Myungsoo's POV

Lee Sungyeol. My muse, my best friend, and my love of my live. I crave to hold him, hug him, sniff him, touch him, talk with him, and look at his eyes. After that conversation with Sungjong I felt so wrecked and confused and didn’t I the scum of the earth? I loved him and he loved me, but why everything could be this wrong? I cry and ask brokenly what could have gone wrong. Why was everything become so complicated? What could I possibly do? How hurt he must be when he knew I had a girlfriend? Maybe Sungyeol thought I never loved him because I get myself a girlfriend. Maybe Sungyeol have given up on me like how I given up on him when he was with Dongwoo hyung. How could I tell him that I love him too?

I became such a mess after that Sungjong actually try to support me. I went and broke up with my girlfriend. I couldn’t possibly hold onto our relationship after I knew the truth. I didn’t even love her. I apologized to her and told her honestly that I couldn’t continue our relationship because I didn’t love her. I knew that actually she knows that I didn’t love her. She just took a chance when I accepted her. But then she started to treat me as her property. She became obsessed over L’s girlfriend title. She threw tantrum and told me how she would shattered my career. I couldn’t do anything over his threat because we were still on our world tour. We were so busy and tired and cranky that we have no energy and time to do something else. Add on my dilemma over me and Sungyeol, so I couldn’t even think clear. Before I could do anything, she went and revealed our relationship. Shattered my career she did.

It would be better if it would just affect me. But no, I am a part of Infinite, and what happened to me affect Infinite as well. I am so stressed and felt guilty that I considered leaving Infinite for good. Maybe the members didn’t want to add on my stress so they never approach the topic in front of me, and I am so thankful for that. They didn’t know that I have broken up with her before her so called announcement about our relationship. Well they didn’t, but Sungjong did. I told him everything about my broken up, actually I always told him everything after our conversation. When she went and revealed our relationship Sungjong understood that she tried to shatter me. I told him how I want to leave Infinite and he was the one who lecture me about my leaving would do a favor for my ex-girlfriend. He reminded me over and over that it was not my fault and I had to be strong so Infinite would be even stronger.

One night all of Infinite member decided to sit and talk thoroughly about my scandal. I explained everything, from how I called off our relationship to how it leads my ex-girlfriend to reveal our relationship. They naturally shocked over my broken up announcement. They finally reveal what they were thought. They thought that maybe I and my ex-girlfriend just had a fight, or maybe my ex-girlfriend just decided to reveal our relationship on her own. I am glad that they always believed this revelation had nothing to do with my consent. They understood me better than that.  I noticed how Sungyeol kept silent all the time. He showed that he was shock with his expression, but he didn’t open his mouth even once. Dongwoo kept glance at him worriedly, and Sungjong hold my hand thorough our conversation.

I felt so relieve after our conversation. I knew that my members believed me and it was what matters. I felt sorry to our fans and I promised myself that I would never let them down anymore. I thought nothing better could happen, but actually it did. I saw Sungyeol entered our bedroom.  I kept staring at him wishing he would stare back. And he did. I smiled at him and he greeted me (I have to admit that my stomach leapt at that).

“Hey Myung…”

“Hey…”

He took a sit beside me on my bed and we lean on my headboard together. We kept silent for a while until he decided to talk.

“I am so sorry Myung…”

“Why?”

“I felt really bad. I knew that you struggle a lot lately… What with your girl-exgirlfriend and our world tour going on. On top of that we fought and I gave you silent treatment since then”

“I know, I miss you so much you know”

“Yeah I am sorry. I should let my ego when you went through such a hardship, but I am just so confused… I didn’t know what to do… “

“I understand. I am confused too… I wanted to talk with you, but how could I just lean on you when I never told you about my girlfriend before, I am sorry too Yeol”

“No I am sorry. I should understand that you didn’t have to tell me everything, but I want you to know that you could always share your problem with me”

“Yeah I know, just so you know, from now on I will bug you with every single problem in my life” I smiled at him cheekily. And he grinned at me in return.

“But honestly, I haven’t told you something too Myung”

“What is it?”

“I and Dongwoo hyung have broken up”

“…Why?” I knew Sungjong had told me about this, and I believed him. But I just wanted to hear it from Sungyeol himself.

“… I can’t tell you yet” we kept silent after that. I stare at him. I couldn’t comprehend what I felt at that moment. There were too much going on in my head.

“And you?” Sungyeol said.

“What about me?”

“Why did you broke up with her?” now Sungyeol stared at me too.

“…Because I never loved her” now we stared at each other and I could see how his eyes gotten bigger.

“I never loved her, but she has power, you know who his father was right? She kept bugging me and threatening me with all sort of way to be my girlfriend”

“Ohh Myungsoo I am so sorry”

“But it was my fault too. I should reject her no matter what, that way maybe the problem won’t be this big. And honestly, when I accepted her, I am not in my right state” we kept our eye contact and I really really miss his big brown eyes.

“What do you mean you are not in your right state?”

“I can’t tell you yet” we stared at each other, and I understand that actually we both knew what the answer to our unanswered question were. But I felt like that time was not the right time to reveal our feeling to each other, we just talked with each other again after a long silent treatment between us. But I knew the time will come real soon. That night we talked our self to sleep. We both sleep on my bed. And I woke up to the most beautiful face I could lay my eyes on.