Dongwoo’s POV

The fact that I am a part of Infinite would always be a gift for me. Called me corny, but it really was the best thing ever happened to me.  I always felt sorry and grateful for my friend who didn’t get in Infinite because of me. Moreover he was the one who brought me along to Woollim. I felt sorry to him because I will never ever change it any other way. Because here, in Infinite, I met with all of six members who will be became my brothers to me especially the one and only, Lee Sungyeol. It is not love at first sight, our relationship not built by some cheesy coincidence in which we fall in love with each other in the end. But I dared to say my love for him is bigger than everything I ever known in my life.

Honestly, he was the first member of Infinite to whom I ever felt angry with. My family raised me well and I always prioritize manner in everything. But then here Sungyeol came, one kind of human being who possessed free spirit and have a heart like a child. I snapped at him and he looked so scared I kind of pity him (I have to note that I never ever angry before). We talked a lot after that, and we became so much closer in an amazingly short time. After knowing him, I could see a lot of quality in him which made me fall for him little by little. He really had a heart like a child, pure and kind heart. He was so honest sometimes it offends others. Sometimes I envied his honesty, he never sugar coating himself to look better even when his job is an idol. I, myself, sometimes pressed because of my image. I don’t know how kind myself is, but Woollim make it as some image for me that I have a heart as kind as an angel in which sometimes I felt burdened to maintain. In times like that he always came and told me to be myself because apparently he told me being myself was enough. It really was relieving to hear that from him, because I know he never lied.

But he had such a soft and fragile heart. Sometimes his honesty made him hated. I felt so angry whenever he broke because his honesty was what made him the pure Lee Sungyeol that I knew, pure and precious Lee Sungyeol. I want to hug him and kissed him and told him that I will always be with him. I always knew my feeling for him is something that I couldn’t avoid. I knew in the bottom of my heart that I will eventually fall in love with him. What with his smile, his kindness, his soft heart, his everything. But my awareness didn’t make it any easier. I never knew how was Sungyeol’s feeling to me. I knew we were close and it means something because despite his bubbly and loud character, he was actually a shy little kid who built a wall around his heart. But you know there are some people named Kim Myungsoo who was closer like a lot more with him than I am.

But then we were debuted. And in just three days after debut, inspirits made Myungyeol couple. It was a given considering how close they are and how absolutely breathtaking they looked together. Ever since then, every time someone mention about Myungyeol something sparked in me. I am jealous, I am sad, I envied Myungsoo for every single fanservice they did. But what could I possibly do? I am not sure about how Myungsoo felt, maybe he liked Sungyeol, maybe Sungyeol liked him, and maybe it was not all about fanservices. Love made you stupid and insecure all the time. It made me sad and felt helpless. But then something happened. I noticed that after Sungyeol did fanservice with Myungsoo, he would stay by my side. He would just stand beside me, sometimes he touched my hand or shoulder, like he tried to make me noticed him. If he couldn’t stand beside me, he would insist to sit beside me on the car. He would become stubborn if someone sat beside me before him. He would whine and plead and poked that ‘someone’ endlessly until he got to sit beside me. It was so cute because he never said why he wanted to sit there he just yelled and tickled (which annoyed that ‘someone’) and I am scared because I started to hope.

Somehow I decided to throw my insecurity and I considered confessed to Sungyeol. But then I stopped and thought about Myungsoo. How if Myungsoo liked Sungyeol too? He would always cling to Sungyeol , sniffing him, stared at him in such a creepy way, that fanservice seems like a lack of excuses for his dong. Wouldn’t I make him uncomfortable if I confessed to someone he liked? What if Sungyeol like Myungsoo too? I knew how kind Sungyeol is, how my confession could made him uncomfortable with me and Myungsoo (if he liked Myungsoo). A lot of what if swirled in my head. In the end I decided to confess to Myungsoo. If he liked Sungyeol too, I would let Myungsoo decide what best to do. When I finally told Myungsoo, he genuinely surprised, he even surprised for a longer time than normal (he kept bulging his eyes out with mouth opened for like ten minutes, I really tempted to put something in his mouth). When he composed himself he stared at me with his ‘oh so Myungsoo’ stare. He told me to confess with a glint of something I couldn’t read in his eyes.

