my bone shudder. That’s the only left in me that I preciously have. A ity and some remaining dignity I keep till now which I’m not so sure anymore if my ity is a good thing to keep for twenty-one years old adult women. Frankly I don’t even think a ity is precious in this day anymore, I mean if you’re adult women, you’ll lose your ity because you’re desired and wanted. But then, I don’t have all those pretty women have. My skin are porcelain white which make me a thousand paler than most women in Seoul. Seriously, my complexion can beat Bella in Twilight only she is a beautiful women with so many charms while I am the opposite of her.

I should be mad with my dad because he is the reason why I was fired all my jobs and left with a huge debts to me to pay but he is the only person that I have in this world that has a real relationship with me. He were once loved me and care about me but since my mother left him with some other men, he changed completely. He turned into cold person inside and outside. He drawn himself with alcohol to hides his sadness. Worse that for me that I’m only eight at that time, I couldn’t understand why my father suddenly became more reserve and cold to me. I was also very curious because my mother didn’t come home after two night.

My mother always say to me when she go to work she will come home after two night and I believe her because she always did but this time she didn’t. As a child I am, I get anxious because I worry my mother missing. Maybe she was stolen by the witch. I worry too much and asked my father to find her. That the first time I got beating from my father. The next day I go to school, Ms Victoria asked about my swollen blue legs. She asked me if anyone beat me, she asked me if my father beat me. I lied. I’m so scared that I lied to my teacher I fell into stairs. I don’t know if she believe me but she just hug me and say that if I want to talk about it, I can do with her. I never did because I’m scared. I don’t know which I’m more scared of; my father beating or the thought of someone taking him away from me. The need to protect my father is huge at those time.  He is… someone I only have left, even though he hurts me.