That was how I confessed to Sungyeol. I thought I could die when he blushed and smiled oh so brightly and said “I like you too Dongwoo hyung”. But I made it alive and I think I would lost on count already how many times I felt like dying being Sungyeol’s boyfriend. He was just that cute, my manly cute boyfriend. We were comfortable with each other and we were happy. I am glad I could be by his side when he was weak. Being an idol was not an easy job. We supported each other, prank our members together, laughed and cried together, with some jealousy here and there (what with myungyeol and yadong going on).

But unfortunately for me, being in this relationship made me understood Sungyeol better than himself.

We had a beautiful relationship and we never fought. But after sometime I know how Sungyeol feeling was as good as I know myself. I felt it and I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to understand, I didn’t want to realize, but I did. Sungyeol liked me, he really did, and he didn’t grow out of it. He just experienced other feelings, love. He didn’t even realize it, why should I? I decided to be by his side as long as I can. I kind of wished Sungyeol would never realize his own feeling, that way I could still be by his side. But I thought life decided to give me a hard time after such a beautiful paradise. I knew Sungyeol start to question himself, but he didn’t mention anything to me. I knew he was loyal, even if he had to lie to himself. It hurt me, because honesty was what defined Lee Sungyeol best.

In the end I decided to take this matter by myself.

“Sungyeolie…”

“Yes hyung?” he smiled at me. Oh how I would miss the time when his smile belong to me.

“Come sit with me?”

“What is it hyung? Did we have another prank plan on Sungjong?” I smiled, I knew we could stay friend after this.

“Oh my God you didn’t laugh! Are you sick hyung?”

“No Sungyeol, actually I think we have to talk seriously about something.”

He became silent abruptly. I knew he knew what I am talking about. I held his hand and leaned in. I kissed him softly, my last kiss with him. I could feel that he was tensed under my kiss. He had realized his feeling.

“Hyung… I am sorry” his eyes began to water.

“Ssshhh… no Yeol it was not your mistake. It was different right?” unfortunately my feeling for him was not just merely liking, I knew, I have loved him all the way.

“But how about you? Maybe I could learn hyung…”

“No Yeol, how about Myungsoo then?”

“But I didn’t even know how his feeling was, and I didn’t want to hurt you…”

“You have to find out then, I am fine” I didn’t, but I knew I will.

“I am sorry hyung, I really am. I really did like you hyung, I didn’t know why I felt like this, I am so bad” his tears started to flow.

“You couldn’t help it Yeol, because it was different. I knew you like me, you never lied to yourself. You just couldn’t. So please don’t lie to yourself by staying by my side. I always loved my honest Sungyeol. Please don’t change. Please let yourself honest with your feeling,” I wiped his tears, but it just kept flowing. 

“You liked me, you always do. But you loved someone else, and it was not me,” I placed my forehead on his.

“I am sorry I claim you before you know who you loved Yeol, I am sorry I made you troubled now” I held his hand tighter.

“Don’t be hyung… I am happy with you, it was me, and I am so sorry hyung…” he grasped my index finger, oh how I will miss his habit.

“I am glad, I am happy with you too Yeol, but I know it would be best that you stay true to your heart. Let Myungsoo knew, and remember, whatever happened in the future, I would always be there for you” I wiped his remaining tears.

“I didn’t know if I will tell him hyung… he is my best friend, what if he didn’t feel the same? I don’t want to ruin our friendship…”

“You won’t, if we could stay friend why couldn’t you and Myungsoo? I believed in you Yeol, do it when you are ready, I am sure Myungsoo would want you to tell him”

“Thank you hyung, I would try someday maybe,” he grinned. I knew he still thought about my feeling. But I knew if I showed him I am okay, he will be too.

“Okay then,” I smiled and kiss his forehead. I stand up and said, “Try not to miss me too much, kay” he laughed and I left him.

I hope my step could leave my pieces of broken heart with it. I really hope it did.

It didn’t.